"Let's start over." Ash whispers.

"Huh?" I say only half listening and mute my Secpho. It has become a habit now, keeping my Secpho always muted and only un-muting it when I need to respond. Because I can't handle the guys in the team after my shift. They hear my one sided conversation with Ash and ask me a hundred questions.

We're in an award ceremony red carpet queue. All around us cameras are flashing making it too difficult to look past a couple of feet. It worries me. Ash is too spontaneous for me to guard in this setting. I'm not like Boss. He will know Ash's next move and prepare for it. Even if Ash surprises him, he will still be able to handle the situation better than I ever could.

Today though, Boss decided that I should accompany Ash on my first ever award ceremony in personal tier. He chose to see the security arrangements at audience level.

"Buffy!"

"What?"

"I said, let's start over."

"Why, we are almost at the end of the line."

He grinds his teeth in frustration. "Not the queue! I meant us!"

What now?

A sparkling girl in purple high heels walks towards my trouble. "Hey, Ash."

I sigh in relief.

"Hello, Charlie." Ash says without much interest. But that's not evident in his face. He's smiling his deceiving fake smile. Such a two sided shit.

"Isn't this lovely? I hear everyone would be here today. Everyone. Can you imagine?" She tilts her face to the side, grinning.

Ash shrugs, "So?"

I get the second hand sting. The girl is just eager and excited. How hard is it to be polite?

"So! I'm happy. Before I forget, this is for you." She hands him a small paper box, "I made it myself for everyone who joined my video... I hope you like it."

Her expectant stance is telling that she is waiting for Ash to show some interest and open the box.

But the asshole passes it to me without a single glance. I can't take anymore of his callous behavior.

"Excuse me, ma'am," I interrupt with a gentle smile. "You're standing facing the floodlight. Your exotic skin will get ruined by the heat." I give another smile.

She smiles back. "Thank you. I'm so stupid. I wasn't even supposed to stay outside this long. I'm allergic to everything. Like everything. Can you imagine?" She moves away from the light and touches her face with a dainty finger, momentarily forgetting Ash's rude behavior.

"I can ma'am. A beauty as delicate as yours..." I trail off as she blushes. There, that's all is needed. An appreciative, kind word. Her face glows.

"Anyways, I should be going. Mom will be looking for me. Bye, Ash. Bye... you..." She smiles brilliantly and struts away.

"I vomited in my mouth." Ash whispers.

I ignore his arrogant ass and pocket the box. How dare he treat someone like that?

He continues. "You shouldn't compliment a woman's looks, you know? Gino gets mad. A girl isn't just her face or her body."

I don't understand the new concepts about respecting women. All I know is, it always makes them happy if I say a sweet word about how they look. I haven't yet met a lady who got mad for complimenting her looks. I have praised Gino on her nail art the last time I met her. She didn't get mad. In fact she gave her biggest smile and made a bow, thanking me.

Ash grabs my arm and murmurs. "Moreover her beauty is as delicate as hard oak tree. That's all make up. Can't you see? She reeks of all high-end products."

Why must he insult everyone?

I give him a piece of my mind. "At least she's not reeking of I'm sitting on a high pedestal so I'll spit on every head beneath me product."

He glares at me.

I'm too angry to care. "Would it kill you to say a simple thank you? That girl was just being nice."

He shrugs. "I didn't ask her to be."

I lean closer and whisper in his ear. "That's exactly why you should thank. Not treat them like shit!"

"Shall I find her and call her a delicate beauty queen?" He bites out.

Waste of my time. That's all he is.

Exasperated, I turn back to find us at the end of the line.

"Please move. Your turn."

He turns on his sugary smile at the flashing cameras and stands at the designated photo shooting area with a background of award banners.

A lady with a mic reaches him, with a signature smile. Why do they all smile alike? I try to blend with the banners. How does Boss do this? Will I come in one of these photos? In YouTube? Oh no. What if Martha spots me in instagram or something. I still haven't told her anything about my client.

