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I tried as hard as I could to stay out of the public, even traveling to other town's shopping markets to get the food this damn book says I should eat. And as of right now, my oversized hoodie was doing the job and shielding me from the cold and brutal winds. 

My hair a simple and utter mess due to the fact that I didn't get much sleep for the past few nights. Work and all-nighters do not vote well for a girl who can't have any coffee in her system.

But having to walk around in public with sneakers, venturing so far without my combat boots and leather jacket. 
Feels so out of place, haven't worn this kind of outfit since the fall. Getting a shopping cart did I think to take the family grocery list as well, I only needed a few things and this seems to be growing each time I look at it.

The tremendous bore continued as I found myself struggling to keep up for the given hour I was here, the shopping cart is relatively full. And my water bottle is already halfway through, so making my way towards the register was I placing all the items for the women to scan. 
She was older than myself, maybe by a few years. But her smile at my stomach told me in the instant it was obvious. "How far along?"
"Six months," I spoke clear and proud, making it this far and not breaking down just yet. Or for a while, it's a blessing. The little tricks she told me about were a blessing in disguise, but I've already covered my bed with pillows to support the need of sleep on my back. Never was one to do that, always circle up something...Or someone. Pushing the cart back towards the jeep, was I keenly aware of the time. Needing to baby sit Mickey because Denise is no longer an option, she had the baby a few weeks ago. Molly, Molly Sherwood, and my god is she adorable.Only seen her once before is enough to prepare me to the level of heart ache I am about to go through. But a joyful one as well, pulling the bags to and from in the repetitive motion did I try to mindless study for the last test I have. Running through the list and carefully depicting the ones—

"Blake?" A voice questioned, and my first reaction was to turn my head. Looking to see three figures come this way, one of them running at full speed only to wrap their arms around my neck. 
I braced for impact at that, holding onto her waist back as small bit before she touched my swollen stomach. Hate when people do that, stare at me because of my stomach, my tits. Any of it. Won't miss that.
"When did you get back?! I missed you this summer!" Rachel screamed, shocked that my mere tap of distance had her stop at the moment. But then I realized I needed to lie, right here, right now.
"I stayed in New Haven to follow through with the semester. I'm sorry, just got back two days ago. Haven't even unpacked yet." Motioning to the cart of food and my inability to hang out. Lying my heart out so violently.
"You see Daryl yet?" I laughed to Trevor's question, shaking my head before looking back to Rachel. Guess the secrets out now, I'm back.
"Asshole." She muttered, turning to my groceries and filling up the truck. But needing to put stuff in the truck due to the fact it's all filled up, she followed me back.

"I'm glad you're back...Maybe you can come to the bonfire this weekend? He won't be there."
"That's not really a smart idea to-" She bumped into me. Her immediate reaction was to bounce back, considering how apparent my swollen skin became to my friend. 
Trying to wrap my arms around my sides did I rush to slam the door shut and continue to move to get the cart back into place.
"Blake!" She screamed, and I only quickened my pace. This was a mistake coming here.
"W-w-wh-when were you planning on tell me?" The hurt expression followed by those words seemingly dropped guilt down to my chest, fuck.

"After."
"After what? The baby's walking? Christ, you're having a kid!" Telling her to keep her voice down did she look on back, finally understanding the problem.

"He doesn't know?!" Shaking my head did I continue back towards my car. Stomping the entire way only to have her run back in front of me, stumbling to keep my sore feet in check. She held onto my shoulders, rubbing up and down as she tried to get my eyes to look into hers. And I suppressed the urge until a given point, until I looked. "Are you okay?"
"Yes. I'm fine."
"Hell you ain't. We need to talk." She began telling me her plan to just come home with me, and to be honest...I didn't really want to explain this all over again.

"You're with friends...Rumor's going to spread quick that I'm back." She nodded. But then went to the guys and told them of her plan, before hoping in the car. 
The scent of tobacco recked, they were smoking behind my car and the only I could do was hold my undershirt to my noise.
 "You should tell him."
"You know what happened right?" Her eyes looked towards me before quickly staring out the window. God, what did he tell them?

