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It's been months, and I have had the blessing of my family's support by my side as I embrace this pregnancy with open arms. Came to it in the small sense of things, that even when my mother asked if this is what I want. 
And I looked at her, with warm eyes as and a tearing boarder as I spoke so softly.
"They've barely had a chance,  you gave me one. You didn't think for a second to do what you're asking me to do, and I can't that." Is all I told her, and ever since then have we begun trying to ready the house for another kid.

My room has been given a few more improvements, the bookshelf replaced with a smaller one. And my bed more or less has been swapped with the guest bedroom, it was a good size to accommodate the space for the small crib that will be sectioned right off beside it. 

The window's couch has been removed, replaced with an empty space where my child will sleep. While my closet is being rearranged to place the changing station and everything that the child might need.

Classes and work have been going well, quite well. Joe as I told her of my recent news, promoted me. To the manager of both of her establishments, less work, more pay and the best hours.
Everything I could have hoped.

And the only thing that could compare to that, is Michael actually crying tears of joy to express how happy he is. No doubt mother warned him, the room's tension still burns with me to this moment as I type away on my computer. Finishing another paper for my phycology class.

New Haven understood completely, and only wishes for me to continue the summer program which I am debating on accepting. Leaving my baby for a month. Although they are not wanting an answer as of right now, they still wish for me to reconsider. Kate and Sara, on the other hand, have moved in together, living in fear of what is happening to my life as they know it won't be the same.

I know the gender of my kid, surprised my mother as well.
My child's a girl, and if Michael couldn't have been happier, it was the truth of Denise's face as she gifted me a pink onesie.

But I guess that was only to match the one I had given her when she told me she is having a girl as well. Feels strange, my swollen stomach keeping me company as I struggle to finish this. And the only thing taking me out of the writing stage was the alarm I set for myself, knowing I'd need the timer to bring me out to make it to my shift. 

Sadly enough I haven't been on my bike for over the given months. Even since I told Michael he hasn't allowed me, which is better than the temptation in the long run. It's night and I told Joe I'd cover the shift I couldn't find for anyone. She's already paying me too much, and I'm forchinuate for that. But I want to work, get hours in so the government doesn't think I'm slacking.

Or my parents for that matter.

So I've been taking the jeep instead, both to classes and work. The truth of the matter is I'm working so that my child doesn't have to depend on her grandparents for ever single thing her and I will own.

Parking on in the back did I enter in the back ways, fixing outfit as I'm greeted by the kitchen's staff and two of the waitresses already on duty. This season always brings people to the restaurant, but just across the ways can I wait the pressing months to return back to the bar. 

I only go during the day, stock and check the calendar and office in the back. Joe's taking a bit of a break, spending time with her daughters at the moment.

My feet were sore, so taking advantage of one of the stools behind the dividing bar was I tapping away at the register. Getting the receipt for the family in the corner, as they readied themselves to pay when I returned back to them. Hearing the small jingle at the door to make me smile and greet whoever walked in.

But here I had my smile faulted as I was forced to sit down and lean in to have my head hang low before rising up. "Well well well, if it ain't the princess. Hell ya doin' here, it ain't winter break...Or is it?" 

I smiled at Merle's honesty, holding up the two fingers did I add the phrase 'two more weeks' but he must've understood as he took the seat right in from of me. "Thought I saw ya crusin' round back in the summer, brother nearly had a heart attack. Ran off in world 'gain, just like when the two of ya had that little fight of yas." 

My eyebrows were forced together at the sight of this new information, he ran away? Fucking asshole, he— "Never called me for any problems after ya took a visit to our house, guess I thought ya were back in New Haven. So what the hell are ya doin' here with two more weeks left on the clock?" 

"Local college, take classes there and help out Joe," 
I said, stating far of the truth as I am going to get. "Haven't seen ya at the bar."
"Better be careful, I manage it now," I smirked, bragging about my higher power and the stature of myself that grew. He relieved the tension by a laugh and gently slapping the table.

"And the first time I met ya, ya were scared of me...But now that ya ain't workin' at the counter, maybe my brother will finally go back." 

"He doesn't—"
"Nah, if ya bike ain't anywhere in the parkin' lot he'll go in. But doesn't stay that long, couple drinks and he's outta there." Shaking my head at the level of disappointing I heard, did Zoey hand me the takeout bag ordered by them. Guess the one time I don't answer the phone, I'm subjected to this surprise.

"Glad to see ya back here sweetheart. See ya later." He said, smiling up a storm that could only have me look back to the last time I saw him. Giving him a polite smile and way as he paid and left without another word. 

I gave myself a minute of gratitude that I wasn't in front of the table and that I hid my stomach the moment he came through. But both my waitresses were busy so I took the order on the far side, winning the affection and answering the old couple's question on how far along I am was the biggest thing they'd talk to me about.

But as the door jingled once more, did I look on over to see if I can just point whomever to a seat considering the couple before me were talking amongst themselves anyhow. But my breath hitched back as my gulp seemed more dramatic than intended.

Merle came back inside, wide-eyed and full of questions. So I nodded, knowing full well in what he wanted. I rose one finger and finished up this couples order before placing it to the kitchen. 

Told him to wait outside for me, and as I walked down the stone steps. In careful remembrance to hold my stomach as I did so, did I find him just leaning against the wall. Smoking a cigarette with the saddest most pitifullest expression on his face. But I couldn't come any closer, not with the toxic air he was admitting.


