Chapter 15

~Rien's POV~

Not once did he glance my way since my declaration and I suppose I expected this reaction. Tony was stubborn, had always been and of course, war had made him even more so. For a while I only watched him, taking the opportunity to appreciate the delicate curve of his chin and the faint dusting of hair that added a touch of rugged masculinity to his features.

The fit of his shirt showed off the firm muscles he hadn’t had before I’d sent him off to the army and only supplemented his overall beauty. For he was beautiful, my Tony; inside and out despite his imperfections.

At the moment his teeth were clenched, his eyes locked firmly out the window and his hands gripped the arms of chair tightly. He was angry, which was another thing that had’nt changed; that temper of his that more often than not had gotten him into situations I would prefer to forget.

“You know very well that I have no qualms about sitting here all night.” I announced as a way to prompt him into speech, but he remained silent and I could imagine his building anger. Like a child he didn’t like being told what to do.

Another ten minutes passed and as I had a thousand times before, I memorized every inch of him; the scaring on his knuckles, the length of his lashes and the tense set of his shoulders. He sat without a cover for his feet which were planted firmly on the floor.

Another fifteen minutes and he finally glanced my way, his eyes weary but with just a touch of annoyance so I offered him a smile and his eyes narrowed.

“Why are you doing this” he gritted out and I found myself pleased with the progress.

“Because after all we have been through together I find it unfortunate that we cannot spend a moment or two in each other’s presence without you finding some way to insult me.”

“Fuck you.” was his immediate response before he turned away again and I turned my eyes to the heavens. He could try the patience of a saint.

“If you did not want to join the Army, then you shouldn’t have done something so irresponsible as sign up on a mere dare. This was all your doing and you choose to blame me for your own recklessness.”

“Jesus Christ! Can we just drop this? It was five fucking years ago, why can’t you just get over it?”

I could only look at him with raised brows. “I cannot get over it because you clearly have not.” I said simply and he shook his head.

“I’m over it. I’ve been over it since the moment you left me there.”

“And now you choose to lie? Be the man you profess to be and speak your mind. You were never a coward, don’t start now.”

“Fuck you.”

“Is that the best you can do? You think that will make me give up? Stop being a coward and speak your mind!”

“I’m the coward? You sent me off to the Army because you couldn’t handle a little trouble? I was nineteen, my family didn’t give a shit about me and I needed a way to vent, so I made some mistakes and you weren’t man enough to stick around; but then you’re not even a man are you? You’re just a bloodsucking parasite who left a scared, troubled kid to fight in the Military and suddenly I’m the coward.” He raged and I fought down my own temper.

“A little trouble?” I asked, my voice calm, my expression closed.

He said nothing, only shook his head and turned away.

“I could deal with a little trouble, I could deal with your anger, I could come to your aid every time you needed me and I did, but you were on a self-destructive path and no matter what I did, no matter how much I warned you, the further down that path you went. I had no choice.”

“Bullshit.”

I smiled without humor. “Do you remember what I asked you when you handed me the contract you’d made with the Army?”

He said nothing. “I asked you if your friends dared you to throw yourself from a bridge if you would do it and what was your reply?”

Still no answer. “You told me of course you would because I’d be there to save you.” I reminded him.

“So I believed in you, like a fool I thought you loved me, so what?”

“I loved you Tony, which is why I couldn’t let you go on the way you did. I spent every waking moment trying to get you to see that what you were doing was unwise. I warned you that I could not always be there to rescue you from your flighty decisions, but you took it for granted that I would. Had I let it go on, you would have gotten yourself killed.”

“I was an angry, messed up kid and you were all I had. Then you left.” His words were spoken almost without emotion and I refused to allow him the final say.

“Perhaps you will be more understanding when I remind you of some of the little things you have done.”

…………………………………………..

……………………………………………

Five and a half years ago.