"Rachel..."
"A lot of shit went down. Shawn and Daryl can't even be mentioned to one another or they'll be set off. You especially..." The fact the mention of my name is a trigger word upsets me to high heaven, I don't mean to be this way towards anyone. 
But fuck them both.
"And Daryl? Did he tell everyone how he broke up with me?"
"He said that...That...That you were fucking Shawn the whole time...He went with it, Shawn claimed everything Daryl said was true and it ran you out of town." Rolling my eyes at the man's incompetence only drew out the fact that I was actually hurting.But the truth of it all, was when she offered a smoke. "Oh shit...I'm sorry, this is-"

"You're telling me? I haven't touched anything in months." She was quick to catch herself, and for that I am thankful. But still appalled me that these guys still have a vendetta against one another to make this horrible lies."I'm sorry, I don't know anything about...Babies...I don't even know what to ask." She let out an awkwardly laugh to go with her honesty. So I shook my head and said it was okay. "I'm having a girl...And she'll be here in about three months."
"Three months? Blake...How did you...You kept this for so long?"
 "I lied, back at the store, I've been here the entire time. I was gone in the summer, that part was true. But I've been busy to high heaven and I was going to call you when everything...figured itself out." 
I hope my honesty can generate some trust between the both of us again. And her weak smile let out as I realized she was crying. "God I am so sorry."

"Sorry for what? You have nothing to be sorry for."
"I asked you if you'd abort a baby, god I'm an idiot." Shaking my head and stopping before the red light did I turn towards her. My hands still on the wheel but managing to give her the attention. 

"Honey, that was high school. We are so long past that, Daryl and I both didn't expect this...Besides, do you think he'd believe it's mine after Shawn backed up the rumors?" She didn't respond, and that's when I knew I was right. This is exactly what happened last time, he's listening to rumors and believing them to be true. Whatever is racked up in his mind, it's going far from the truth.
"Daryl Dixon's going to have a daughter...And you don't want to tell him, it feels wrong Blake. Honestly."
"His brother agreed with me," I mumbled out, not daring to look her given way. She can be judgmental all she wants, my sore breasts and I have a date with a yoga mat. "He knows? What did he say about it?"
"He came to the restaurant last month, he's giving me money to help..." She nodded along, leaning against the window as she tried to keep her eyes on the road. But they were just pinned to my stomach as if they had a sign.
"I won't tell him, but I want to see her when she's born."

"Of course." She then squealed with joy, and if I'm not mistaken, she looked actually happy for me. And not completely pitiful. "Are you doing okay though?"
"Yeah...I mean I never dreamed of having a kid at 18, well 19 I guess..." Completely forgetting my birthday was in the next few weeks alluded me. Guess my lack of stress of the due date was drew out everything else from my mind. 

"Is there anything you need? Blankets? Um...Outfits? I...I don't know what a baby really needs." Everything was taken care of already, my mother found it a joy to act as a grandmother already. But I think that is only because she wants to achieve the same goal as myself, to provide for this kid. The biggest thing I need right now is space for everyone else, of course, I don't mind Rachel coming over and hanging out. To feel the littlest bit normal, or even Maddie to come and bother me that my nails aren't painted.
The fact that she left Jake and Trevor to come with me was actually better than expected, but it was the worry in my heart that Daryl will know I'm back. He's had to expect it for some time now, just didn't think of how extra me being here would be. Rachel helped me put everything into the kitchen, helped me cook and began to tell me how the community college down ways was going for her. I don't think she's majoring in anything really, think she's going to go. Or as she's putting it, 'getting more sales.' Guess that branch is open considering I'm not there anymore.

However, it was the screeching car outside that had Rachel look out towards the window. And myself right behind her, not recognizing the car gave me uneven heart palpitations as to who it might be. It wasn't Trevor or Jake, doubt they know where I live. Nor is it either of the Dixon's. It was fucking Shawn.

"You can't answer that door." She warned, pulling me away from it. But the fact of the matter is, it's obvious that someone is home. And with my phone ringing constantly on the table, just gives the clear give away that I am home as well as whomever maybe. "Blake! Blake I know you're here!" My friend swore, claiming that the two idiots probably told everyone that I'm back. Just waiting to see the dramatic horror fucking unfold.

"I'll tell him to leave, what is he going to do?" She blocked me, but her lowered eyes not meeting my gaze had me get away from her hold quicker.

