Chapter 30

"Did you find him, Andrew?" that's the question his mom asked when I arrived back at their home. Tango na lamang ang isinagot ko.

Hinanap pa nito sa aking kung nasaan si Heikenz pero iling naman ang sunod kong isinagot. He didn't come home with me. Mas gusto niyang mapag-isa at wala akong magagawa ro'n. I tried my best to come to him and talk to him, but he's pushing me away and that only means one thing. He's not interested with me anymore—does he ever? Or assuming lang talaga simula no'ng umpisa pa lamang?

Pumanik ako sa second floor, I just lay down on the bed, clueless on what I should do. I don't know how to spend the rest of my stay here in their home when the person I came here with felt like I'm such a nuisance and unwelcomed at all. Parang mas mabuti pa ngang after no'ng one week ko rito, things wouldn't change after that. Baka kahit malayo ako, Heikenz would still be interested in me and the fact that it could happen broke me.

I should've done that rather than staying here, but he's around with me.

Bumangon ako para sana pumunta ng banyo pero naagaw naman ng pansin ko ang bukas na bag ni Heikenz. Ilang araw ko na rin iyong pinapansin pero hindi naman niya ginagalaw. I took the chance of checking what's in it. Sa pagkatatanda ko rin kasi, alam kong idinala niya ang envelope na ilang araw na niyang itinatago sa akin.

He never showed me what's inside of it. Ni silip ay hindi niya nagawang ipaalam sa akin. Masyado akong curious kaya nang makita ko ang envelope na nakasiksik sa gilid sa loob ng bag ay kinuha ko ito. Hindi nga ito nakatupi o ano. Ingat-ingat siyang 'wag itong masira, mabasa, o kaya naman mapunit.

I slowly opened it and take the piece of paper out of its shell. Ewan ko ba. Kabang-kaba kong ibinuklat ang papel na may three-fold. Ang una ko kaagad nakita ay ang logo ng isang kompanya. Binasa ko kung saan naka-address ito at nanggaling ito sa isang high school sa Louisiana—isang state mula sa America. Binasa ko na ang mga susunod na mensahe at doon ko lang na-realize na aalis si Heikenz at pupunta ito ng ibang bansa.

Hindi niya sinabi sa akin ito. Wala akong ideya. Kung hindi ko pa ito nakita ay hindi ko malalaman na may inaabangan siyang trabaho sa ibang bansa. Kaya ba hindi na siya tumatanggap ng trabaho niya sa pagiging tour guide? Kaya ba palagi siyang umaalis? Kaya ba nagiging malayo ang loob sa akin ni Heikenz dahil iiwanan din naman pala niya ako?

I'm confused. I'm literally trying to connect all the dots here pero wala. Hindi ko lubos maisip na itatago niya sa akin na may ganito pala siyang ganap sa buhay.

Maybe that day na umuwi siya ng bahay na may dalang cake. He was on his formal attire that time—ngayon, unti-unti akong naliliwanagan kung bakit gano'n ang mga aksyon niya no'ng araw na 'yon. But it's funny how he keep avoiding me and hide this from me, nalaman ko pa rin.

Ibinalik ko nang maayos ang letter sa kung saan ko ito kinuha upang hindi magkaroon ng ideya si Heikenz na ginalaw ko ang gamit niya. Never niya ngang pinapaalam at pinakita sa akin kung anong laman no'n, now that I know, ano pa kayang itinatago niya sa akin?

Maybe a lot of things will shock and surprise and by that time, hindi na ako magugulat na may itinatago pa pala siya sa akin. Maybe his friends knew about it, pero hindi ko na ginawang takbuhan si Miles para tanungin kung anong meron kay Heikenz. I think he's also covering up something to him. Obviously, magkaibigan sila at mas matagal silang nagkakilala kumpara sa akin.

They might think that I'm only after Heikenz and that they don't really care about that. And now I'm thinking that it's best to leave the country as soon as possible kaysa naman manatili pa ako ng ilang araw dito na hindi naman ako papansin. Na kahit anong gawin ko, hindi naman magkaroroon ng interes itong taong gusto ko.

