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It was Thursday, and as clever as we were. We couldn't restore in screwing around in the house with my family, so instead. Daryl found it perfect to bring his truck and we could fool around in there, and that is exactly what we were doing. Painting within the cool air just admitting more and more white puffs, no matter how many times we do it. It seems to get better and better, especially now that he looks to me. Being on stomach as kisses my resting arm.
"Like that smile on ya face, wanna tell me what's gotcha so happy?"
"I'll give you three guesses." The smirk so loudly widened forward in continuation. 
But with each guess, did he add a kiss to my arm.
"It's gotta be the sex." He grumbled out, like he thought he nailed it on the first try. But instead I couldn't deny it either, it was good. "Okay, I'll give you that one."
"I didn't fail my test?" Shrugging, and still giggling by his lurking kiss that continued to trail further up until finally my stomach. "No...Stop it..." My hinting motion of 'you' was too much for him to take. 

"...I think that's gotta be the after sex shit talkin'." Bobbing my head did I again, agree with his words. Making him scoff, but I did, however, want to remind him. So as he was looking to shift the blankets and pillows we have set up here, I pinned my finger to his chin to have him focus on me. "I love you."
"I love ya too Rory...But I think ya sex high right now." Now it was my turn to laugh, sitting all the way up to help him fix the surrounding areas. 

"I wonder who's fault that is."
"Ima take that blame, better own up to it. Ain't that right?" He winked, but instead of retaliating against him, an unexpected yawn released from my mouth. Making him motion down for a cuddle. Tracing the patterns all around my bare skin, allowing me to fall to sleep.

*


My heart was thumping ever so loudly, the ride over could I not even begin to calm myself down. Let alone prepare what I was about to say, he had plans, I know he did. Not just for tonight but more than enough to come up with...

Fuck. 

This was the thing I have been dreaming to come forever and now that it's finally here am I ashamed to say that I'm not ready? That I am not fully prepared to move on from this town that I've barely been living at for a year. The acceptance letter was one thing, especially when I told my guidance counselor about the details. 

I was going.
My parents were already excited, rooting for me. A sit-down dinner already worked out me coming here to the house for all the breaks and everything in the sort. Just wasn't prepared to reach out to my sisters back at the home, I'd be 18 and most of them are about to get kicked out within the given few years. 
Can't let that happen. I won't. But right now, as I sat on my bike. Taking the bitter sweet time to remove it, seeing there, appear all of a sudden with a smile on his face. The jacket I bought him, and the jeans he hasn't stopped wearing since I told him I loved them. 

"Hey babe, wanna beer?" He asked so innocently, and as I leaned in for a kiss. Did my voice automatically went off and responded, I didn't have any sort of control. Trying to wave my arms this way and that ended with me thinking Daryl appeared once again without a trace of entering back into my sight. 

"What's wrong hun?" He asked, again, so calm and casual. But in the instant, did the surroundings change. We were close to the fire pit, his back turned to me to see the angle wings instant of his face. But even then, when he twisted on back, did I see the meanest expression I'd never thought to witness.
"Ya sayin' ya leavin'?...Like ya promised ya wouldn't?" 
My heart was breaking, the tears that were rolling down my cheeks were no match to the sob that was allowed to be permitted through to this body of mine. "
Daryl—" He cut me off. "Just go. I don't want ya here. Do whatever ya gotta do, leave me in the dust the second ya got the chance. Go to Connecticut, go see Ben. Now ya can go fuck his brains out!" The anger that he was spewing sounded like he was drunk, more than drunk. High on all sorts of narcotics. 

"I don't want to leave Daryl! I'm coming back for holidays, we can look for apartments if you want to live in—"
"I ain't goin' to fuckin' Connecticut, watch ya move on without me!"

The anger in his voice was sour to my taste buds, but as the conversation continued. My crying was more audible than the rest...

*

At first, I was confused as to why the room was so dark, or how Daryl managed to disappear from my sights yet again. But instead, the warm body and warm tears coming from my eyes are what seemingly woke me up.
Yet I still managed to leave Daryl undisturbed. 

Rising to sit up, left him to cuddle against my own pillow. Perhaps he thought it was me, but all I could do at this very moment. Was continue to move up, grabbing ahold of my bra and jacket, along with my sweatpants. Careful enough to sit outside the barn with little to no noise at all, taking out the smoke and bringing so close to the flame, did I make sure the wind didn't blow it out. So instead did I take the extra second, before inhaling the toxic fumes my body craved after that tragic image coursing through my brain.