What was she going to do? Hit pregnant women? She has more sense than that."Blake! Open up! I needa talk to—" I opened the door mid-yell, granted I only showed my face and not the tenderness of my swollen stomach right behind the door. His smile and beating eyes questioned my entirety. What the hell has he been...On?
"When did you come back?"

"Barely a few days ago, I need you to go..." I struggled, and trying to close the door as I helpless look at Rachel. Mouthing the words of 'I panicked' didn't seem to fit. Especially as I moved away from the door as he pushed it on open.

And although his eyes went from myself, to Rachel and then to the question of the house. I knew that I was screwed the second he turned around and started running to his car.Holding onto my stomach as I tried to catch up with him, was it indeed Rachel who had him stop. His huffing and puffing had him beat with the small sprint her just committed to.Until a scoff finally addressed his anger.

"You're...You're fucking pregnant?!" He yelled, top of his lungs as Rachel tried to push him away. Guarding me when she really didn't need to, but the strange look back as her pleading eyes were telling me to return to the house only abrupt the possibility of me crying. 
I haven't cried in awhile, think the last time I did, I was watching the Lion King with Mickey. And that was last month. "Y-you can't tell—"
"Daryl?! Daryl's the father? Fuck, what the...What the fuck?!" He growled, never have I seen this side of him. Seeing him drunk and professing his love was one thing. This...This is a different level. "Shawn you can't, you already—"
"Don't pretend you're innocent in all this Rachel." He spits back towards my friend who was trying her hardest in giving us all the general space we needed. 

"How much you wanna bet that you didn't tell her? Four, five pounds of coke?" He violently exclaimed, and my absolute disgust on their growing hunger for this drug had me shivering from the clear fact that they've probably done it hundreds of times from now to when I left. Probably even before too, so caught up on Daryl. Feels like these two are just names to my mind. 
But I returned to the issue at hand. Daryl. He was the issue, the issue in not knowing about this.
"You can't tell him."
"You expect me to just leave you here like this? When'd you fucking find out?"
"The summer," I muttered, not used to him talking to me in this tone. Making me feel lower than I actually am, no power here. Especially when Rachel freeze on getting him out of my face. What did he mean by her not being innocent?

"What's you telling him gonna do Shawn? The two of you almost killed each other last time!" She screamed, her throat clogged with the pressure of cracked. This was it, this was honestly it. Taking the honest step back from the situation I couldn't take it, hugging my stomach as I began to shake my head. Their voices became a distant echo as I began to reclaim my thoughts. I have an idea, and it won't be pretty. "...—Give me one fucking reason I shouldn't!"
"Shawn...I should've listened to you when you warned me before...But if you'd please, listen to me no...We both grew up with shitty fathers, this way, with me not telling him. It saves her from having to go through any of that." He stubbled back too, hearing my desperate need for him to understand the choice I've made. And I will not be bullied back into talking to Daryl.

He'd demand a blood test, he'd demand all these things. And whether or not he's understanding of the fact that this is his daughter, I don't think I can look him in the eyes and pretend like none of this ever meant anything to me. This is my daughter, and I want her to have a normal and healthy life.


Letting myself blink the given few times did I see Shawn still lacking any sort of given response, but once he began to kick the ground before him, he began to chuckle. "You're okay with him fuckin' around and screwing every last girl he sees?!"
"Of course I'm not, but this is my life now, not his. He made his choice before I left!..." Mumbling the rest out, of how I've been here since the middle of August had him scoff a few more times before pointing directly at Rachel. And in the exact moment, she stuttered a gasp.

"Shits up Rachel, better tell her." My brows crushed together, what was he trying to get her to say? But her jawline was moving up and down, and judging by the smirk growing on Shawn's face. She was mouthing words of warning.

"Tell me what?" I questioned, and she stopped mid-word to turn around. Already her pleading and watery eyes trying to reason with me. 
"I was drunk...I'm sorry...I didn't think you'd—"

"What!? Care?! Be back?! You have to be kidding me." I said, speaking my hands already going straight to my head as I tried to breathe. Angering and upsetting someone at the end of the second trimester was a bad idea, for the hormones were already rushing to the surface.

"And you had the fucking nerve to ask me when I came back? Or if I'm okay? While you hid that on your fucking back." I yelled, not stuttering on anything. But even with Shawn's grin rising from either one of his ears, my anger still rested him as well.

