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The hazy and regret were easier to contain, the headache...not so much. Especially when I forced myself to rise, only to plop right back down to my pillow with such force. Rubbing my eyes to remove the sleep, along with any thoughts that came to did I notice the glass of water and Advil just sitting beside me on my nightstand.

As careful as my head could balance, did I make it to level the drink. Gulping down more than the satisfying slurps, before adding the pills to the mix. And in that moment did I fall back to the pillow, this time more careful not to upset the receiving pain.

It took minutes for the medication to kick in, and finally did I feel the willpower to rise up instead of fall back down right away. The sticky note that was apparently beside my drink read, 'sorry, hope you feel better' written in a guys handwriting.

Crumpling it up and throwing it across the room did I make the effort into going towards my closet, finding the most comfortable thing to wear before even processing what to do next. The Advil might help relieve the pain, but it didn't help with the foggy memory of what happened last night.

The knock at my door just signified any sort of plan that I could begin to muster, especially when it was my mother holding two mugs of steaming hot tea. But I didn't bother to look anymore, not even when she sat beside me in the windowed area. One of which she pillowed to make into a seating area.

This would be the first time I truly used it other than sneaking out.

"I...I know what happened last night was-" I stopped her right there as I shot my eyes towards her, all while biting my nail. Since there was no other thing to do other than take the offered tea in her hands. Before she sighed again before me.

"Jaclyn didn't like me, not until I was carrying Mickey did she find the time of day to call asking how the baby was doing. But the second he was out in the real world, she never bothered again."

 Giving her the sorry excuse of a smile, did I sip the tea. Shifting around the bag by the string, at first, I was petrified as to her knowing I drank last night. But Jarod wouldn't rat me out, not when I have stuff against him as well. "She didn't like the idea of adopting you into the family, but Michael knew. He knew everything...Jaclyn, she looked the trial up. The reports, however she managed to do that. Some of it was fake, some of it was true...But you were never arrested, the social worker would have told me..." 
I again, offered the smile because she doubted the internet over the 'what ifs' stated before her, like a good mother would.

"She never asked anything about you, and even Michael knew something was off from the moment they came over yesterday. I didn't have time to warn him. I know she was out of line sweetheart, and you won't have to be near her ever again....But you can't run off like that, not again."

She was trying her best to scold me, because I did it once. Trying to run off to see her, but I never got close. I was too young and naive to understand what it meant, but I guess that is what happens when you're forced into the system. "...I know it hasn't been the best adjustment, and Michael leaving for deployment was sudden for us all. But I want you to be able to talk to me...I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you, and maybe Jacklyn was right. You're going to be an adult soon, all the time we've lost won't ever come back."

Taking hold of her hand that was resting onto the pillow, did I sigh out in hopes of backing up the tears that were threatening to come out. "But that's not your fault. I don't care what that woman says, or said when I left. But it isn't your fault, it's his fault."
 The emphasis I had on the word 'his' had her lick her lips as gently as ever. That was her only mistake, unless she thought of me as it as well. Back in the day she probably did, but now...Now I have never seen so much regret on a woman than what I see on my mother.

"I loved the gift you got me, but please...You don't have to get me anything more alright?" I began to shake my head once more, how could she even say that? "We missed so many mother's days and holidays..." I spoke so softly, so calmly. One of the aspects I've picked up from both her and speaking to children.

The odd bit of it all that I came across as she spoke, was a year ago I wouldn't have even begun to think about living somewhere else. Living away from the girl's home I was staying at, and here I am. Accustomed to almost everything, and yet...Completely shocked at the outbreak yesterday.

"Jarod said you're going out for New Years?...Please be careful honey alright? If you're staying out, don't drive too late." Before she spoke, she whipped away her tears that were forming. And rose, picking up my now finished mug of tea along with her own. I chuckled as Jarod would still allow me to go out after what happened, don't even know what lie he told them about what I did.

Just enough for them not to question me, even now did my mother go and leave me alone to wallow in what she talked to me about. That rude woman that poses as Jarod and Michael's loving mother figure, how in the hell did she become so bitter?

Whatever it was, I managed to leave the haven of my room to go take a shower. Only to end up back into the confinement, given that I don't really wish to be with anyone else or talk to everyone else.

