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Returning back home from just the sheer factor that I helped deliver numerous amounts of drugs to different groups of the school, whether it is to the nerds, the jocks or even the normal people who I wouldn't have even predicted was into doing the shit he was giving out. 

To be honest, it was more relaxing than I first anticipated. Even more so when we parked beside the barn and took the given moment to just make out. I know I'm frustrating him with no return, but after him and Julia, I don't think I can find myself to be ready by Friday. 

Everything was all set in stone, my tattoo appointment was scheduled, Daryl supposedly has things planned. It's just...Staying in a hotel room alone with nothing blocking us from anything, I honestly cannot picture anything more than that being the imperfect moment. It all falls back onto the trust issues, I thought sex was just sex until I found out how much it hurts knowing a person who made you feel such a certain way, throw it back into your face like it was nothing.

Him also suggesting that we purge our life stories one day or night or whatever, was the idea we seemed fairly committed to as of right now. I would like to hope that one day, soon enough, that I can put myself out there. 
But not before I tell him my name, he has the right to know. Just hope it's not too much of a trust issue when I finally come to terms with it. Not like Grandma Holden did.

At the moment, it was Wednesday night. And I knew what tomorrow intaled, I was nervous entirely. Jarod has to take two of his midterms tomorrow and shouldn't be focusing on something as little as my birthday. We've met this year, and although we've been through complete shit. I was happy to get the twelve o'clock break-in of my room.

Not having to go to school for the next two days was valuable, working ahead to get everything out of the way for this weekend. Not to forget Jarod was a hundred percent on my side to talking to mom and Michael about letting me go. Of course, they think it's with Rachel and Karen, but Jarod sold a very compelling story. 

And that was my ticket to go, even if he knew Daryl was taking me. 
I think they've both come to terms with one another for a given moment to allow a truce, for however long that will last. And I made clear that all the rumors revolving a bathroom were not true. I just didn't mention the New Years party because I doubt he actually heard it. 

That was just speculation of our friend group than anything else, Shawn for the most part. Although I appreciate his willingness, to tell the truth, he asked far too personal questions in regard to what happened. And how the fight went, and in truth, I should have kicked Daryl in the balls and rode off in my bike back to my house.

My distance is rather me being mindful of how he won't be tempted to do it again, but another little bit of it all. As Jarod loved to explain to me, was there was this trial run of how starting recruits are trained as if they were army signed. And to be honest, I signed up without thinking of anything else. 
I will admit, Tuesday was probably the most teariest I have dealt with for the given while. Mom and I went to go find our dresses for the ball, and I was quick to settle on one of the first few I found. A very nice, silky grey gown that ties at the neck. It flows down and spins with my body as I so carelessly did in front of the four-panel mirror.

Also has embroideries at the waist to secure it to my body, I absolutely loved my dress. And my mother's was nothing more than suiting a general's wife. The people at the shop knew he first name and even Mickey's. Commenting on how big he's gotten since the last military event. Sees as though my parents have been shielding me from all the events up until this one.

I was honestly scared about tomorrow, not knowing how everyone was going to respond or act was tough. Especially when I managed to just stay home and do nothing, the only catch of being allowed to leave to go to Atlanta is that I'd leave later tonight rather than any other time. 
Getting back by Sunday morning wouldn't be a problem either, having my duffle bag all set was one thing. Having my mind in order was another, every time I looked at the tattoo I printed out, I'd look online and try and find another one, a better one. 

As much as I fought myself to run in fear of it, it was morning before I knew it. And although everyone had work to get through, it was the sheer fact that everyone bought me presents, even little Mickey who was overwhelmed by the thoughts of gifts returning.

The amount of pictures that were rushed together because everyone had someplace to be was alright, I wanted the moment to be over and done with. But what was an even bigger surprise, is that Michael not only topped everything off with the bike being passed down from him. But also a guitar, a slick black color in regards to my attire. 

As he claimed. Better than the original color as well. 

