Why do I feel like this is the breakup from hell? We were never officially together, so it shouldn't hurt this much, right? After school, I come home and lock myself in my room. I faked a headache to get out of dinner and turned off my phone. Now waking up at the crack of dawn for school feels even more daunting than the days prior.

I'm about to throw my covers off when there's a soft knock at the door.

"Come in." My throat is scratchy from crying myself to sleep. I cough to clear it away.

Dad sticks his head in first. His eyes narrow at me, brows pushing together. Something is going on. There's not a hint of a smile anywhere on his face. Instead, he steps inside and takes a seat on the right side of my bed. The quiet makes my head spin.

"I received a call this morning from Flint Rogers' mom."

My gut twists, and nausea rolls in. I grip at the edges of my comforter, my hands become clammy with every passing second.

"What, what happened?"

Panic rises in my chest in the form of a burning sensation. My first thought is maybe he got into an accident after our fight. Then something entirely different flickers in my mind—his dad.

"His father went after him."

I swallow hard and attempt to keep the threat of tears at bay. I've probably cried enough times to fill the Atlantic Ocean. Sometimes I can't help it. It's my way of coping with things. This isn't about me right now, Flint is injured, and I can't be there to comfort him.

"Is he...is he okay?" My voice shakes, but my eyes stay dry.

"He's stable but unconscious."

Knowing that he thinks I don't love him is killing me. If he's stable, that's good, but it could have been worse. Knowing that I could have told Tanya the truth and avoided this whole thing is painful.

"When, when did this happen?" I ask, finding my voice.

"Last evening or early this morning."

Oh my god, this really is all my fault. He went home in a bad mood because of me, and he and his father must have gone at it. How can someone hurt their own blood? I don't understand.

"His dad was arrested," dad says.

Guilt piles on so thick it feels like I'm suffocating. How can I face Ramona? She has to know this is my fault. Her son was in a bad mood because I couldn't get my shit together. I hate that she's going through this alone though, the boys must be devastated. My mind shifts to his brothers, especially Connor. Was he there when this happened? Was Parker? Those boys have been through enough.

"Marnie," dad says, bringing me back. "Ramona said if you wanted to go to the hospital, you could. She's not sure if you can see him, but she can try to get you in."

He waits for me to respond. I'm not sure what I want to do. A huge part of me wants to go and see Ramona keep her company. She could probably use someone to be there with her. This whole situation is messed up. Flint should not be in that hospital bed right now, and Ramona should not be wondering if she's about to lose another child. She's already lost one. Another part of me says I shouldn't go, that Flint wouldn't want me there anyway. I also don't know how I'll face Ramona after what I've done.

"Marnie," dad repeats my name.

"Mmm," is the only thing I can think of to say.

For a few minutes, everything is a blur, but I know exactly where I want to be, and that is with him. So even if he kicks me out, I have to know that he's okay.

"I want to go," I say to dad. "To the hospital. I want to see Ramona. I need to check on her," I tell him.

"Sure, of course," dad says.

***

Dad's quiet as we drive through town to get to the hospital. He's using the minivan today, so we only listen to what's on the radio. I'm not sure I could handle listening to the music I love right now. So, my phone sits on my lap, and I just stare at it.

As we get off the exit for the hospital, I switch it back on. It feels like it takes hours to turn back on. Then, messages start slowly popping up, including one from Tanya apologizing. I wanted to recharge after yesterday, so I logged off all social media and shut down my phone to avoid being tempted to check messages.

My fingers shake as a message from him pops up.

Flint: Your fire burns bright. You're the better part of me. Hold my hand, and I'll make you see that when I'm with you, I'm living my wildest dreams.

If I could sum up my feelings in lyrics for him, I know exactly what they would be. Things could have been different if I had just turned on my damn phone. I breathe in deep as we enter the parking lot. There's a small line to get into the valet lot, so I quickly type out a message to Flint's phone.

Me: You're the one I want. There's no one else out there and no other place I'd rather be than in your arms. Do you miss me?

Charlotte Rising brought us together, and I thought using their lyrics would be the perfect way to show him how I feel. If only he'd wake up.

