"I want a kangaroo." Ash sighed dreamily.

I just now finished explaining him about the new security measures to avoid anymore breaches like the one we had yesterday. It's expected that he would respond with a random thought. Ash avoided serious topics like the plaque. He would rather talk about mundane things that didn't matter to anyone.

"Only one?" I asked.

He grinned showing off his gums. "This is why I love you."

I laughed accepting his hug. He is such a kid.

"Have you seen kangaroos?" He asked.

"No. Do you want to see them or own?"

"Is there a difference?"

"You can adopt one without seeing it. You'll be paying for it's keep in Australia. Technically it's yours. Where as-"

"Okay. I get it. I want to see, up close."

"We can go to a zoo when we go there."

"Where?"

"Australia."

"When are we going?"

"Ash..." It's been planned long back and tickets were all sold out last month. He has three concerts and each would be a full capacity crowd.

"I don't remember. When?"

"Next month."

He let go of me and jumped up from the couch. "Oh my God. Will you really take me to zoo?"

"I—"

He shook his head.

"No... no... not zoo. Safari. Let's go in that dusty Jeeps wearing camouflage suits with tree hats." He gave another wide grin.

"That's—" he cut me again before I could come up with an excuse.

"No..." He pointed a finger at me. "Last time, you didn't take me anywhere. I stayed in the hotel for the whole tour!"

I sighed. "You had flu, and then food poisoning and then-"

He closed my mouth with his palm and sat back.

"I want a kangaroo."

I moved his hand away. "That's not a big deal. I'll make sure you see one."

"No. Safari. Please, Nick."

"I'll see what I can do." I allowed. I could look into completely risk free private tours that involved only kangaroos.

"And cliff jumping."

I closed my eyes. "No."

"Please. Please. Please." He pulled my arm.

"We can go kayaking."

"Boring."

"Rafting?"

"What's that?"

"It's rowing through a river where the water currents are high. It's thrilling." Also a hell lot of safer than cliff jumping.

"Will you come with me?"

"Of course."

"Safari and rafting and—"

This time I stopped him. "That's it. No more."

"Martin is here for you boss." Seb informed in my Secpho.

I got up. "Rest now. You have a song shoot."

I still hadn't figured out why they had to make different videos for the same freaking song.

"Do you have a camouflage shirt?" He asked, getting up.

"No."

He rocked on his heels. "I'll order. I'm ordering life jackets too."

I chuckled. "You'll get everything there."

"But camouflage— I want us to wear matching ones."

"Don't they all look alike?"

"This will be different. It'll be absolutely awesome. Kangaroos will love them. It'll have my name, no... I'll come up with a tour name. You have to sit with me in the back. I'll buy coolers too. Funky ones. You have to wear them. Deal?" His eyes glinted with suppressed excitement.

Whenever we went on a world tour, he made elaborate plans. But most of them would fall through. Sometimes it's weather, sometimes it's his health, sometimes his security. But that never stopped him from planning for the next one. He had that ever-optimistic streak. Nothing can keep him down. I owe him a good adventure filled tour to compensate for all the times he missed. For all the times I answered his Can't we go then? with a No. For all the shoulder slumps I caused, I owed him a cheerful time.

I ruffled his hair, suddenly overcome with affection. "Deal."

He planted a kiss and left the room grinning and humming. Soon I'll hear from Henry about Ash's shopping spree. That's all right. What's the point of earning if he's not allowed to enjoy as he liked? I could figure out safe options. Hopefully. That's a worry for another day though.

Now, Martin.

"Hey, Marty." I greeted him once I reached the office room.

Martin just lifted a hand in acknowledgement. "Heard you guys had a bad breach."

Breaches—plural. In a way, the multiple breaches helped me to relax. Putting things back in order made me enjoy my job. Lately I had stopped enjoying this job. It also brought Martin. Which was good. I hadn't seen him in ages.

"Here I thought you came to visit your friend." I said.

Martin snorted. "Friend? You?"

I sighed and sat on a chair next to his.

Martin and I went all the way back to pimple days. Once upon a time, we were two peas in a pod. We both hated the same thing— our home town. We stuck together when we came to LA but did our own things.

Once upon a time, just looking at his face would make my heart lighter with joy. His voice could melt my worries.

Once upon a time, he was my love. I never told him. To him, I was a friend. It had felt like dying when he introduced his then girlfriend, now wife, Stacy. I had wanted to punch her in the face for stealing my love.

Now?

