"A True Woman"

by Marilyn Vix

Inspired by the Kpop song "Woman" by BoA

Lyrics:

Hey yeah yeah yeah
No comparing
I shine just as I am, I'm beautiful enough
To be a woman
Hey yeah yeah yeah
In a stylish and modern picture
I'm enjoying this adventure
A true woman

You want me to be me?
Then show me yourself
You have a pearl but you're looking for a diamond
You're getting deceived, you're being slanderous
Don't be deceived by the eyes on you, oh yeah

When they were forcing femininity (girls on top)
When I didn't even know what it was to be a woman (didn't know that)
Now I know, what I really need (I've got it)
I have the best inner beauty
Feels good to be a woman

Hey yeah yeah yeah
Don't believe everything you see, I haven't shown you everything yet
To be a woman
Hey yeah yeah yeah
Whatever you say, inside of me
Under the flashing spotlight
There's a true woman

Rising confidence, I've got it
Freedom is mine, paycheck
My smile aims for you, heart queen
Everything's perfect, all set
Feels good to be a woman

Hey yeah yeah yeah
No comparing
I shine just as I am, I'm beautiful enough
To be a woman
Hey yeah yeah yeah
In a stylish and modern picture
I'm enjoying this adventure
A true woman

-English Translation by Genius.com

Word Count: 1484

Note: Lyrics used in the story are bolded.

***

I leaned over the toilet, putting my finger to the back of my throat. I could keep my figure, and I'd still be the perfect pop idol. It also worked to eat nothing, but the agency was watching for that lately. This still worked and it looked like I was still eating.

I flushed the toilet, and used some toilet paper to wipe my mouth. I knew I'd eaten just too much today. I'd be over my weight limit when they weighed me in. It was in my contract to remain a certain weight. I would do anything to stay in my group.

I got out some gum, chewed a little and spit it out. I came out of the stall, and adjusted my hair. I was just a week away from debut, and I wasn't going to let anything like not making my weigh-in stop me.

"Yin Wu, are you ready?" My sunbae, older member of my group, Jin-Soo, came in.

"Yeah, I'm almost done." I looked in the mirror and straightened my ponytail. It would all come down to this Friday when we debuted our new song on Music X, the Korean Music Charts show. I had every move down so well, I was dreaming our dance routine. I checked the sides of my workout outfit. "I'm coming." If only I'd noticed the blood I'd left behind.

***

We were in place. The show had stopped so we could get into position. I tried to keep my mind calm and my heart steady. But it was beating so fast. The music started, and the lights came up. I moved into the first sequence of moves. I knew I was flawless as I hit each move, singing my part of the lyrics, and then stepping back for another member to sing. We could do this routine without thinking now. We were in sync, nailing our debut.

Until, I missed a step. I worked into the next move, and joined back onto the beat perfectly. But I knew I'd missed it. I was so upset, but I kept the smile on my face. My dimples stood out when I framed my face with my hands. We were almost done, when we hit the final pose. But everything started to spin. I fell. All I remember was trying to get back up. Then, everything went black.

I woke up in the hospital. The whole room was stark white. An evaporator was next to me and my arm had an IV. I was propped up with pillows. I could see our group manager sitting in a chair across from me. What had happened? I was dancing, and I missed a step. Now I was here.

The manager saw me and came over. She took my hand as I tried to form the words, but realized I was still groggy. "Yin Wu, it is okay. You're in the hospital. You fainted on stage at the end of the performance." Horror hit my heart. How could I disappoint my group? I think our manager felt my panic and answered, "Don't worry. The debut has been postponed now that you are ill."

"What happened?" I croaked out.

"You haven't eaten enough for days, Yin Wu. Water and protein drinks can only do so much. Do you remember the last time you really ate?"

I tried to shake my head. "I've been eating."

Her carefully penciled eyebrow rose. "Without throwing it up later?"

I didn't answer. My manager continued. "I know you were trying to keep your weight down, but you need to eat some food. It got very serious. We almost lost you."

