Buffy is trying my patience. I don't have much to start with. Still, he has been playing hide and seek with me.

Granted. I shouldn't have told him. But man, Nick is so yummy in his PJs and I kind of forgot I had company. It never happens. It must be those crispy fries. They were so delicious and Buffy made them just because I asked him. I think that's why I got all soft and blurted my well guarded secrets. 

I'm so good at inconspicuous ogling. I like that word — inconspicuous. No one has a fucking clue about how much of my time I spend drooling over asses and boobs and thighs and hands and arms and fingers and nose and neck. Oh, fuck, how can I forget, throat.

I sigh and stretch my legs. Nick doesn't even move a muscle when my feet land on his laps. No reaction whatsoever. I have a better chance at getting a reaction from the next occupant of my living room— Nick's obedient student standing next to him.

Buffy is the second human being in this whole fucking universe to know about my sexuality and first human to hear how much I want Nick. Even Gino doesn't know how bad I want Nick.

Shouldn't he treat that privilege with proper respect? No. All he said was, Oh and don't.

What the fuck did he mean?

Don't.

Don't tell me your secrets?

Don't lick Nick?

What?

I'm not able to catch hold of him for two full months. I'm paying his salary for fucks sake. He vanished right after we came back from the tour.

Like a responsible man, I asked why he wasn't trailing behind Nick anymore.

Nick said I need him in the front.

Of course I immediately imagined something totally delicious involving both of them grunting and humping and sweating and moaning, I got completely distracted from my initial question.

When the next time I remembered, I asked Henry.

He was so surprised his eyeballs flew out. But all he said was that Rob will be back soon.

Today is the day that soon finally happened.

I'm restless. Buffy is right here, acting as if only Nick is on the couch. His eyes don't even move in my direction. I'm stretched out on the couch like a whale, trying to catch his gaze. How can he not see me?

"I'll be back in thirty minutes." Nick says.

I almost jump in joy. But scowl a second later. Why is he always going somewhere? Most times he doesn't even tell me. One minute he'll be here. Next, boom! Gone.

"Where are you going?"

"Tomorrow's concert is in a new auditorium. I need to check the place."

I nod with a smile. "Bye, Nick." I lift my legs and bring myself to the vertical position as Nick walks out.

In an effortless ninja move, I catch Buffy before he can take a step away.

"You can't leave."

"I'm not. Just going to stand next to the door."

I scoff. "You're supposed to stand here." I point behind the couch. That's his usual place.

"Not necessarily." He says and shuts his ear piece off.

These men and their ear pieces. So fucking hot.

"Now that thing is off, you can tell me." I get comfortable.

"About?" He asks without even looking at me.

The fuck is his problem? I have waited two months to have this chat. Every time I got a glimpse of him he ran away. It's as if he's afraid. Which doesn't make any sense. I'm tired of this.

"Don't try me, Buffy. Answer me."

"I don't have to answer you."

The nerve of him!

"I'm your boss."

"No. You're my client."

I roll my eyes. "Same difference."

He finally looks at me, his eyes are so.... cold.

"No. You're replaceable. You're just a commodity we keep safe. I don't have to answer you."

"Ouch." 

It stings. Does Buffy hate me? Why? He made me awesomo awesome fries!

"I'll be there at the door, if you need me." 

"I need you right now. Don't move."

He stands like a statue. I'm convinced that he knows something about Nick that I don't. There's some reason why he said don't. He's not willing to tell me anymore. 

I try a different technique. Honesty.

"I've nobody else to talk about this, you know?"

Silence.

"Gino doesn't like dick."

Silence. Shit. I outed my friend for nothing.

"You do."

Silence.

"Would you rather if I talk to Nick? He likes dick. Maybe I should do the whole 'I like someone, how to get them' talk with him and at the end I should reveal that it's him." As I speak, I realize it's not a bad idea. Only, I don't know if he will smile or scowl at the end.

"Don't."

Hah.. Now he talks.

"Don't what?"

"How do you know he swings that way too?" Buffy asks, giving me his full attention.

"Buffy.. that's the only way he swings. He is made of pure undiluted gay goodness. It's the first thing he told dada about himself. He didn't want that to be a big secret."

"Your orientation is."

I huff, irritated for no reason. "Yes. It's not anyone's business. I'm not staying with a teen boy twenty four by seven."

Rob shrugs again. What's with him. Most of his replies are shrugs.

"You're getting on my nerves. I'm gonna fire you."

He smiles. Big smile. It suits his face. It has the potential to distract me.

"Try."

That's when it hits me like a bucket of ice water. I can't. Even though I pay this bugger, he isn't my employee to fire. He was hired by Nick. And Nick sure as hell won't fire his guys because I asked.

"Are you guys fucking?" I question. The way he blushed is in my head, still fresh, for a few nights I used it to reach the peak.

He looks away. "Not your business."

They're not. I can see it in his face. Poor Buffy.

"Then why won't you help me?"

"What help?" He's confused.

"You said don't just now. And that night too."

"So what?"

"Explain."

