I used to think I was normal but now I know that I was just lying to myself. From age 6 to 13 I was always bullied, always used by people. I just wanted to fit in and make friends like any other kid but I knew deep inside of my heart that it would never happen. It was as if I was unlovable and uninteresting towards people or maybe it was my lack of emotion. The lack of emotion must’ve been a repellant for people to stay away because I was like a nasty bug that they wanted to step on. If I could change something about me it would be to be more happy, optimistic, and have the natural ability to have people love me. I remember the first word I heard during our first years of puberty were “emo” and “creep”. I remember girls coming up to me and lying about their friends having crushes on me and guys yanking my headphones out of ears and calling me “fag”. That was my life everyday. My life being the different kid, the black sheep, the odd man out.

I sketched away on the margins of my notes during class hardly paying any attention to the story the teacher was currently rambling about. I felt a wet pain of my neck and turned around to meet the eyes of a bulky snake-eyed boy smirking at me. After glaring at him the teacher shouted, “Diego!” making me turn back around slowly and go back to sketching.

“Only a few more minutes…” I told myself. A few more minutes till I can leave campus and go see Caesar. Caesar was my only friend but he was currently in his senior year of high school but we met when we were kids living on the same street and the only person who really wanted to bother with me. Ever since then he’s the only person I’ve been most attached to. My attachment to him greater than the one I have with my family. So I kept quiet and tried my best to continue being patient with the exasperating neanderthal behind me testing my limits.

       The time for the end of what I would call prison came and I quickly put everything into my backpack so I can avoid my oh so delightful classmate from trying to converse with me. However just as I exited the classroom there he was. I growled in annoyance and rolled my eyes and turned to take the long way to the school exit but he grabbed me and shoved me against the wall.

       “Hey jew give me your notes!” He kept his hand hard against my shoulder. I stayed calm maintaining a poker face as he insulted me for my dark curly hair. This was Angel Maura, my tormentor since I started middle school and the star basketball player. His name was ironic if you thought about how devilish he was. He shoved me harder against the wall this time wrapping his hand tightly against my throat his hazel eyes radiated with fury, “Hey I said give me your notes you damn emo!”

I jabbed him in the eye with my finger and quickly ran away as fast as I could. Looking over my shoulder I could see him still coming after me making the adrenaline in my veins almost fiery. I felt no fear but excitement. All the years of feeling nothing but dread and annoyance with all the people that tyrannized me I felt almost alive and that made me shiver. Saying I was normal would be a misinterpretation.

I sprinted towards the back exit and turned down the street, if I slowed down I knew there was a chance I would be done for. Pulling out my phone I quickly clicked on my first emergency contact. The phone rang for a few seconds and a tired voice answered, “Diego?”

“Caesar I’m going to go hide at the family diner down by your house. Meet you there!”

After a few moments of letting his sleepy brain figure out what I had just said he replied in raspy tone, “Okay.” and hung up.

I stuffed my phone back into my pocket and ran to the diner I sat down at one of the booths setting my bag next to me. I pulled my hoodie up over my head and avoided looking outside. If Angel couldn’t see my face then he wouldn’t come after me in here but even if he did the workers here would kick him out upon the first sign of violence.

A waitress came up and asked me for my order but I asked for a water so I could wait for my friend. When she came back with my glass Caesar moments later came through the door disheveled. His black hair sticking up in some areas like dirt with small sprouts and the usual darkness underneath his eyes darker from excessive sleep deprivation but despite that it never ruined his handsome features. He shuffled over to the booth, took a seat and leaned his head onto his palm, “Hey. That Angel kid still at it?” he yawned. I sipped some of my water and gave conformation on his statement. Caesar smirked, “What’d you do now?”

