My skin is itchy.

My voice is pitchy.

My muscles are stiff and sore—

I can barely get up off the floor.

My head feels like it's about to explode.

My stomach's about to implode.

My feet tingle when I walk.

My throat itches when I talk.

My knees are weak.

My elbows creak.

I can't move my neck.

My back hurts like heck.

My spine is all curvy.

I've come down with scurvy.

My feet hurt to loiter.

I'm growing a goiter.

I have the sickness I've always dreaded.

I'm starting to feel awfully light-headed.

You won't be amused,

But my toes are all fused.

I'm feeling all woozy.

My butt feels all bruisy.

I'm feeling so dizzy,

My saliva is fizzy.

My legs won't stop shaking,

And no, I'm not faking!

I'm in such pain—I'm down on all fours.

That's why, dear Mother, I can't do my chores.