Saturday, 12:07 PM

Kozume: oikawa, i will give you kuro's first born child if you come take these three away from me

Little Bitch Boy: you are going to give me the child i am currently carrying to term? i already have them?

Daddy~: Good news! Cellular service is now canceled forever!

Daddy's Baby Boy: i'm on wifi, actually

Daddy~: Suga. Suga please. I am BARELY holding on to my sanity. Just let me have this. Please.

Daddy's Baby Boy: no ♥️

Daddy~ has left the chat

Ultimate PB: holy shit

Ultimate PB: hOLY SHIT

Ultimate PB: kou, come look at this!!

Bastard McFuckhead: AINT NO WAY

Little Bitch Boy: suga-chan actually got daichi to leave the chat?!?

Bore Whore: Sawamura Daichi will forever be remembered for his bravery and sacrifice. May he rest in peace knowing he created this dumpster fire of a chat with the best intentions, ruining numerous lives with his heart of gold.

Try Hard: Sugawara, I believe Iwaizumi is going after your man.

Daddy's Baby Boy: iwaizumi can have him

Lickety Lick: HOLD ON HOLD ON HOLD ON

Lickety Lick: you're telling me that you, sugawara koushi, had the PERFECT man with the most DELICIOUS thighs that EVERYONE in this gc was thirsting for

Professional Shit Starter: Amen to that. Sawamura-san is a certified Adonis. Never should've divorced him.

Lickety Lick: ignoring you, akaashi

Lickety Lick: AND YOU, SUGAWARA KOUSHI, ARE GIVING HIM AWAY TO THE '''STRAIGHTEST''' MEMBER OF THE CHAT???

Kozume: yeah, iwaizumi is gonna ruin him

Kozume: and not in the fun way

Bore Whore: Actually fuck all of you. I would not 'ruin' Daichi.

Little Bitch Boy: mhm suuuuure

Bore Whore: [voice note, 10:57 minutes]

Professional Shit Starter: Iwaizumi-san, I mean this in the most respectful way possible...please seek immediate mental health help. What the fuck.

Little Bitch Boy: yeah iwa-chan, that was...a bit much

Kozume: damn iwaizumi is down BAD for that guy

Whore Hard: 😲even i wouldn't go that far with my fantasies... 🫢

Bore Whore: So Shittykawa and his boy toys can talk openly in the chat about getting pregnant and dicking each other down, Tendou and Sugawara can discuss Ushijima incubating the eggs that his team lays for him, and Akaashi and Terushima can thirst over animated animals and that's all well and good. But the second I decide to let loose and join the padded cell with the rest of you, it is suddenly crossing the line and too much for this batshit insane chat?

Kozume: congratulations, iwaizumi, you figured it out

Kozume: also please never mention any of that shit again, that was all before i joined the chat. what happens before my time is none of business, keep that to yourself

Ultimate PB: see that kind of attitude is why you're failing history

Kozume: you're not my real mom, kuro

Professional Shit Starter: Look at what you've done, Iwaizumi-san. A happy family is now on the verge of a breakdown because you decided to be horny on main and then throw a fit when people called you out on it. Kuroo-san is inconsolable because of you.

Bastard McFuckhead: you say that as if you have been trying to comfort him

Ultimate PB: as if akaashi would ever comfort me

Ultimate PB: he is waiting for the perfect time to rub salt in my wounds, probably by stealing my child from me

Professional Shit Starter: Oikawa-san can keep it. Also, Hinata already stole your first born from you months ago.

Bore Whore: See, this is exactly what I mean. How come I get ganged up on for being rightfully thirsty for Daichi yet nobody gets mad when this shit happens?

Try Hard: Maybe it is because you are trying too hard to be included? Maybe it is because you are too dedicated to your role as the boring straight guy of the group? Maybe it's because you weren't being genuine in your over the top and frankly grotesque voice note?