As I was drying my hair in my room, bringing the towel out and everything. Did the knock at the door actually scare me considering I thought I was done being 'yelled' at for today. 

"Blake...Can I talk to you?" I yelled the common 'it's open,' before he managed to open it a few seconds later.

His eyes scared the room, almost sneakily coming on in as if he wasn't supposed to be up here. That makes perfect sense if I think about it now, him not coming up sooner?

"What's up?"
"I just...I just wanted to see how you're doing." His mumble of a tone suited the situation, he was trying to be careful. I completely understand it, but he doesn't know the full story, and by the glint in his eyes, he wants me to alter whatever reality he has built behind me. Whatever his grandmother had said yesterday when I left had he get kicked out of this house, or leave without even so much a farewell. 

"Being told I'm a 'lost cause' really stirs up the Christmas spirit, doesn't it?" He sighed, sitting down on my bed as I kept pacing, walking and rubbing the scalp of my head to dry it all the bit quicker.

But even with all my attempts does he just look and act uncomfortable. "I'm sorry I worried you...And mom...And-"
"You had me call fucking Daryl!" He paused me in the conversation, as he stood on up to his feet. Looking dead set towards me as he claimed what he did, I knew he called Daryl. Went through Shawn to go and get it, boy what a conversation that must have been. 

"I was going to come back."
"Yeah? When? Where did you even go?" I chuckled as I tried to answer the question, but I couldn't even give him a name or location of the park even if I tried. "To a park that--...I was perfectly fine, not really happy that Daryl lied to get me back though."

Sharing my feelings on that part of the issue made him uncross his arms, placing them on his hips before sighing on down. Shaking his head in retaliation to me getting feelings, I am a person, I have emotions.

"Come on...I didn't start playing any of the games you bought me...Wanna play?" As much as I battled for my smile not show, it finally did as I gave him the excuse of 'give me a minute' for him to set it up and I can finish drying my hair for another good second.

The assortment of games I gave him was enough to hold us both for a few minutes without talking. But soon we were neck deep in battling the enemy where he began to speak. "Have any plans for New Years?" I chuckled, allowing my character to take the given attacks before searching around the map before speaking. "What makes you say that?" His shrug made him rock his controller as he his next expression turned angry for he needed to respond farther away from the checkpoint. 
"No bonfire?"
"You can take my invitation. Not going." I could feel his head snap back, especially when he died in an instant of regenerating. But once he paused the game for both screens did I really feel the heat of the conversation rising. "What do you-"
"I don't have my bike, and I really don't want to be near him right now." He sighed down, looking for the start button before pressing it. Continuing on with our game of battling enemies, but even that last only a few minutes.

"You're going to sit home and pout because he took you home?"
"I'm going to sit home and pout because he lied to me." Moving across the army of snacks we stacked up did I press the start button for him, and with ease did I continue.

Whatever his plan was, I didn't like it. "You could have asked for the keys back."
"That's not the point, I have three of them." My expression and responses were blunt and to the point, him pushing it and continuing to do so began to anger me. And that was surely shown in the match we were settling on.
"He did me a favor, and now I'm going to do one for him. You're going." I chuckled, shaking my head laughing into my shoulder at his sorry attempt at a plan. "Yeah, and we'll do body shots and everything will be alright."

This time he didn't even bother to stop the game, he dropped his controller to the ground below him, just showing the shock of his entire body. 

"Y-y-you did body shots?" My laughter still ringed on even after he asked the question, louder even. How mindless was he, especially given the fact that I've been nothing but conservative with myself since he's met me.
"Not me, but hey...always got a job to do. Maybe I'll get some hours in." He still looked at me, still not believing in my words. I've never done it to be honest, and I probably never will.

But I guess the term never say never will probably spark here.

*

He never let the idea down, every day, and every hour would he ask me what my plans were. And each time I would say the same line, but he never made the mistake of saying it in front of mom. 

That was the blessing of both worlds, even when Michael apologized for his mother's behavior at Christmas dinner, I told him not to worry about it. The fact that I was already looking past it was my own win on my own account. 