Whenever I got to meet her, I teased her for making soggy cake and kissed her on both cheeks with genuine warmth and told their kids embarrassing stories about them.

The love for Marty had dimmed and changed color. I no longer sweat when he sat closer.

Time is such a trickster. It has such a power over our feelings.

Fifteen years had washed away my old feelings. I wouldn't even recognize the old me who was sickly in love with his straight, best friend. I didn't even have a best friend anymore. We rarely meet and when we do, we talk mostly about my work or his academy.

Life is a fucking joke. Nothing is permanent.

"Tell me about it." Martin reminded me, when I stayed quiet for too long.

He liked to be on top of the things. He hunted down breaches and scandals and identified solutions to avoid them. That's why his security academy maintained high credibility. I used to brainstorm with him. Those were the days I genuinely felt useful.

"It's a group of college kids. A dare. What made them succeed was the insider information." I said.

A stupid dare to impress a girlfriend. They wanted to snitch a work in progress song from Ash that wasn't released yet by sneaking in bugs everywhere. Now they'd face a lawsuit.

"I won't say they succeeded. You plucked all the bugs within the first three hours."

"They shouldn't have been able to plant them. Studios, I understand. But not in the house." I still felt itchy thinking about it. To hear our recorded voices made my skin crawl. That's not what I promised Thomas. Complete privacy, that's the deal.

Thomas and Ash might think that it was fine as long as no damage was done. They were happy that no bugs were there in the living quarters. I couldn't think like that.

Marty agreed with a nod. "Who is the black sheep?"

"A kitchen help. He was with us for almost a year now. I didn't expect it." The guy cried when I confronted him. "They paid him twenty five thousand. That's a lot for just to tell the time of a press interview. He needed the money. So..." I shrugged.

Press meetings were the only time outside electronic items were allowed inside the house. They slipped in the bugs in that window through unsuspecting press technicians.

I felt bad to fire Pat—the kitchen help. When there's a need for money, these kinds of actions look so small and insignificant. After all he had just told the time of one regular press meet to someone. He knew it was the wrong thing to do. But ethics and principals are all well and good only when you have enough money to feed your family.

"What for?" Martin asked.

"His house is under debt. He has three kids and aged parents." I advised him to get a job in a restaurant. No agency would hire him after this incident. News travels fast. Especially bad news.

Martin squinted at me. "Are you feeling bad for a guy who sold your client's information?"

I sighed. "Maybe. I'm actually glad he got that twenty five already. Now at least he has his house if not his job."

"You didn't file charges?"

"I did, on those kids. But this guy. He needs a chance, Marty."

"That's not how you run a security system." He chided in that stern voice he used with his students.

I was immune to it.

"I know. Maybe I'm getting old."

He shook his head. "You're not even forty."

"Eight months." Then I'd jump that big wall. Forty years. What had I done? Nothing.

"Still. And forty isn't old."

I studied my hands. Wondering from where the depressing thoughts were creeping out. Just a few minutes back I was laughing at Ash.

How fickle our moods are.

I let the bitter thoughts out. "I feel old and unaccomplished. Seriously, some nights I just want to take off. Forget this life. Forget..."

Martin put up his hands.

"Whoa... stop. What you need is a good fuck. When was the last time?" He asked matter of factly. Like a doctor. Once upon a time, I might have blushed if he had asked the same question. Now, I replied honestly. Like a patient.

"Yesterday. That's not it though. I don't feel the excitement anymore. It's all hurried. I'm not able to invest more time for it."

Yesterday night after everything was settled at the police station, I had a quickie with a cop. As sexy as that sounds, it didn't give the deep satisfaction I craved. It was hard, rough, sweaty sex. Yet, it lacked something. I knew what it was. That made it all the more meaningless.

"I thought Rob took off your workload."

"He did. He is damn good at it too. Never makes any complaints. Always up for another shift. But... I still have to spend most of my time right in this house. That hasn't changed."

The way Rob had handled yesterday without code red was commendable. Ash hadn't made a single bad remark about Rob. All he had wanted was his hug and he had gone to meet Ryan with a huge grin. Only during Rob's briefing, I came to know that Ash had a breakdown. Still no code red. Rob said he had distracted Ash with the survey results. That's what I call presence of mind. Rob had it.

"I read that Ash signed for a movie." Martin wiggled his brows.

It was as random as Ash's kangaroo talk.

I smiled staring at the two caterpillars moving up and down on Martin's face, suddenly hit with nostalgia. "Marty, you looking for gossip?"

