"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you."

― Friedrich Nietzsche

– T A Y A H –

The first thing I became aware of was sharp pain. Everywhere.

I blinked in the dark room. Damp smell, blood, rotting wood and metal. My eyes adjusted quickly and made out my hands and legs bound in thick chains. It would have been amusing were it not for the spikes impaled into my limbs at several sections.

I grit my teeth and took in a slow breath. My energy was rushing to heal my body as it remained wounded. Judging by the blood running down my forearms and thighs this had been repeated a lot. Kára's armour was long gone and my mortal disguise lay ripped revealing half of my stomach which was also coated in blood.

I took in a gulp and let out a mixture of a shout and a roar into the darkness.

It did not take long for the footsteps to follow. They entered as a small group all hooded. I laughed them into the room as they surrounded me at a distance.

"Come on–take a few steps closer. You'll like me better." I growled with promise.

They remained silently cloaked in black before one came forward. The figure dropped the thick hood revealing a woman with dark bronze eyes, black hair and a sharp cut face. Perhaps thirty winters at most.

"I am guild master Jin."

"You've mistaken me as someone who gives a flying shit." I spat back.

She dropped a curt nod to the side and two men stepped forward. In unison they drew daggers and drove them into my upper arms. My scream tore through the small room and they ripped them back and stepped behind the guild master.

"You should care, Tayah Ashrive." She returned cooly.

"I see you're among the many–I've pissed off in the last decade." I grit out between pants. My head had begun spinning again and my immortality felt very far.

"We know to be more cautious with your sorcery this time, heathen." She motioned to the restraints and spikes before continuing.

"I'll cut past your renowned banter and get to the point." She stated as she played with a knife in gloved hands. "We have aligned with another of your enemies for this reunion that had much more information to give for your capture. The Captain of the Odians came to us with a remarkable proposition. Since our goals are aligned it removes two thorns from our sides. She will be with us soon." She finished in a cat like slink before me. Honestly this had to have been one of the most....

"Wait." I murmured, lifting my head to her. "You are telling me you captured the woman with me tonight?"

The hooded heads glanced between each other and the guild master kept her poorly concealed mask in place. "She was no more trouble than your mediocre resistance." 

I couldn't help it. I started laughing despite the metal sticking into me and the recent wounds closing shut. I hung my head and laughed louder. But the guild master got all the more frustrated as they always did... She stepped forward and made to grab my face before suddenly remembering herself and wisely saying back.

"Speak up, Tayah." She snapped, "Why is the trap so amusing now?"

I kept chuckling. "She is the trap you morons. But could you do me a favour and turn me in a wall facing direction so that the blood doesn't stain my tunic on her way in?"

The guild master had real balls. Suicidal, Kaden sized balls. She smiled at me in what she thought was cruelty. Held us in what she thought was impenetrable. It probably would cause a problem for my immortal energy... but my Valkyrie. I chuckled again at the thought.

"You have no idea who you are dealing with." The guild master returned in a cold voice.

I smiled back slowly. "And you, mortal. Have no idea what you are dealing with." 

The assassins behind her shifted between themselves and a few heartbeats increased.

"If you think she's captured, she's waiting for you. And if you think its the death of your enemies you're getting tonight you best start digging your own graves. You buffoons have just captured a god damned demi-god." I finished with a tired laugh again.

The guild master's poker face had degraded considerably. "You bleed like us. You scream. You die like us. We have your weapons. Your armour. The Captain–"

"Will be dust soon enough. Hey, you still have some time to clear the city walls though." I offered nonchalantly. It was an effort just to appear unfazed now. I could taste the blood in my throat, building in the wrong places.

"You do not know me, Lion. But you killed my kin on that island. I have not forgotten."

And just like that. She had sealed her fate and every mortal in the room. Just like that I was back on a sandy beach of killers that laughed while they toyed with the last of my life. Much like this moment. The poison never left them.

"And your snake of a leader murdered both–of my parents for a scrap of iron ore but who's keeping count these days." I retorted in false sweetness.

"I could cut you up into pieces and watch them heal shut only to cause you the pain again and again. Are you sure you want to test me?" She growled back. Monsters were so obvious these days. They couldn't even hide themselves.

"I'm sure every cut will be matched tenfold by the lovely blonde you took."

The guild master watched me silently. They were the eyes of someone recalculating. Good. I didn't have much more time for this before these injuries started becoming mortal.

"Can we skip to the part where you make me a deal and people walk away with their heads attached." I deadpanned while she flinched. I had no intention of letting a single one back into the night but let us pretend.

"We have already made our deal with the Captain."

"Unmake it. Before there is no guild." I suggested.

"What is it you want?" She growled out.

"The Captain. Then we are gone." I lied simply. "These games earn you nothing but death. If your survivors told you of my abilities you have no idea what she can do." I told her with heavy emphasis.