It was Daryl's attempts at calling me that rendered me...Annoyed.

I didn't want to talk, I didn't want to have anything to do with him. And I think part of me is just shifting the blame off to him, one of the people I trusted for so long, and yet here he is. Calling my phone.

He is making an effort.

But I wasn't ready to talk to him, especially it being two days before new years, the party being tomorrow night. I don't want to miss it, but I also don't want to talk to him. It was a rope between the two options, especially since I was on my way to work.


With my jacket and heavy flannel on, did I hope and pray that the inside of the bar was actually warm that I could just tie this extra piece of clothing onto my waist without having another thought.


When I'm angry, I drive with a different momentum, a different rhythm than I normally do, but somehow this connected to leaving the house on Christmas day mad. Not like I would manage to see anyone other than him, what else does he do with his time? Bikes, drink and sell. Sounds easy enough when they're known in town for doing all the above, just hope he's sticking to his word about staying away from the dangerous stuff.

Guess that was always a 'what if' in the back of my mind.

What was the worst thing he's ever done?

Then the question is the worst thing I did? If that question is ever rebutted against me, I guess blacking out to the next morning with no clear memory in a bathroom might beat being roofied.

With my bike parked and a quick scope around the parking lot to see if his truck is here, it was a clear indication of it not present. So I thanked the high heavens as I walked on in, placing my first jacket on the hook, and the other one around my waist for I was right about the heat is high.

The amount of bodies was expected, everyone's new year's resolutions and last day on earth mottos have been completely thrown out the window for a 24 more hours. And in that insight, did I warp my apron around to my given spot. For I wouldn't just be making drinks, I'd be practicing waitressing for tonight.

Wasn't too hard, Jessi was very persistent and cautious about who she sent me to and what drinks I gave them. Good to have someone on the inside helping me, but I feel like Joe trusts her enough to let her know about our dirty little secret. 

The number of drunk guys almost made me uncomfortable, but they were too busy distracted by the breasts out on some waitresses than other to notice me just clearing tables. Until I was sold out for the night, and retired to make the drinks instead.

Mid pouring drinks did I see the entrance open, and I shouldn't have even counted for what time it was or how much luck I racked up tonight. Because it was Daryl and his brother once more.

My fucking luck.

However, it was easy to pretend to not see. And that is exactly what I was going to do, until Jessi was overflown with a large order and needed me to deliver the given few. I dodged him never the less, but that didn't stop him from seeing me. 

Because the moment I returned to my station, he sat right on before me. His head just resting on his fist as he looked on over to me. Smirking like this was his master plan, and by the way, Jarod seemed to be so into the idea of me going to the new year's party. 
There is the smallest bit of me that says they conversed sometime within the last five days. Sneaking bastards.

"Ya still mad? Cause ya cute when ya mad." I chuckled, juggling three things at once as I tried to get the orders out before the waitress came back with an empty tray. It was a never-ending process that I don't think I could manage a conversation with, especially when there's a half an hour after my shift.

"You're persistent, I'll give you that," I growled. Looking up from my position for a split second to see if he heard me. And my anger towards him only made me chuckle, wish I could take the smug look right on off him. But even then was in a mix of it all.

"So ya ain't mad?" I chuckled, blowing the air right on out of my mouth as I turned on around to the cabinet to grab him his regular stein of beer. And in doing so did I continuing to shake my head at the dispenser tipping it down, but my eye contact latched onto his the moment I let it flow down. 

"I don't like being lied to."
"You needed to get home, what'd ya want me to do? Keep ya at my house?" Removing his glass from the dispenser, did I slide it to him. Just smiling as evil as ever. "Did ya poison it? I don't like that smile ya got goin' on." He carefully took it to his lips, but my shaking head never faulted.

I have trust issues. If that wasn't clear enough, perhaps he didn't get the entire idea of never relying on anyone, and here he was. Offering more trust than most in this tri-state area. Look what happened the moment I needed him the god damn most.