He lifted a shoulder in a slight shrug. "Why not? You won't take my advice. I can as well get the latest news on him instead of hearing you complain."

"What advice?"

"Quit this job."

This wasn't the first time he suggested it. But this was the first time I seriously paused before answering. Why not? This routine had got old. That's why I was depressed. Maybe it's time I started doing something else. "I'll think about it."

Martin slapped his thigh. "Thank the fucking God. I'll put you in a simple schedule. The academy needs you unlike Ash."

"Not happening." His academy would not come under my 'something else'.

"Why? Who are you going to work for then? Did you think of what will happen if you go to work for some other hot shot client? Ash will burn down the whole damned city!"

Ash wouldn't do any such thing. But he would be hurt. That's worse. I'd never hurt him intentionally. Ash would forgive me in a heartbeat if I didn't take him for Safari as promised. But if I changed jobs... there's no promises involved... still it would be betrayal. Marty wouldn't understand. To him, client was a client. A job. Easy to let go.

"I said I'll think about it. I'm not doing it tomorrow. Stop making plans already."

"Nicky... That's how you think about things. You start looking at options. What do you want?"

I let out a breath and thought about it.

"I don't know, Marty. All I know is, I don't want to be around young men in the next job. They make me feel ancient. They have so much energy. Last week Tolan beat me in the bench press. Fucking bench press."

Tolan had been over the moon. He had the energy to run a 5K after that. I had to sit and rest.

Martin gave a nasty smirk. "The cat is finally out of the bag. That's the problem. Great Nicky is not able to workout!"

Marty and his stupid logics and stupid names. Nobody called me Nicky except him.

"I can still beat your dumbass. It's just that they're all getting better and hella efficient. More than me. Maybe it's time for me to step down, you know."

"I agree. It's time you use your knowledge to shape the green ones."

He was always behind me to take a trainer role in his academy. But I'm not a teacher.

"You won't change my mind. After I quit, I don't want to be anywhere near a security guard. Trainee or not. I'm sure of that." I realised with a start that I was already making plans around quitting. There's no if. There's only when.

Martin caught on easily. "Fine, at least you want to change the job. That's good I suppose. When are you telling Ash?"

My throat went dry. Martin was moving fast. "I'll have to think."

"Okay, my door is always open."

"I know. But thanks, no thanks."

"Your loss. I've wasted enough time on you." He got up and walked towards the door and stopped. "Is Ash really working in a movie?"

I joined him with a smile, relaxing with the subject change.
"What makes you think I'd answer that question?"

"Oh, come on." He put his arm around my shoulders and gave a squeeze. "I'm your bestie."

I elbowed him. "You have no shame."

"Just a yes or no."

His face was close, I could feel his breath on my cheek. Again a wave of nostalgia hit me. Yet there's no sexual stirring, not even an inkling of desire, like I usually got with other men I was attracted to.

How did it matter anyway? Why now? Our dynamics changed a long time ago. I had moved on after his wedding. It's just that I hadn't moved to any place good.

He shook me. "Yes or no?"

It helped.

"No." Ash hated video shoots. Retakes would make him mad. A movie was completely out of question.

He removed his arm from my shoulder, disappointed. "Aah... why? My source said it's a big banner."

I raised my eyebrows without answering and held the door open for him.

He slapped my back with a murmured curse word before leaving.

I went to the console room to check on the team.

On a rare stroke of luck I catch all my favourite boys in there.  Tolan and Rob were sitting in front of the console. Corey was sprawled on a bean bag, scowling at Rob.

I cuffed Corey's neck. "What's up Corey? Why the long face?"

"I'm trying to get Rob to talk, he isn't talking." Corey complained pulling a bean bag for me to sit.

"We're curious as to who she is." Tolan added.

"Martha Williams?" I asked and smiled when all of them stared at me in shock. It was just a wild guess.

Rob went red.

He used to be really shy. All I had to do was smile at him. Now though he was more comfortable around me. He talked more, his sarcastic streak was a pleasant surprise.

Seeing him blush reminded me of that night.

I knew how hard it had been for him to make the first move. He chatted up girls like no one's business but his. When it came to men he was shy and tongue-tied. He was Marty's top student and because of that Marty never shut up about praising him and talking about him. Or maybe it's me who made Marty talk about his student. Made him tell everything he knew about Rob.

