Elanur stared at the mirror in the bathroom. The white fluorescent light fell right on her face. She held the mask on her face. A symbol of melancholy and courage all together. The grief misted over her. No one would know her. The freedom of who she wanted to be fell in her hand but at a cost. It's okay. You know who you are and no one else needs to know. She fixed the black baseball hat on her head, putting the mask in her bag. The violin hung on her right shoulder and the bag on the other.

She stood in the corner of the hallway. The light peeked through the room's slightly ajar room. Her mother sat at the edge of her bed, mindlessly scrolling through the phone. The emptiness of her soul reflected around her with the bare white walls, unused makeup neatly placed on the dressers. Her mother lived  with the ghosts of her father's abuse. Shavez Rana sucked the soul out of Sarwat Rana, leaving her desperate and bare.

Elanur wiped her tears with the back of her hands as she muffled the cry that rose up her throat. She couldn't do this to herself. She had to rescue herself. The women of her family lay their souls at the feet of the men and all they ever did was step right over them. She couldn't risk her soul and her dreams to be crushed with so much cruelty. She had to rescue herself before she could even dare to raise her voice in front of her father.

She had nothing in her hands, nowhere to fall in order to rebel against her family. She lived under the roof of her father and begged for mercy and bare right to live. She couldn't rebel at the moment. She had to be something, have somewhere to go when she raised the octave of her voice. She had built courage to scream louder than the abuse so even those who turned deaf ear to their miseries could hear them.

I'm sorry, Mama.

"I know you are leaving in the darkness of the night as if you are a culprit, but like I always told you; It is only in the darkness that the moon shines and the stars sparkle." Bareera phupo handed her the passport and documents. "Sometimes you have to steal and snatch your rights. That's how it works in this family. When you are seven seas across, don't wander about them too much." She kissed Elanur's forehead.

"Do you think I'll be allowed to come back?" She couldn't imagine the outcome of this step.

Traditions were held on to higher grounds than the mortals who were supposed to follow them. They mattered more than the breaths of mothers, daughters, and sisters. Honor hung around the woman's neck like a noose that any of the men could pull and kill her. Elanur had taken a step that crushed every value that her father and men of her family held on to. So her return after this was unimaginable, if even possible.

"The ifs and whens of the future are not important right now. Your journey to that point is more important. Think of this situation as a matter of life and death. When a person is dying, he'll do anything. Anything in this world for one more breath. This is your moment. Do whatever the hell it takes to win this competition. When the future comes we'll deal with it that day." Bareera phupo pulled her in a hug. Though she held a great amount of confidence and strength, deep down her heart wavered in fear. The uncertainty of the consequences ate her away, but she'd be damned if she let Elanur even get a whiff of her worries.

"Thank you." Elanur tightened her arms around Bareera phupo.

"Oh now you are all that because you made it to the competition. so you were going to leave without even meeting us, Screechie."

A huge smile graced her lips when she heard his voice. Pulling back from Bareera phupo, she turned around. Smug Musab stood there with that small packet size attitude.

"How could I leave without seeing your scary face." She laughed glancing over his shoulder towards Husam, who was trailing behind Musab,

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. This is all because of me and my recording studio. If they heard you screeching like norma, they'd have banned you and confiscated the violin." He stuffed his hands in his pockets, sulking yet again.

"You need a hug, midget." Elanur pulled him in a hug, but he rolled his eyes.

"Good luck. Don't bring dishonor to my name and my label." He hugged her back.

"No promises." She teased him as they stepped apart.

"Before you all start arguing, I have to drop these at the weighing desk." Bareera phupo pointed at Elanur's suitcase. "Let's go, Musab." Bareera phupp pushed the cart towards Musab as he huffed and pushed it as if it weighed a hundred tons.

"What are you feeling?" Husam stepped closer, the hand carry stood between them, barely separating them.

"I..." Elanur sighed, looking into his sleep filled eyes. The redness with the messy hair contorted her insides. She'd remember this forever. "Nervous. Uncertain. My organs are turning into jelly.

"It's okay to be nervous. Just don't let it psych you out of anything." He smiled, stuffing his hand in his pocket, he looked for something. "When I stand in the ring, I don't think about anything but that game, so when you are on the stage just think about that performance." She nodded. The anxious storm slightly slowed, but it still swirled around her gut.

He held her hand. The soft and careful touch of his fingers against the back of her hand took her breath away. Looking into the warmth of his brown eyes, she had the words at the tip of her tongue, but there were just so many storms she could handle at once.

"I got you something." He put something in her hand. She glanced at her hand. A small boxing glove keychain. Her lips spread into a beautiful smile. He sucked in his breath as she looked back into his eyes.

"I'm going to miss you." She wrapped her arms around him, taking a step forward to hug him.

"I'll miss you too." He whispered against the side of her head. His arms tightened around her. A part of him was scared to let her go. She wasn't someone who had seen the world alone, but Husam knew she needed this. She had to take this step alone to grow, to be brave, and to chase her dreams.