After too long she nodded imperceptibly. Not a complete fool after all. Or perhaps she had begun weighing her life. I had started weighing my own. My injuries had taken all of it from me. Every spike felt like a drain on my time.

"If you are so sure of her why has this not happened yet?" She demanded in more fear than anger now. "What's stopping her?"

You've just told me. I thought simply. The Captain of the Odians was coming to her. That is the only thing stopping her from levelling the whole gods damned building. But I was not about to let the assassins know as much. I smiled at her silently and gave a very limited shrug against my bindings that bled further.

The guild master let out a half growl and whirled from me for the door, but stopped before it.

"We are going to walk her into a room with that witch. Then we are going to disappear and we may call it even–"

Something shook the walls. Pieces of dust shook the ceiling and a rumble sounded. The guild master darted her head to me in a fear I hadn't seen in some time. I sighed and continued to watch her as the sound beyond came again and louder. I was surprised she waited this long at all...

"Stop her–please–we–we have a deal!" She demanded, rushing to my side and calling out orders that came too late to her guard to release me. They fumbled on the shackles as I watched their faces and smelt their fear. I smiled with blood painting my teeth.

"I'm not sure... that's a possibility anymore." I said, letting my head droop from the effort.

The door ripped away behind them and a fully armoured Valkyrie stood before them. She hesitated on the threshold. Seeing the mess of blood and mortal mistakes before her. The spikes still keeping my energy at bay. The cut up fabric of my torso. There would be no negotiation. I could feel the rage from here. She drew two daggers and electrified them both.

Then stepped into the room.

I dragged in a thick breath with my remaining energy. "Kára..." I mumbled between bloody lips before I let sweet nothing claim my body.

She killed them in a speed I couldn't really keep track of. She was at one side of the room and then another. In a short matter of timed jabs and immortal power they were nothing but dust or crimson. Then she ripped the helmet away and dropped to her knees before the wall I was shackled to. It could have been the Fylerns or the blood loss but I swear to the gods I saw tears on her face.

She tore the metal off the walls without meeting my eyes and slowly moved her hands over the spikes of metal, crumbling them under her glowing hands. The dust fell from my arms and I sagged forward into her.

"I'm so sorry–Tayah. I'm sorry." She whispered into my neck.

I felt her lift me up as I closed my eyes and we were moving quickly. With my half conscious thoughts I needed to tell her the important information.

"Anselle." I mumbled out. But she did not stop moving–taking us away. "Stop–Anselle is coming–"

"Shh Tayah." She told me as she carried us out into cold night air. "It's not important."

I didn't have the energy to contest it. To logic out why the reason she was on the mortal realm was no longer important. The cause of everything was behind us, in that den so close. Instead I let myself drift with the night in her arms.

* * * * *

A fire crackled nearby. I opened my eyes in an unfamiliar room.

The orange glow was the only thing lighting the interior of plush curtains and thickly covered bed I was laid in. My eyes quickly landed on the immortal who held her head in her hands watching the flames in a chair.

"Kára." I murmured.

Her head lifted quickly and she rose. Her hair was in loose blonde waves and seemed as unruled as her mind. She stepped near to a bedpost but making no further move closer. Her armour was gone and her dark tunic remained. She actually fidgeted with the edge of her sleeve making me frown.

"Are you hungry?" She asked quietly.

I watched her face closely. Her voice sounded weak, even fearful like I would break if she spoke too loudly. I sighed and slowly pushed myself up in the thick sheets.

"I'm fine."

The haunted look on her face didn't leave her. So I moved forward, crawling to the edge of the bed until I could secure her arm and pull her towards me. She resisted, so much hesitation was on her face that was so unfamiliar to me.

"Just. Come here." I sighed.

Her star like eyes were as flat grey as I had ever seen them. She could have passed as a mortal and it saddened me. She searched my eyes looking for some answer to her fears in them. I think she found something because she let me pull her onto the bed until we both lay back with her head resting on my chest and my arms secured around her.

"I'm sorry." She said into my neck, causing electricity to flash through me.

"If you say that again I'm going to have to throw something." I retorted, staring at the stunning waves of her hair spilling across me.

"It would be deserved." She mumbled, playing with the collar of my shirt now. I noticed it was new and a clean white.

I let a long breath leave me before I lifted her chin to meet my eyes. The sadness was still buried deep in her and I couldn't stand it. "Everything you have done. Has been to protect me. On what realm would you ever be responsible for what happened tonight?"

"I took too long. I should not have hesitated for that damned immortal–"

"I made enemies long before you had any hand in my protection, Kára. Need I remind you that the assassins hunted us because of what I did in the past." I stated, watching her doubtful expression try to process this. "I let many of them live on that island when they ambushed us. I have given them nothing but chances to end me."

"Maybe your mercy isn't your weakness." She answered me, avoiding my eyes and growing distant all at once.

"What does that mean?" I pressed.