Ako pa itong humahabol... at nakapapagod nang gawin 'yon.

I spend the rest of my day nang inaayos ang mga gamit ko. Iyong mga iniwan ko lang na gamit ay mga pang-araw-araw na isinusuot ko. Naabutan pa ako ni Heikenz na inaayos ang gamit ko. Tiningnan niya kung anong ginagawa ko, but he never asked what I was doing. Okay, para bang hangin lang siyang dumaan sa akin.

After what happened earlier in the park, I know something's not right kaya. Alam kong maraming rason kung bakit parang ilag na ilag siya sa akin. Hindi ko rin siya pinansin. Ginantihan ko lang din ang hindi niya pagpansin sa akin.

Nang magtabi kami sa pagtulog, walang kibuan o kung ano man. Naglagay pa ako ng harang sa pagitan naming dalawa. I feel like we're getting nowhere here so kahit ano pa kasing gawin kong pagsusuyo sa kanya, kung siya naman itong walang pakialam at itinataboy ako ay hanggang doon na lang.

Maraming lalaki sa mundo, hindi ako maghahabol sa isang katulad niya na hindi marunong makisama. Siguro no'ng una, pinagsawaan lang no'ng kalaunan.

This is the game Heikenz wants to play, e 'di, makiki-ride na lang din ako since at the end of the day, kung ipagtutulakan ko ang sarili ko sa taong waang pakialam sa akin, ako lang din ang masasaktan.

I think my experience here in Bangkok brought so much realization to me, ang daming nangyari. Hindi ko siya malilista sa utak ko, but with all the things I've done in here could be the reason na magkaroon ako ng better future. Or maybe find someone better na para sa akin talaga—hindi iyong gagawing display lang ako.

When the time comes we have to leave Krabi, Heikenz never settled with his father. I wasn't expecting he would do such thing dahil kitang-kita ko naman kung paano nila iniiwasan ang bawat isa. In my stay in their house, I wouldn't be able to find Heikenz and his father in the same room—well, except that one night where I need to watch their unsettled business. But it's chaos, so I never said a word about it or I just have to mind my own business.

Nalulungkot lang ako sa nanay ni Heikenz who tried not to be bothered with all of these things. At siguro, para hindi na sumakit ang ulo niya sa problema ay hindi na niya iniisip 'to. Hinahayaan na lamang niya dahil darating naman ang panahon na magkaaayos silang dalawa, pero iniisip ko kung aalis si Heikenz at pupuntang states, mukhang imposible na siyang bumalik sa Krabi.

Kaya bago kami umalis ng Krabi... I told something to his mother. Hindi naman sa panghihimasok sa personal nilang buhay, but I guess it's best for his mother to know where he will be going. And the fact that she's shocked upon hearing it. It didn't shock me. Heikenz likes to keep everything for himself. Selfish? Maybe.

When we got back in his apartment, he went straight to his bed to rest while I started packing up my things. Mga ilang minuto rin akong nagtatagal sa paglilinis ko kaya napansin ako ni Heikenz—finally, he did.

"What are you doing?" he asked. Hindi ko siya sinagot kung hindi ay nagpatuloy lang ako sa pag-aayos ng mga gamit ko. "Hey, Andrew. I know what happened back in Krabi shouldn't be brought here. I just don't like to be there..."

"And you should've told me," I muttered.

"What did you say?"

I shook my head. "Nothing... I thought we're not talking to each other?"

"Andrew," he said, sighing. "I'm sorry for what I did back there in Krabi, but that's also not your problem to mind about. I can handle it by myself. And I'm sorry for the actions I've made there."

"I don't mind it anymore," I said. "I'm leaving Thailand..."

"No?" he questioned. "You've got a week of stay here, right?"

I shook my head. "Supposedly, but I rescheduled my flight. It costs me, but I don't care. I'm going back to Manila tonight."

"That's just so sudden, Andrew."

