The impending breakup weighs heavily on my soul the next few days, and it's a relief when we finally leave Coupeville behind to head back home to Coeur d'Alene. I did my absolute best to maintain some level of distance with him for the rest of the trip, but he kept trying to find reasons for us to sneak away. It was hard avoiding him like that, but I didn't want to ruin the trip. And I knew if I told him while we were in Coupeville, everything would be ruined. Not just for me, but for everyone else.

I don't want to do it. But I just keep replaying the conversation with Keke again and again in my head. The words I spoke to her in the bathroom as I tried to explain why Lucas and I weren't going to work. I wish I could take them back. Not for what they mean for me and Lucas, but for what they mean for me and Vale. I feel like I cursed us. Doomed us to failure before we even tried. And I hate myself for it.

We come back on the Fourth of July, and I try to avoid him that day too. But we spend the Fourth of July together every year, and we have since we were small children. I'm hoping I can convince everyone else to join us so I can put off the conversation I know I have to have with Vale. But the rest of the gang complains about being too tired after the drive back to town. So Vale and I are going to be left alone together for the first time since the night on the beach. I feel sick to my stomach knowing that I'm going to break my best friend's heart on our favorite holiday.

Because the Fourth of July is our favorite holiday. It's the peak of summer, when the days are long and warm, and the nights are crisp and cool. As children, we would spend the day jumping through the sprinklers with Ava or our friends. My dad would barbeque burgers and hotdogs, and he would inevitably burn them just a tiny bit. My mom would make macaroni salad with way too much relish, and his dad would come by after the restaurant with some sort of treat he made the night before. And when the fireworks would go off, Vale and I would lay back on a blanket and watch as they lit up the night sky like fresh stars magically turning to rain.

We've never missed a Fourth of July together. Even the year I had the flu and could hardly get out of bed, I somehow managed to sneak out of my room to lie with my best friend and watch those falling stars. That was the year we started wishing on them. The first year I just wished to get better. But the wishes grew with us over the years. And they weren't like birthday wishes either. Telling someone else wouldn't make them not come true. Firework wishes would only come true if you whispered them out loud to your best friend. Those were the rules.

This year my parents are out of town with my sisters doing something with Ava's fiancé's family, and Vale's dad has to work through the holiday. So we really are going to be alone together. I spend the whole day dreading it, and at eight o'clock he sends me a message asking me if I'm ready. It takes me a while to respond, but I finally write him back a quick yes. He's at my front door five minutes later, and my heart melts when I see him carrying a small bouquet of red, white, and blue flowers.

"Hey," he says, an incredible smile on his perfect lips. Lips I've had on mine more times than I can count already. He leans down and presses them against my cheek, and my skin tingles. God, this is going to be so hard. "Where do you want to go tonight? I was thinking we could watch the firework show at Silverwood. Less crowded. What do you think?"

I swallow hard and avert my gaze from his. "Actually, I was wondering if... if we could maybe talk for a while?" That's it, Gen. Rip it off like a Band-Aid. Get it over with.

"Sure," he says, and I hear it in his voice. The smallest hint of worry. He can sense something's wrong. I take a step aside to let him inside, and he enters my house. I close the door behind us, shutting the outside world away from what I'm about to do. "Is everything okay?" he asks me as I lead him to my kitchen table and take a seat.

I take in a breath as he sits across from me and my eyes lock onto his for the first time. They're so beautiful. So warm. I look away again. "I've been doing some thinking," I say, because I have no idea how to say what needs to be said. "You know how important you are to me, right?" He doesn't answer verbally. All he does is nod his head. And it's like he knows already. Like I don't have to say it out loud. "Good. I'm glad you know. Because you are the most important person in the world to me."

"Gen, what the hell is going on?" he asks, but his voice isn't angry. It's hurt. Desperate. And somehow it kills me even more than if he was angry. "You've been acting so weird the last few days. It's starting to freak me out."

I nod my head and take another breath. "I know. I just wanted you to know that no matter what happens, you're important to me." He stares at me, and I know he's waiting for the other shoe to drop. Come on, Gen. Just get it over with. "I don't think this was a good idea."

He blinks, surprised. "What? Going out on the Fourth of July? We do this every year."

I shake my head. "No. Not the Fourth of July. Us. What we've been doing. I don't think it was a good idea."

