Bella wasn't at all surprised when she found out that Jacob and his friends were werewolves. She was good with weird. We sat in the living room watching a random movie at the time. I kept looking over at her from where I sat. I couldn't help it. There was no doubt that I was falling for her. A monkey could see that. But I couldn't fall for her. She still had feelings for Edward, I was still married to Esme.

I felt horrible for cheating on Esme, and even worse for not wanting to tell her. However, I knew I needed to tell her soon. I just didn't know when that would be.

“Carlisle,” Bella said, snapping me out of my trance. “You were staring,” She said, chuckling.

“Sorry, I was thinking about when Esme gets back. What I'll tell her about us kissing.” I saw her smile falter a little.

I was sure that she felt like a monster for doing this to Esme too. When she's been nothing but nice to her the entire time. Honestly, I felt like a monster too. Although, some would say I already am.

“I feel terrible for doing that to her.” She sat back and hugged herself. “I feel like a monster.”

Deciding to make a joke I said, “Now you know how I feel.”

She looked at me and smiled. “You're not a monster, Carlisle.” I stared at her for a while, long after she stopped staring at me. She refused to let me think that I was a monster.

I started to watch the movie again, still not knowing what it was about. I didn't care. I was too busy trying to keep myself from leaping at Bella. The animal in me was fighting against the civil side of me. I wonder if this is what Jasper felt like on her birthday. Probably not. I don't want to drink her blood. I want to kiss her. I groaned and dug my fingers into the arm of the sofa.

Bella looked at me worriedly. “Carlisle, are you okay?” She asked.

Silently, I nodded. I kept my eyes on the movie, not listening to a thing. I needed to calm down. Then my phone rang. It was a text message from Alice. Carlisle get a hold of yourself. Your the most controlled vampire I have ever met. How can you not have the amount of control over yourself?

I quickly texted back I don't know. I don't want her blood. I want to kiss her. 

I waited for a few seconds. Then my phone went off again. I could feel Bella's eyes on me as I read Alice's text. You're falling for her. Real helpful Alice thanks. I already knew that.

 I know, but I cant' I’m still married. And Bella still has feelings for Edward.

There wasn't a text for the next three minutes. She either had a vision or she was trying on cloths at the store. Probably both. Carlisle, you can love more than one person at a time. And Bella is over Edward. She loves someone else now. My heart broke at that, well it would if I had a beating one. She loved someone else. It must be Jacob. He's young, muscular. Many girls dream guy. How could it not be him. I sneaked a glance at Bella, still watching the movie. She was slightly tense. Her heart was beating just a little higher than it should be. 

“You okay?” I asked. She turned her head to me, her eyes wide with curiosity.

She nodded. “Fine.”

She was lying, but I didn't press the subject. Probably thinking about him.

For the rest of the day, we sat in the living room watching movies that I had no clue what they were about. However, Bella seemed to like them and knew what they were about so we watched them. I just wanted to keep her happy. I also wanted to kiss her. Those lips tasted good the other day. They tasted better than blood. I licked my lips and moaned out loud at the memory. I could still taste them.

I had to get away from here. Mentally. I closed my eyes and sighed. Mentally, I walked down a hallway. Away from Bella to get her sent out of my mind. That didn't need to be here. Then I ran across a feeling that shouldn't even be here. Love, for Bella. I steered around it and kept walking down the misty hallway. Away from Bella. She needed a friend, not a boyfriend. Certainly not another vampire boyfriend.

Then something painful happened. I ran into the memory I feared most. When we kissed in my office. That was the start of it all. When I first tasted her lips. The animal in me growled viciously. I turned away from that memory to find myself face to face with the when we went down to La Push beach to cliff dive. When we had kissed in front of the werewolves. That was a stupid decision. I shouldn't have let my emotions take over. But the feeling of her at my side felt great. I growled again. 

“Carlisle you look like you're in pain. What's wrong?” I heard Bella ask far away. I desperately wanted to be there with her. Slowly, I started to make my way back down the hall, getting hit by all these emotions and feelings in the process.

Silently I cursed myself. Bella's voice made me forget why I had done that in the first place. Why does she effect me so. Then my phone beeped again. Because you love her.  Alice again. I can't love her.

“I'm fine,” I told her. “I'm going to go make dinner for you.”

I didn't give her a chance to object before I was out of there.

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