I spend the next few weeks working tirelessly on the trading game. There are only a few weeks left until the tuition deadline, and I'm still quite a ways off from my goal. I do eventually trade the cookbooks for a French press, which I then trade for a small Bluetooth speaker. From there, it seems like things go faster. The items I'm trading for are now worth a few thousand dollars. At this rate, I'll definitely make my goal. Which means I'll definitely be leaving for Boston in August. Which means... no more Vale.

Not that it matters much, as I haven't seen Vale hardly at all since I told him I just wanted to stay friends. We've been together with the group at the mall, but we keep our distance. And we barely talk to each other. It's weird, because I should be happy. I'm so close to achieving my goal. So close to leaving this place and going to my dream school. But despite all of this, I'm miserable. And I cry myself to sleep most nights thinking about how much I miss my best friend. I'd give anything to go back in time and stop myself from kissing him that first night. Because that was the night everything changed. I miss how it was before.

People are starting to notice. Keke asks me what's wrong, but I just lie and tell her I'm fine. She doesn't believe me, but I can't tell her. I can't tell anyone. The only person I'd feel comfortable talking to about it is the one person I'm not talking to at all. This is killing me. And I'll do anything to distract myself from it. Including join Ava as we walk around this hotel banquet hall while she drones on about what she can do with it for the wedding.

"The maximum capacity is quite a bit smaller than the first venue," she says as she strolls down where I imagine the aisle is going to be. "So it'll be a little awkward having to uninvite some people."

"Why are we even here?" I ask grumpily as my eyes roam the room. "I thought you had a venue already."

She gives off a frustrated sigh. "Yeah, we did. But apparently they double booked us. Can you believe that? And the other couple technically booked first. So I've spent the last several days combing the internet looking for wedding venues that still had openings for our wedding date. This is the only one."

I nod my head slowly. "Right. Okay. And I'm here because?" Ava turns and glares at me. "Seriously, why am I here? I'm just a bridesmaid. What happened to your maid of honor?"

"Oh, didn't I tell you?" she asks, and I shake my head. "My maid of honor backed out last minute. So congratulations. The title is now yours."

I give off a heavy sigh. "Don't I have to like... agree to this?"

"Nope," she replies, and I scowl at her. "According to the Bride Bible, if the bride chooses her sister to be her maid of honor, she doesn't have to ask. Consent is dead in this situation."

I roll my eyes, then immediately wince. They're red and sore from all the crying I've been doing. Seems like lately I'm battling a constant headache because of it. "That's such crap, Ava. There's no such thing as the Bride Bible."

Ava smirks as she folds her arms over her baby blue peasant top. "What was your first clue?" she asks. When I begin to walk away in annoyance, she grabs my arm and says, "Okay, okay. I'm sorry." She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. "Gen, my loving, kind baby sister, would you please be my maid of honor?"

"No," I reply snappily.

She beams and gives me a big hug. "Thank you! You're the best!" Ugh, I hate having sisters sometimes.

"Yeah, yeah," I say as I pull away and continue walking around the venue. I hate to admit it, but the idea of being my sister's maid of honor cheers me up just a little bit. When she picked her friend from college, I was a little hurt, even though I hadn't expected much. We haven't been close since we were kids. But even so, I was hoping this whole wedding thing could bring us closer. Maybe, selfishly, I was hoping it could pull me back into my family a bit. But the only thing it's done is push me even further out.

Ava goes back to looking around the venue. "Okay, so what do you think? Smaller than the last place, but I'm thinking we can make it work. Plus, there's a kitchen for Victor and Vale to work in, and that's huge, because the last place didn't have that. So there are pluses and minuses, but I think this is going to be a good thing."

I shrug my shoulders, trying to hide the pain I feel when she mentions my best friend's name. "Yeah, sure. I mean, I don't know. It's whatever you want, isn't it? Like, I'm sure that's the first tenant in the Bride Bible, right?"

She grins. "Look at you! A few seconds ago you didn't even believe in the Bride Bible, and now you're quoting it verbatim. I'm so proud of you, little sister." I roll my eyes again and immediately regret it. "Okay, this is going to be great. Come with me so I can put the down payment on it."

Ava and I make our way to the owner of the venue, and she writes a check to reserve the spot for the wedding. And as she does, she gabs on and on about what her plans are for the big event. Where she wants things to go. What she wants people to do. I get it. She's so excited. And yes, I am happy for my sister. She's getting married. She's found the love of her life. But it also makes me feel a little bitter. I found the love of my life too, but the timing just isn't right. Honestly, I don't know if it ever will be. And God, I'm so unbelievably depressed.

As we walk outside and take in the view of the place (which I can't deny, is stunning), I take a seat on a bench and pull my phone out of my pocket. I keep doing this, hoping he'll text me and tell me he wants to get back together. That he misses me as much as I miss him. But it's been pretty much radio silence since the Fourth of July. Not that I blame him. I broke his heart, and shattered mine in the process. We both could probably use some space. It's just so painful. I feel like I lost my best friend.

"Okay, that's it," Ava sighs as she sits beside me on the bench, nudging me gently with her shoulder. I look up from my phone and stare into her blue eyes. My eyes. "What's got you so mopey lately?"

My eyes widen in surprise. "What do you mean?" I ask her, even though I know exactly what she means.

