****

****

____

_____

Two more months went by, and although watching Molly for a good few days calmed my nerves about caring and tending to a newborn's every need. It was when she came early that worried me, was something wrong? The only blessing was that it was at the army base, and my mother was right beside me. Holding my hand, leading me to the room and setting me up with everyone.

Perks of mom working so often, everyone knows her.

And everyone knows me.

I had come here multiple times before, to see her at work or because of Mickey. More recently for the checkup, this, however, was it. 

The gentle hours fated into the night as I was in labor for more than I committed time, and before I knew it. The crying sound of my daughter erupted, and all I could see through my tearful eyes was the nurse holding her up to show me. They began to dry her off as I tried my best to breath, my mom was very soothing through the whole thing. Reminding me of each and every technique from the classes she took with me, the stupid breathing worked wonders. And even now as she doused my head with a cooling rag and ice chips, I began to feel my red face begin to fade through. 

However, the cries soon began once more and once again, In the insane moment of it all. Did the nurse come over and begin to transfer her to my hands, I tried my best to catch and steady my breath. But as her small and feeble hands grasped and wiggled into the new world, it was the cling and touch as she rested in my firm hold she opened her eyes.

With wide eyes looking towards me now, searching them as she adjusted to the light and to my smile and soft voice welcoming her into the world. Bouncing her up and down to stop her from crying any more than she's already done. Did I realize again, in that very moment, that I'd be cursed for the rest of my life, to stare into the blue crystal eyes I fell in love with the first time around.

But I persevered, I will love them all over again.

Although mom gave me the few moments alone in privacy to settle in. I'm finally a mother, and to this child, to my child. "I promise, to give you the best chance at happiness. Right babygirl?" Her coos followed by a yawn, and I too seemed to take the impression as I yawned right in pursuit of needing to put her down in the small little plastic box beside me.

To be honest, leaving the hospital to drive two hours back home was the insanity of a lifetime. But somehow, bless everything holy, did she sleep the entire ride. Mom was also grateful because she too didn't get much sleep. Only when I opened the car door did she greet me with wide eyes, but shielding her from the sun and multiple eyes cast down to her car seat, did everyone aid me. Holding on to my weak body considering I gave birth less than a day ago.

She's one day old, my Addie is one day old.

The Sherwoods and Leblancs were over as well, shocking to see everyone off the base in this house a good while away, but they were all wanting to see my child. As well as Rachel, Maddie, and Jarod. Who sat beside one another on the couch. 

"Everyone, I'd like you to meet Adelyn Faye Holden." Getting her out of the car seat, did I present to her to my family as they all protectively went around her. Commenting on her smile, and for my mother of course, to agree with the 'A' lettering. As my grandmother had done as well.

Addie, as everyone began calling her right away. Fell asleep within the half hour of being home, and I too was reluctant to stay awake, but everyone told me to rest and let my body heal before the morning comes about.


Their warnings were not nearly what I expected, Michael might have called and congratulated me. But he was still away on a tour for another month or so and there was no way to reach him at certain times.

It was nice for her to be so close to the summer, but I don't think I can put myself to leave for that long. Even with it being a decent three months away, it won't happen. The best I can do is offer myself during the week programs, and even that is an if.

Jarod and everyone were kind enough to give me the house to myself most times, or even take claim to the house on post. Which I am starting to consider, mom's working. And if anything happened to Mickey while I watched him and Addie, it wouldn't end in a long car ride. But her taking the trip back was worrying, and I didn't want to endure the pack up and travel just yet.

But it was always the same few steps with her, burp, change, nap, cry and eat. Only to repeat again and again, all throughout the night, almost like clockwork. But her increments became better and better by the time passed. 

As of right now, it's been the good solid three months. And it took me everything to not delay the uncle any further, Jarod gets to see her whenever he wants, and yet Merle has provided so much. The given thousands, and the promise of not getting locked up. Granted I'm putting it into savings for her and her emergencies, since we're on the Army medical plan, a complete blessing because that is another thing I don't think I can figure out myself.

I let the text sit before me for the given few seconds, and Merle was quick to reply. Claiming that he is on the way from my open invitation. Allowing my little girl to rest and try to grab the hanging mobile above her crib was adorable. But also a great distraction from my homework and lectures I needed to listen to, along with the small monitor for Mickey as well. 
Maybe I'll talk to Merle about moving to the base, he'd know better than myself what choice looks better. To be honest, I think I just need outsiders help.

But the sudden rush to my chest as I heard the ripping roar of the road commence in my driveway, the familiarity was making my heart swell higher and higher. But instead of waking the toddler up from his nap, I took the monitor and clipped it to my long cardigan's pocket and began to pick up Addie from her position. She was already awake, babbling along to herself trying to call out for me as I was memorized by the sound. 