"Lookin' ripe as a peach...Shit...Guess I can't do that near ya." He claims, letting the smoke drop to the floor and smashing it before I took the few steps further. "Were ya plainnin' on tellin' me- Tellin' Daryl-"
"That day I came over back in September, I was...I swear, but...I couldn't go through with it." I cried, shamed that he had to find out this way. Letting my hand over my mouth did he offer the smallest bit of affection, but I didn't want anything from him. 
Not from a Dixon.

"He the father?" I nodded, holding my stomach as I rubbed her calm. His eyes were no longer looking to mine, but instead to my swollen stomach. And maybe a glance at my swollen breasts, heaven knows they weigh a hundred pounds now. "Ya ain't gonna tell him, are ya?"

"No, and you can't—"
"I can't tell ma baby brother that he has to man up and be a father? Christ have ya lost ya mind?!" 

I shook my head, coming closer to him. Even having my hands lay down to his chest as he finally looked into my eyes, no longer staring at my belly in fear of what his brother had done to me. "Well how far along are ya?" 

"Five months along, five and a half..."
"Ya knew...Ya knew back durin' the summer? Hell did ya know when the two of ya were together?" 

"No. I didn't. I found out because I passed out at school. Listen..." I started, thinking of how I can ask him to keep quiet. Breathing and stepping away from Merle as we both starting to get heated with one another. 

And I can't lose him too. 

"I know you love Daryl, I love him too. That's why I'm not telling him."
"That don't make no sense sweetheart, ya—" 

"You want him to turn into a dad? Think he's responsible for that?" My questions had Merle grit his teeth, as he finally understood where I was coming from. Daryl's twenty, almost twenty-one. He has his whole life potently ahead of him. "Why take that away from him because I'm pregnant?" 

"He wasn't doin' too good, when ya left...Didn't wanna tell ya when ya came over...But now that...Now that ya carryin' his kid, ya have the right to know." 

As I was about to ask him what he meant, he told me to wait. Wait as he went towards his truck, only to return with an envelope. And strange as that was, did he offer the given few hundred towards me. "I can't take your money!"
"Ya carryin' a Dixon kid. Hell are ya gonna do Blake?"
"I'm working and—"
"Nah, ya gonna take this money. Take the money I send ya, and if ya ain't gonna take my help. Ya know Daryl's goin' to make ya." 

Gritting my teeth did I stare at him until he shoved it into my pocket. Laughing up a storm and making the feeble jokes of someone not taking money.

Is this considered dirty money? Doubt they got it from hunting, unless it's Daryl's cut from staying out in the woods for so long. 
"And I was going to pay you for keeping quiet."

"Nah, I get what ya doin' for him...Ya were right not tellin' him, don't got the stomach to see that argument." I chuckled, remembering the sudden line he claimed against me. That I'm a whore. 


"Bet he's fucked everyone in the book by now. Guess his lies don't count as lies anymore." By the reaction Merle gave me, it became apparent that that's exactly what's he's done. 
Fuck everyone.

"Feels weird not offerin' ya a smoke darlin'."
"I haven't touched anything in months...Guess you can say I quit." He swore, giving me the praise of being the one able to kill the need to smoke and drink. 

Even though I still crave the air, I won't have any harm come to my daughter.

And that is when the idea came to me, reaching back behind me for my wallet did I take out the ultrasound. Handing it off towards him. "What's this?" He questioned, taking it in the light and trying to decipher what it's saying. 
"Your niece."
"Ya...Ya know it's a girl?!" He asked, looking down at the paper with bulging eyes. I'll give him the pass of calling her an 'it' considering he just found out. So I smiled and nodded.
"Well, guess there's a new princess in the castle now. Gotta find a new name for ya." 

He spoke so excitedly, more so than when he first saw me. "Hate to see ya give up on my brother like that." "Not like he still cares."
"Blake, he ain't the same. Christ if ya saw him now, ya wouldn't have fallen for him like ya did...He's everythin' I tried to make of him, but he's cold as ice now...Just want my brother back." 
The sad truth of reality came crashing down on me, but he offered back up my ultrasound and I shook my head. My name wasn't on it, and he understood right away. 


"He gave up on us first...I have her to look after now."
"I expect ya to call alright? Doesn't have to be when she's born, nah nah. Just, when ya got everythin' figured out and calmed down. Alright?" I nodded, but his before he took me into his embrace. He held onto my stomach for a small moment, and repeated what he said before. That I'm carrying a Dixon.

"And if ya see Shawn...Just knee him straight in the balls." As I was about to question it, did he continue walking off to the infamous truck. The one Daryl and I fucked so many times and here I was running to it. "Jarod said he came to the house, but I was already gone...What happened? What does he want?"

"Hell ya think? When ya first came here everybody wanted to...Ya know. A lotta people backed on off when my brother started likin' ya. All except that fuckin' idiot." 
He laughed, taking the smoke to his lips once more. But he began shaking his head, almost into the truck. But I needed to know. "If you have any problems...You call me too, right?"
"Like what? Ya and my brother gonna team up to get me outta the slammer? Besides, ya needa focus on yaself and that lil girl of yas." Nodding at his understanding, again. How crazy is it to think that Merle is the least of my worries.

The first thing I thought was going to happen was him running off to tell his brother, maybe it's pity, or he understands the level of stress in my eyes as I battle these last two weeks of school.

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Date Posted: 05-11-18 // Time: 6:49
Word-Count: 2501
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