Inside the hospital, we take the elevator up seventeen floors. I'm not sure what to expect when we reach the waiting room. Maybe it will be Flint sitting in the waiting room with that crazy smirk on his face that I love, and he'll be like, gotcha! Only, it's not the scene I see before me. Ramona sits by herself with her head in her hands. She looks up at the sound of the waiting room doors closing. When she sees me, her eyes widen. She stands and runs. The moment she's in front of me, her arms wrap around my body. She's sobbing into my shirt, and I'm trying my hardest not to join her.

"Oh, Marnie, you came!" She sounds almost surprised. I wonder if Flint had the chance to tell her.

"I'm so sorry I didn't call sooner. I didn't know your phone number. I had to jump through hoops to get it." She pulls away and looks up at my dad.

"Sorry about that. I had to have our number blocked," dad says.

"Thank you for bringing her." Ramona smiles at dad and wipes her eyes.

"Do you want to see him?"

I can't seem to find my voice, so I just nod. She pulls me forward and nods to a nurse at the nursing station. She gives us the okay, and I'm shocked. I assume that Ramona cleared it with them first. We walk into a small room. There's an IV and heart monitor beeping softly with steady beats. His face is purple, and there's a gash on the side of his head.

"What happened?" I whisper.

"I wasn't home at the time. So, all I know is that Flint seemed to be irritable."

I wince at her words.

"He came home after midnight and slammed the front door. His father came out of the bedroom and yelled." She glances over at her son lying there unconscious. "Flint yelled back, and according to Parker, he heard it escalate from there."

"Are the other boys okay?" I ask.

She nods. "Connor's a bit shaken up, so is Parker, but he handled it so well."

"That's a relief."

"Parker rushed out first, then Connor ran out after him and tried to stop his father. Flint got in the way so Connor wouldn't get hurt, and his father threw him against the wall. Parker grabbed Connor and brought him back to the bedroom. They were hiding until the police showed up. I didn't get home until the ambulance was wheeling him out on a stretcher. In the driveway, the cops were handcuffing my husband."

Ramona pauses for a moment and shakes her head. "It was like something out of the movies, Marnie. I've never been so terrified or embarrassed in my entire life."

Every few minutes she looks over at her son. "If I had left my toxic relationship, this would have never happened...."

I hold the free hand at her side and squeeze. "It's not your fault. You didn't know that he'd hurt Flint. When you love someone, sometimes you try to see the best in them even when they're at their worst."

"Marnie, Flint is so lucky to have someone like you."

She hugs me again, and her words hit me. He's not lucky to have me. I was lucky to have him. I want to tell her I'm the reason why he's here like this. If I had told him and Tanya the truth, he wouldn't be lying there hooked up to those machines. He'd be okay, and we'd be continuing our lyric battle. But, instead, she pulls away and squeezes my hand. Then, without a word, she walks away to give me some space. I want to reach for her and pull her back, but I don't.

I have no idea what to do. I've never visited someone in the hospital before. Can he hear me if I speak to him? I pace around the room, then I sit, get up and pace again, sit, pace, rise and repeat. Even though he's knocked out, I'm surprised that he doesn't hear my heavy footsteps on the linoleum. I finally settle down in the tan chair beside his bed and stare at him.

"Please," I whisper. "Please wake up. Not for me, but for your family. They need you more than you know."

I lean over and whisper right into his ear, "I'm so sorry. Hold on, and everything will be okay," I sing.

I remain quiet, holding his hand and listening to the sounds of the heart monitor. I don't know how much time has passed when my dad appears in the doorway. I give Flint one last glance and walk away with dad as a nurse bothers me to check-in.

Ramona catches us coming back, and she stands. "Thank you for coming to see him. I'm sure it would mean a lot to him."

Her words catch me off guard, and my chest tightens. "It's no problem. I'll see you tomorrow?"

Dad steps in and puts a hand on my shoulder. "I think it might be best if you hung out at home tomorrow and took it easy."

I glance up at Ramona, and she gives me a reassuring smile. "Hey, you should go do something fun tomorrow. You don't need to stay here with little old me. I'm okay."

"I know, but Flint needs to know...."

Confused, Ramona looks at me. "Needs to know what, dear?"

"That I love him," I say, my voice breaking at the end.