"No, it's not... we've got a lot of time together from the past few weeks. We could've spent it together, but you chose to ignore me and go to your ex-boyfriend and I have no idea what else you guys could be doing. But that's okay... I let it go even you though guys have phone sex. I didn't mind... we could've done beautiful things together and yet you chose to ignore me so yeah... I'm leaving early. Thanks to you."

"No, stay, Andrew." Hinawakan pa niya ako sa braso ko pero ako na mismo ang nag-alis ng kamay niya.

Umiling ako. "There's no reason for me to stay here. You're leaving Thailand, right? I saw the envelope and you've been accepted to work at a high school in Louisiana so that's good for you. At least, I've got to know you're best at hiding things—well, most of it. Good luck on your new journey, Heikenz."

"Wait..."

"Run to Rune, he knows what he can do for you."

"What the fuck, Andrew?!"

Napakibit balikat na lang din naman ako sa reaksyon niya sa akin. Binuhat ko ang maleta ko palabas ng apartment niya. Tiningnan na lang din naman niya ako. He's calling me, but I didn't listen to him hangga't sa makababa ako ng building at makahanap ng masasakyan papuntang airport. Maaga pa, but I can spend the rest of my time in the airport kaysa naman mag-stay pa ako ro'n sa room ni Heikenz.

He didn't even have the time to explain it to me, tinanggap niya lang iyong sinabi ko pero hanggang doon na lang. And that's how I found out na hindi talaga siya interesado sa akin.

When I've reached the airport, I just texted Miles to let them know na aalis na ako ng bansa. Miles sent a few messages to me and even tried calling me pero hindi ko na sinagot ang tawag niya. I just don't have the energy na magpaliwanag sa kanila when in fact, alam naman nila ang rason kung bakit ako aalis ng bansa nang maaga.

Hindi ko rin namang napigilang makatulog dahil sa sobrang agar in ng flight namin kanina. Ilang oras pa ang hihintayin ko bago ang boarding namin. Pero mabilis lang din umaandar ang oras, hindi ko rin naman namamalayan.

And then a moment later, someone pat me on my shoulder, slowly waking me up. Inangat ko ang tingin ko at nakita ko ang isang babaeng brown ang buhok. May pinulot ito sa sahig at inabot sa akin ang panyo.

"You dropped it," she said.

"Thanks..."

"You're welcome..." But I thought she'll leave me alone na pero tinitigan niya pa ako at umupo siya sa bakanteng upuan sa tabi ko. "You look really familiar to me. Pinoy ka ba?" She has British accent which I really admire.

Tumango ako. "Ikaw rin ba?" balik kong tanong na tinanguan rin niya. "Wow! You sound like a British."

"No, I actually came from Australia. I grew up there. Anyway... I thought I saw you from one of the photos online last year. I'm not really sure... but I think I saw you in the Devin Carrington's wedding photos that circulated over news articles last year, am I correct?

Tumango ako sa kanya. "Yes, you are. Actually, my friend is Devin's husband so that's the reason why I was there... but thank you for noticing me. I'm just Andrew... hindi gano'n pansinin."

"Well, the name's Aesthesia Carseldine from Australia. Are you visiting Thailand?" she asked.

"Nice to me you... uhm... your name seems complicated to pronounce, but whatever. No, I've had a three-week vacation here. Supposedly to be a month long, but had to go back to Philippines for personal reasons."

"I see..." she commented, nodding her head.

"What about you? Are you only here for visiting?"

She nodded. "Yeah, my school sent a few students here in Thailand for a student international conference and I was lucky to be part of it. Though it's only a five-day stay, but it was nice. I enjoyed my stay here..."

"Lucky for you..."

"Sure thing, what about you?"

I wasn't able to answer her question when we heard that her flight back to Australia has been announced. Before she left me, she followed me on my Instagram and I followed her back. She's sweet, though I don't think we'll get along.

Muli naman akong naghintay ng ilang oras hangga't sa sumapit ang gabi at nag-anunsyo na for boarding ang flight pabalik ng Manila. I prepared myself and about to leave everything behind here.

So long Bangkok... see you never again.

***

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy this chapter! Let me know your thoughts! I would appreciate it so much

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