He's been mad before, and I should have known it was a dream. But then again...he would say those exact words. I wish I just had the courage to tell him now, to speak with him. But like he managed to tell me, that he was spiteful and wanted me gone.

Would he break up with me over this? He couldn't possibly know that long distance relationships never work, so what am I going to fucking do with—

"Rory...?" He whispered, my sudden gasp was masked by another sob. And as cautious as I was, I tried to wipe the ongoing tears that still trailed down the rest of my cheek. Him being only in his pants as he sat down beside me, taking me into his hold and removing the cigarette.
"...What's wrong?"
"I had a nightmare..." I mumbled in his bare chest, trying to stop myself from crying. But even then I couldn't manage. 
He was the reason I was crying, and yet I didn't want the conversation to happen now or happen ever. Yet it was just itching forward day by day.

"Ya wanna talk 'bout it?" His morning voice was so calming to my ears, that it relaxed me to the point of no return. Rocking back and forth like I was a child before laying a kiss on my forehead. "Maybe one day..."
"Ya don't have to, I get it hun..." The tactic he used against me was shifting my hair behind my ear, making me listen to his words rather than allow this chilling touch suppress me into further thoughts. 

"Don't think I'm ready to talk about it...I'm sorry, I can't—"

"Is it about him or—" I huffed, moving deeper into his hold as he allowed his arms to pull me in closer. "Can ya tell me what it's 'bout at least?"
"Then you'll—"
"It's 'bout me?" My late reaction just deemed the answer to be a yes, especially when I removed my gaze looking up and just look back on off to the ground. 

"Rory..."
"Not tonight...We have school tomorrow."
"When?"

"When I get an answer." He nodded, kissing my head so subtly before lifting me on up. However he managed, my arms were already around his neck. And it wasn't too difficult to find the crook of my knee to render me moveable, sliding me back into the bed of the truck did he return back to close the door again.

But the cutest additive he could have possibly made, was to turn a few lights on. Before returning to my side, taking me into his hold above him. Stripping me free from his jacket and securing me with a blanket fastened tightly around. Again, like I am a child.

"Boogyman ain't shit Rory...Gotta believe that."
"There's no closets in here." 

It was late, and I still couldn't fall asleep. Daryl, on the other hand, was quick, out like a light. And as I was just waiting for the sun to finally shine through the barn walls, or even for my phone's alarm to go off. Did I feel something within the crooks of the blanket, making me take it out. 
Low and behold. It was the condom, the unopened condom.

I knew there was something with this go around, it was too intense. There was something extra, and here it was. And as quick as my heart was leaping out of my chest, did I find it in myself to calm the fuck down. I'll just go the store tomorrow and get the stupid morning after pill.

I'll be alright.

*

It was morning before I knew it, and that meant sneaking up back to the house to get dressed and ready. Lucky for myself and Daryl who was hiding in the barn at the moment, was it safe to come and due to the fact that nobody was home. Jarod must have gone in early, and everyone else has their jobs to get to. "Why ya rushin'...Got like a half an hour hun."
"I need to pick something up from the store, I can drop you off at—" He shook his head due to the fact he couldn't saying anything with his mouth filled with pancakes. 

Telling him I'd be right back because I needed to brush my teeth, was I surprised that I heard the clatter of dishes being entered into the sink. Making me facepalm, looking straight into my own eyes through the mirror. 
He's adorable when he wants to be.

And that's why I don't want to tell him, I feel like he'd— "Rory if ya don't wanna be late for class, we gotta leave now." Coming out of the bathroom a second after he said his warning, did he move on towards the door.

As we came into the barn, he was quick to get on into the driver's seat. I think his mindset on taking the truck was to remind me of last night, again, in most innocent way possible. Just worrying to think I have this responsibility now.

Giving him a kiss and leaving him in the car was the easiest thing, but I also grabbed a phone card. Considering I need to redeem more minutes onto my phone anyway, so with that in my hand as is, I went off to the same section in which I bought the condom in that one time. 

Before long my eyes glossed over the entire array, and chose the one with the best results. I honestly don't know how to differentiate between the rest of them, hurrying along to the cash register was I soon holding the small bag as I went along into the truck.