"I think he already knows that, dear." She tilts her head.

I shake my head. "He doesn't." The tears I've been holding finally release, like a dam breaking. "I was so wrapped up in everything being all about me that I did something so awful to him. He overheard me say to a friend that he and I were nothing but partners for a school project. I was afraid of what everyone would say. I screwed up, and Flint returning home in a bad mood was all my fault." My lips quiver, and there's no stopping the sob that comes out.

Ramona reaches out and pulls me into her. Her hug is so warm and loving that it makes me cry even harder. Dad's quietly standing behind us.

"I'm sorry, it's all my fault that he's here...."

She holds me back at arm's length and looks into my eyes. They remind me of Flint's. "Marnie, we all say things we don't mean. That doesn't mean he doesn't know that you love him. Have you seen the way my son looks at you?"

I slowly nod but can't look her in the eye.

"Please look at me, sweetheart," she says calmly.

I do. I look her right in the eye.

"You might have hurt him with your words, but nothing that happened that night was your fault. My son loves you very much, and he's a very forgiving person. The minute he wakes up, I will tell him that you've been here, but I'm sure he already knows. I heard that pretty singing voice of yours, and I know he can hear it too."

I nod, unable to speak, and wipe away some tears. She pulls me into another hug.

"You brought a spark to Flint that I haven't seen since his brother died. I don't blame you for what happened. Why don't you take the day for yourself tomorrow and come back on Sunday, okay?" she asks.

"Okay," I whisper.

"Alright, sweetie, go home and get some rest. Flint is going to be just fine."

She gives me one last hug. When I pull away, dad is waiting for me with open arms. Dad and Ramona say goodbye and exchange some words, but I'm too emotional to actually listen. Dad and I stay quiet for most of the ride home. Then, as we turn off the exit for the Heights, he speaks up.

"Marnie, do you really think Flint's accident was your fault?"

Silent tears fall. They have been randomly doing that since we left the hospital.

"I did ... I still do ... I don't know when I became this awful person, I'm just as bad as mom..."

"Don't you dare!" he yells, and I jump in my seat. "You are nothing like her!"

"Dad, I hid him from everyone. All I thought about were my feelings. How am I not awful?" I yell back.

"That doesn't mean you're like her. On the contrary, you are much more loving and caring," he says.

"I would believe you if I hadn't hurt him."

"Marnie! You're my daughter, and I love you, so I'm going to give it to you straight. Yes, what you did was not right, and if I were him, I'd be pretty angry with you too. But one incident doesn't make you a horrible person. We all have our demons, Marnie no one is perfect."

"I've been awful to more than just him. We had this assignment to step in each other's shoes, and while doing it, I realized how shitty a person I've become. I've been horrible to a lot of people at school. If they weren't a part of my circle, I didn't even give them the time of day. I always felt a little bad, but I've never hated myself more than the day I hurt Flint," I admit.

"Do I need to make an appointment with Sally?" he asks.

Sally was my therapist as a kid. She was actually all of ours. A few years after mom left me, Dom, and Derek all had some behavior issues, and dad wanted to make sure it was normal. For me, I went longer than them. I was about eight when we started going and didn't stop until I was fourteen. I was embarrassed to be entering High School with a shrink, I didn't want people to think I was crazy, so I stopped. She actually diagnosed me with depression and anxiety, but not severe enough for meds. I never showed that side of me in school and around my friends; I acted normal, but around my family, it was different.

"Well..." he says, waiting for an answer.

"Okay," I whisper.

"I'll call her tonight."

I'm scared to see her again, to let her see how awful I've become. But maybe going to her will help fix whatever is wrong in that brain of mine.

"Marnie. I love you. You've got this, okay? A lot of teens need to see someone. But it's not the end of the world," he says.

"I know," I whisper.

The car ride home is silent. I spend the rest of the afternoon in my room completing school assignments I've missed for the day. Tanya kindly left work in my mailbox. I'll have to remember to thank her. After a long day of seeing the pain in Ramona's eyes and Flint in a hospital bed unconscious, I realize I can't hold back anymore. I have to be truthful not only to myself but to others around me. If I don't, I'll end up losing the people I love the most, and I can't handle any more loss.