Sweet mother of God, I can't go on like this.

I'm greedy. That much is clear.

When I had nothing, all I prayed for was a job, to buy myself two meals a day. When I got a shitty job as a bouncer in a shitty club in the shadiest part of the city, all I prayed for was a decent job with secured monthly income.

Then I got that. 

Robin Torres— Member of Personal Protection Team of the famous Ash Minor.

My job is such an important one that I can't even tell anyone about it. Like secret services. It's a big deal.

Was I happy?

No. 

I wanted more.

I wanted to be the best. I wanted to become the most reliable on the team.

I got that too.

Finally today, I got to gaurd Ash in the living room. It's the highest level of promotion one can get in this security detail. Getting to guard the client up close.

There are three tiers, combining surveillance and protection. 

Tier 1: Stays with the client. 

Tier 2: Stays few feet away from the client, possibly in the entrance of the room, surveillancing.

Tier 3: Strategically located around the house or the venue.

Boss is tier one when Ash is awake— which is almost always. All others in the team swap between the other two tiers. 

It took me seven months. But I did it. I got to tier one.

Am I happy?

No.

I want more.

I want my Boss.

No, not Ash, he is my client.

My boss. Nicholas Glenli.

Nick, the head of the team. 

He is good.

That's all he said, but my heart is bursting open. I want to hide somewhere and grin until my jaw breaks.

He thinks I'm good.

"Rob, what do you say?" Boss asks, pulling me out of my self reflection. I quickly mask my joy and step in front of him.

He doesn't have to elaborate. He wants to know if I want to continue working in tier one.

"I can take more shifts." I reply, keeping an eye at the bedroom door Ash disappeared into. Ash won't be happy, he was practically fuming the five minutes it took for Boss to reach here. But his whole demeanor took a U turn after seeing Boss. He was all apologies and hugs as if he wasn't the same guy who flung a bottle like crazy mad.

Henry looks alarmed by my response. "Wait... Listen, Nick. Don't rush this. You almost had ten minutes to yourselves today. Which is more than I expected. You should give Ash time to increase this window slowly."

"What do you suggest?"

Boss asks, tapping his forefinger on his lap, unnecessarily bringing my attention to those body parts. I snap my eyes back to Henry, worried where my thoughts will drag me next.

Henry rubs his chin in thought. "Let Rob take more shifts but...with you."

That doesn't make any sense. Personal tier is only one person with the client. Otherwise it'll be too crowded and also unnecessary.

"What do you mean?" Boss leans back, the whole couch vanishes behind him as he stretches his arms and shoulders. Henry's body looks so small and fragile next to him.

Henry explains, he is warming up to whatever he's planning. "You both stay with him. You know, let Ash get used to Rob without worrying about whether you're there or not."

"That's double pay." Boss points out.

Henry snorts. "Ash won't mind."

"You sure?" Boss asks.

"Don't tell him the reason, Nick. That's the key here. If he figures out you're trying to put someone in your place, he'll lose his shit."

"Then?"

Henry waves his hand. "Say something security related."

Boss hums. "I don't know. Lying doesn't sound right. Maybe I should just continue as is."

Henry wiggles in his seat. "Don't. You need back up. We can't go on like this. You should train someone to share your duties. If not Rob, pick somebody else." 

Boss looks at me—accessing, my breath hitches. I'm more than willing to take up my shifts along with Boss. Also, as of now, among all the guys in the team, I'm the only one who's ready to take up personal tier. That doesn't mean Boss will hand it over to me. I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from blabbering something like 'believe in me.'

"Rob isn't the problem." Boss says after few seconds, "lying is."

I let out a small sigh. "Boss, I have an idea."

He nods. Henry leans in closer.

"Tell him you're training me for personal tier as a favor to Henry."

"And?" Henry asks.

"You can say some or the other celebrity in your client circle wants a bodyguard." Henry has a good name among the celebrity group. He runs multiple agencies that are celebrity centered from travel planning to venue acquisition.

"I thought we're not lying." Henry says.

I shrug. "That's just Boss. He won't be lying." 

Boss chuckles. "Thanks, Rob. What do you say, Henry?"

"Hypothetically speaking, I won't be lying either. You know, Rob can learn the trade and can switch to a new client for a better pay. Huh, Rob?"

Before I can answer him, Boss gets up shaking his head in amusement. "Whatever eases your guilt, Henry." He says, patting on Henry's shoulder. "But... for the record, Rob won't jump teams. He is my boy."

My throat clogs with sudden surge of emotion. I look at my shoes and blink, fighting the warmth spreading all over my body at his declaration.