I should have known he would choose such a peaceful night to go off and do something senseless. I watched him as he walked along the empty street, a baseball bat in hand and a scowl on his face. He was up to no good, which was of no surprise to me. I hopped down from the roof and moments later I was walking next to him, my hands behind my back, my posture impeccable.

He glanced up at me with a raised brow. “Lemme guess, you’re here to convince me to rethink this.”

“I suppose I will know what I’m here to do once you have explained why you need this.” I said, pulling the bat from his hand.

He shrugged. “Gotta teach some people a lesson.”

“And what is it that these people have done to you?”

“What haven’t they done? Assholes think they own this damn town. Think they can mess with me and my friends and get away with it.”

“Ah, you and your comrades, and where exactly are these friends of yours? Should they not be here with you? Supporting you as you have them?”

He shook his head. “I don’t want them to get hurt.”

“Are you yourself impervious to danger then?” I questioned and he grinned.

“I’ve got you don’t I?”

My eyes narrowed. “You had not even told me you were seeking out danger tonight. How would I have known to come to your aid?”

Another shrug. “The same way you always do.”

“Tony-”

“Don’t start with your lecturing Rien, I’m not in the mood.” He interrupted before pulling the bat from my hand.

“I would not need to lecture if you would only listen to me.” I said in annoyance and he waved a hand in complete disregard.

A master class blood drinker chasing after a reckless human boy. If my father could see this he would surely collapse in shock, or rip out my heart to preventent further humiliation.

We walked in silence, but about half a mile ahead I could hear the breathing, moving about and chatter of a small group. I separated the intake of each breath, singling out the different patterns and rate of heartbeats which allowed me to count fifteen humans grouped together further down the street. It was obvious then just where Tony was heading and for a moment I imagined shaking him until he could see his own stupidity.

“There are fifteen men up there, how did you really think you could do much of anything walking up to them with a bat?” I questioned in frustration and for a minute he paused.

“Fifteen?”

I nodded.

“Great, they’re missing two people.” He said with a wide grin then continued on, leaving me to stare on at him in disbelief.

“What if I choose to leave right now. What would you do?”

He didn’t even turn back to look at me. “Go if you wanna go, nobody’s stopping you.” He had the audacity to reply and I felt the anger in me build.

In less than a second I was once more by his side, where I reached across, took hold of his neck and gentle squeezed the pressure point. He went down without a sound and I caught him before he hit the ground.

He had actually made the decision to come here alone with a useless wooden bat, expecting to go up against seventeen men. I lifted his unconscious body into my arms and turned to go the way we came.

With each day that passed he grew more reckless. I found myself wondering how soon it would be before I showed up late and his heart was no longer beating.

………………………………………..

3 months later.

I could hear his screams and the rapid pounding of his heart from miles away and I tore through the streets on feet that practically flew, trying desperately to get to him. He was hurt and afraid and I was too far away to help him. Dark alley after dark alley, over trash cans and through poorly lit streets I went, until the screams ceased and I could practically taste his blood in the air. He was supposed to be with his parents.

He had told me he had no plans for the night but I should have stayed and watched him to make sure he did nothing troublesome and I cursed myself for thinking that this night would have been any different from all the others.

I was vicious when I got there, ripping one human off him and flinging him across the lot. I snapped one’s neck and the third man ran off only because I let him. Then I pulled Tony to me, cradling his beaten body in my arms, angered beyond words that he was hurt.

I ripped into my palm, tearing the hardened flesh until the blood came, before rubbing it into his wounds; healing him instantly. The internal damage he suffered from the violent beating would take much longer to restore and so I pulled him into my arms and took off at a run, swiftly making my way to the place I called home.

When I set him on the bed I paced the small room, waiting for him to awaken but it was to be an hour before he opened his eyes again, hopping from the bed and stretching as if he had merely been asleep.

When his eyes locked on mine he sighed and pulled out a chair in which he sat. “I’m guessing you saved my life again.” He said simply while I clenched my fists, trying to calm myself before I did something we would both regret.

