Becker's POV...

"We can't stay very long tonight, if Jack's still not home, I need to use the time to search his office," I lean close to Greya's ear so only she can hear me. We're sitting on her couch, my arm around her shoulders and hers around my waist like when we walk the school halls together.

This is my new favorite position. When I suggested it to her this morning in the hallway, I didn't think it would work, but I needed to try something before I bolted on her. I felt protected being held against her side. I'm the man who's supposed to protect her, yet she's the one reeling me in, holding me tight and keeping me sane. Every time someone bumped me, she would squeeze my waist and my attention went straight back to her. She keeps my fears at bay. I want her holding me, I need her and the way she's gripping onto me now, I know she needs me too.

Somehow I've managed to make her happy, make her smile. She wants me, even the messed up parts of me. She's so worried about me going home and I don't blame her. If the roles were reversed, I'd never let her go.
I wish I didn't have to put her through this torture. She's lost so many people in her life and I can't be one of those people too.

"I'm so sorry Love. I hate worrying you. I can text you every hour if you want me too."

"This is so hard," she whispers, leaning her head on my shoulder. Making anything harder on her is the last thing I want.

I kiss the top of her head and pull her closer to me. Sometimes I wonder if she'd be better off if I had continued to stay away from her. I wouldn't be causing her any stress. She'd be getting on with her life the way she always has, focusing on soccer and school and Chase. Now she has me added to the mix, complicating her life even more.

There's no going back though. She's helped me so much in a short amount of time, shown me how to feel things I never though possible for me. She is everything I need to make it though every day without giving up on myself.

"GO Fish! Again!" Chase blurts out, teasing Alec. They've been playing the card came for the last hour. The cards are in braille, I didn't know there was such a thing for a 'Go Fish' game.

"I'm going to grab a glass of water," I warn Grey before getting up from the couch.

I walk into the kitchen and when I close the freezer after grabbing some ice, a pile of papers near the side of the fridge catches my attention. They're official offers from UCLA, one from Boston College, UNC, Lipscomb, and a few more. What is she doing? She has the world right here waiting for her. Full rides to each one.

"Hey Grey? Can you help me with something in here a minute?"

She waltzes in. "Yeah, what's up?"

Her face drops when she notices the pile of papers in my hand. She silently waits to hear what I have to say and tears slowly roll down her cheeks.

Shit! I've made her cry.

"Come here Love," I place the papers down and offer my hand to her. She hesitantly walks over to me and reaches for my hand.

"Talk to me, please Grey. Help me understand, let me help you."

"I don't know what to do...about anything anymore," she sniffs.

I bring her towards the stools at the kitchen counter so we can sit down and talk about this.

"Let me help you figure this out. Tell me all the pros and cons."

She wipes her tears away and takes a deep breath. "Cons...I can't uproot Chase. He's thriving in his school, he's grown up in this house. We would have to move down to L.A. or across the country and he can't live in a college dorm with me." She pauses for a moment then looks up at me.

"And I have you. I'm not leaving you."

"I'm on your cons list? Shit! I'm sorry I'm complicating things, Grey, I never meant to do that to you."

She grabs my hands. "Beck, you're not a con, your one of my pros. I just don't want us to be apart, I don't even know what your plans are. What's going to happen to Alec?"

I haven't told her about my piano audition tape yet. I'm not ready to get my hopes up until they accept me, or until UCLA gives me a soccer offer. Only Cohen has an offer so far, lucky guy and Declan decided he's going to play for USC. Also, I haven't figured out how I'm going to protect Alec if I'm away at college.

"Which of these schools would be your top choice?" Please say UCLA I need her to stay in California, close to me too.

"UCLA." I smile at that.

"Ok, so list the pros for going there." I'm going to avoid talking about me and Alec as much as I can.

She points to the stack of papers. "They offered me off campus housing assistance because the coach knows my dilemma."

"Wow, that's great Grey!"

"A full ride, so I won't need to use the money Gram left me for school, I can use it for other needs or set up a trust fund. Also, Ari got an offer to play for USC so she'll be close by and Fynn is going to apply wherever I apply he says." I smile to myself knowing why Declan also chose USC.

"Grey, do you realize how much support you'll have, all of this sounds incredible. Cohen will also be at UCLA."

"But, I'm essentially a single mom, how do I do all this and play soccer and...and what about you?"

I should tell her about the tape Mrs. Mara sent out to different schools but it might disappoint her. She's probably expecting me to play soccer in college, and I will if my other option falls through and if I can somehow keep Alec away from Jack.

"Beck?"

"Yeah."

"What is it? I lost you for a moment there."

Here goes nothing. " I sent in an audition tape of my music to multiple colleges, I think I want to peruse music."

Greya's eyes light up as she smiles at me. "That's fantastic, Beck. You're so talented. Your piano playing and your voice is so pure and real...and amazing!"

I chuckle at how many times she calls me amazing. This girls in front of me is amazing.

"If I stay in California and you go to UCLA, then we'll still have each other," I point out.

"What about Chase? We'll have to move, he'll have to start over somewhere and it's harder for a kid like him. How do I raise a kid and play college soccer? D1 is a huge time commitment. I don't have family to help me."

"We're your family Grey. Me, Ari, Fynn, Cohen will all be with you. You can count on us as your family from here on. Promise me you'll think about accepting the offer and I promise we will figure it all out and make it an easier transition for Chase."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

She nods and I immediately engulf her into my arms. I'm going to help her figure this out. I won't let her give up on her dreams even if I have to stay here and give up on mine. As long as Alec is safe and Greya is happy.

I hear her sniffle. She's crying again. Damnit!

I pull away and have her look at me. I wipe away her tears with my thumbs and wait for her to tell me what's wrong.

"Please stay, don't go home tonight," she says then burrows her face into my chest.

The anticipation of not knowing what will happen to me if I go home is eating away at her. I need to figure out my own shit soon before she can't handle it any more. I can't keep doing this to her and I can't lose her either.

"I know nothing I say will ease your mind. All I can promise is I'll be careful. I'll stay in my room if he comes home and I'll lock my door. I won't sleep...I'll be ready for him. I'll also call or text you how ever many times you need me to." This is all I can promise her, and it sucks.

I stand up and she stands up with me. We both hug each other, silently wishing we could save each other. What she doesn't know is that she's already saved me in so many ways, since the first time she landed her empathetic green eyes on me in 7th grade. I knew from then on that she would be my reason to live...to survive.