Her hand stopped on my collar and she grew still. "It means that you are right to be horrified by the powers we possess. Just because we can end mortals so easily does not mean we should." She finished with a hollow look.

"What are you–oh. Revna spoke with you." I concluded, seeing her nod.

I carefully traced small circles on her upper arm with my hand. Considering how I would explain to her that I not only understood the power but their reason for using it so freely.

"Tayah, you do not need to defend yourself. It is my actions I should–"

"No." I interrupted flatly. She caught my eyes in confusion before I continued. "I'm no walking example of morality. You know my past. You know how much red is on my hands. Mercy is one thing yes. But those men and women. They are part of a guild that makes a blood pact once they join. No murder is off the table for a price. Their souls are not worth your despair. Trust me on this."

"It's not just that Tayah..." She sighed as she made to sit up, but I had no intention of letting her go and effectively dragged her back down. It didn't quite crack the sadness on her face but I did get a small smile from her.

"Then tell me. You won't scare me away." I promised.

"I've acted in the name of the gods." She began. "I did not even bother to question it after so long. Not every person I came across was guilty. Some deserved life and I took it without a second thought. I was an immortal and they were just... in the way of my purpose. What does that make me?" She finished barely above a whisper.

In all the time I had known her, I had never known doubt. Yet here it was. Plain and so mortal. Vulnerable. Then I knew why.

"A Valkyrie." I murmured, watching her turn her head back to face me with a frown. "It makes you exactly what you were made to be." I answered honestly. "Your memories were taken from you. You were never offered what I was–what makes me myself. You've only known your purpose for all those years. I think the only reason you can see the difference now is because of the time you spend around my mortal madness. We don't make the best choices after all... it's no wonder Odin would keep it from compromising you." I mused.

She looked utterly dumbstruck. Like the shattering of some kind of invisible barrier had just happened. I saw it rung true for her just by her expression but it made me smile non the less.

"Why do I always have to be the brains for both of us?" I uttered dryly.

When her eyes found mine again they had a spark of herself inside them. She shook her head at me slowly and placed her palm to the side of my face. She regarded me seriously before speaking.

"I couldn't be better at everything. That's just unfair." She smirked as I laughed loudly.

"No one is born a monster." I said more seriously. "Change is always an option, it's just damn hard to see when you don't try it. But I'm not sure what kind of lines can be drawn as a demi-god... we're timeless."

"It shouldn't make us into timeless monsters then." She responded with more resolve. "You once told me that it was not the amount of time one spent on the mortal realm that made them significant. It was the quality of it. Well that is exactly how I want to dictate my immortality."

"Revna will laugh you out of the room." I muttered, thinking of the ruthless immortal. Her pure joy when she threw shards of pure rock through bodies–

"This is not Revna's choice. She can make her own." She stated, watching the flames past the bed again.

"Why do you want this now?" I whispered, watching the fire too.

Instead of answering me she turned to me and drew her face level with mine. A few strands of her hair kissed my face as she watched a few inches above me. I was still taking in every movement of her. She traced her thumb over my lip watching it part before she spoke. 

"Of all the things I have learnt from you, Tayah. It is your heart that calls to mine the most. Maybe those we love are meant to draw out the best and worst in us. Make us see what we value the most. What we cannot tolerate and what needs to change. But most importantly. Who we want to spend those moments with more than any other. That is you to me." Her brows pinched together as she thought over her own words. "You are the beginning and the end of me. I want nothing from any realm if you are not in it."

I was totally lost to her. To my own body as it left me awe struck. All I could do was lie there beneath an immortal goddess that had just confessed the realm to me. The burning passion that always lay right under the surface. This was in her too. Who knew for how long we had been this way. It didn't matter how good an act her coldness was... I had always seen through it.

I felt the salt in my eyes too late before she drew her thumbs across my cheeks wiping away my tears. She smiled down at me but I couldn't let the moment be lost saying nothing at all.

"I'd choose oblivion again and again in the Underworld if it gave me the smallest chance of being with you again. I'd lose myself. My memories and my life here just to meet you again. I think it's safe to say... screw every realm without you in it." I answered with a small laugh and tears trailing my face.

She held me securely before dipping her head and finally kissing me the way I had imagined every span since. It was slow and sure. Every kiss hit me like the first and I didn't give a horses ass if that was a cliché or not.

The room was already hot and we shed the rest of our clothing before burying ourselves under the covers. While we were wrapped in each other under furs and pillows it was not the wild and lustful night I thought it would turn into before. It was more than that. As we traced our skin in the darkness of the covers it felt much more like rediscovery. Mapping constellations on pale maps that felt like fire everywhere they went.

To find someone you could share comfort in without words was a different kind of satisfaction. To lie with them and not need anything but the sound of their breathing, the graze of their fingertips and the scent of them you could pick out from a thousand. These times were what made my pain, my mistakes and my past worth it.