I looked away and mumbled, “I..poked his eyes…” and smiled as my friend burst out laughing patting me on my shoulder as if to say ‘atta boy I taught you well’. It sent a feeling of pride all over my body. The waitress came back and asked both of us for our orders. Caesar got a coffee and a sandwich while I just got a hamburger and soda. Before I used to order just fries because I didn’t want my only friend to pay too much for my food but lately he’s been having more cash in his pocket and has been insisting on me getting more satisfying meals. I used to think it was because he was telling me to put more meat on the twig of a body I have but now I think it’s more or less because he’s my friend. I still don’t get much though I just try getting some sort of sandwich with a drink never combo meals. I once asked him if he got a job and all he said was, “yeah something like that.” which just led me to more suspicion.

As we waited for our meals to come he would occasionally look over at his phone to read a text. I didn’t want to but I ended up just eyeing the phone for an unusual amount of time. He looked up and laughed, “What? Jealous I might have a girlfriend?” I looked away and ended just scrolling through my apps trying to ignore I was feeling a small amount of heat on my ears from embarrassment.  

“You wish.” I smirked, “But I don’t roll that way.”

Caesar scoffed and then the waitress set down our meals and winked at him as she slid over a piece of paper towards him. I rolled my eyes and after she left I gagged. “Don’t act that way, dude. Maybe if you had more fashion sense and stopped doing the eyeliner thing you do then girls would be all over you. I mean you have a nice face.” I shrugged, “What? You do! Sometimes I think you have no soul...You’ve never been interested in anyone.” I leaned my head back and thought. What he was saying was true. I’ve never been interested or attracted to anyone romantically. I’ve only ever found interest in people such as Caesar in nothing more than a friendly way or at least I found it friendly.

“Maybe I actually don’t have a soul…” I mumbled. Caesar locked eyes with me as if he was trying to look for something within me. My stomach churned and my heart sped up a little. I never realized how uncomfortably mesmerizing my friend’s eyes were. The shades of brown on his irises gave me a feeling of being sucked in but another feeling of having my entire being summarized and esssayed. Then he turned his gaze and took a bite of his sandwich as if nothing happened. Was what I felt fear? For nothing more than just a second?

We spent another hour there until we paid for our meal and then began walking home. The sun was going down in the horizon and there we were alone. I still felt a little awkward about what had happened in the diner. The fact I felt real fear was exciting almost addicting and it was giving me a whole new perspective of my friend.

I felt a chill go down my neck which made me jump. Caesar eyed me suspiciously, “You okay? You’ve been acting weird.” I smirked.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I knew that he didn’t believe me. He knew I was more than fine and that something inside was starting to grow.

He walked me back home, waved goodbye and walked back to his place after letting me know to make sure to do my homework. When I walked through the door I took off my shoes and headed towards the kitchen for a drink and was heading upstairs until my mother stopped me.

¨Hey how was school?¨ She smiled brightly at me not knowing about my poor life and my encounters with Angel. Nonetheless I smiled and told her about small things that happened throughout the day, ¨Oh that´s good! Did you and Caesar go out to eat?¨ I nodded and let her know that I wasn't going to have dinner that night and started up the steps again. ¨I can´t wait for the day you bring a girl home. You're almost in highschool you know? Mi hijo is all grown up!” I laughed a little and walked up the stairs.

That´s correct I have a very nuclear family. There´s my father Zachary Shawns, who´s about the blondest and most blue eyed man you´ll see, and then my mother Maria Shawns, who with her long curly dark hair, brown eyes, and light caramel skin she was a balanced beauty. My parents were the icons of a perfect marriage and I was the son with perfect grades but I was far from the image of a perfect son. My dark clothes, dark eyeliner, black curly locks and pale skin made me look more like vampire rather than my reputation of valedictorian. Even though I had everything I felt empty as if I was waiting for something more exciting to happen in my life. I did not want to be doomed to a life of dullness where I get a scholarship to a good school, graduate, get a good job and then have a family. Something about that didn’t sound like me.

Pulling out my chair and setting down my backpack I sat and opened my laptop. I opened my essay document and slapped my notebook onto my desk. Although the due date for the essay wasn’t until next week I wanted to at least get it done early so I could at least have some free time for next few days. I opened up another tab and played some music even if music wasn’t the best for homework or studying I found it good for writing. I wish there was something more I could do with my life and have it be less boring than it already was.