Jarod had given me money, I can't remember if I told him my plan or not. But this was going straight to the trip, and as did mom. Assuming everyone knows an 18-year-olds plan to get a tattoo the moment they're allowed to is beyond Michael's knowledge though.

With the house becoming empty, other than myself and little Mickey. Was I giving the task of driving him to daycare, since Jarod was already late for one of his midterms and everyone else having work.

To be honest, I didn't mind it, the fact that everyone stayed past their said call in time was bad enough that I didn't like the feeling of them being late. And instead, when Mikey was all set to get going, did I make the plan of looking up songs I wish to learn on the guitar.

I used to have one, and by that I mean one of the foster homes I lived in, their actual kids had one. But never learned how to play it, the asshole of a child never allowed anyone to touch it. The foster mother allowed me to play it once in a given while, just not enough to fully learn.

But now, as I walked through the threshold of the house, did I grab the bag my guitar was placed into and head upstairs. The family computer was set in this office space, although I always assumed it was Michael's office. Everyone else seems to use it time to time, and instead of just looking everything up on my laptop. I decided to go straight to the printer and download copy after copy of music.

And as I waited, did I play the given songs I can recall. But my fingers were so out of practice that I had to give myself the moment of strumming back and forth to carry out the momentum. I felt at peace for the longest time, hours upon hours did I just lay back and strum. 

Saying I played till my fingers bled was an understatement because before I knew it, the skin was already in pain by the amount of times I tried learning the given ideas.

*


The early dinner my mother prepared came and left, Michael needed to return to the army base and couldn't push past whatever it was that needed his attention. And Jarod needed to study for his final test tomorrow morning. Throughout the entire course of the meal, and the cake at the end. Did I finally feel the joy that Christmas should have been or even the idea. 

Before I knew it, as I was helping clear the table of all the plates and everything that littered around. My mom took control of the situation and told me to get ready for my ride to get here, but my duffle bag was already packed. And with the given two hours left, did I take a shower and change my outfit.

To be honest, I was sort of scared to be with Daryl for this long. The longest we've spent was probably New Years, and even then was it just a night of mischief. But now, as I heard the sound of his pick up make its way through the gravel of it all. And the alerting text to my phone, did I know it was time.

The sun was still out, probably for a few more hours to say the most. So grabbing my phone off the charger, swinging the backpack over my shoulder and the small duffle bag into my hands grasp. Did I depart for the car, saying goodbye to my mother and brother before heading to the truck.

And top of it all, did I see the man of it all just standing on the driver's side of the door. Propping up his leg, holding his arms out as he offers a hug. "Happy birthday darlin'." The whisper of his husky voice was something I missed over the week, to be honest, I think we were all a little overwhelmed at the rush the school board has given us. 

Or some of us at least.

As he laid a kiss on my forehead did I smile on up to him. "Get everythin' ya want for ya birthday?" Rolling my eyes at the question, was I forced to nod. "Yeah, a guitar was always on the list." Allowing his to fall back to look onto the sky, was he hiding his smile. And the only reason I could tell, is because of his alluring chuckle that shook his entire body.
"Of course ya play guitar." Trying to tell him I don't know that many songs had him reach into the truck. And as much as I assumed that he was just unlocking the door, did I see the small box appear before me. "Daryl you-"
"B, I meant what I said. Ain't gotta say I own ya anymore. Alright? Besides, the money from sellin, the deer...And not to mention fixin' ma bow?" Mumbling the curse word under my breath did he figure it out, and to be honest it wasn't too hard. Merle mysteriously getting the money all of a sudden? 

As the box was placed into my hand, did my eyes again dart up. It wasn't wrapped, but the small little print looking box was enough for me. So smiling did I lift up the lid, and inside was a necklace. 

With an arrow on it.