The silence that fills the room is agonizing, and for once I wish my family were here to help fill the quiet. He stares at me for a while as I wait for him to say something. Anything. Then he sighs and says, "Okay."

That's it? Just a simple okay is all I'm going to get? I look up at him, waiting for him to say more, but he doesn't. So I do. "I just think that it's best if we stay friends."

"Sure," he replies, and now I'm blown away by the tiny smile that begins to form on his face. "You're right. We should stay friends."

This is not going how I planned it at all. Not that I really had much of a plan. But I thought he would try to convince me I'm being dumb. Try to talk me out of breaking up with him. To be honest, I hoped he would. Because I don't really want to do it. I want to be with him. Doing this is killing me. But I know it's better than the alternative, which is losing him altogether. And I also know that's what would eventually happen if we stayed on the same trajectory.

"Are we?" I ask, my voice cracking for the first time, revealing to him just a bit of the emotions I've been holding in since my talk with Keke a couple days ago. "Like, I just want to make sure we're still good. Because I don't want to lose you, Vale. I really, really don't."

His face softens, and he reaches over and places a hand on mine. "Genny, you won't ever lose me. Never. I told you that when this whole thing started. No matter what happened, I wanted to stay friends with you. Our friendship is the most important thing in my life. And that will never change. So if you think we should take a step back, then I agree. Let's take a step back. Whatever you want. As long as I get to keep you in my life, that's all that matters."

No, no, no. I need him to want me. To plead for me not to do this. To talk some sense into me. To tell me I'm wrong, and that we're perfect for each other. Convince me. His acceptance cuts me deep, and I know in this moment that we'll never be able to go back to how we were before. What's done is done, and there's no coming back from it. I want to cry, but I can't let him see me do it. Can't let him know how shaken I am about this. How much this is breaking me.

"So," he says, a sympathetic grin on his face. "Silverwood sound okay to you? Or do you want to skip the festivities altogether and watch a movie or something? I'm okay with whatever."

Of course he is. Leave it to Vale to try to make things easier and end up making them more difficult. I consider my options for a moment. Then I plaster on a fake smile and say, "Silverwood." Because I don't want to be alone with him anymore. If I'm alone with him for a moment longer, I'll give in to my true feelings. He claps his hands together and jumps to his feet, and I follow behind him as we leave my house. The pretty red, white, and blue flowers are sitting on my table, left to slowly wilt away. Note to self: put them in water when I get home. I want to remember my time with him for as long as I can. Because I know now those days are behind me.

He tries his best for the whole night not to make things weird, and I love him for it. But no matter how hard he tries, he can't change the tension in the air. He may be fighting it, but I know he's hurting. I just wonder if he knows how much it's killing me too. We find a spot at the open field across from the theme park, and he pulls out a fold up chair from the backseat of his car. There's only one, but he gives it to me as he sits on the ground beside it. I wonder why he only brought one. Then I realize it's because he was hoping to share one with me. My heart squeezes at the thought.

We make small talk for the rest of the night, and it feels like we've only just met. The awkwardness is destroying me, but I know it'll pass eventually. We discuss my plans for the trading game, and he asks me questions about Boston. And I feel like I'm talking to a family member I only see once every few years rather than my lifelong best friend. It's a relief when the fireworks start going off at ten o'clock, because it means we don't have to talk anymore. We can just sit there in silence, watching as the sky lights up all around us. And as the fireworks go off all around the country, I can feel the ones we've been sharing die. Our show is over. Time to go home and face reality.

"What did you wish for, Genny?" he asks me quietly. And for the first time in my life, I have nothing to tell him. Because I'm not a child anymore. I know now that there's no point wishing on fireworks.

Author's Note:

Thank you all SO MUCH for over 1K reads! I just can't believe it! Also, quick note: Nano is almost over, so I am hoping to get back to my regular posting schedule of 2-3 chapters a week starting in December. I have missed writing Gen and Vale like you wouldn't believe, so I am SO EXCITED to get started again.

Another quick note: If you are on my currently reading list, I am definitely still reading your story. I apologize for the lack of reads this month. It's been a bit crazy, but again, back to my normal reading schedule come December.

Okay, that's it for notes from me for now. But again, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

XOXO,
~Aly