When I think of the future, I think of what could be. Could this scenario I've worked on for so long in my mind come to life, or will it be something completely opposite of what I envisioned? Most importantly, do I have some say in what happens? Something tells me I do. The decision I make today about which sandwich to have for lunch might be what decides a whole chapter of my life. Okay, probably not. But decisions matter. Right?

Dad is sitting at the kitchen table when I get home, his leg bouncing up and down like he just ate a whole bag of sugar. His head snaps over to me as soon as he registers my presence and I automatically know I'm in trouble.

"I was in a safe place, I promise!" I throw my hands up defensively. No matter how old I am or where I've been, Dad will always be Dad.

"Jordan, go get cleaned up and dressed. And wake your brother up, too. We're going somewhere."

With that, he walks out of the kitchen. My hands still in the air, I watch him leave, shocked. What just... happened?

As if following orders from a drill sergeant, I climb the steps quickly and head to my room, more focused on getting myself cleaned up than my most likely unconscious brother in the other room.

I not-so-gently take my hair out of the knot on top of my head and grab a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt before taking a shower. As the scolding water runs over me, my mind goes off to distant places. Last night went in far too many directions for my liking. My hand brushes my thigh, and despite my best efforts, I can't help but to think about Elijah.

Suddenly I'm back in that bathroom and his hands are touching me. The hairs on my arms stand up. I grab my washcloth, halfway empty the soap bottle onto it, and scrub my skin until it is raw. Once I've cleaned up, I manage to climb out of the shower and wrap a towel around myself.

In the foggy mirror, I look back at a girl who is healing. For the first time in a while, she sees hope.

The feeling in my stomach returns when I finally remember Clay and the kiss we shared. That's what makes me smile – and forces the other memories from my head.

Quickly, I get dressed in my jeans and sweatshirt, brush out my hair, and head back to my room. I hear Jonah go in shortly after me as the water begins to run.

Not much later, we are both standing in the foyer waiting on Dad. The silence is deafening between the two of us but at this point, neither of us know how to break it. I stand with my arms crossed over my chest, watching a hungover Jonah stare down at his phone.

Finally, he speaks without looking at me. "I can feel you staring a hole into my head."

"Better my stare than my fist, wouldn't you say?"

Normally something like that would have him cracking up and possibly pushing me around jokingly. This time though, he doesn't react.

"Where did you go last night?" He asks a moment later, changing the subject.

I look around, unsure if I should tell him the truth or not. At the moment I don't think he truly wants to know.

"I don't think you would care even if I told you." My reply is almost snarky, but I only feel sad as I say it. Not being close with Jonah anymore breaks my heart in more ways than one.

He looks over at me this time and for a moment, I think he is going to say something. I can't tell if it is going to be snarky or meaningful because Dad walks in, his eyes set on the door.

He gives us both a swift nod and we head out the door. "Go grab the fishing poles out of the building, Jonah."

Well, I guess we're going fishing.

*

The only noise between the three of us comes from the quiet lapping of the water from the vast lake in front of us. None of us have caught a single thing. All of us are frustrated not only because of not catching anything, but also because Dad dragged us out here to sit in silence.

"Are we going to talk or..." I say finally, tired of waiting for the lecture.

"In a minute." Whatever it is, I am not excited for it.

"Why a minute? You've had an hour."

"Jordan."

"Father."

He looks at me, clearly annoyed. I raise my eyebrows at him and go back to my pole, casting it back out even though I see that my worm has already been lost. Maybe I'll have better chances without the dumb thing.

"You two are the only things in this world that can make me mad enough to want to fish again."

I remember now how Dad never wanted to go fishing when we were younger. He used to say that he did it so much when he was young that he got sick of it from never having luck, when really, he just lost all his skill. He admits to it, but now he doesn't care enough to go back to it.

Jonah and I don't say a word as Dad continues.

"What has happened in the last few months – in the last few years, really – is a lot. You two have seen a lot. Grown a lot. Toughened up. None of it is what you want for your children." Dad must force his words out as he searches for them thoughtfully. He has all but forgotten about the fishing pole in his hands.

"You two need each other. You've always needed each other. Even when you fought like cats and dogs, you always were there to help each other out. You think I never noticed it? I did, and I see how you've been with each other.

"Jonah, I'm sorry for what you had to see. I wish I could take that away from you more than anything. No one deserves to have to live with that. But, son... this is not how you handle it. You don't get drunk off your ass at your best friend's wedding. You don't get mad at your sister for trying to do something good. She was a wreck when she found out what happened to you. Stop acting like she doesn't care about you."

