Ash wants Boss.

Even after two months, I can't get over his admission. It still leaves a bitter taste in my throat.

It's what I keep thinking about day and night.

He wants to add Boss in his list of fucks.

One more NDA form. 

One more to conquer.

I know how many girls he fucks in a week. At the beginning, I was surprised at how fast he gets tired of the girls he is with. Now, not so much. It's who he is. Just another facet of Ash Minor. He fucks any girl that captures his eyes and promptly forgets them like yesterday's newspaper. 

To Ash, Boss is a new target. His sexual interest must be a recent thing. Boss is with him for years. But by some cursed, twisted fate, Ash now started seeing him in sexual light.

He'll make his move soon. He hasn't yet. I daily check the signed NDAs. With a dread that I'll see Boss' signature.

When he finally makes his move, I fucking know how it'll play out.

Boss won't say no, he won't lean away when Ash tries to kiss. Boss loves him. That's the only reason he puts up with all his unbelievable antics. His love is platonic though, I have never seen him look at anyone with even a mild romantic interest. But he'll give in. He'll let Ash have his wish. Because Boss is awesome like that. I just know that he won't say no to someone he loves.

But Ash— he will get bored with Boss and move on to his next conquest within a week.

Is this fair to Boss?

"Oi.. why are you scowling?" Tolan slaps my back and sits on a chair next to me.

"He is been scowling from the day we boarded the flight in Iceland." Seb says. "Do you want to go back? Missing some Iceland beauty?"

I shake my head. Trying to bring my thoughts back to order. I can't share my worries with the guys. So many secrets.

Boss likes men.

Ash is pan.

Ash wants to have sex with Boss.

I'm in love with Boss.

Boss doesn't even like me that way.

Yeah, too many secrets.

"He would have brought her back with him. Sweet tongued bastard!" Tolan nudges my shoulder.

I sigh. "Fuck off. It's just Ash. He is getting on my nerves."

It's a safe topic and everyone likes to talk about it. Ash didn't do anything today to make me angry. I haven't even seen him. That's another thing. I haven't been on tier one after that midnight chat in Iceland.

Thanks to Corey.

After we came back from Iceland, his wife delivered a baby girl and he took paternity leave for two months. I happily took up his shifts, effectively cutting all my contact with Ash. He has been trying to get to talk to me from that night. I have been evading him like a seasoned thief. Today Corey joined back. I'll be back in tier one tomorrow.

"Ha, welcome on board. Finally, you understand why I don't want tier one." Corey crows.

"Still, Rob lasted for more than a year. You couldn't even hold it together for a week!" Tolan chuckles, "I can't Boss, I can't. I'll take all night shifts and surveillance monitoring but I can't stand behind him! I can't."

Tolan does a decent voice of Corey.

Corey throws a paper weight at Tolan, which like a launched missile reaches Tolan's head. He easily catches it laughing, "admit it, Corey. Rob is better than you."

"I don't see you admitting. You both joined together, why are you not in tier one yet?" Corey challenges without any heat.

I look at them surprised. They're both as good as me. In fact better. They don't pine after Boss.

"That's because I'm smart. I don't want to scowl during my break hours." 

"I hear you." Seb says.

Corey grunts.

"Guys… stop. It's not that bad. It's just…sometimes..." I stop, wondering how to explain that feeling.

"You want to kill him with your bare hands." Corey supplies.

"Exactly!" I beam at him.

Corey is our senior, he's the first one to join Boss and made this a team. When he got personal tier duty he couldn't do it. Corey talks his mind. Which clashes greatly with Ash's inherent rule of 'don't talk back to me and do what I say'.

Boss understood and let Corey do what he wants.

In fact none of the senior guys volunteer for tier one in spite of the higher pay. If they take it up for some unforeseen reason it never lasts beyond an hour.

"Worried about tomorrow?" Seb asks sympathetically.

I nod.

"He is so selfish. I get goosebumps." I can't tell them how I have been avoiding him for two months and the interrogation I'll face the minute he gets a chance.

"Tell Boss. He'll reduce your tier one time." Tolan suggests.

"I can't do that to him. Only now he gets a break every few weeks."

"Do you realize that is enough of a reason for Ash to lash out on you?" Corey asks.

He doesn't know how close to home his observation is. Ash will want to spend all his free time with Boss. To do the things he told me.

My chest constricted at the thought of what they will do in bed. Jealousy is pointless and impractical. Also it's completely out of my control. I should behave as if I don't know anything about Ash's new interest.

I stand up and remove my Secpho. "I know. Let him. I'm not going to give up. Boss deserves those breaks." They're not big breaks, once in a while he takes his car and goes out to eat. Or fuck. I don't know. But if Ash is awake it won't last beyond fifteen minutes.