“You know very well that if a human’s heart stops beating I cannot revive him. You would have died out there had I not reached your side in time.” I said seriously.

“Look, my parents pissed me off okay? I was mad and I went out to clear my head and when I saw those guys they started saying shit and I lost it. It’s not as if I planned the whole thing so stop looking at me like that.”

I took a deep breath before I spoke my next words. “Let me teach you how to fight, just a series of techniques you can use to at least defend yourself.”

He shook his head. “No, I told you I don’t need some stupid fancy foot work to get at those losers.”

“Then what would you have me do Tony? Tell me what the fuck you would have me do because I have reached a a point where I am just lost when it comes to you!” I shouted and he froze looking at me in shock.

It was the first time I had raised by voice at him and something told me it would not be the last.

I took another breath. “It is impossible for me to be there to protect you every time you need me, you know that, and I am trying Tony. I am trying so hard to get you to see that what you are doing will only lead to your demise.”

He sighed “RiRi-”

“No, shut up and let me speak.” I commanded and he fell silent. “I do not need to tell you just how many times I have warned you, how many times I have just about begged you to stop. Every time you find yourself in a bad mood you somehow trap yourself in some dangerous situation that you expect me to rescue you from, but it is insane that you would expect me to aid you every single time, because there is no way that I can!”

“It’s no big deal Rien, you’re overreacting.”

When I only stared at him he sighed. “Fine, then turn me and take me to your coven.”  He spoke and the urge to shake him grew.

“My coven will never accept you the way you are now. You are too reckless, too flighty and if I turn you, it will change nothing. Do you honestly believe you would be safe in my coven simply because you are a blood drinker? There will still be those who are stronger and given the fact that you cannot defend yourself and you allow your anger to rule you, then I can guarantee that you will be dead within the first week of residence there.”

He pushed up from the chair and moved to stand a foot away from me. “I’m sorry. I swear I’ll stop.” He said, and while he might have believed his words true, I knew differently. He was a wreck, he would do this again and again without a thought of the consequences and I had no idea how to change that.

Two weeks later he was nearly shot by a store keeper in attempt to rob him.

…………………………………………….

…………………………………………….

Present

“Do you need me to go on? Because you know as well as I do just how many times you have placed yourself into these situations.” I continued but he sat in silence, staring at the wall above my head.

About half way into the recount of his violent expeditions, the anger had seemed to melt out of him and he simply listened while I spoke.

“Please don’t refrain from speech on my behalf. Go on, tell me what it is that I should have done to help you. Tell me that the Army was not the best solution and explain to me what I could have done differently.” I offered and his mouth tightened.

“I could have been killed in the Army just as easily as I could have been killed back home.”

I shook my head. “That is where you are wrong Tony. At the rate you were going, you had a better chance of dying at home that you had in the Army and it was just a risk I had to take.”

He remained silent so I went on. “I have trained warriors, led armies into battle and broken the toughest of men, but save permanently injuring you, or locking you away so you would not get hurt, there was nothing else I could have done and you know I tried.” I said.

“Centuries I have lived on this earth and I swear to you I have never seen a person as prone to recklessness as you once were. I loved you enough to leave you for half a decade so that you would not ruin yourself and I never said it was an easy decision to make.” I said softly and for a moment his eyes met mine and I saw the guilt written there before he looked away again.

“Why didn’t you just leave then? Why bother let me go through with the military. The outcome would have been the same.”

I nodded. “Maybe if I had left you would have come to realize that you could not afford to be so reckless, but I also wanted you to learn something and the Army seemed like a suitable place to start.”

“You have no idea what I went through.” He said then, his eyes glinting up at me.

“I can only guess I suppose, but if I had to do this again, to make the same decision I did five years ago I promise you Tony, I would do the same thing, because whether or not you believe I love you, you are honestly everything to me and I refuse to watch you destroy yourself.”

………………………………………………

~Tony’s POV~

I looked at him with a lump in my throat and the traitorous tears swirling in my eyes that succeeded in showing him just how weak I was.