I peek over at Jonah shyly. He clenches his jaw and lowers his eyes to look at his feet.

Dad continues. "Jordan, I'm glad you're mending fences with your mom. I know you've missed that relationship with her. I'm happy for you, I really am. But Jonah hasn't had that time to reconnect with her like you have. Give it some time, sweetheart. It'll happen in its own time."

Dad takes a deep breath and casts his line out again. "Now, as for the two of you. We aren't leaving until you talk. So, I'm going over here to fish." With that, he gets up, grabs his tackle box, and walks to a different part of the shore.

For the longest time, Jonah and I sit there in silence. Most of it is caused from the shock of hearing Dad talk so much like that to us just now. It feels as if even forever is dragging on the longer we sit there.

I bow my head and let out a sigh. "I'll go first then. I think you're being stubborn and won't look past what is blocking your vision."

"How about you talk like a normal person."

Another sigh. "What happened to you is terrifying." My breath catches in my throat thinking about what I saw just through a screen. I can't – and don't want to – imagine what it was like in real life. "I know it. I can see it every time I look at you. Part of my brother is lost on the other side of the world. And I am so sorry for it." I purse my lips together and look the other way, hoping the urge to cry subsides. If it is this hard for me to mention the recent events to him, how hard is it for him to talk about?

I look over at Jonah. His blank stare causes me to think that he is revisiting those memories as I was.

After a long pause, he finally says, "I wasn't mentally prepared to see Mom when I came back. Not so soon."

I release a breath I didn't realize I was holding. "I know that now, and I'm sorry. I just..."

"Wanted to help. Sometimes you don't need to help, Jordan."

I can feel my blood pressure beginning to rise, but I keep calm. "I only do it to help. Sometimes I just... sometimes I just miss it. Being together, all of us. I know there is no going back. I love Laura. I love the family we have. But sometimes I just want things to be like they were so that I don't have to think so much about fixing it. I know it sounds stupid."

"Things change whether you want them to or not."

I want to smack him. "Thank you for that bit of information, Sensei."

A glimpse of a smile. "You're right, though. We can't go back in time. What happened, happened. I spent a lot of my teenage years trying to fix what couldn't be fixed and look what it did to me. And then I met Layla. And then she died. And look at me now."

I can feel the heartbreak pouring through his voice. Not only from the loss of Layla, but for his friends, and for what used to be.

"We can't go back," I whisper sadly.

Jonah slowly nods his head. "No, we can't."

"We can only keep going."

"Right."

"How do we do that?" Now my voice quivers and I can't stop it. It is such a hard concept, moving forward. Leaving behind what used to be. Abandoning the thought of having what once was.

Jonah reels in his line and sets his pole down on his other side. He intertwines his fingers together.

"I don't know. But I do know that it is possible." There is a faraway look in his eyes. I know where his mind is.

"Did she talk about this stuff a lot?"

"One night I went to the building she had her little... place in. She told me that she had a heart condition. And then she said she was scared. She never looked or seemed scared. Ever," Jonah takes in a breath as he continues speaking of Layla. "I asked her, 'I thought you weren't supposed to be scared if, you know, Jesus was with you?' and she said she couldn't see where He was."

I realize I'm looking at him instead of at my line just sitting on the edge of the pond, not doing any good. I leave it there and turn back to Jonah.

"After she died, I felt that. It didn't seem like He was there. When we were attacked at the base, it didn't seem like it. I let the sadness of those situations eat me alive. And then I remembered when I first met Layla, she told me her defense against the world was Jesus. It didn't make sense until then.

"In the darkest of situations, she would seek Him. In the brightest of situations, she would seek Him. I wasn't doing that. I couldn't. But I get it. The one time she didn't seek Him, she was scared. She was letting her thoughts of the future beat her down."

I press my lips together tightly, unsure if he has more to say. He does.

"We need to do the same. We can't fix what has happened or what is going to happen. I'll be ready to talk to Mom... soon. I wasn't me when I came home. I'm still working on me, too. I will be though. Soon."

I set my pole down and scoot across the ground toward my brother, reaching him just in time for my arms to wrap around him and his around me. I bury my face in his shoulder, realizing just how much I missed this.

"I missed you so, so much," I whisper into his shoulder.

He ruffles my hair, "I missed you too, Jordie. Should we see who can catch a fish before Dad?"

I wipe at my wet eyes and nod my head. "Absolutely. Just don't be crying when I beat you."

"You already did that for me."