He made it his damn mission to get to school on time, but my only mistake was leaving the bag in the middle of us as he snooped along through. Although his hands were on the phone card, his sudden look to the box underneath made him drop it and grab it within his hold.
"The hell ya need these for?" He asked, and I whispered the swear to take it out of his hands. I needed to take one soon. "Give you three guesses?" Was I could think about, making a call back to last night. But just my luck to be stuck at a fucking stop light right at a moment like this.

"We used a..." His eyes widened in the instant, his hand slammed on the wheel as he did the exact thing I pictured him to do. Feel guilty about it. So I took it out of his hand, so I could just take one of the damn pills and get it over with. 

He watched me the entire time, however, we managed to not have an accident. His eyes were glued on to me, to the box and to the pill.

Especially when he parked, when I finally looked at him after that five-minute drive. Did I sigh in the silence of it all. "Daryl I'm—" 

"Don't ya dare say ya fain, cause ya ain't...Why didn't ya tell me last night?" It was difficult to hold in a sigh, especially since we have two minutes to get this out of the way. But I didn't answer quick enough, because his stuttering commenced before I could even think of anything to say.

"Is-...Was that ya dream ya had last night? 'when I get an answer?' that what ya meant?" Beginning to shake my head, did I move everything out of my way to hold onto his hands. Trying my best to ignore all the people passing by and obviously looking into the car windows at what the hell I'm doing.

"No, that's something else..."
"Fuck...Ya shouldn't have to take that shit, feelin' nauseous all day cause I forgot to use a damn—"

"Dixon. Come on, the heat of the moment and all that shit." Itching him to come along, did he reach over my waist to close the door back on up. Scoffing into my hand as I covered my eyes as he's just locked me in like a child. 
"Dixon. Open the door."
"Nah, I'm takin' ya home." I laughed, louder than I expected to so I covered my mouth in the instant.

"So we are tempted to do more naughty things. Uh no."
"Uh, yeah."


"Why ya so calm 'bout this, when we went fishin' ya were so worried 'bout—"

"Those were 'what ifs', this is different." How was I suppose to tell him what my mother told me, right before we went off to the lake house. That this is what us girl and women have to be careful of, and I'm doing it right now.

So grabbing the box did I read the symptoms, pointing to the clear indication that I might not have anything wrong with me. "See!"

"Ya feel sick, ya text me and I'm takin' ya home. Ya understand." Leaning in for a kiss he pouted through, did I leave the truck. But not escaping his arm over my shoulder as waved off to our friends, the bell rang a minute ago. 

We would have usually gone over to them, just the daggers he seems to be staring towards everyone worried me to complete hell. He's already been overprotective ever since we started 'making love' as he so cleverly speaks about every chance he gets.

But somewhere in the back of my mind, am I thinking about just going straight to birth control. And not relying on this pill anymore, just so happens that halfway through the first period. I started feeling the pit of my stomach grow larger and larger.

Fuck. He was right.

He was fucking right.

I downed my water before I could even make it through the first period. But when the cramps underwent, I seriously doubted whether the written text I had should be sent or not. 

However, like everything else in my life. It was stopped due to a different sort of interruption. My guidance counselor wished to talk to me, allowing me leeway of missing the rest of this class and hopefully into the next.

Taking my sweet time, going to the bathroom and splashing water on my face as I hovered over the fucking sink. Did I regret everything, of course, this had to be reached down to make everything about sex a negative. 

I hated that women have to be so damn careful as appose to men, get why Daryl was so mad though. He hated seeing me like this, sick and weak wasn't enough. So with a full water bottle, did I continue off towards the office. "Blake." I turned around to see Jarod, pass in hand along with a few books, so I smiled a greeting.
"...Shit do you have your meeting right now?"
"Yeah...This is it." I huffed, feeling the entire pressure just hit me right in the chest. 
As if my breast didn't hurt enough as is.

Getting the women behind the counter did she allow me to head back in the maze that I've been through so many damn times that they knew I didn't need help in getting to. So here I am, shaking the hand of Mrs.Coulson as she gives me the smile I was worried in seeing. 


"I was on the phone with your old school, and they sent me this!" She handed me a pack full of paper, skimming through did I realize it was my transcripts all ready for college applications. They were approved and finally on my entire high school career's list of credits, the breath of relief flooded through in the instant. "Now, since you already applied to most of your top schools. I am so happy to inform you that..." She handed me another paper, an envelope rather, New Haven.

My eyebrows were quick to come together, especially after everything that just happened.


Dear Aurora Blake,

We are pleased to finally inform you that we wish to have you join the class of 1998. The following papers include the entirety of what we hope to settle your nerves with, with your current situation we want to make this transition as easy as possible.