"Can I call you?"  A few tears found their way out from her eyes as they fell on his shoulder.

"You have to." He slightly pulled back, staring into her eyes as the red of his eyes mixed with broken sleep from earlier. "Who else will help me with calculus?"

"Finals are next week. You better not fail it or else..." She threw a threat his way.

"Or else?" He raised his brows at her and tilted his head.

"Or else..." She looked around, looking for words to complete her thread. "Or else you are banned from my concerts whenever in the world that'll happen."

"Ouch." He put a hand on his heart. "That is a severe permission and what will my reward be if I passed the test, what will be my reward."

She chewed on her lower, taking a long breath and leaned forward.

"I'll ask you a question." She whispered, taking the first of the many brave steps. They both froze for a second because clearly she wasn't talking about calculus anymore. She blinked at him with her eyes speaking volumes and like always he understood her more than anyone every would as she turned around left.

Without any promises, without any confession, they both hoped the other would be waiting whenever she returned.

Elanur hadn't expected the competition to be a piece of cake, but she hadn't expected it to be this stressful as well. If it was just competition, she'd have dealt with it, but it was the burden of who she was and where she was from as she sat in the hotel room in a foreign country.

The worry ate her up. What happened to her mother and what about her sisters? Bareera Phupo was in contact with her, but Elanur was aware of the fact that Bareera phupo wouldn't burden her further.

The constant panic waves of the competition along with homesickness ate her courage at times. Elanur hadn't expected to miss them this much. She missed her mother and the every moment she spent with her mother. She missed Rovan and Raniya along with their constant banters. Most of all she missed Semrah, no matter how bitter she had become, it was Semrah who saved her money and paid for Elanur's violin.

"Hello,"  Elanur's eyes welled up just at hearing Semrah's hello. "Hello??"

"Semrah," Elanur breathed and met with complete silence. The silence stretched the face that it had been two months she had last talked to any of them.

"Ellie, what the hell? Where are you? Are you okay? Do you have any idea-"

"I miss you, Aapi." Elanur broke the barrier in her throat that held all her emotions. "I miss you."

"First tell me are you okay?" Semrah lowered her voice and then there was a slam of the door behind her.

"I'm okay. I'm doing well. I'm..." With those few words, Elanur knew she found her old Semrah. "I'm in Indianapolis."

"You are where..." Her sisters could barely register what Elanur uttered. Elanur dictated the beginning and what was the near end of her journey."

"Ellie, you stupid knobhead. I know we fight and crib about every little thing, but you could have at least said something to me." Semrah sighed. "Now what?"

"I made it to the finals. They are tomorrow." Elanur curled in her bed. She wanted her family and her tears fell on the blanket. She wanted Semrah to stand on her head like she always did during finals. She wanted Raniya's soft hugs and Rovan's loud talks. She wanted to curl up next to her mother to hide away from everything. "I don't know if I can do it."

"Finals?? Ellie you frickin made it to finals. If you gave up right now, I'd be the first to break that ugly jaw of yours." Semrah, the shield of their house stood in front of her like always. "You are the only one who ever question when things didn't make sense. When Mama refused to stand up for her. When Dad didn't discriminate between us and his sons. You were meant to rebel against it all. You finally did. So don't give up. Wapisi ke raastein sab band ho gaye hai. Now you have to just make your way forward."

"I want to remove my mask. I want to be me. I want this for myself." Elanur's world was hidden behind a mask. She was living her dream, but it was not her. She needed to be herself.

"Do it. Someone has to break this vicious cycle and I'm sorry it couldn't be me for you all, but you are there halfway. Do it." The regrets brewed in her throat as Semrah tried to be there for her sister from across the world.

"Seemi." Elanur hadn't called her that since Semrah had fallen into the bitter trap of realities.

"Hmmm."

"Go."

"What?" Semrah questioned her.

"Go to Dubai with Ameer. Nobody will let you forget that you can't have kids even though it's not your fault. Everyone around you is destroying your relationship with Ameer. He knows the truth about himself, but you need to be there with him to accept it. Ameer loves you and you love him, but that love will not survive even when they know it's not you, but Ameer who can't. Go take that job in Dubai and take him with you."

"Ellie, it's not that simple. His mother..." Semrah trailed off. She missed Ameer, Ellie could tell from the way her words had gone quiet.

"His mother is a vicious woman and she won't breathe until she gets him married to another girl. But by then when the truth comes out, it'll be too late. Ameer and you accepted this truth and go make your own little world somewhere else. You don't need to have your kids if you don't want, but there are thousand other ways to have kids. You can foster, you can adopt... hell even test tube it. I don't know, but there is always a way. I didn't know this until I took this step for myself."

"I'll think about it okay?"

"Please do so." Elanur gave her sister the push she needed. Now it was her turn to see which way she wanted to run. "Thank you, Seemi. For everything, but especially for the first ever violin you bought for me. I'm going to use it tomorrow."

"I'll be watching you and praying for your success."