He stares at me for a moment. "You want to know why I said 'don't'?" He air quotes.

I nod. "Yes."

"This is why you were trying to talk to me." He says in a slow voice. I'm sure there is a bulb glowing in his head.

"God. You are dumb. Why else?"

"I thought… never mind." His right palm goes to his forehead, furiously rubbing the spot between his eyebrows.

I take pity on him. "Okay. Let's go slow. Let's talk about one thing at a time. Why did you say don't?"

His shoulders relax, he takes a moment before answering. "You don't deserve Boss. You just don't."

"Why?"

He gives me a once over.

"You don't respect the women you sleep with."

"Why should I?"

"Case in point."

"Fuck you."

Buffy is not dumb. Far from it. That doesn't mean he can escape from me. I need him to spill his tea.

He takes too long to reply. And Henry walks in saving him.

So the next day I corner him again when he's alone in the office. "Why do you hate me?"

"Why do you care?"

"I don't know. You're being mean."

"Me?" He clutches his heart in mock shock. "Have you met Ash Minor?"

With that he escapes without even witnessing my responding glare. Mean.

I ask Nick that night when Buffy is standing in hearing distance. "Why should I respect the women I sleep with?"

Nick chokes on his drink. 

"Careful, Nick. Don't die on me." I rub his back — the concrete wall like back with unyielding muscles.

"Who asked? Sonia?"

"Gah... no... I heard someone say."

"You should respect all. Irrespective of what you do with them. It's good behavior."

"You respect the men you sleep with?" 

At my question Buffy whips his head in my direction. Eyes wide, jaw open like an alligator.

Nick gets up. "What do you think?"

"You're a man made of good behaviors."

"Good night, Ash."

After Nick leaves, Rob comes toward me on his own. I grin. Good.

He sits next to me. "Are you trying to blackmail me? It won't work."

I laugh. "Seriously, Buffy. You think I would blackmail like this? I was honestly curious about his answer. Why wouldn't it work though?"

He clutches his right hand with the left. "He knows... he knows that I like him."

"WHAT?"

His head whips back to the door. "Lower your voice! He is just outside the room."

"When did this happen?" I whisper. Oh God, this is perfect. I have found a fellow just like me. We're in the same boat. We can form a club. "What happened?" I ask, leaning closer.

He leans away.

"I made a move, he said sorry. That's it."

"You at least got a sorry! I didn't even get that!!!"

Bad Nick.

His eyebrows shoot up. "You too made a move?"

I feel insulted. My move was epic.

"Of course I did. He just completely, totally, absolutely ignored it. Like a dust on his sleeve."

It hurts, even after so many years. It still hurts.

He nods his head as if it's a perfectly acceptable response when someone fails in seducing someone. "Figures." He says.

"What?"

He shrugs and gets up.

"Good night."

When he takes a step towards the door, I grab his shoulder from the back totally enraged by his disinterested replies. I'm trying to pull him to sit but in the process I get up, because he is a freaking tall tree.

"Don't you fucking dare to leave without explaining your cryptic comment!!" I whisper yell.

He turns to face me, I haven't yet released my hold on his shirt so it's like we're dancing, only he isn't holding my waist. 

I sigh. 

I so very much want to dance led by someone taller than me. Buffy is so tall. He must be the tallest among all the men in this house. I have so many men in this house. Like a sultan's harem. Only men instead of women.

"I won't tell you anything that will help you to get close to him. Get that into your skull."

I blink back to reality by his hateful voice. I try to process what he said.

He hates me because I don't fuck respectfully. I can fix that. Next time, I'll say please. And I'll make sure Buffy can hear it.

"If I fuck with respect, will you change your mind?"

"Jesus. No. There's a mile long list of why you're a bad fit for him."

That's.. that's.. that can't be true. My eyes burn. How dare he!

"You don't have to approve me, you know?"

"I know. Do you? Why are you asking my opinion?"

Fair point. He is mean. But he is honest. He must be a good person for Nick to choose him. He follows Nick everywhere. And he too likes Nick. He is the perfect man to help me.

"I… I need help. I love him, like in love." 

He tenses under my fingers. His eyes study me intently. I've a sinking feeling that he doesn't believe me.

"Prove it."

He easily pries my hand away and leaves. I'm too hurt to use my ninja move.

****

How to prove that you love someone to someone else?

I google. Stupid Google. It shows me what to do with the person you love.

I text Buffy.

'How?'

Henry gave his number when he started staying with me beside Nick. I'm supposed to use it during emergencies. This is an emergency. I need his input.

I wait for thirty minutes for his reply. When it comes, it makes me frown.

'Fix yourself.'

'I'm not broken mf.'

'My bad. Stop being a selfish asshole.'

'Fuck off. I don't need your help!'

'Suit yourself.'

I read his texts again. Is that what he thinks? Is this what Nick thinks? A selfish asshole. No way. Nick won't think that. Unlike Buffy, he knows me. 

I must work on Buffy then. Make him see how much I crave for Nick. Then he will help. I'm not giving up on Nick without trying everything and I need all the help I can get.