"...Why'd you come here for anyway? Make the rumors come true too? Saying that we fucked the entire time?... You know what...No. I don't need this." I said, walking back to the house. Having a million things to do and crying wasn't on any of the lists. 
But the stomps of two separate foot prints echoed off behind me, until one of them touched my shoulder to have me continue. It wasn't Shawn, he's planted the damage already. It was Rachel, fear and terror in her face in claims at what she's done.

"Please...Blake...It was a mistake."
"Leave...You too." My eyes drifted off towards Shawn who was a few steps behind her, and as I moved the weight off towards my other foot to continue on. Making his yells broadcast ever so loudly.

"We can talk about this..."
"Talk about what? There isn't anything to talk about, go do a line. Get off my property." I growled, finally making it to the door and slamming it shut in whomever's face was there. 
Don't care, just leaving myself to cry all the bit more behind the door. But muffling it gave me the clear hearing of their conversation. "Nice going asshole."
"Hey, you're the one who fucked him." Her loud scoff erupted and that's when the yelling drifted back and forth. Whether it was a natural swear or calling her a 'whore' my favorite damn word that sparked, even more, hatred in my heart.

She only stayed with me because she wants to know more information, probably feeding Daryl, right to the source. He was right, he did fuck her, and a whole bunch of other people. 
I don't want that around my daughter, not at all.
"It was once!"
"Yeah, I believe that for the fucking life of me. She's carrying Dixon's kid and you're not going to mouth off to him?"
 "I haven't seen him in weeks, and you haven't seen him last since he pulled a gun on you!"My heart stopped, in utter and complete shock. Daryl could have killed Shawn, just for claiming to sleep with me and all the other horrible things "So stop buttering up to her!"

"I wasn't. She's my friend. I already feel bad enough as is!"
"Obvious you don't, if you called him right now. Asking to hook up, would he answer?" It was no longer yelling, they were screeching at one another in a high pitched tone that had Lucky's ears twitch at each word spoken.
"...Would he?!"
"He's been gone for weeks, he's probably in Atlanta!"

"Are you going to keep the secret?"
"You really want to fuck up a baby's life for the petty bullshit you have with him? Still?!" The burning tears illuminated the situations, along with the gentle movement of the little child in my stomach. I felt sick, due to the fact my surpassed sob finally was allowed out as the question Rachel threw out into the air was still being responded to with a hesitant 

"Yeah...No I won't tell, but how much you wanna bet that he did it on purpose?"
"How can you even say that? You know he loved—"
"So did you! And look what you fucking did, be fucking shocked if she forgives you." My heart took a turn as the baby kicked, almost as though she was arguing for her conception of her father doing it on purpose. 
I don't think he'd do that? That's going a bit far in a stretch, but then again...How else would I be bound to him, the questions he had, about the future and children.

Was this his plan all along? And in his mind it failed because I don't wish to give him the satisfaction."You've annoyed her since the beginning! I might not be innocent, but neither are you!" She screamed, and out of whatever movement my mind has made up, I pulled the door open for both of their eyes to follow through with. Watching me take the gentle steps down the stairs and holding my massive stomach.They looked ready to help, even after being so angry with each other.

"I'm not going to pretend I'm innocent either, but both of you...Christ all of you guys were friends till I came along...Now, look what happened."
"Blake it's not your fault," Rachel whispered, trying so desperately to mend what happened, but I took a step back with my hand out.
"I want...No. I need you both to promise me that you won't tell him, I can't bare that argument anymore. He probably knows I'm here now anyway, same reason you know I'm here too. Merle is helping me with—"
"I'll help too." I shook my head at Shawn's offer, but instead, I fueled it as my own.
"Then help by not telling, I'm going to raise her right. Right here." As my friend began to wonder in that moment, her eyes lit up. "Fuck, I know who's in Atlanta..."

"Who?" Shawn and I said in unison, I rolled my eyes humorously as my friend before me did as well. But the simple nod forward and glare towards Shawn gave me the answer I needed, in both my heart and mind. "...Julia."