Henry huffs. "Yeah, yeah. Your boys are all made of integrity and loyalty and tons of muscles."

"Jealousy is unbecoming." Boss informs him with another chuckle and looks at me, "you can leave for the day. I'll put up a new schedule for you tomorrow."

I nod and walk out of the room.

Milo is in tier two. I give him an absent minded wave and trek down the steps.

I replay Boss's words again.

He is good.

He is my boy.

Twice within half an hour. He has praised me, shown me his approval and trust. Why isn't this joy enough?

Why do I want him to say these in bed? 

I'm greedy. That's why.

When I enrolled for security services training in Martin's academy, my goal was simple. A job that paid monthly all twelve months of the year.

Get out of the trailer once and for all.

Maybe get a girlfriend or a boyfriend if luck was on my side.

Martin was good. He made a decent security guard out of me. Which was difficult because of how I looked.

People used to take one look at me and start talking in Spanish.

no hablo español muy bien.

That's the only sentence I speak often in Spanish. It means, no mother fucker, I don't speak Spanish, only without the cursing part.

My Mexican roots are so evident in my face, I'm expected to know the language. But I don't know it well enough to speak. Even though both my parents were Mexicans, I am American. They both died one after another, or so I was told, when I was very young, giving me a chance to grow up in a real American household complete with abusive father and a hostile neighborhood.

Martin changed me. After the three months training, people didn't dare to talk to me, Spanish or otherwise. Cause, I'm big and scary.

Thanks to my genes. I'm tall and broad. Thanks to Martin, his strenuous training and eating good with gym turned me into a mini hulk. 

I was sure of bagging a security guard position in some security service company.

When the recruiting window opened, the first one to come was Boss. He wanted to get the cream of the crop. He is close friends with Martin and used to train the guys before he became Ash's guard.

There were different rounds of tests —a written test, a quiz thing, and a brawl.

I didn't have to fight and win, to pass the brawl round, I have to stop an ongoing fight between three men. The scoring was based on who could do it fast with minimal damage.

That day I learned the difference between security guard and bodyguard. Nick wanted bodyguards for his team.

He selected me and Tolan for his team. And we were put into another two months of training. Totally different style of training.

We had to write the international English language test to prove that we could understand and speak good English. That was a pain in the ass. 

We were to get between two fighting women and save them from themselves without embarrassing them.

So many different things. Some funny and ridiculous, some challenging to both the brain and the body.

At the end of the second month I got an ear piece for Secpho and a black uniform set. To this day thinking about that moment raises goosebumps. Not only I got a good job, I got a damn good satisfaction too.

By the next month end, I was head over heels for my boss. He became Boss.

Nick is, in one word, perfect.

I wish I got to train under him when he was a trainer with Martin. Cause, he is the best teacher ever.

I'll do anything to get a pat on the back from him.

Getting an appreciation from him is like a gold medal. Our team has ten guys, we have a secret code of celebration. Whoever gets an appreciation treats everyone else. 

It's that special to get a nice word from Boss. It makes us taller and our chests broader.

We all adore him. He is the best leader. I should have been just glad that I got to work with such an incredible man.

But no. It ran deeper for me. Whenever he gave a kind, understanding gaze, my insides turned to mush. I want to stare and stare until all I can see is his warm grey eyes.

Whenever he smiles, an answering smile is fighting inside my lips for release. On those rare occasions, when he smiles at me, I almost die of over heat.

The main reason I wanted the promotion was Boss. When you work close to Ash, you get to get close to Boss as well. You get to hear him talk good about you to the client. Not just over the ear piece. Directly, loud and clear.

"What's up Rob? Grinning big? The glass didn't hit you?" Tolan slaps me from the back.

I realize I'm already at the front console room, without even knowing it. This is where we hand over shift duties and take breaks.

"My treat boys. Name your lunch, you shall have it." I announce with a bow.

"What? When?" Tolan crushes my neck with his hold.

"I was right there till few minutes ago." Jonas stands up, surprised.

"I didn't hear a thing." Corey pipes in, pointing at his ear piece. He is in tier three today.

"Cause, he said to Ash." I say and hide my face in my palms.

He is good.

Someone whoots.

"Details! Details!" Someone slaps my shoulder.

"I want well done steak from Michel's." Corey says.

I'm still smiling into my fingers. Just thinking about his words makes me warm.

The guys have no clue how bad I have got it for our Boss. They are thinking I'm just reacting to his appreciation.

But I've got it bad.

Real bad.