MODERN AU, A BIT SELF INDULGENT

SUMMARY: Depression is a bitch, especially when your loved ones have to witness it happen.

WARNINGS: depression, depression rooms, no the author is not ok mentally.

DYNAMIC: Established relationship

~~~

Yelena knocked on the front door of your apartment, holding a bag of Chinese take out in her right hand. She was worried, you hadn't been answering any of her texts, and it was almost 4:00 in the afternoon, so there was almost no way that you were still asleep.

You two had only been dating for a few months, but she was absolutely smitten. Though, sometimes you were a bit distant with your emotions, but she didn't care, as she had a tendency to do so as well.

As the minutes passed by with no answer at the door, she took the key she had out if her back pocket and unlocked the door, walking in.

Though, when she walked in, she was hit with a shocking sight.

The area near the door was surrounded by trash bags, take out containers, and clothes, and the kitchen had unwashed dishes in the sink piled up so high, it'd take atleast an hour to clean them all.

She placed the bag of food on the kitchen counter, moving over empty paper bags and trash to make room.

"Y/N? I'm here." She called out, walking further into the apartment and towards your bedroom.

It was completely silent, which unnerved her, as she then arrived at your bedroom door and knocked softly.

"Y/N?" She asked in a quiet voice.

A groan came from inside, along with the sound of fabric rustling, glass being moved around, and trash being stepped on.

The door opened with a creak, and she saw you standing there, hair a practical rats nest, and dark bags under your eyes from lack of sleep.

A sad look crossed her face, as she took yours into her hands, and cradled you gently.

"Oh, love, how bad?" She asked.

You looked down in shame, before opening your door all the way, allowing her to see into your dimly lit room.

The floor was like the kitchen and entry way, covered in trash and dirty clothes. The whole room smelled of must, and it was definitely humid inside.

The purple LED lights in your room reflected off of the multitude of cups, mugs, and glasses on your nightstand and floor, along with a small stack of plates.

"I've spiraled bad this week, and I don't know why, I'm so sorry that you have to see me like this..." You said, disappointed in yourself.

She tapped her index finger under your chin, making you look up at her. She offered you a smile, and spoke softly.

"It's ok, I understand. You can't control this, and I'm not going to judge you for your mental health, that'd be a shitty thing to do. So, how about I help you clean the apartment, you get a shower, and we eat the food I brought, ok? How's that sound?"

You could almost cry, she was being so understanding and sweet. You didn't deserve her.

You smiled back up at her, tiredly. "Ok, that sounds good."

She placed a kiss on the top of your head, then pulled away.

"Kay, let's get to work, then."

She gathered atleast 10 empty trash bags from under your kitchen sink, opened one, and began throwing away trash on the counter.

You started in the living room, picking up trash, and putting throw pillows back on the couch, occasionally getting distracted by things you found on the floor that you thought you had lost.

Yelena had to softly remind you to not lose your focus, which caused you to pout grumpily, set the objects on the coffee table, then get back to work.

It took almost 3 1/2 hours to get everything cleaned up, and now you were stopping out of the shower, smelling much better, with a towel wrapped around you.

Yelena was going around the apartment with air freshener, spraying it around. When she saw you walk out of the bathroom, she put down the can of Febreeze on the dining room table, and went towards you.

She rubbed her hands up and down your bare shoulders comfortingly.

"How do you feel?" She asked.

You shrugged. "Better, kind of. Definitely not all the way OK, but I think I can get enough energy to eat something and cuddle with you."

She smiled, gesturing you towards your bedroom.

"I set out some clean clothes I found for you on your bed, so while you get changed, I'll heat up the food."

You nodded, heading to your room.

A few minutes later, you walked out in a pair of oversized dark blue sweatpants with the pull strings tied into a clumsy bow, along with a light red muscle shirt with the NIKE brand logo on it.

Yelena looked up from her place in the kitchen, where she was putting different amount of foods onto two plates, and gave you a sly smile.

She chuckled lowly in her throat. "Wow, someone's looking butch."

You ran your hands through your damp hair, flopping down onto the couch with a grunt.

"Says you."  You said lowly.

You couldn't see it, but you knew she rolled her eyes.

She came out into the living room holding two plates, and placed one on your lap.

She sat next to you with her own plate, then wrapped an arm around your shoulders.

"So," she started "what made you spiral this bad? I know you said you weren't sure, but do you know anything that may have caused it? If you don't know, that's ok, but I wanna make sure I can do something next time this happens."

You sighed, placing the plate on your lap onto the coffee table.

"I've just been so stressed these past few weeks with work, keeping up with bills I haven't paid, and my mom wants to come over next weekend to make birthday plans with her for my cousin, so that's a problem in itself. I just kept bottling up all my emotions, until I finally just snapped on Monday and could barley get out of bed."

Yelena let a breath out through her nose, laying her head on top of yours.

"I'm so sorry, I should have been here to help you. I know I haven't been around much because of my job, but I promise I'll try as hard as I can to be here for you, and help in any way I can. I know it won't happen immediately, but I want you to be ok."

Tears prickled at the corners of your eyes, but you sniffled and wiped them away.

"God dammit, you can't just say stuff like that, man." You said tearfully.

Yelena chuckled softly, pressing the bottom half of her face into your hair and closed her eyes, breathing softly in contempt through her nose.

"I love you." She said, her voice muffled against your head.

You stiffened. Neither of you had used the L word much, except for when Yelena used it as one of her nicknames for you.

You gulped, clenching and un-clenching your fists, before breathing shakily then leaning against her, finally relaxing.

You turned your head, your face resting in the crook between her neck and shoulder.

"I love you, too." You mumbled, clutching the fabric of your pants.

You felt her smile against the top of your head, before she pulled away with one final kiss to your temple.

You kept your head against her shoulder, now lost in thought.

"I... I think I know how I can get better, or maybe start..." You said.

"Hm?" Yelena let out a questioning noise.

You hesitated before speaking.

"Do you... Know any good therapists?"

She smiled, "I have my own, I'm sure she'd be able to take one more patient."

WORD COUNT: 1353

This one was entirely self indulgent, and I'm really not doing so good mentally in my personal life, so have this vent disguised as a oneshot.