Bore Whore: Fuck you mean I wasn't genuine?

Try Hard: You could tell by your tone and the words you used. There was no passion, no heat. Very bland and lackluster. 3/10 and that is generous.

Kozume: enemies to lovers, slowburn, light angst, high school au 680k WIP

Professional Shit Starter: I would read it.

Whore Hard: 🎉i'll beta it 👍

Kozume: you do give off beta vibes

Daddy's Baby Boy: pot meet kettle

Daddy's Baby Boy has added Sawamura Daichi to the chat

Ultimate PB: what the fuck is happening

Ultimate PB: can we not like can we just not

Kozume: now i know the omega isn't speaking right now

Ultimate PB: bruh WHAT?!?!

Bastard McFuckhead: you do give off maternal vibes and have birthing hips

Little Bitch Boy: i think kenma is lowkey more of a shit starting bastard than akaashi

Lickety Lick: nah not even lowkey

Professional Shit Starter: Is that a challenge, Oikawa-san?

Bore Whore: My bet is on Akaashi.

Kozume: and that is why you are boring, going for the conventional choice

Daddy's Baby Boy: my bet is on kenma actually, that mf is ten times more feral than akaashi

Sawamura: My bet is on Ushijima, the stoic but deadly shit starter.

Ultimate PB: hey when the fuck did you get back here?

Sawamura: Right around the time Bokuto said you have child bearing hips.

Sawamura: He's not wrong.

Daddy's Baby Boy: excuse me?

Sawamura: 🤷

Ultimate PB: okay just bc i have a tiny waist does not automatically make my hips voluptuous

Bastard McFuckhead: who said your hips are dinosaurs?

Little Bitch Boy: babe, that's velociraptor

Bastard McFuckhead: oooooh

Bastard McFuckhead: either way you're still hot af

Lickety Lick: aren't you guys hanging out with akaashi and kenma right now? why are you flirting in the chat?

Kozume: if i have to suffer so does everyone else

Professional Shit Starter: So true, king.

Daddy's Baby Boy: bitches over there thinking they're oprah

Daddy's Baby Boy: you get to suffer, and you get to suffer, and you get to suffer! EVERYONE GETS TO SUFFERRRRR!!

Sawamura: Not funny, didn't laugh.

Daddy's Baby Boy: good news, iwaizumi! you can have daichi for real!

Sawamura: Nah, I heard his voice note. I'm good.

Bore Whore: Any specific critiques for me?

Sawamura: A few.

Whore Hard: wakatoshi, daichi is stealing ur man!!!

Kozume: is the story adding in a late game rival?

Professional Shit Starter: The plot thickens.

Ultimate PB: tooru mentioned velicoraptors earlier and now i want to watch my favorite movie, anyone interested in a watch party?

Whore Hard: ‼️ hell yeah! i love jurassic park 😍

Ultimate PB: ...sure...jurassic park...

Kozume: i'm not watching velocipastor with you again this week, three times is more than enough

Daddy's Baby Boy: what the hell is velocipastor?

Ultimate PB: cinematic masterpiece

Little Bitch Boy: he's lying, it's garbage

Ultimate PB: congratulations! you are now my thirteenth reason!

Kozume: thank you for your service, oikawa, you have done your country and your sport a great honor

Professional Shit Starter: A medal of achievement is on its way. You truly are our savior.

Little Bitch Boy: maybe now my parents will be proud of me

Sawamura: I will never be proud of you, actually.

Professional Shit Starter: And that is why I am everyone's favorite dad. Stop being mean to our children.

Sawamura: Says the dad that actively encourages violence between them and sent one of them to the hospital earlier this month.

Professional Shit Starter: It's called tough love.

Lickety Lick: omg did akaashi just admit he loves us????

Bastard McFuckhead: HE DID VJKDFHGIELDKSVHKSD

Professional Shit Starter: ...hold on, Kuroo-san, I'm joining you.