Tuitions and costs are in the yellow folder, along with certain guidelines that your counselor has given to you.

Looking forward to seeing you in our Forensic Psychology/Criminal Justice

-CharlieCharger

My hand covered my mouth, and whether it was the pill or whatever that coursed through my veins. The tears beamed down on me in the instant, Mrs.Coulson came around from her desk to give me a hug. Sitting down beside me on the table behind us both to go over each and every detail.

I don't know if she canceled her appointments to clear this with me, but I felt refreshed in knowing I can move on from this school and start my life. But even then, was the nightmare I had last night coming true.

Questions and overall fear were normal, the online classes that they now offer or the summer program. And as hard as it might be for my mother to face the reality of me growing up so quickly when she just got me back, I want to presume this career. I want to feel my place in the world and not be controlled by the man who tore me down and sabotage the rest of my life.

The grants and scholarships that came pilling in were enough to make my head explode, since I am 18 I'm allowed to condon which ones I need. But the biggest one is the foster care one that I still intend to use, or even the military one she invested in. 

All Jarod's plan, I think he knew. We do have the same counselor.

With everything packed into my bag securely, I thanked her for the effort she gave. To battle for me to get those damn credits and convince the college how they needed to wait, this letter was personal. Not like the others they usually send out as acceptance letters. 
Stuffing the entire envelope into my bag, was I quick to continue off. But walking too fast did I have to hold onto the wall beside me to catch my breath and calm my mind from spinning around and around. 
"Hey!" I heard, and closing my eyes for a second did I turn to look around. And already was Jarod there, face lit up entirely as he brought me into a hug. Saying words of congratulation that I couldn't begin to understand. "Are you going to New Haven?"
"Yeah, Coulson is starting to convince me that I should go straight into the summer program." Walking with Jarod was the next class about to begin, where we talked about which directions we were going through.

And the conversation tonight is going to buck wild that we have to sit down with both mom and Michael about how we're both moving out. "You going to tell him?" My smile soon faded, the normal college talk was easy. But he was just going to the local college offered within the state, I was returning back to Connecticut.

"How do I even tell him that...?"

"Graduations in a month...You still have a little time." It was May already, the deadline for summer classes has been extended for me if I so chose to start. They are very reliable people that run that college and I can't thank them enough, but this might be harder to face. 

And the pit in my stomach isn't helping at all. 
Especially now with the bell ringing, and Daryl coming straight this way. "He told me he loves me...How am I going to—"
"Didn't think a man like him could love...I hope it works it, I really do." Giving him one last smile, do I continue forward to meet up with Daryl, as he just continues through placing his hands on my hips.
"Ya seriously needa get ya phone checked out," Sighing did I take it out, and expected did he text me. A few times within the course of two classes. "Ya feelin' better?" 

"I never felt a thing." I gloated, he knew I was lying. Whenever I managed to give a sarcastic lie, was he squinting to see if I am telling the truth. No staying long enough for him to dictate otherwise, we continued through. Taking our normal seats in the back of the class, the notes were normally drawn out. But ever so often would he slip a piece of paper, whatever written on it was the same sentences over and over again. 

'Ya sure ya okay?'

'Drink some water.'

'We can leave right after this.'

And at one point or another, did one cramp hit so badly, directly into my abdomen. Was I forced to shift uncomfortably.
"We're leavin' after this, no ands ifs or buts 'bout it. Ya hear?" Looking into his eyes did I see his fear, like the one time he asked permission to kiss me. 
That was the only thing I could think of that similar, and as I was about to put up another fight. Did it hit again, the severity wasn't as bad as I would think. But I'm not one to get cramps in general, so this was a new level of pain I've experienced for the first time in a while.

"Fine" He nodded, but when his eyes just focused on the clock I couldn't stand it. I was already talking through my teeth at the moment, so he couldn't wait for the bell to ring and signal us both off for the day. 

But the work that was due at the end of class was challenging, making me read with my already fuzzy vision that just psyched me out even more. With his questions and all, I think it triggered me to continue on through. Whatever the case may be, I want to know how he knew that there were side effects to this pill.

What's even worse is that he's going to feel so damn guilty that last night might be it for awhile.

