****

****

____

_____

Sunday. And hell was it a curse of waking up, the sun was already overhead. And I didn't find any strength in me to move the muscles, not that I could anyway. Letting out a groan into my pillow as I just let my entire body roll over to my stomach. 

Thoughts about last night rolled on into my brain, the weed, the beer, the vodka. Every and all sorts of drugs known to man, a bong passed around. Blunts. But I remember that littlest bit of fear I had when I saw the white powder come from someone's pocket. And I booked it. After that, everything is a blur. Other than the smallest portion of having Daryl drive me home. Guess Shawn couldn't...

Looking to my phone did I read the few texts that spammed throughout, few of which were calls. But mostly direct messages from my brother, Maddie, and Shawn. Assuming he didn't know I was home just yet was a relief, for I can say I came home at an earlier time than before. 

But as I tried to rise on over to my side to read the phone better, with the damn reflection of my window being a problem. Caused me to feel my brain swirl within my skull. But I still managed to read the worrying statements Maddie had, of how I needed to call Jarod. So I responded to her first, 'between you and me. I got home at 4.' Before sending it to her, and then responding to Shawn's apology for not being able to drive me home like we had planned. To be honest, it was expected.

Something that was expected was how Daryl was completely okay with driving me home mid-party, or perhaps he was done for as well. Any and all problems just became a lot clearer to understand, until I texted my brother. Stating fair and clearly that 'I'm in my room and have been since 2.' But the irony in all of this is that I assumed that he'd come running up the stairs to truly check. 
Only...It never happened. 

Instead, did I grab a few clothes and run into the bathroom so I could wash off the stench of anything illegal off my body, especially the weed. It's one thing for cigarettes, my mother doesn't need another reminder of anything like that from her past. 
Not when she's come this far.

The countless times I've put shampoo into my hair, dragging out the smell so that I can face my family downstairs. But even then did I still feel the high from last night and the hangover of this morning rolling on in. 

Done this before

Taking the towel, wrapping it around my body. Before taking it to my face and wipe any and all problems from my mind that should have been left in the shower. But weren't. Sighing, did I end up drying my hair to the smallest percentage of dryness. Before leaving the confinements of the bathroom, the blast of cool air was a reminder of what time it is, and once I had gotten downstairs to see Jarod, eating lunch. I chuckled with the silent head nod, and the aid of my hand to my temple. "That bad huh?" Another snicker came from my mouth as I went to pour myself a glass of orange juice, refilling his cup as well before putting it on back to the fridge. "Did you have fun at least?" I stayed silent, waiting for mom to pop around the corner. But she never did, having my brother just continuing eating, waiting for the response. "She's not home, Mickey's taking a nap." I nodded, downing one more sip of the juice before telling him what happened. "Didn't think it'd be that bad."
"Bad as in-?"
"Nono...I mean. I think you know what I mean." He fell back into the bar chair, crossing his arms and swinging his head forward for me to elaborate on the topic of this party.
"Not a fan of all the drugs."
"Christ, what did they have?"
"Think one guy had shrooms, bong passed around...But I went on over to the car once they took out the coke." He nodded in understanding, but it wasn't the type I wanted or needed from him. Mother hasn't told him the entire story, but I bet Michael knows. When he returns. "Uh...We have this thing at Fort Benning, dad's not coming back home for a few more weeks but-"
"This really the best image? Me completely dead?" He shrugged into his drink before taking another bite, claiming it was my own choice. Since work and my studies were not an option to take. I just nodded, I'll take some Advil before we head on out. A bonus more or less, that we get to take Mickey along with us.

"Leave in half an hour, shouldn't be too much traffic." Nodding, did I run back on upstairs to get dressed. Not as fancy as the first time I've ever gone on base, but it was good enough to begin with. My leggings and tall boots finally made an appearance from the depths of my suitcase.

Saying I never unpacked isn't a total lie, my summer clothes are still in there. Along with a few other things, but moving right along. I had the opportunity to get Mickey ready, seeing as how I already stepped up with the big sister game and am able to get him ready faster than Jarod. Once we got on into the car, did I offer to drive. Only the sheer laughter had me remember. 