Opening the front door did I see him hop off his bike and reach into his leather pouch attached, to be fair I was the one who fixed it for him. Low and behold, what he took out was clearly a toy, one of which she doesn't need any more of. "You didn't..."

"Course I did, anythin' for my damn niece." He laughed on out, missing the few steps to come and sit down beside me on the porch's chairs. Tilting her up did he take a long look, and for the first time since he's seen my swollen stomach, the glint returned. The glint of pure and utter amazement. Especially when she giggled and smiled towards her uncle.


"God, just gorgeous like ya ma, ain't ya?" Again, she cooed out to entertain the new person before her. She never acted shy, even with the kids at the military base coming in and swooping for the new kid in the town. "She has his eyes," I mumbled, and although his eyes were looking to mine. He too let out a growl insinuating he saw it too. "Yeah, but they fit her better."

"Do you want to hold her?" He put his hands on up, claiming he didn't want to push his luck.

But wrapping the blanket firmly around her, did I hand her off. Gently setting her into his hold as he smiled ever so brightly down on her. I wanted to take a picture, and perhaps one day I will. But as of right I basked in the moment these two needed.
"Hey princess...Hey there lil thin', don't ya worry, uncle Merle's gonna make sure nothin' bad ever happens to ya." I too smiled at his promise, as I leaned back in my seat and took in the fresh air. Haven't really left the house in a while.

"When's the last time ya rode ya bike?"
"August."
"Christ, go hop on." Shaking my head, I don't think he would understand how...Changing it is to have a kid, so there is no possible way I am going until after the summer.

"I think you just want Addie for yourself." I teased, and he smiled at the name. Repeating over and over in a small little reference. "What's that short for?"
"Adelyn...Don't know where I got it from."

"Nah, nah it suits her." Was his last saying about the matter, bouncing her up and down until she grew fussy. He tried to calm her down, but her eyes converted back to mine and evidently, she returned to me. 

"Natural. Lemme tell ya. Thought ya were crazy doin' this by yaself." With Addie's head in the crook of my neck, did I let out a chuckle that rocked my entire body before looking off to him. "My parents are helping, watching my baby brother too...Thing is, I might move to the army base for a while."
"Why's that?"
"Safer, if anything happens I have people over there, a hospital."

"Hell ya waitin' for then?" And there was my answer, in clear Merle fashion was he pushing me to go. Claiming that there's more on that side of Georgia anyway.

But in the given moment, he asked about Shawn. And I know I promised him I'd tell him if anything popped up, but I never told him about the asshole coming to the house, or Rachel knowing else well. "You probably heard that Trevor and Jake saw me."
"Yeah, thought they saw a ghost. Scared the shit out of 'em...Oh I'm sorry princess I..." Her scared expression drifted when he said his apology, and she continued to bubble forward. Doing the soft motion of her wanting to be rocked again, so I complied. 

She was so silly when company's over, probably due to the fact that they are rarely over, unless it's mom or Jarod. She's all over them.

"Shawn found out."
"What..."
"I mean, I'm happy that Rachel was over, but I found out things I didn't want to hear."

"Hun I told ya, ya wouldn't wanna know, didn't wanna—" I stopped him right there. Smiling so pitifully as my eyes produced my glossy eyes, but the second I looked to my daughter, they stopped. 
"Rachel said that I should make up a lie, say I'm engaged. Don't know how far I want to go with that..."

"Got the ring already on ya hand, might as well. I love my baby brother, but he done fu—-messed up. If ya wanna do it. Go for it. I'll even pass the message quicker." I chuckled, his honesty was what I needed. Being this close to Merle wasn't dangerous like I previously thought, but once he asked what Shawn wanted or did. I let out the dramatic sigh and hoped that Mickey would wake up from his nap.

But he didn't.

"At first he wanted to talk, but when he pushed the front door open he saw my stomach...That's when I found out Rachel fucked Daryl, couple times the way Shawn put it. I get you want to protect me, but it's coming back around no matter what."
"I know hun, I know. Just...Sucks seein' ya grow up this fast." Closing my eyes and offering him a smile, was it dealing obviously that I never really had a childhood or a time period of being a teenager.

Maybe that's what Denise meant when I told her I was pregnant, that I'm qualified to do this. "When ya movin' to the army base?"
"Maybe next month, I don't know."
"Should I even ask when the last time ya left ya house was?" Shaking my head did the slight breathing of Addie quiet us both down to a whisper. But he interrupted it with a chuckle.
"Ya needa get out."
"You sound like my mom now."
"Well maybe grams is right, bet ya she'd take of Addie for two hours." My glare gave him the insight of how right he was, and in truth, I'm not ready. Whether it was the feeling of separation or the anxiety of something happening, I honestly couldn't do it.