I smack his shoulder and he laughs, a sound I realized I took for granted.

We both get our lines back in the water around the same time we hear Dad yell across the water, "I caught one!"

Jonah and I look at each other with our mouths open before we both burst into laughter, a true moment of relief for the both of us.

*

Clay is sitting on my front step when we pull up to the house. Dad and Jonah, who are in much better moods, hop out of the truck and give me a glance. I wave them off and, to my surprise, they begin unloading the truck without any mention about the boy sitting on our steps.

I walk over to him, his eyes trained on me the whole time. I find myself smiling, though as I get closer I can see the worry in his eyes.

"Hey," I say, my stomach flipping around and around. "What's wrong? Sorry I haven't texted you. My dad staged an intervention with a fishing trip." I try to lighten his worry with a smile.

"How was it?" He asks quietly.

I can't help but to feel happy when I think about it. "Great. Really... great."

His smile is brief, but it is overcome with worry once again. "I need to talk to you."

At that, my stomach drops. "Is Cora okay? Are you? What's wrong?" I stand in front of him as he now stands, his hands clenched beside him.

"Everyone is fine. It's nothing like that."

"Okay, then what is it?" I don't mean them to be, but my words come out as more of a demand now as I grow impatient.

"I... went to talk to Elijah."

As this, my heartbeat picks up. I instantly observe him for any bruises or cuts, thinking the worst. I don't find anything. "Why would you do that?"

"Please don't be mad at me," he reaches for my hands and allow him to take them, unsure of how to feel. I train my eyes on our hands, thinking about the way it makes my heart swell. "I wasn't going to do anything stupid. I just... I don't really know. I just kept thinking of the way he hurt you. And I can't stand that thought. I know it's so early and this might scare you away and I was stupid to do exactly what you said not to do, but..."

I take one hand away from him and place it on his arm. His eyes follow my movement as if it could be the last. "Clay, just tell me what happened."

I notice the breath of relief he takes. "That's the thing. Nothing happened. He was gone. Wren said she told him to get out and he actually did. She mentioned that she wanted to talk to you. Possibly about getting this situation reported."

I look down. The way I am handling this amazes me. A year ago, I would have blown up and never spoken to him again. But now I'm aware of my choices. I can either stop it from happening, or I can pretend it never happened. This time, I choose to change the future for some girl Elijah comes across next time.

"I'll do it." I'm sure that my words shock him, because he opens his mouth and closes it like a fish out of water. "I'll report him and I'll find a way to keep him from doing it again. It happens too often."

This time Clay takes my hands into his again and squeezes them tightly. "I'll be right by your side if you'd let me."

I don't hesitate to answer. "I was hoping you'd say that." I lean up on my toes and press my lips to his, feeling his hands go around my waist. I lean back, aware suddenly that my dad or brother could walk up on us at any moment.

"I'm grateful that you care so much," I tell him.

He pushes a stray clump of hair out of my face and tucks it behind my ear. "I don't know how I couldn't." He's quiet for a few moments, deep in thought. "I don't think I've ever been so happy to have been forced into a physics class."

This brings a smile to my face. "That was random."

"Why didn't you tell me who you were when you talked to me?"

"Because I didn't think you'd want to remember me."

He snorts at that. "Out of all the things in your life, this is one you could not have been more wrong about."

I smile because he's right. "I'm glad I was wrong. You better remember this moment because you won't ever hear me say that again."

He laughs this time before kissing me harder, lifting me off the ground and holding me in a tight hug. My heart explodes then, and I think about the millions of words that could sum up this moment and the others I experienced today. Truly, a thousand words could even cover it. Or maybe, just maybe, one could also do the trick.

Love.

__________________________

Song: Your Hand is Safe in Mine by Blush

Hello, long time no see friends!

I am so sorry for the wait. But I also am not, because if I had written this at the time I published the last chapter in May, it would not have been good. I'm not going to lie, it has been a rough year. COVID brought more problems than I anticipated, some of which had nothing to do with the sickness. I pray you have all been healthy and remain that way!

However, I am now getting settled into my first year of teaching (yay!!) and I'm hoping (and praying) to have more time to write once I get my routines down. I will be finishing this book soon, so stay tuned!

I also have another book I will be writing after I finish "The Things He Couldn't Forget". So stay tuned for that as well!

Oh, how I missed this. Thank you so much for reading. I could really use some prayers as well for a safe school year and for my mental health and relationship with Jesus. All are appreciated.

God bless you, especially if you read all the way down to this point lol!

Have a great week!!

- Haley <3