He still brings the roof down by screaming whether he is in the house or auditorium or wherever. I mostly spend my shift by being buffer support to Boss.

Seb scoffs. "You call them breaks? From what I noticed, he does more surveillance now than before. It's like he finds new ways to keep this place the most secured. Does he ever sleep?"

That's true. Maybe he too is feeling redundant. He reviews the camera feeds everyday now instead of biweekly. Which is an overkill. We had only one guy who tried to sneak-in in the last twelve months and we caught him right outside the wall.

"Ash doesn't mind him sleeping and stays quiet." I say.  Until he wants something—like hot fries in the middle of nowhere.

"You sure? Yesterday, I woke Boss up because Ash couldn't find his guitar pick. I felt so bad." Tolan says.

Yep. That's Ash. Boss can sleep only when Ash deems it okay. Will that change when they become intimate?

"I'll say this. You're a better man than me, Rob. I'd have punched him before now if I were you." Corey says, stretching out. 

"Xanya incoming." The Secpho speaker announces in Jonas' voice.

"NDA time." Tolan states the obvious.

Xanya is the girl of the day.

I wish I could go and relieve Boss from the mundane routine of getting the form signed, but my break from tier three just started. I should go home and sleep. I say my goodbyes to the boys and start walking.

Home. 

Nothing fancy. I can't have a fancy home in the middle of a celebrities hub. 

It's a rented studio apartment on the third floor of an overpriced complex. Still, it's million times better than the trailer. Maybe one day I'll buy a small flat in the outskirts and settle down. Get married and have a baby and take paternity leave to change diapers. I may not be lucky in love for my Boss, but surely I'll have someone down the line. Won't I?

The 'new father' Corey is addling my mind. The way his eyes shone while showing his baby's pictures pulls at my heart. I want that. I want love, lots of it, unconditional and abundant. Only children are capable of that kind of love.

I reach the bus stop without any conscious thought about it. I prefer the bus, it's easier than car with the evening traffic. Also, I can squeeze in a nap in my travel time. I ideally wonder what should I name my baby.

Nicky.

A smile automatically lifts my lips up.

"Excuse me?" A sweet voice interrupts my pondering.

I remove my shades to take in the beautifully put together woman in a pretty dress. "Yes?"

"Hace.. la.. detener.."

I stop her with a raised hand before she can continue with her broken translation of whatever that is. "I don't speak Spanish." 

"Oh, thank God. Do you know if the bus to Stevenson street stops here?" Her voice sounds so hopeful. As if I'm the tenth person she has asked this question hoping for an affirmative.

"It does."

She lets out a huff of a sigh. "Are you waiting for the same bus?" Again, the same hopefulness.

I smile, "I can, if you want me to."

She laughs, it's beautiful. Her face brightens up, tinting her cheeks with dark color. It momentarily makes me forget all my worries.

"I didn't peg you for a flirt."

"Believe me. I'm not. It's just beauty and I, don't mix well."

She rolls her eyes. "I already blushed, you don't have to try more. Martha." She extends her hand, unexpectedly.

"Rob." I take her hand and shake. "I didn't peg you for a straightforward person."

"Believe me. I'm not. It's just that macho and I, don't mix."

We gaze at each other for a brief second with a small smile. She seems friendly and easygoing. I won't mind getting to know her.

"So am I coming to Stevenson street?" I ask in a teasing tone.

"You are. I just moved here. Still lacking in the friends department."

"And you thought, there is a macho man. I must make him my friend. Surely he wouldn't take me to a secluded place to molest me." I say, channelling my inner Tolan.

She tilts her head up and gives me a stink eye. "I know karate."

I grin at that. Like full, teeth on display kind of grin.

"Fine." She smiles, cheekily. "You'll beat me down in a second. I can see that. I can also see that you're wearing full black."

"So?"

"You must work in security." She says, triumphantly.

I shrug not showing my surprise.

"Or I can wear it to make beautiful women believe that." I put back my glasses and leer at her from the top of it.

She laughs. "Fuck. Fine. Coffee?"

"Fine."

For the first time in more than a year, I'm agreeing to something that almost resembles a date. I stopped dating once I realized how deep my feelings are for Boss.

But now?

Ash likes Boss. My bitter heart already knows that he will get Boss. One night or one month or more, it doesn't matter. Ash will live my dream.

It's time I start making new ones.

I didn't come this far from my shitty trailer by indulging in self pity. I'm a survivor. I'll survive this heartbreak.

****
A/N:

There's a lot of timeline switch between chapters. Some chapters are right after one another on the same day, some are weeks, some are months after the last event. I have included that information here and there. Do let me know if it's confusing. I'll add it at the top as a sub heading.