I laughed, of course she is. Told and claimed that this place sucks to high heaven, and goes to the one place. But her brainstorming eyes didn't stop from there, instead her smile began to grow within the moments before stepping closer. And I allowed it because I wanted to hear what she has to say. "Say you're engaged."
"What?" Shawn was quick to move away from her side to come between the both of us, almost mirroring my own reaction as to what she could fucking mean by that.
"Yeah, say you're married. I know I hurt you by doing what I did, but this is how you hurt him. Show him you're better off." "This isn't really better off, pregnant with his kid and engaged to—"
"To me...Say you're engaged to me, say it's my kid." Rachel was clear to step into the ring, pushing me to the house. Holding my shoulders and leading me in as he yelled his reasoning. "Fucking dumbass, that's going to start more fights. Merle knows, he's going to..."
"He's going to fight you himself." I glared back, he so desperately wanted to be put in the middle of this. But I wanted to hear her plan, more thoroughly than the rest. So I allowed her back into the house, but not without breathing the last clear and spiteful breath out of my lungs. We both said our goodbyes, and I know she was feeling in the higher power.

She needs to earn my trust back if she wants to stay in my life, pregnant or not. What she did was fucked up. "What were you thinking...About this fake engagement."
"Wouldn't it be easier to start a lie, for your kid to actually grow up with? What are you going to tell her about her dad?" I nodded along, and she soon dragged me up to my room. She's seen it once before, twice perhaps. And stumbled along in as she completely pictured it a different way.


"...Wow..." She whispered, completely dumbfounded by the amount of baby shit that cluttered my room. Along with homework and projects that surrounded my bed and desk.


"Sorry, I was writing a paper," I said, trying my best to clear the bed. But she just found herself in my swirly chair, looking around again with her adorable wide eyes as she took everything in."I'm really sorry...That I believed Daryl and that I didn't try and talk to you before-"

"It's fine, you know he said he did it before. Guess I believe him in the moment too." She nodded, but then preceded to tell me she's never slept with him before we broke up. So that in the sense is better than being cheated on.
"He's never cheated on you, you have to know that."
"Yeah, does it count if he's cheating on his daughter? I know he doesn't know...But whoring around with Jules isn't the best choice either." She agreed, reluctantly. Then began to snoop around, nothing in particular. Looking at the books on the walls, skimming through the pregnancy ones I read back to back in record time. Along with looking through my jewelry box. 


"How do you feel, about the plan?"
"What do I tell my kid? That her father left before she was born?"
"No. Say he died, tell the story. People are going to wonder the same thing time and time again." Letting out the brutal nod, did she hand me my ring from my jewelry box. To be honest I haven't seen the damn thing in a long long while.

I'd see it time and time again, but never had the guts to actually put it on my finger. It was my grandmother's wedding ring, guess it already feels like a bad omen to wear it. But I think I can turn it's luck around, as I placed it on my ring finger. Glancing at it like I was just proposed to.
"I almost told him...He wasn't home when I stopped by, and this was just a month of me being here. Didn't even tell his brother then, couldn't do it, Rachel. I honestly couldn't...What would he do if I told him? Anything he would say or do wouldn't change the fact he's slept around or called me those foul names...You don't have to deny it, I know it's probably happened. He said them to my face."

The second her mouth opened to stop my rambling, I stopped her beforehand. Whether it was her guilt that allowed me to speak or whatever the case may be, she still continued on afterward. "He didn't say anything to me, don't know who he was talking to. But the bonfires aren't the same since you two went to Atlanta together."

"Atlanta? No...That was back in March, we went camping." Her eyes widened even further, guess camping and going to his house are two red flags in anyone's book. But the clear assumption of what happened cleared her brain into not asking what happened. And now, I'm left with a plan and a ring on my finger.

My husband died, this is his kid. What will his name be? Time will tell until I think up of one, never took his last name. Or maybe I'll make it her middle name to continue the lie. But even that made me upset to the point of tears, I shouldn't have to lie, I shouldn't have to keep my trust hidden from others.

"Guess that's the beauty of a secret," I spoke so proudly, seeing her look up from the journal so I can practice with. The lies to tell my mother and father, my brother and Maddie. Along with everyone else, this will be a promise ring to myself and her. "You trust Shawn?"

"I trust my threats will keep him away." She nodded, continuing the story as well.

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Date Posted: 05-15-18 // Time: 8:58
Word-Count: 4775
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'Guess that's the beauty of a secret', you know you're supposed to keep it.
-Halsey