I should have. Our relationship is at that stage. I hope it is. If I get to be in town, we meet thrice a week, spend at least one night together. She is a no nonsense sweetheart with whom I'm guaranteed to have a good time. There is no fluttering heart or giddy smiles. But I knew that going in. Didn't I? Martha isn't too keen on relationships. She likes simple commitments that she can see through. So it works for both of us. We don't text each—

My internal thoughts come to an abrupt stop when I hear the familiar words.

"...I'm on a high pedestal so I can only look down. Can you blame me for that?"

Fuck! I missed what the reporter asked and why Ash is quoting me.

"Definitely not. What are you currently working on? Your last album was forever ago." She moves on to her next question expertly avoiding his bait.

Ash winks. "That's a secret. You'll know it with everyone else."

"Ah... okay... Thank you for your time. Have a blast." She smiles at the next celebrity in the queue.

I move in, shadowing him and shepherding him to the main doors.

"See, no one can blame me for my superior status." He crows.

I almost scoff.

"Rob, location?"

I un-mute and answer. "Entered the auditorium, Boss."

"Okay, seat him and take position."

"Yes, Boss." I mute again and point at the seat with Ash's name on the round table.

"Don't go. Wait until I have some company. Why should I sit with Grey Stone? I hate that asshole." Ash whispers.

The whisper talk is difficult. To onlookers we shouldn't be obvious and that's a pressure I can live without. If anyone overheard Ash, his reputation is done for. Because he has nothing good to talk about.

"He is not coming." I reply moving closer to him.

"Then why does he have a seat next to me?"

"His manager will be representing him." I adjust his name board for lack of activity.

"I'm sitting next to his manager? That's even worse!" He gets up.

I put out a hand blocking him. I'm getting too irritated for his shit. "What do you want?"

"Who else is sitting with me?"

I point at each seat and tell him even though they all have the name boards. "Samira, Joji, Heyea, Grey's manager."

"Hmm.. they are all equally shit. I want to sit with Jane."

I resist my urge to shake him. "She's not coming."

He throws up his hands. "Then why the fuck am I here?"

That only Henry can answer, so I shrug and leave as Samira glides over with her bodyguard.

Soon the table is full and I can't hear any conversation from my place near the wall.

The next hour is slow going, people talked and talked and then nominations are called out and then there's some guest performance and finally they started announcing the awards.

Of course, Ash got for the best singer in the male category.

His acceptance speech starts and ends with him waving his hand at the crowd and grinning ear to ear.

Towards the end, he is called again for the best song of the year award for a new song he did with Benny Jane.

"You can't leave without saying a few words..." The host blocks his path.

Uncharesterically, Ash scratches his head, "alright. I usually won't have anyone to thank for the songs I produce. This though..." he stops and looks in my direction, I'd swear on my life that he is making eye contact with me.

I freeze. Is he going to pull some stunt?

"I didn't want to do anything with Jane when the first proposal came. I was set on my decision. Then the people around me, who I pay to do as I order, convinced me to sign the contract. Now we have done three songs together. So yeah. This is because of them, my team." He raises his award above his head, in an awkward salute.

Why did he look at me, like he was confessing something big?

"What do you have to say about Benny Jane?" The host asks.

Ash rolls his eyes. "Jane doll, I hate you for standing me up for our first award."

"Oh trouble in paradise." The host coos as Ash walks down.

Throughout the ceremony, his gaze flicks to me often.

When the curtains are brought down, we are asked to stay in until the car is brought from additional parking.

"Piss." Ash mouths from his seat.

I guide him out towards the restroom.

"I'll wait here." I stand near the sinks.

His eyebrows go up. "Don't you have to go? We can go together. I mean... You know what I mean..." He trails off.

What's with him? Why suddenly shy?

"I'm good."

He shrugs before walking away.

"Another 20 minutes easily." Tolan says.

He is driving us tonight.

"That's okay." I reply.