The hand holding the lid flew right on over to my mouth as I tried to hold my smile hidden, but his sudden let out of air alerted me that he was nervous, just like I was when I got him something for Christmas. "I love it...Thank you thank you!" Again, did I have my arms over his shoulders. But his body struck as shocked as my hug was out of place. But his hands slowly found their way around to meet each other.
"Was scared ya weren't gonna like it..." As I pulled away I began to shake my head, giving him the smallest peck on his lips.

It was the ever forming smile on both our lips that shorted the kiss even further.

Taking the necklace out from its casing did I unclip it to place it on my neck, but given with my hair and all did I need assistance. And without even asking did he help me secure it around. And as soon as it was in place, did my hand just tap on over it.

Just the thought of an arrow reminded me of him trying to teach me, and that is the sentimental part of gifts. To bring back memories, good ones at that. "Aight, gotta few hours drive. Wanna hit the road?" I nodded before heading off towards my seat, letting my bags dive in first before I myself joined in. 

Missing the rusty gears scratching together as he put the car forward towards the road, was I in favor of this entire trip in general. The fact to get away from it all and not have to worry about the given minute was wonderful, and alarmingly easy not to think about what else he has planned.

It was a few solid minutes of just him holding onto me as I sat in the middle, the one row pick up was growing on me quite a bit. Can't say I was expecting that, along with his woodsy scent either. But the pinging sound of his blinker coming through was I confused on why we were headed to a gas station. With a moment sitting in the parking space did he just chuckle at my utter loss for words.
"Run on in, go get some cigarettes. Gotta be official somehow." 

With my hands pulling my hair to the back of my head did I laugh at his enthusiasm, grabbing my wallet did I head on into the store. The money my mother gave me in hand, spending it on tattoos and cigarettes. Probably not expected of me at all, but there had to be some suspicion from her that I smoke, it's the sheer factor on my clothes.

And I'm surprised Jarod hasn't said anything against it.

With my normal smoke already in hand did I find it funny that they were selling 'virgin slims' still. The first one I ever tried, and thinking of the sentimental value again. My first legal smoke should be that, and barely out of the door did I light it up. Returning back to the car as he was laughing to the high heavens.
"Gotta admit, ya bein' legal is pretty fuckin' hilarious." My eyebrows questioned it already, but as he allowed the car to back up and return to the given highway did I offer him one. "Did ya get a different one?" He was shifting through the packs, and I was confused on what had him hold onto the virgin slims for as long as he did.

The wide eyes contemplated everything I could ever think about it, but he placed them back down. "What's wrong?" Was all I could question out, he was shifting around so uncomfortably that it blurted out without thinking about it.

His long drawn out sigh filled the car, and I knew he was keeping his eyes on the road as he tried to keep his eyes off the cigarettes. So I took ahold of them and threw them into my backpack, as well as throw the one I was currently smoking out the window as well. "Hell ya do that for?" My hand rose up in to question out again, wasn't that what made him uncomfortable?
"You looked like you were going to throw up..."
"Yeah, cause they're shit...Why'd ya buy 'em?" I chuckled at him. They were, but for me, it wasn't the taste so much as the burning sensation that it gives me.
"First one I ever smoked...But you never answered my question." Again did he shift himself, him moving from one lane to another was pointless, but it also gave him time to draw out his response again and again.

But I wasn't having it, he won't tell me anything other than when I find out. I really wish we didn't start the trip out like this...It's frustrating and it's-
"I had a friend...Really big into 'em. Guess they left it burnin' when they fell asleep...Always drunk or hung over ya know? It burned the house right on down." His expression and voice were both repressed from being drowned out by the lump in his throat. It was vague, but it was enough to understand why he was shifting this way and that over the sight of them.
"I'm sorry...I didn't kno-"
"Ain't ya fault...I promise B, end of the month. We gonna just purge on out everythin' like ya said." That's when I began to dive deep into it, were my walls ready to fall down to him.

My mind was racing, barely into the month of February and I was already worrying myself about what will come of it all.

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Date Posted: 02-07-18  // Time: 2:06
Word-Count: 2814
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❄️❄️Snow day for me! ❄️❄️