I didn't feel any different, tired perhaps. I have clearly woken up by now. "We're you always like this?" "Like what? Ride bikes, drink and smoke?" He nodded, looking to me for the answer. But I couldn't say it out loud, so I nodded. Looking out the window because I didn't want to see his judgmental stare. "Can't say I blame you, all the shit you've been through." I snickered, hoping it would drown out the sound of my nose breathing on up the tears. "You don't know the half of it."
"Maybe one day you can tell me."
"I'll tell you when the asshole gets his final sentence." He nodded, taking hold of my hand that resting beside his on the glove box. But I pulled away.

I didn't like affection, not even when Daryl was the given foot away from me either. The questions my brother continued to ask consisted of nothing more than what drinks, who, where and basically the rest of the zillion questions on earth. Before reminding me of our deal.
"Ryan is actually excited."
"Why do your friends even like me?"
"Do you really want to know what they talk about, because I was so fed up with Daniel  that one-"
"Then why force me to go with them. I already promised I wouldn't date." It was too late to continue this bickering argument, for Jarod was signing us in. But it was barely a second notice for him to just show his face rolling on in. 

"How well is-" "He runs this entire base, we don't live on post...So I get why it's confusing." My eyes widened as I remembered the area where we driving through, the beautiful houses. The P.X store thing, the memorials. The main hall. It was a wonderful sight to see such a community function. "Why don't we live on post?"
"Mom didn't really want too. And I think Dad's trying to separate his life. We have a house on post." My eyes scrunched together, was he joking? That we have an entire house just sitting on this plot of land, and when he let out a laugh from my expression. Did he stray from the path I knew was taking, for he changed direction. Going down multiple sets of houses before rounding to this particular one. 

The driveway extended in a circle, making it easy for cars to come and go as they please. But just look at it from the window, was I in sheer shock at what it truly held. "But this-" "The farm was the families too, I grew up in both. Dad'll stay here sometimes when he's working late. Same with mom too. Convince otherwise." I nodded as he continued forward, saying we could check it out later. But in truth, I didn't care all that much about that. Instead, we just continue off to this community center. 

More or less babysat kids whose parents were serving and the other one was making care packages, all this and that to send to the troops deployed. It was a mix of calming relief and honestly something to do. Mickey was in the daycare as we were working, and I found myself talking with a few people my age. All of which lived on post and fired question after question. 

'What school do you go to?'
'why don't you live on post?' 
'why haven't we heard of you before?'

 And honestly, I couldn't take it. Making me excuse myself as they basically all gossiped in my face, I left the scene. Just walking out of the community building as I made my way to the front, just holding my stomach. Holding in my tears, I didn't like to be reminded that I don't belong anywhere. Especially here.
"Hey? You alright?" I nodded, passing by the boy. But hearing his footsteps closing in behind me had me prepare for the much surpassed outbreak. "Ma'am?" 
I licked lips, turning around to see that he probably wasn't much older than myself. Eighteen isn't that old, and in comparison, he was just farther along in life than I am.
"I'm alright. It...Those girls aren't very welcoming." He chuckled, joining me for the walk. I didn't mind, for whatever reason or another, so I offered him a smile as he tried to work through what to say. "There's no ring on your finger, parent in the army?"
"Stepdad. We don't live on post." He nodded in complete understanding, but turning around could I see the crowd go forward in retaliation against me. My brother not being found, so I looked in a pleading fear of them for him to help. I was never liked this, but I couldn't speak out against anyone because Michael would get in trouble as well. "Come on. Let's go get something to eat, my treat." He winked, making me go and follow him. So off we walked, towards the town like area. 

Surveying it was my own mind faltering through over and over again, but it was nice to be someone who didn't fire so many questions towards me. And for once, called me 'ma'am' like I had some honorary role here. "So...What has you on post?" He said, meeting me at the coffee table of this cute little nook area. He had his army hat off now, and his dogs hanging loose. So I pulled mine on out. "My brother invited me, thought it'd be good for me to be involved with his work. Besides...Didn't really have anything else to do today." He nodded, taking the long tags within his hold. And nodded in favor of the last name. "Holden. Thought I recognized you. Jarod's been talking about you coming since before it all."
"Yeah. He's taking that big brother card too seriously....So tell me about yourself Blake." And that right there, gave me the given few yours to feel like a normal person for once in my life.

_____

Date Posted:  1-3-18// Time: 5:10
Word-Count: 1934
______