I stared at the girl with red ketchup coloured curls, she smiled in return. 

"How are you even here?" I asked.

"I don't know, but it's probably your fault." She replied.

It was plausible so I shrugged.

"Don't you like not get born or something and die in the future? Like how are you living, here, and in my head still?" I asked, confusing myself as I spoke. 

"I can't answer that, it's confidential."

"You have no idea, do you?" I smirked.

"Not in the slightest." She grinned. "But hey, I'm alive so there are no arguments from me."

"That was essentially my whole reasoning when future me sent me back in time and to old weird Hogwarts."

"In hindsight, that was a shitty idea," Lucy sighed, shaking her head. "How many times have you completely fucked up the future?"

"Well there were multiple me's and they didn't help my cause - about eight."

"Yeah, next time around I recommend you just die."

"It'll avoid so much confusion, ay?"

"Indeed."

We both sighed.

"So are you sticking around? I'm sure Dumbledore can come up with some excuse for you to stay at the school. He's good like that."

"I dunno, I might just pretend I've been at the school for ages - I don't think he'll believe that I'm two of the darkest wizards of all time's illegitimate child, who created you and sent you back in time, and then was dragged back in time too because we're linked mentally."

"Eh," I shrugged. "He sort of believed that I'm from the future, and had to die to save the world. And that there was a big battle at Hogwarts and that my parents were students at the school, so you should give it a shot."

"I might as well," she shrugged. "Well, I'm off to see the dumble, I'll see you later maybe."

"See ya Lucy." I grinned and waved. "Imagine if my life made sense, what the hell." I sighed to myself.

 *******

“Shilly. Shilly. Shilly.” I hissed, flicking balls of scrunched up paper at her head. We were sitting in transfiguration, one of my worst classes now McGonagall hated me.  “Psst.”

“What?” she asked, turning round to glare at me. I grinned back.

“Did you know your boyfriend watches porn?” I whispered, keeping a completely straight face. When she didn’t answer, I asked again. And again. And again.

“No! My boyfriend doesn’t watch porn!” she shrieked. The entire class turned round and began to laugh, including McGonagall.

“Out, Miss Evans.” she growled, while I began to laugh manically. Both Lily and McGonagall scowled at me.

“Tell her!” Shilly whined, while I just kept laughing.

“You can’t tell me what to do! You’re not my mother!” I yelled back.

“Actually,” Lucy began condescendingly in my head. I frowned.

“Shut it.” I warned her.

“Was it your fault?” McGonagall questioned, glaring at me. I began to cry fake tears.

“Why do you always blame me? It’s Senor Pornodo’s fault, for watching porn in the first place!” I replied, getting some strange looks. “For the love of llamas, I am leaving.”

Without another word, I left the room, dragging Shilly with me.

“I wish you wouldn’t do that.” she moaned. “McGonagall used to like me, before you came along.”

"She liked me too, before I came along and messed it up."

"What?"

“Shut up.” I hissed, noticing a muffled sound from the broom cupboard. Grinning, I opened it, to find Sirius and a random Jigglypuff girl snogging. Grabbing Sirius by the hair, I tugged him out and continued along the corridor.

“What the fuck was that for?” he exclaimed, after realizing what had just happened. I just began to laugh.

“I want to find a better class.” I replied after a few minutes.

“Why am I coming?” he growled.

“Why not?” I answered smartly, and pulled them both into a classroom. Luckily, it was a drama room.

“We are joining this!” I exclaimed enthusiastically, pushing the other two into seats and sitting down next to them.

“Find a partner of the opposite gender.” The teacher called to us. I grabbed onto Sirius’ arm, but he shook his head.

“No. You dragged me here, I want some choice in this.” he said, and turned to Lily, instead. I sighed. He was no George.

“I suppose we are the only two left.” a simpering voice called. Recognising it instantly, my head snapped up to find the source. A short, plump girl with a prefects badge and a pink bow smiled back at me.