"Parents gonna let you go out for new years?"
"More like if I want to go out, my parents don't give a shit." Resting his drink on down, letting his squinted eyes do the work of intimating me to high heavens. But I wasn't about to budge.
"Blake ya can't be serious, comeon, I'm sorry. You were drunk out of your mind by a god damn lake, ya needed to get on home." 
I waved my hand to the side as a gesture as he finally understood what he looked for, and in that clear moment did I turn behind me yet again to grab another stein for his brother. Pouring did he ask again, making me shrug. 

"Be right back." I mumbled, passing by the side entrance to go around the corner. It was quicker and didn't render me completely masked by everyone else.

Before setting it down before him. "Well look who it is, where's waldo's fuckin' sister. 'Bout time ya at work." My eyebrows scrunched together quickly as I barely had my hand lift away from stein, and he was quick to chuckle at my confusion. "Been here all week tryin' find ya, brother was nursin' this here drink for close to three hours waitin'." 
I tried to hide my laugh, but bringing my hand to my lip was probably the worst idea in the mix of it all. Especially when he motioned to the booth before him to sit in.

"What's got ya two fightin', cause he won't tell me shit." Fumbling with my fingers did I chuckle, but allowing him to get a few gulps on it was enough to settle my own stomach. "Got into a fight with my 'grandparents,' ran off, didn't want to drive drunk so I stayed there. Daryl brought me home when I asked him not to." 

Just like his brother did he scratch his growing beard, letting out a rusty chuckle soon on after. "What'd ya want from him, sweetheart, he got ya home. Time to settle that shit now cause we got plans for tomorrow...Besides...Probably ain't safe for ya at our house...Nah...Bad idea girly." I was about to question that, but I already took too long with sitting down his brother. His eye contact was deadly. Especially now.
"Ooo you got caught, get on. Get goin'. Better see ya tomorrow though, or I'll be disappointed." 

I smiled and said my goodbyes before returning to my station, the few orders weren't a lot. But enough to keep my hands busy and my glares at a minimal, and that was barely a second of work. 
"What time tomorrow?" I asked out of the blue, pouring the contents of a shared drink down with one hand looking at him now, bitting down a chuckle as he smirked ever so loudly at my question.

"I'll pick ya up."
"Oh, you're good." Gritting my teeth at his grin just rising with the power he has, sneaky bastard, called it before. "What changed ya mind?" Pointing into the direction of Merle, already getting the attention of a hooker, did I see the resemblance of the last time this happened.

"So I'm just going to pretend you weren't camping out here the entire week." Doing a circular motion with my fingers to captivate the entire area, and he just turned to look back at his brother to whisper 'fucking asshole,' which inadvertently point off to him red handed.
"Hey...Language."

Scolding him as serious as I could until I cracked, cleaning up my station as I was about to clock out. I don't think he's gotten the idea just yet, not until I took off my apron did he place his money down for the drink.

"I'll walk ya out." Beginning to roll my eyes as I was quick to form back into my normal clothes of just my flannel before getting my jacket around the corner. Should have known he'd make an appearance, and even if I took off today, sometime this week he'd still make the drastic effort in drinking every night to do it.

"Everythin' good at home now? Old farts left right?" I chuckled at his honesty and direct need to know. So I just nodded, searching my small purse for my bike's keys before taking them on out. The helmet more or less was just stuffed into the leather pouches I've made, getting it on out was enough. But he was just starting, wanting to say more. Or convince me something otherwise. 

Currently, on my bike did I rise on off, removing my helmet before going to him. Giving him the smallest peck on his cheek before moving away. "See you tomorrow Dixon." Was all I yelled, turning away to place my head back on into the padded protection. But just before I was able to, did he grip on to my shoulder. Making me turn to look at him before both his hand cupped my cheeks and pushed me into a kiss. 

His delicate lips spoke everything he wanted to say tonight and more, even the touch of beer that lingered in the back with the cigarettes. Kissing back wasn't even a voluntary action anymore, it was so easy to move along with his dominate momentum that I was simply lost in it. 

That is, until he pulled away.
"See ya tomorrow Holden." He whispered, moving away to allow me the room to ride on out of my parking spot. Hiding my reaction behind the given blockage was the only way I could smile, but even then was I blushing to high heaven. Guess Jarod will happy about this one...since I finally have plans.

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Date Posted: 01-22-18 // Time: 8:22
Word-Count: 3886
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