Never in my entire life have I ever felt so terribly lonely. Aside from the trading game and helping Ava plan her wedding, I hardly leave my bedroom. I'm pretty sure my pillowcase is permanently stained with my tears at this point. The worst part is that I can't even escape it in my dreams. Whenever I close my eyes, I see Vale's face. His eyes are always either filled with that soft lust from our one sexual encounter or seething with hurt and rage as I break his heart for a third time. Both nightmares in their own ways, although one leaves me wanting so much more.

There's only one person I can go to now, and I'm surprised he's even still talking to me. Tyler comes to me a few days after the incident with Vale, asking me why his best friend won't pick up the phone or answer the door to anyone. There's so much worry in his voice that I spill all the beans, telling him everything that happened between me and Vale starting from the breakup and ending after he screamed at me to get out of his house. By the time I'm done with the story, I'm practically choking on tears again. Why does it all hurt so much?

Tyler doesn't waste any time. He comes straight to my house, knocks on the door so hard that he scares the hell out of Viv, and goes barreling up the stairs to my bedroom before anyone in my house can even say hello. When he enters the room and sees me curled up in a pathetic heap on my bed, he lets out a heavy sigh and sits down beside me. And he doesn't say anything. He just lets me rest my head on his shoulder and sob. For the first time since it all went down, I don't really feel all that lonely.

"I r-ruined everything," I cry as I wipe my nose against my own shirt sleeve. He doesn't say anything, which I know is his way of saying I'm right. "H-How can I f-fix it, Ty? Wh-what do I d-do?"

He shakes his head against mine. "I don't know, Gen," he replies softly. "I really don't. I mean, even if he was talking to me, which he isn't, I probably wouldn't be able to help you. You're the only one who can fix it. You're the only one who knows how."

I sniffle and lift my head from his shoulder at last. "What do you mean?" I ask, and I hate how thick and nasally my voice sounds. I swear, it's like I have a never-ending cold.

"Well," he begins, "can I ask you something?" I nod my head slowly, and he continues. "Why did you do it?"

I make a face. "Why did I have sex with him?" I ask, shocked that he would even ask that question.

He shakes his head. "No. Why did you dump him in the first place? I don't get it. And like I said on the island, I don't understand why it all had to be some big secret. You love him. He loves you. It was bound to happen eventually. I mean, I've been expecting it for years. So why all the secrecy? Was it his idea?"

Now I shake my head. "No. He never wanted to keep it a secret. It was always me." Saying it makes me feel somehow both ashamed and confused. Because I never did really figure out why I wanted to keep it a secret. Sure, I made up a lot of excuses. But none of them were real.

Tyler looks down at me, and his blue eyes are warm and sympathetic. There's no judgment, which is a relief after the fight with Vale. He gives my shoulder a gentle squeeze as more tears pool in my eyes. God, how have my eyes not fallen out of my skull yet? We sit in silence for a long time as I consider the reason I needed to keep it a secret. And I have to search deep inside of myself for the answer. But then I think of the way Vale makes me feel seen, and how different it is from almost everyone else in my life. And the truth hits me like a freight train.

"I was afraid," I finally say, and Tyler rests his head on mine again. I swallow hard as my heart begins to race, the realization almost too much for me to handle. "I was afraid of taking that step with him. Of being more."

"Why?" he asks me, and finally I have an answer.

"I always feel so invisible, Ty," I reply, and I know this isn't the first time I've told him this. "But the thing is, no matter how invisible I've felt in my life, Vale has always been there to see me. To remind me that I'm here. Even before I met you and Keke and the twins, Vale was here. And he always saw me for I am. Like, who I really am. Not the forgotten middle child, or the silent sister, but... as Gen. The real me. He's the only person in this world who can break my heart. And I think I knew, deep down, that if I took that step with him, and I lost him, I would lose the only person who ever saw me as me. The real Gen Cross."

Tyler nods his head. "And you didn't want to take that chance with him?" he asks, and I bite my lip as I consider his question.

"The thing is," I say after a few moments of thinking, "I think it's the thing I want more than anything. To take that chance. I'm just afraid."

A silence so heavy falls between us that it's weighing us both down. Then Tyler takes a deep breath and says, "I get it. Sort of." I look up at him, confused. He takes a shuddering breath, closes his eyes, and says, "I have things I'm afraid of too. Things I'm afraid to tell people because I don't think they'll understand. Or I think it'll change the way they look at me." My eyes widen, and I think I know where he's going with this. I expect him to tell me more, but then I see something in his eyes. Something that tells me maybe he's not ready. And I don't push it. Because he's not pushing me, and he deserves that same respect. "I guess sometimes the fear of change is enough to keep it from happening altogether."

I nod my head, because he's right. But then I think on his words some more, and I see, for the first time, how truly awful I've been. Not just to Vale, but to myself. My fear of changing what Vale and I have always had has prevented me from giving all of myself to him. And I know now. I understand. Giving myself to him completely is all I really want. The truth is, it's always been all I really want. I don't just want to be seen. I want to be seen by him. I want him to look at me with those light brown eyes and see something special. Something worth seeing.