"Come on, Gen," she replies as her blue eyes roll back. "You've been teary since you came back from your trip with the gang. And as your older sister, it is part of my responsibility to get to the bottom of what is eating at you. So tell me, baby sister, what's got you all worked up?"

"It's nothing," I reply, but even as I say it, I can hear the fresh batch of tears trying to break their way to the surface. My eyes flicker down to my phone screen again, and I'm willing him to text me. But of course, nothing but cellular crickets.

Ava stares at me for a few seconds as I try to collect myself. "Gen, you know...," she begins, and then she trails off, as if trying to figure out how to say what she wants to say. "We used to be really close. I feel like you used to talk to me about everything. I'm not sure when that changed, but I want you to know that you're my sister. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you. You can tell me anything, okay? I'm here for you."

I don't know what comes over me in this moment. But it's like years and years of feeling invisible in my family finally hits its breaking point. "No, you're not," I say simply, and I watch as my older sister's jaw drops slightly. "You're right, Ava. We used to be close. But that changed when Viv was born and you basically left me in the dust."

She gasps as her eyes widen. "I left you in the dust?" she asks, stunned by my words.

I nod my head. "Yeah. You did. The whole damn family left me behind. Dad started trucking. Mom put almost all her time and energy into Viv. And every bit she had left over was spent bailing you out of jail or helping you get out of trouble. No one ever pays attention to me in this family. You, and everyone else, left me to be the invisible one."

I've never said any of these things to anyone but Vale. But now that I can't talk to Vale, it's just spewing out of me. Ava sits there shocked, and I know she wasn't expecting me to say any of this at all. "Is this why you're so upset?" she asks me.

"No!" I yell, and my cheeks redden as some of the venue workers stop talking to look at us. "No," I say again. "But why would I want to talk about it with you? Or anyone else in this family? You've had years to try to be a part of my life. And you choose right now, when I'm at my lowest, to reach out and ask me why?"

She frowns, and now I can see tears in her eyes as well. "I'm sorry. I never knew you felt this way."

"Well, I do," I growl as I jump to my feet. "I've always felt like this. And clearly you do too." Her brow furrows, and I roll my eyes again. This time I'm too angry to feel the pain. "Oh come on, Ava. I wasn't your first pick for maid of honor. I'm just a consolation prize for you. Second best, if even that. And don't try to pretend it's not true. If it wasn't, then you would've asked me when you first got engaged rather than when you had no other option."

I have no idea what has come over me. But there's so much pain in my chest, and I feel like I have to get some of it out or I'll explode into a bunch of tiny Gen pieces. Vale, and my family, and the stress of the trading game have been eating at me for so long. And now I've finally snapped. I stare at my sister, waiting for her to respond. Her cheeks redden, and she stares back at me for a few moments before looking away. I know I've hurt her feelings, and I should feel bad. And I do. I love my sisters dearly. But I can't keep carrying this resentment anymore. It's just too much.

Part of me is expecting Ava to respond with vicious words of her own. But she doesn't. She just looks straight ahead, staring at the beautiful scenery around us. I wonder if she's picturing how her wedding will be. If she's imagining herself walking around out here in her wedding dress, taking pictures with her friends and family. I wouldn't be surprised. Ava is a very selfish person. She's always been selfish and self-centered. Taking all the extra attention for herself and leaving me high and dry.

My sister sucks in a breath, gets to her feet, and says, "We should probably head back. It looks like it might rain." There are a few clouds in the sky, but they don't look anything like rain clouds to me. Probably just an excuse to leave. To end this horrible conversation with her consolation prize sister. I nod my head, because I have nothing left to say, and start heading toward her car. We drive back into town in total silence, and it's the most awkward 35 minutes of my life. When we finally pull into my driveway, Ava leaves the car and runs to her bedroom without saying a word to me.

Meanwhile, I just sit in the passenger seat, wishing I could talk to Vale about what just happened. Out of habit, my eyes flicker over to his house, and I see his garage door is open. He's probably working on the truck, his head buried under its hood as he turns a wrench, staining his already stained fingers with grease. I want to go to him. To let him hold me while I cry. Because even though I hide it well, it does hurt to know my family doesn't see me. That they don't care. The only person who has ever really seen me is in that garage, and I don't have the courage to go in there and make it right.

After sitting in the car for several minutes, I shuffle up the walkway to my front door, step inside the house, and make my way to my bedroom. As the tears begin to form in my eyes, I hear what sounds like raindrops on my window. Summer rainstorms are usually so refreshing, but this one just feels like it's mocking me. I bury my face in my pillow and sob, my cries getting drowned out by the sound of thunder outside. When I look out the window a little while later, I see Vale's garage door is closed. And I wonder if he was keeping it open for me.

Author's Note:

I am so exhausted that I am going to keep this short and sweet. Sorry for the late post. I know I said I'd go back to my 2-3 chapters a week schedule. My personal life has been so stressful lately that there hasn't been much time for writing. But I got some news today, and I'm hoping things will start to calm down now. Crossing my fingers!

What do you all think of Gen and Ava? Was Gen being a little harsh, or was she saying words Ava needed to hear? Let me know in the comments! Can't wait to share more chapters with you all soon! But for now... I sleep! Stay safe, my dears!

XOXO,
~Aly