Dear Brother,

I'm extremely sorry for disappearing on you. I needed time, a lot of it, to get over what you did. I needed time to forgive you for your actions.

I'm well aware you had no idea what you were doing at the time, but you still hurt me.

I know there are countless people in the world who have done far worse to me, but I think I expected so much better from you.

I put you up on some kind of pedestal. I weighed all of my expectations upon your shoulders and I didn't realise you were struggling with the weight of it all.

Not just my expectations of you, but everybody else's.

I knew you were having a tough life, but you could see that I was too. I couldn't handle another betrayal, I hope you understand.

You were my brother, my best friend in this world, and we treated you as if you were really family.

You had a skewed point of view of family and I should've took that into consideration. Family wasn't a massive thing for you.

It wasn't entirely a significant thing for me either.

But together we decided family was who we decided it was; not by blood.

We'll never be related by blood, but we are by choice.

It was our choice to be family which should've separated us from the outside world and the problems that come with that.

I couldn't move passed what you did straight away because I feel like you should've treated us better – better than the way you treat your real family.

I know I should've said something to you before disappearing out of your life as if I was never there to begin with.

I blocked your calls and deleted you off social media.

I thought it would help me cope better not seeing your face all over my news feeds, but I guess it didn't.

I forgot about the real photos that we took that hang above my bed that remind of me a time where we were as thick as thieves and spent a majority of our time together.

Losing you felt like a loss, but I wondered if losing me was a loss for you as well.

I was so mad and hurt at you that I couldn't think straight for weeks.

You were the last person I ever expected to use me and my family the way you did.

We welcomed you into our home as if you were one of us.

Instead of sleeping in your car; you got to sleep in a comfy bed in a warm room and have food cooked for you every night.

You were one of us.

I'm sorry for being stubborn and refusing to hear you out.

I should've given you a chance to explain. I shouldn't have walked out of your life the way you'd walked out of that door.

I didn't look back for a while, and I wondered if you did.

Do you ever think of me and the loss of our friendship?

Because I think of you.

I think about the fact I lost a brother, one I can never replace again.

There is a hole in my heart now.

And it's all thanks to you.

I'm ready to finally hear you out but I feel as if I've waited far too long to ever get you back.

I apologise for my actions – even if you never apologised for yours.

Or better yet, I never gave you the chance to.

I'm sorry for running out on you. You will always be my brother, by choice, every single time. You're my family and family doesn't give up on one another.

Nobody is left behind.

Not even you, annoying you, who doesn't know what boundaries and space are.

I'm extremely sorry for flaking out on you when you needed me the most.

Sincerely,

Your sister in life.