I tried to sit up. "But I wanted to make sure I was ready. So, I could be beautiful for the fans."

Just at that moment, Jin-Soo and the rest of the band members of The Flower Girls came in. The maknae, youngest of the group, came up next to me and bowed. She put her hand on the bed sheet and said, "Don't do this again, Yin Wu. We were so worried about you."

Another member, and my closest friend Min-ji added, "Please don't scare us like that." I could hear the concern in her voice. She stood next to me and grabbed my hand. "Who would keep us up all night watching dramas?"

The others laughed as the last member and the rapper of the group, Mak-yeung, came up next to the bed. She had a short pink hair bob, and she had matching pink nails. She came up next to Jin-Soo. "You've got to eat for us, Yin Wu. You're so beautiful and talented. We don't want to lose you."

Tears started to form in my eyes. "All I wanted was to be the best I could be for our debut."

"But you are beautiful the way you are." Jin-Soo took my hand. "You are unique and special. Please don't hurt yourself again."

I could see the pain and fear in each of my band members' eyes. I knew I had to do better. The disappointment of not being able to be with them hit me hard, and I could feel the tears starting to form in my eyes. "I didn't want to hurt you all."

My manager's words interrupted my thoughts. "You didn't. It was a mistake that can be corrected. And we still love you for being yourself." I could see the other members around me nodding as my manager continued. "We're going to have a nutritionist work with the whole band, making sure you are eating healthy to keep a weight that will work for being an idol. Star Wide Entertainment wants to make sure all of you are ready for the debut and healthy for the tours that will follow."

I sat up. "Which means, I'm still in the group?"

"Of course you are," mentioned Jin-Soo. "We wouldn't want anyone else."

I looked from one of the Flower Girl members to the other. "There's no scandal over this?"

Jin-Soo looked me right in the eye. "Even if there was, you are more important. And the fan support has been incredible. The debut performance has been trending, and everyone is so supportive that you get better."

"See? Look!" Mak-yeung took out her phone and pulled up a video. It showed fans standing with signs, and a glow stick shaped like a flower waving in front of the agency office. The signs said, "You are our pearl and diamond , Yin Woo." Another sign said, "Your inner beauty always shines for us, Yin Woo". Mak-yeung put her phone back in her pocket.

Jin-Soo added, "We're going to do a song about believing in the beauty in yourself, and you'll have the lead vocals, Yin Wu. People want to know your story and support you."

Yin Wu couldn't believe it. "So this mistake..."

"Is being turned into a triumph." Mak-yeung said. "And I've got this really cool rap about finding the beauty in yourself instead of worrying about what others think."

Jin-Soo interruped her. "If it wasn't for you, we wouldn't have been inspired to address this issue. Now we can help others. I hope you will help us with this new song."

The group looked at me, and I waved my hand. "I will work on it. I've got to put caring for myself first. I'm beautiful enough."

The girls all hugged me, being careful around my IV tube. I could feel their love, supporting and caring. The manager said, "Let's give her time to rest. We've got to get ready for the debut."

***

I stood in place again. It had been two weeks since we had done the first debut. Our song had hit the Top 10, and we were back on another Korean Music show, to perform for our fans, the Petals. I could see the fan signs below, people waving the flower light up wands as they waited for the music to start. The fan chant started, "True woman, Yin Wu. True woman, Yin WU." Signs said it in different places of the studio. The music started, and I felt the courage within and exploded with energy. A smile wouldn't come off my face the whole time.

I did the steps and ended in the final pose. I was breathing hard, but felt my confidence rising with each moment of applause. Under the flashing spotlight that signaled the end, I did a heart out to the fans. For our closing, we each got to say something to the audience. When it was my turn I said, "I shine just as I am, thank you Petals. I have the best inner beauty, and you all helped me realize that I am a true beauty from the inside." I looked at my band mates, and shouted, "It feels good to be a woman. We are all a true woman!"