"I don't want to be afraid anymore," I say to Tyler, and I feel his smile before I see it. My fingers slide themselves through my hair, and for the first time in days, my heart feels light. "I've been a real idiot, Ty."

He nods his head. "Maybe. But that's okay. I think he'll forgive you."

He's right. Vale will forgive me. Because that's the kind of loving person he is. But I need to do more than just say I'm sorry. I need to prove to him that I'm sorry. That this whole secrecy thing is over. That I want to be with him, and only him, probably for the rest of my life. That he's the only person I've really ever wanted to be with. I was just too dumb to realize it until right now.

"I don't know how to make it right," I say.

Tyler grins. "You'll think of something. But just make sure it happens soon. I don't like seeing him this way." I know what he means. Vale is not the type of person to let anything bring him down. Which means I really, really hurt him. But now I'm determined to fix it. Ty gets to his feet, and I stand up with him. We stare at each other for a few seconds, and then I throw my arms around him, surprising the both of us.

"Thank you, Ty," I whisper, and he gives me a gentle squeeze. Then I lean up and whisper into his ear, "No matter what happens, you'll always be Tyler Hart to me. I hope you know that."

His body stiffens for a second. He knows I picked up on what he was saying before, and when he pulls away, I can see that he's not sure what to say. Then he sucks in a breath of air and says, "Just don't tell anyone else about... what we talked about. I'm not... I'm just not...."

I hold my hand up to silence him. "I won't say a word," I say, and his face relaxes. "But for me, it doesn't change anything. As long as you know that, that's all that matters."

He nods his head, and for a moment I see his eyes well up with tears. Then he gulps, gives me a shaky grin, and ruffles my blonde hair. "Okay, okay," he says jokingly. "That's enough of that. I'm going to head out now. But seriously, fix this mess."

"I promise," I reply, and I walk him down the stairs to the front door, give him one last quick hug, and watch as he heads on down the pathway to his car, leaving me to my thoughts. I already have an idea of how to fix things, so I get started right away. The ingredients are all in the cupboard, thank goodness. So I pull my mixer out of the drawer, slide on my apron, and get to work.

I've baked these cupcakes more times than I can count, but tonight they have to be perfect. The right combination of milk and flour. The perfect mixture of cinnamon and vanilla. Everything has to be just right if I'm going to even begin to clean up the mess I've made. Two hours in the kitchen later, and I have the perfect cinnamon cupcakes. Once they cool down, I frost them with the most delicious combination of cream cheese and cinnamon. Then I back a few up in Tupperware container and make my way to Vale's house.

It's six o'clock at night, and the sun is still up. Probably my favorite part about summer. Winters in North Idaho are always so long, even though the days are so short. But summer is the time to soak in all the sunshine. And as I knock on Vale's front door, I feel like the sun is living inside of me. Every inch of my body feels warm, and I can't wait to see him. To tell him I love him. To tell him I'm sorry. To tell him I'm ready.

The door swings open, and I'm expecting to see Vale in the doorway, his curly hair wild and crazy after several days of being locked away inside. But Maddie is the one who opens the door, and she's standing there wearing nothing but a towel. Her ginger red hair is wet and gangly, like she's just hopped out of the shower. My heart sinks as her lips widen in a smirk. "Oh," she says with a little giggle. "Hello, Genevieve."

My fingers grip the Tupperware container even tighter. "Um," I say, a bit stunned to see her here. And pretty much naked. "Is... is Vale home?"

Her smirk blossoms into a full-on smile. "He's in bed actually," she says, and my eyes widen in surprise. "But I can let him know you stopped by." Her eyes fall on the container in my hand, and I'm too stunned to stop her as she takes it away from me. "Are these cupcakes?" she asks.

"Y-Yes," I reply shakily as she removes the lid and plucks one of my perfect cinnamon cupcakes out of the container before pressing it to her pink lips. "I... I made them for Vale."

She sinks her teeth into one and begins to chew. I stare at her as she swallows the bite. "How thoughtful. I'll let him know you stopped by. But, I have to be honest, Genevieve, the cupcakes... they're a bit dry."

Dry. Tears fill my eyes again as Maddie laughingly closes the door in my face, leaving me standing on the doorway with a freshly crushed heart. For several seconds I just stand there, pathetically waiting for Vale to open the door and tell me it was just one big misunderstanding. Or a prank. Or both. But after what feels like an eternity, I finally shuffle back down his walkway and toward my house. It's not until I get into my room, the tears falling fresh again, that the truth sinks in. It's over. I lost my chance.

And I have no one to blame but myself.

Author's Note:

Vale! What the French toast!? What do we think is going on here? Has Vale finally hooked up with Maddie? Would you blame him if he did? Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

The book is now completely outlined, which means we are approaching the finish line. I'm hoping to finish this story in the next few weeks. Can't wait for you all to see the end. Got some fun twists coming up. Some of you have picked up on them, which is super great. But soon, all will be revealed.

And what do we think about Tyler? Isn't he just the sweetest? He's one of my favorite characters in this book, because he's so quiet, but so fiercely loyal. What do you all think of him in this chapter? Again, let me know in the comments!

Be back very soon with more chapters! Stay safe and healthy until then, my dears!
XOXO,
~Aly