"How's school goin'?"
"Halfway there with credits, just wish I can take a summer class at—"
"Well there ya go, go on and do that. If anythin' happens just fly back." He doesn't understand, and so I proposed another idea, local school is offering internships. And it might just be what I need, but the second I asked him, he scoffed out again.
"Ya wanna have two jobs, the manager more or less, go to school and have an internship. Blake ya have a kid, and what about findin'...Ya know, findin' someone else?"
"Don't think that's going to happen anytime soon Dixon, but thanks for thinking I need someone like that." He chuckled at the clear hint of feminism that I slammed him down with.

"...And here my brother's wasted back at home not thinkin' 'bout a god damn thin'."
"Did his nightmares stop?" My questioned blurted out, and I froze on how terrible the memory is in my mind. But even worse was the look of clarification Merle needed from me, otherwise, it was a sheer shock to his system as well.
"How'd ya...Of course ya knew, y'all had ya sleepovers... Guess he's still got 'em, always had 'em. But don't ya don't have to worry."
"Of course I'm worried, I'm always worried."
"And that's how I know ya a ma...But ya were worryin' before 'bout all this shit—-stuff too." Rolling my eyes and placing my hand over her little ear made her instantly laugh.

"Ohohoh we got ourselves a peeper! Ain't that right munchkin?" Out of everything that has happened, Merle could put on a show for my daughter, pulling out a goofy little face and a silly voice to produce her bubbling laughter. 
Only for her to pull both her arms forward for another cradle from her uncle. "Ya plannin' on stayin' in Georgia at least."

"New Haven was a bust, yeah...For now...The interns in King's County though."
"That ain't that far, well, longer to get to the base. Guess right here's in the middle of it all." He adjusted his hold to the now fully awake child as she cupped his face with her small little hand. 

"When can they walk?"
"Let's get her to sit up first...About a year old." He nodded, guess it's new information for him too. But even then is he trying to get her small little feet to move from his lap and kick upwards. 

"Ya make up ya mind yet?"
"About?"
"Tellin' my brother?" Shrugging again, did I realize that Merle was the only one pushing the subject back onto me. I knew the worries, and I hate to see him lying. But I can't do it. "I've lost trust...How do I co-parent with someone I've lost trust with?"
"Ya waitnin' only means he's gonna find it from someone else, Shawn? Rachel? Someone sees ya in public with her? Can't claim she's your sister when she call's ya 'mama'." I smiled at that, haven't thought about my daughter talking yet. Being called 'mom' by her, or in Merle's head, 'mama.' 
Guess the crying and giggling are still high in my mind.

"Would it be wrong to ask you to be there?"
"Yeah, but Addie can't be there. It's gotta be his decision..." I nodded along, but then shook my head. The tear that stayed hidden finally came out, but on the decent side of my left eye, allowing me to hide it from my kid's uncle. 
"Hope ya do good in king county...It's—Hold on..."

The sudden ring of his phone sparked, in the instant I offered to take Addie back. But she was distracted by his leather bands for her to even see me, so he whipped out his phone and answered it. 
I knew who it was within the moment, especially the way Merle looked down at Addie with the sadness in his eyes.
"Ya finally up? 'bout god damn time...Ya crazy baby brother, ya gonna clean out the whole forest if ya keep goin' back—-aight aight! Give me a holler if ya need anythin'." He sounded meaner over the phone, completely and utterly lacking any life. 
Merle was right, again. I don't think I would have fallen for this kind of Daryl. 

"He's going again?"
"He just came back two days ago. Don't what he's doin'...But best see if I can try and stop him." I nodded, and seeing rise did I too follow in the same pursuit. He reached out for her one last time and rose Addie high into the air, making her buckle with laughter and cover her mouth with both her hands as she smiled. 
"She's a cutie...Ya doin' right by me Blake, I want ya to know that."
"Then stop sending me money."

"Nah, ain't gonna happen." With my child back into my arms, does she falter back into her favorite position. Right in the crook of my neck as she looks on out, but instead did I hand her the small bear. Her eyes instantly lit up with amusement as she took the thing into her hands, along with demanding her binky.

"Don't know how the hell ya doin' this Blake, bet ya gonna feel happy when she's five or six. Walkin' 'round, talkin'."
"She'll grow up learning a few Dixon tricks."
"Best hope so. Alright sweetheart, have a good rest of the day. And don't be stressin'...Bye princess!" He yelled, and to be fair. His eyes too lit up when I promised that she learns the 'Dixon tricks,' whatever I intend that to be. Fishing or shooting. 
Or both.

She's born in Georgia, almost like a law of the land sort of thing.

_____

Date Posted: 05-16-18 // Time: 9:12
Word-Count: 3191
______