It was really weird. Like, I’m walking through the halls of Hogwarts, right. And they’re pretty much the same as the ones I know – but they’re completely different. It’s like when you see a photo of a room – say like your bedroom – and it’s before you lived in it. And it’s wrong.

This is wrong.

HOGWARTS IS WRONG!

IT’S TOO NEW!

UGH UGH!

I DON’T LIKE IT!

“Wait, so Dumbledore – uh, Professor Dumbledore – “ I added as he raised his eyebrows at me. “What is our cover story?”

“Just let me do the talking.”

“Don’t tell them I’m a drug addict, like, I know nothing about drugs, so it will end badly.”

“It’ll be fine, I’ll smooth this whole thing over.”

“I’m covered in blood, good luck with that.” I rolled my eyes.

“Just go take a seat with the Gryffindor’s, after I’ve finished talking.” He said calmly to me. “And don’t fuck anything up.”

Did Dumbledore just swear at me?

I waited outside the hall, but could hear him speaking.

 All I could really think was that this wasn’t going to go down well.

“If I could have everybody’s attention.” Dumbledore said loudly as I sat down. “Our new student, Willow is sorry to have startled you all. She was quite delirious.”

In-fucking-deed.

“She had a run-in with the Whomping Willow –“

I swear to god if people start calling me the Whomping Willow, I’m going to stab a bitch.

“- and she hasn’t had an easy life...”

What the fuck, Dumbledore.

“But I can assure you all, she is perfectly sane – and I would greatly appreciate if you could open your arms to her...”

Perfectly sane? Pfft.

“Afterall, she is my niece...”

God damn.

“Thank you.”

Glancing from the doorway, I could see that he’d sat down.

I could make this really easy and just walk straight in there –

Or, I could run off into the night and never be seen again.

 Or, I could run off into the night and never be seen again.

Both are considerable options.

The older version of myself appeared in my mind, “The butterfly effect! Do dumb shit and form a better future. Don’t sleep with your parents.”

I could stop this all from ever happening – or minimise the damage – I could save my parent’s lives.

I quickly cleaned myself up – but left the cuts on my face for dramatic effect, and walked into the hall.

I stumbled over to the Gryffindor table, as hundreds of eyes followed me. Whispers were flying through the hall so rapidly, it sounded as if there was a breeze blowing. The only reason I wasn’t bursting into laughter at the overall weirdness of the situation, was because I was in so much physical pain that it actually hurt a lot to walk.

I sat down and went to grab myself some pie again, but it vanished and was replaced with dessert.

I just really wanted some fucking pie.

 “Is that a fucking metaphor or what?” I said to the people around me. They were silent.

This is weird.

I think I’m not gonna like it here.

“Did you want pie?” a voice said, and I turned. It was my mother before she was my mother and she sort of looks like an un-freckled Ginny what the fuck. She offered me her plate where there were two pieces on it.

“Oh, no, I couldn’t.”

“I’m full anyway.” She smiled and handed it to me.

“Thanks so much.” I said earnestly.

What the fuck?

“You’re quite welcome. I’m Lily, by the way, Lily Evans.”

I know you’re my fucking mother.

Well sort of like I’m a blob of nothing but you’re still my mother.

“Willow Po-Dumbledore.” I nearly vomited my words up because I’m utterly retarded.

“Po-Dumbledore?” she smirked, raising her eyebrow at me.

“That’s what they called me at my last school, where I was bullied. Sometimes I forget it’s not my actual name.” I said.

I think what I just did is classified as a fuck up.

“Oh, wow, I’m so sorry to hear that.” Lily said, looking upset. “I didn’t mean to –“

“Don’t worry about it.” I shrugged.

WHAT THE HELL!

My eyes flickered up to the teacher’s table, where McGonagall was staring at me.

It wasn’t a nice stare either, it was a ‘I don’t fucking trust you you piece of shit’ stare.

Wow, I’m so excited to spend the rest of my life here, wow.

 ______

Lol I think I just swore a lot. omg there is no plot. omg stay tuned for the next upload! it should be soon :)