Umbridge.

"The opposite sex." I said to her.

"But we're the only two left. I'm Dolores.” She told me, sticking out a stubby arm. I banged my head on the chair in front of me.

“Are you joking?” I moaned.

“No need to be rude.” she reprimanded. I sighed, deciding to give her a chance. She couldn’t be that bad.

“Alright class, the script I am giving you is Romeo and Juliet.” The teacher called. My mouth dropped open.

“Bagsy Juliet!” Umbridge giggled sickenly. “Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?”

I banged my head so hard against the chair, I think I knocked myself out.

“They can’t even help.”

Oh, great, spooky ghost girl.

“They can’t even see.”

“I’m sick of your shit, me.” I glared at the innocent little girl.

“You’re gonna be as dead as dead can be.”

I looked at her more closely – bruises were all over her face, neck, and arms.

“You won’t have a soul.” she whispered, smiling a little. “You won’t have a heart.”

“That’s just creepy.” I replied loudly, my voice echoing across the corridor.

“That’s you.” Lucy reminded.

"Well, I'm creepy then, geez."

“You’re gonna be all torn apart.”

“I know, you said.” I sighed back at her. “Why are you telling me this?”

“You’ll always –“ the girl froze, mouth hanging slightly open. This was new. “He’s coming.”

All of a sudden, footsteps could be heard through the corridor. I began to back away.

“Where are you, you filthy squib?” a voice roared. A voice I recognised. The little girl began to cry, her smile gone. “I’m coming. You can’t escape.”

“Please.” the girl whispered, her voice almost indistinct. Before I could reply, though, Lucius Malfoy burst through a doorway. I scrambled back without meaning to. He grabbed the young creepy version of me, pulling her away, while she fought, kicking and screaming desperately, but to no avail. Before turning the corner, however, he turned to me.

“I’m coming. It may take a while, but I will get you, too.”

“Willow, damn it, wake up.” Shilly shouted, slapping me across the face. I stared at her, for a moment, still trying to process what had just happened, and failing miserably.

“The llamas will kill you if you attack their queen.” I mumbled.

“She is back.” Lily sighed, turning around and walking out of the classroom.

“Are you just gonna leave me here? I can’t get up.” I sighed pathetically, although I probably could. I’m lazy, okay?

Wait, why am I validating myself in my own head?

Sirius and James – when did he get here? – groaned, but picked me up. I laughed.

“Thanks, Jimmy, and you, Sirius, you old dog!” I giggled.

“I think she is delirious.” Sirius whispered to his friend nervously. They began to carry me to the Gryffindor common room.

“Nope.” I replied, popping the ‘p’. “I just – wait, is that Umbridge being led away by McGonnagal?”

“Yeah, I kind of told her that Umbridge knocked you out.” James replied guiltily. I laughed harder, as Umbridge sent us a resentful look.

“Emily!” Sirius called suddenly, noticing the Hufflepuff girl I had pulled him away from earlier. She shot him a dirty look. “No, it’s not what it looks like!”

At this, he ran to her, leaving James to carry me. By now I was certain I could walk, but decided against it.

“Did you really?” I asked him gleefully. James nodded, and I smiled. “Oh, Jamesy.” I hugged him. No wonder Umbridge hated everyone.

“So much for us.” Shilly snarled. I turned around to see Shilly, hand on her hips, and looking near tears.

“Willow!” he shouted, dropping me on the floor, and running after her.

“Oops.” I just messed them up, again.

Hello! I’m xxjustawriterxx, and I just wrote that shizzle above! So, yeah. Check out my fan fic if you like… or not. But if you do, you get a cookie!

P.S., if you get that reference, I will love your forever. No jokes.

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Just another note from Secret_Ninja. If you're one of those fab people who were like 'okay ninja, i'll give it a go, why not' then you'd better message me, because then you can join our forum and write with us. Hope you enjoyed Molly's Chapter!!