The second the bell rang, Daryl grabbed mine and his paper to turn on into the teacher. Walking straight up to him and placing it on his desk before trailing back, and try as I might to hide the large vanilla envelope that's sticking out. But he just grabbed my hand and led me straight out of the classroom through the entire school before marching me down the steps.
"Ya lookin' like ya gonna throw up hun. Why'd ya force ya-self to do that?"
"Can't keep missing days Dixon." I felt his eyes roll, but the heat that radiated off my body with the little amount of time just walking from the building a good couple yards away had me sweating up a storm. 

"Wanna go back to ya house? Tuck ya in for a nap." Holding my head did I nod, knowing he meant it as a joke I think I took him by surprise by not fighting back. Especially when he felt my head, quickly starting up the car, rolling down the windows and removing us from the school grounds.

He parked closer to the house, and to be honest I was surprised we made it home this quickly. As he went off to give me a minute or so he claimed, he returned back to his car to park it into the barn. Wanting to make sure my parents don't know he's here, very keen on making that true.

With different clothes on my body, as I barely in the hallway to return down to the kitchen when the phase hit. Whatever I ate for breakfast decided to follow through and come straight up, pushing the bathroom door wide open so I fumble with the toilets lid and puke whatever was remaining in my stomach.

"Rory...?" I heard the mumble, his head peeking through the crack of the doorway. I just moved to close it, but my initial strength was weakened at what came up.
"Stop. You're just going to feel more—" Trying to speak, as I cut short the second another wave came to the top. His hands trailed to the strains of my hair to get it away from the load, but moving away to close it. Flushing it down did I sit before him, disgusted, crying and full of fucking emotions. 

"Right back where we started...Huh?" I joked, hand holding my head as he just kneed down closer. I felt utterly disgusting, covering my face away from him. "I am so sorry Rory...Ya shouldn't have to go—"
"Through this, Dixon...This is what women do, we're the ones with the responsibility. It's not your fault, it's mine." He shook his head, trying to take hold of my hands but he settled on my knees just boosting me up to my position.


"Nah it ain't...Ya the one who bought 'em condoms, and I can't even use them properly." I laughed, dizzy to the point of needing to close my eyes. Wanting to stand up was not a smart idea, yet I still tried it. Or maybe I didn't.

I don't fucking know right now.

"...Think it's time I get on birth control anyway."
"Ya sure? I promise I won't—" Shaking my head did I grip the toilet for support as I tried washing my mouth out with wash and brushing my teeth. Yet he tried over and over to heed his promise in not...Finishing. 


"Pullout method works wonders I hear too," I said, rolling my eyes just taunting him from the mirror before us both. I still felt disgusting, raw at the back of my throat as I managed to drink two cups of water now. 

Now it was his turn for his cheeks to flare up, embarrassment and guilt all combined into one. He gave me another minute alone as I brushed my teeth for the third time in a row, trying to get the ridiculous taste out of my mouth before returning to my room.

Being so caught up in my task, I didn't even know where Daryl went. Not until he returned with a glass filled with ice water. "Ya fridge looks like a fuckin' monster..." He spoke so sarcastically as he handed me the water, I think he was just testing out unfamiliar territory in regards to how the fridge functions.
"Come on Dixon, I promise I'm not mad," I said, pulling over my comforters further so that he could get in, but he was just taking his sweet sweet time to throw his shoes off. Removing his pants as well, don't know why or what he did that for. "Ya should be mad, didn't do no favors cumin'—"
"Ah!" I screamed, holding hands to my ears as I didn't like his description of how it all went down.

Instead, he just continued into the bed, pulling himself to meet the pillow as he took a small kiss to my cheek and pulled me deeper to his hold. "I'm sorry hun...Ya don't even know."

"I do know, you've been saying it all day." 

The air conditioner blowing up a storm, was I peaceful and above all in his hold as we fell asleep. It was Friday and nothing really to worry about, nothing except the stupid vanilla envelope that's been taunting me for the past hour. 
I had to look at the clock chance, it's barely one. Jarod comes home soon, hopefully, Mickey won't be too awake and make so much noise that I'll have to get up and help if need be. 

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Date Posted: 03-26-18 // Time: 8:12
Word-Count: 4963
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Ugh, so you know those days where you physically can't get outta be? I had that this morning and instead of going on the two-hour train commute to my school. I stayed home. Now if I did go, I usually end up getting there by 12:20ish and I leave at 10:30...My English teacher canceled at 11:30. Eleven god damn thirty.

CANCELED. AGAIN.

Honestly I am so fed up, I keep forgetting to post and this semester is just stressful.