I knew how Rob fell down a set of stairs trying to impress a boy when he worked in a restaurant, how he had stood and stared blankly when a handsome man asked his name. I also knew how he effectively talked a girl out of suing a client of Marty's. But Rob didn't know that I was aware of all these incidents.

"Boss!! How did you know?" Tolan whined.

"I saw them last month in that antique shop, what about her?" They had been laughing at something, looking picturistic.

Rob made girls laugh. That's his thing. I had seen it enough times first hand. So it wasn't a strange scene. Still I had investigated about the girl when I saw her in Henry's office.

"They're dating." Corey informed.

My eyes flicked to Rob again.

God. It hurts.. He is a dream come true.

He had taken my rejection on the stride. He hadn't mopped around or worse, quit the job. Instead he opened up and let me see how much fun he was when he wasn't trying hard. That of course made me regret more for what I had missed.

In some other world, in a perfect world, I'd have gone out with him. He wouldn't work for me and he wouldn't be hundred years younger than me. I would have made him red all over his body. I would have had his soft gaze all but—

"How do you know her?" Tolan continued, thankfully unaware of my line of thoughts.

I took control over my wayward brain and replied. "She works for Henry, in his real estate department. Level headed girl. Good choice, Rob." I smiled again and hoped my hurt didn't show. It wouldn't show. I was an expert. After all, I had tremendous experience in hiding my feelings from my potential love interests.

Rob nodded with an embarrassed smile.

I turned my attention to Tolan. He's safe. He didn't short circuit my brain like Rob did. "How is your guy, Tolan?"

"Boss..." he groaned.

"YOU have a guy?!!" Corey screamed.

"Oops." I didn't think it would be a secret.

"I didn't tell them boss." Tolan said.

"Why the fuck?" Rob asked.

"I told boss to find out if any of that conflict of interest stuff is there!" Tolan tried to defend.

"Where does he work?" Corey asked.

"He is a reporter." I said.

Corey and Rob both blanched at the word.

I chuckled. "It's alright. He's into the conserve energy thing. His magazine doesn't have an entertainment section. He also signed a NDA."

"It's not serious, okay?" Tolan said.

"Yeah, you date after two years of monkery and introduce him to boss. Sure it's not serious." Corey said.

"Monkery isn't a word. Is it boss?" Tolan asked.

I shrugged. "I'd hope so."

"It is." Rob confirmed, "congrats dude."

"It's NOT serious! This is why I didn't tell you morons."

"Does he know you don't like garlic bread?" Corey asked, eyes twinkling.

"Yes, why?"

Corey and Rob high fived. "Then it's serious, moron." Rob said, smiling.

Tolan clutched his head, giving up.

"Sorry." I said as an afterthought.

He looked up startled. "It's my fault. I didn't tell you to keep it to yourself. Also you told us about Martha Willington."

"Williams." Rob mumbled, falling into his trap.

Now Corey and Tolan high fived, laughing.

I joined them. "Where is Jonas?"

"Collecting dry cleaning." Rob said.

"That's what he said but most probably stuffing himself full at some restaurant." Tolan said.

I frowned. "Maybe I should hire someone to do all this miscellaneous busboy work."

"NOOO." They responded in unison.

"Why? You're not hired for that."

"Boss, believe me when I say that it gives us satisfaction to do those busboyee things." Corey said.

I scoffed. "Buying me coffee and running for my dry cleaning gives you satisfaction?"

"Yes." Tolan answered and Corey grinned.

I looked at Rob and he too grinned.

I shook my head, "with this attitude, you all will never go places. "

"This place is perfect boss." Corey said.

I gave his neck another cuff and left the room to check on tier three guys.

This place wasn't perfect but there's a lot here which I was attached to.

It'd be hard to let go of this job, this team, Ash.

Ash.

I can't imagine his reaction. Actually I could.

He'd hug me and not let go.

That's why it's so hard to think about it. Ash wasn't a normal client to whom I could give my resignation and serve a notice period and leave.

Ash wouldn't allow me to leave. He too got attached to me. In his own child like way he loved me. Why else would he want to get matching shirts?

Also how could I trust anyone to take care of him? Who would be able to handle him?

He had a lot of growing up pending. If he got a serious girlfriend then I could go with a peace of mind.

That might not happen anytime soon though.

Even if Ash was okay with letting me go, what would I do after quitting?

I need a plan.

****
A/N:

This was supposed to be a fifteen chapter, short novella. Now, I don't know. Sorry for lengthy chapters where nothing interesting happens. At this point, I'm just indulging myself and the characters.