“The first year I was in I’d look at your picture every night before I went to bed. I was teased for it, beaten even because everyone knew that little Tony was a fag who was pining over the boyfriend who never visited, not once.” His eyes held mine as I said my piece.

“I didn’t care though, I used to tell myself that one day you’d come back for me, that you’d just show up and take me away from all the shit I was going through. Once I even prayed, begging some invisible man in the sky to bring you back to me, promising I’d be better if only my RiRi would come.” I said scornfully and he didn’t bat an eye.

I licked my dry lips and blinked a few times to keep the tears in check. He thought I was strong, that the Army made me into a fighter, yet here I was trying and failing to hide my pain from him, to keep five years of hurt and anger in check while he sat and watched me fall apart.

“The second year was easier. I made a few friends, even managed to crack a smile every once in a while. I was even doing pretty good as a soldier, managed to impress a few people, even stopped looking at your picture so often, once a week, twice if I was feeling particularly nostalgic I’d take a look, but like a damn fool I still thought you’d come.”

I shook my head, then ran a hand over my face and through my hair.

“The third year I visited your place when I qualified for leave. Thought I’d get the chance to see you after so long. I remember being nervous as hell as I walked up the stairs to your front door.” I smiled. “I’d even picked out a suit, a nice tie even, because I wanted you to be impressed when you saw me. I wanted you to think ‘wow he really got his shit together.’ But when the door opened, I got to find out that you no longer lived there, just a beautiful family of five who’d never heard of anyone named Rien.”

“I moved very soon after you left for the Army.” He said quietly and I nodded.

“I went to a motel that night and I ripped up your picture, grabbed a bottle of wine and bawled my eyes out. The tough, hotshot army man Tony, crying in my motel room over some guy I hadn’t even seen in three years.”

He looked devastated now as he watched me and I swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the lump that made it hard to speak.

“My fourth year I was mostly angry at you but with no picture to look back at, it made it easier to push all thoughts of you to the back of my mind, until eventually I hardly even thought about you and when my tour ended I reenlisted; there was no reason I shouldn’t anyway. My foster parents never really gave a shit about me and my boyfriend from so long ago had clearly moved on.”

“You’d think that by my fifth year without you, I’d be completely over it, but sometimes when I got time to myself I’d sit and I’d remember lying awake with you at night and listening to stories of your coven or the times you let me roast marshmallows in your back yard and I’d smile and wish I could go back for even a day so I could relive it, but then I’d come to my senses, shake my head and push you to the back of my mind again so I could concentrate.”

I took a shaky breath and pushed up from the chair, feeling his eyes on me as I went to stand before the open window.

“I could have done it you know.” I continued. “One more year and I know I could think about you and not feel a thing.” I said, my voice shaking.

When my lips began to tremble I bit down hard but this time when I tried to  blink the tears away, they fell anyway rolling down my face before I could bring a hand up to stop them. I wasn’t strong; even after all this, even after everything I’d been through in the military and in life I was still weak.

I thought I’d managed to wipe all these shitty feelings, but here they were, still threatening to pull me under and Rien had a front row seat to watch me fall apart.

 I still loved the asshole and it made me angry that I couldn’t just get over him, that I couldn’t be stronger than I was so I could take it. I heard him get up and I brought up a shaky hand to run over my face; embarrassed beyond words but still hurting to the point where I felt as if I wouldn’t make it another day.

“Fuck.” I cursed, trying to take deep breaths in order to prevent the inevitable.

I froze when his hands came around me from behind and I could feel him pressed against me.

“I’m sorry.” He said and those words alone broke the dam and I fell apart, right there in his arms.

"Why'd you have to come back?" I asked brokenly and his arms tightened around me.

I’m sorry. He whispered over and over again as I let out all the hurt, the pain and heartbreak I’d stored inside for too damn long.

                                            AUTHOR'S NOTES

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-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.