"How was your first ceremony, Buffy Boy?" Tolan teases.

"Boring."

I can hear Boss' chuckle in the background.

I smile. I hope he had a good time away from Ash.

Ash saunters back to wash his hands. "I don't want to go back in."

"Forgot to flush?"

He chuckles. "To the auditorium. I can't talk anymore."

"We have a backstage room." I suggest. Boss said that Ash might want privacy after the ceremony. So we blocked one.

"Perfect. Let's go."

The room is an absolute contrast to the main hall. It's void of any additional lights or furniture. It's as if they forgot about this room. The absence of various voices in excited tones is a blessed change.

After locking the door I sit down on the nearest chair. I stretch my legs, finally relaxing.

Ash walks towards the mirrors.

"Where is my award?" He asks.

I look up to see him climbing on the cardboard boxes stacked in a corner. Someone bored must have spent quality time arranging the boxes like a half pyramid. It looks like a set of steps leading to the wall.

Ash is treating them like real steps. Those are packaging cardboard boxes. They won't hold his weight for long.

I get up. "Trophies?" I ask casually and close the distance between us in long strides. If he knows I'm worried he will purposefully climb to the top box. "Like usual. I gave them to be sent to the PR team."

He stands on the third box, and turns back to me. "Not that."

I stop in front of him so that I can catch him if he falls. "Then?"

"I'm waiting."

"For what?" I ask, confused.

He clutches his head, "I did that for you! Don't I deserve a special award for what I did back there? Don't you have anything to say?"

Aah.. It makes sense now. Some bizarre sense.

"Your acceptance speech? What for it?"

He huffs. "I thought you will appreciate my thoughtful gesture. From my pedestal I can still see these things, you know."

"Good for you. Anything else?"

"Buffy!!!" He stomps.

Thankfully, the box holds.

He takes a step closer, dangerously close to tipping the box he is standing on. But he stays upright. At least for now.

I exhale in relief.

"Buffy! Answer me!! WHY CAN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING!!" He screams.

I close my eyes. "Isn't it ridiculous that you want me to acknowledge something that you shouldn't even need acknowledgement for?"

I open my eyes to see him studying my face. Having him eye to eye is a rare experience. Usually I have to look down or sideways.

"Is that a tongue twister?"

I scoff. "Yeah. It is. Only people who are humble can say it. So don't try."

He tilts his head, "Why are you still angry?"

"Oh no, what gave it away?"

"I thanked for YOU!" He stabs a finger in my chest. Eyes blazing.

I have had enough of his yelling. "What you said on the stage was the truth. You shouldn't have done it to butter me up. And why the heck are you buttering me up? Nothing is gonna change just 'cause you thanked ONE fucking time!!"

Ash's eyes widen, "oh..." He leans forward and places a hand on my cheek. "Twice now." He whispers.

And then he kisses my cheek. "Thanks, Buffy."

The box finally caves in. I put my hands on his shoulders to stop him from toppling.

"I... didn't do anything." I manage to reply.

Suddenly it's too silent. I'm too aware.

His gaze bores into mine and I see something new in there. Something real and sincere. His right hand reaches up towards my temple, slightly tracing the new scar from the glass shards.

"This."

Oh.

"That's... my duty." My throat doesn't work, I don't seem to break our eye contact. It feels like a trance.

It feels good.

His fingers glide over the small scar, back and forth. "You don't have to hurt yourself to save my sensibilities. That's beyond duty, isn't it?" He asks.

I snap out of the trance. "You were awake that night." I should have known. He wasn't sleeping. He must have listened while I was talking to Boss. Typical Ash.

He smiles, "Thanks, Buffy. Thank you so much for saving me from another episode."

With that he wraps his arms around my neck and lets himself hang there with all his weight, the abused box forgotten under his feet.

His bony frame weighs more than what my neck can hold without straining. I lift him by his hips to distribute the weight.

"It was meant for me. Isn't it? I was the one who should have bled. You saved me." His smile turns into a sad one.

Oh, Christ. I have the unreasonable urge to make the sadness go away. "It's my duty." I repeat.

"Asshole." It sounds like a word of endearment not the curse word he often uses with others. He rubs the side of his face on my jaw, "You complain that I don't thank, and when I do, you can't just accept it!"

I smile and I can't explain why I did what I did but I do it. I lift him further, until his face is a few inches above my head, "you are welcome."

He looks down at me with shining eyes. His hands band around my face and he blinds me with his toothy grin.

We stay there like that for a second longer.

It takes Boss calling my name on Secpho to break us apart.

I put him down and step back, "car is on the way."

He nods, wiping his face.

We walk out of the room in silence.

It doesn't last for more than a few seconds though.

"So?" His voice booms in the now empty auditorium.

"What?"

"Do you still have it?"

"What?"

"Nick's shirt."

I bite the inside of my cheek to stop from smiling. I haven't returned it. He hasn't asked yet. I will return, eventually. Or not. He won't even miss it.

"Buffy..."

I nod. Is it creepy that I want to keep a stupid shirt? Is it weird that it makes me happy every time I see it?

"If it happens... I mean when it happens again... don't tell Nick." His voice has gone down.

I stop and give him my full attention. "What do you mean?"

"If I have a breakdown, don't tell him."

He looks away as if it's a simple request.

"Why? I can't keep it to myself. He has to know. How else will he keep you safe?" We keep a list of triggers and that definitely helps.

He turns back to me with scrunched eyebrows. "Didn't you say that you will not disclose my secrets?"

"This is different. It's your health." Somehow I know I am going to lose this argument. I know what he is going to say.

He suddenly looks older, wiser. "And I have every right to decide who should know. Don't I?"

I sigh, there... he has said it. "Why are you hiding? Why so many secrets? Why can't you be real?"

He grabs my hand. "I'm real. Here, poke me." His tone back to the normal peppy one, face absolutely void of any seriousness it held a few seconds before, feet rocking back and forth — he is back to the Ash everyone knows.

He resumes walking, humming under his breath. I follow.

"What are you thinking?" He asks as we reach the elevators.

He starts skipping down the steps before I can press on the down button.

I shake my head and follow.

"You are so fake. Absolutely fake. You don't even know yourself anymore. That level of fake. Just fake." I say.

He turns back half way down and grins.

"You can even call me a kangaroo..." He says.

"Huh..Why would I call you that?"

"Who knows? But you totally can."

We reach the landing of the garage level. There are few groups here and there getting into their vehicles. I start walking towards east, that's where our car will be brought in.

"But why that specific animal?" I ask, trying to keep him close. He has started dancing. That dance in which they work all the joints in impossible ways. Sometimes he jumps, sometimes he leaps with both arms stretched out like wings.

"Which one?" He twirls and starts walking backwards.

"Kangaroo."

He twirls back, jumps up and stretches his right leg out, "Why not?" And comes down grinning.

That's impressive. I have seen him dance during shoots. Never this good. "But why now?"

"Why what?"

"Why kangaroo?'

"Fuck, stop talking about kangaroos Buffy. Why are you so obsessed with them?"

I can't remember why. I give up. I finally register the fact that Ash is no longer dancing in front of me. He has his fingers hooked around my wrist and he is skipping beside me, brushing against my side with every step.

It feels okay.

"Briefs."

"What?" He switches between topics with every blink of his eyes.

"Nick's. I have his briefs. Stole it from the dryer."

I choke on my own saliva.

Briefs? Boss wears briefs? With that ass.... Fuck. I didn't have to know that.

"One day soon, I'll choose his briefs. What do you say?"

It doesn't feel okay anymore.

I move away from him right when Tolan presses down on break smoothly in front of us.

****
A/N: I am so sorry to keep you all waiting for each chapter. I know, it's frustrating. I have had a handful of readers message me and ask for updates. I'm happy that this story has garnered such interest. I hope you all stick around to see where this goes.