When I saw my mom for the first time after she left, I was scared. I know, I know. I was the girl that would run her mouth to anyone, would let people know what she was thinking, and would give my opinion no matter whose feelings were involved. But this time, I was scared. Why was I so scared of her? Did I think she would leave me again if she came back and saw what she wasn't missing out on? I never felt good enough for anyone – not boys, not friends, not anyone. I was a loner. But there was this one boy who would steal milks just for me. At least, I imagined it was just for me. And that somehow made me think that there was someone out there that maybe, just maybe, cared about me by choice.

***

Mom, with her over-excitement, is able to explain how Dad told her we talked about inviting her out to stay when Jonah was here. Now that Jonah's here, we can have that family time Dad and I had talked about. For a second, I'm scared, just like I was when I first saw Mom after she left us.

"I'm so excited to see you and your brother... I'm so glad he's doing well. Your dad told me what all happened. I'm just so happy to be here." I swear the smile is glued to her face.

"I'm happy too, Mom," I tell her, trying my best to look as excited as she is when really, I could puke from how nervous I am. Jonah might just murder me.

"Great," she exclaims. "Laura and your dad are making dinner as we speak."

"Oh. Well, I'm still kind of full of chicken nuggets." It's only a joke really, but Mom's eyes widen.

"You used to eat chicken nuggets all the time," she muses. For a second she loses her smile like she's thinking about the past that leads to where we are now. She wipes that look off her face quickly. "Anyway, I'm sure you can make some room for Frogmore stew."

At the sound of that, my mouth waters. Frogmore stew is something I've missed out on since I've been in California. It's a southern meal composed of shrimp, corn on the cob, potatoes, and kielbasa sausage, and it's the best combination ever.

"I think I can make room for that."

*

I can smell the food cooking as soon as I walk through the door. In the kitchen, I spot Laura cooking over the stove and Dad standing by leaning against the counter. That's not an unusual scene.

Once they realize I'm watching them, Dad rushes over to me.

"Jordan," he says. "Did you get a surprise today?"

I roll my eyes at him but smile. "Yes, Dad. It was wrapped in a little box with a big bow."

For only a second he falters, confused. Then he rolls his eyes and crosses his arms over his chest. "You really are my kid, aren't you?"

I toss my head back to laugh. "Mom is coming, she just had to grab her bag."

As if on cue, Mom walks in, fighting off an over-excited Moose. I quickly grab his collar and pull him against my legs before he jumps up on her again and lick her face. I see some of her hair slicked back from where one of his "kisses" landed.

"Sorry, he loves strangers, Mom," I say innocently, but then realize the weight of my words. I look away quickly and busy myself with Moose so that I don't have to see her facial expression.

A long time ago, I wouldn't have minded hurting her feelings after all the hurt she caused me and the rest of my family. But now, things are different.

"Well, I'm glad to finally meet him after all the pictures I've gotten." She tries to hide the hurt in her voice. Setting her bag down, she kneels down to pet Moose. I remember her not being the biggest fan of animals, so this seems a little weird to me. Then again, what part of this doesn't feel unusual.

"Dinner is almost ready," Laura says once the atmosphere begins to feel a little awkward. I have to give it to Laura; she's always been open-minded when it came to my mom. It was easier for her since she hadn't seen the direct aftermath, and it always bothered me when she gave me her input when I was younger. Now I'm thankful for her ability to break awkward silences. "Jordan, do you want to set the table?"

We normally don't set the table, but I comply with Laura to give myself something to do. Dad decides to give Mom a tour of the house since it is new. I grab plates and set them at five of the six chairs at the table, then the silverware. I put cups at each plate and grab the pitcher of sweet tea and the one with water in it and put them on the table.

"Is this fancy enough?" I ask sarcastically.

Laura gives me the look I'm so used to getting; the one that says clearly, "Why are you like this?" And I laugh at that. "I just wanted things to look nice."

I want to tell her that Mom doesn't care about those things, but I don't know that now. I don't know a lot about her.

I must have a worried look on my face because Laura walks over to me and takes my hand in hers. We don't normally have these kinds of moments; I would never let her. I never wanted anyone to replace my mom, but it wasn't until I let Laura in that I realized I needed that kind of relationship.

"It's going to be okay, Jordan. She's trying now and she has been for a while, right? She's been talking to you a lot is what your Dad told me. We just have to have faith."

Faith. Something I find myself running low on too often. I reach down inside, trying to find that feeling of someone else having my back. I used to have that feeling a lot.

"Thanks. I hope so." I give her a reassuring smile just as Dad and Mom walk back into the dining room with us.

"So, where's Jonah?" I ask Dad as he sits down at the head of the table. Laura sits down next to him and Mom sits next to her. I take the seat in front of Mom – just a precaution.

"He was out with Travis all day, I think. He should be home any minute."

Luckily, Laura starts talking to Mom about the house and that's what keeps up occupied until Jonah comes. As soon as Laura hears the front door open, she rushes to the kitchen to grab the pot of food. I stand up, unsure of what to do.

Jonah walks in, a smile on his face as he talks animatedly to Travis behind him. Once he looks at me, his eyes slide behind me, and he freezes.

"Jonah," Mom says, clasping her hands together as she stands up.

By the way his smile disappears from his face and the way Travis clears his throat and gives Jonah a quick goodbye, I know this isn't going to go well.

"Hey," Jonah finally says, looking around at everyone. Oh no. Now I can see what he must be feeling: trapped. Even though I didn't know Mom was coming either, but I also wasn't bombarded with her like Jonah is right now. I distinctly remember this happening the first time Mom came to see us in California.

"Well, Laura made one of your favorite meals, Jonah," Dad says with a forced smile, most likely due to the tension in the room. "Can't let it get cold."

We all take our seats at the table and pass dishes and the drink pitchers around.

In the midst of this awkward silence, my phone buzzes in my pocket. I discreetly look at the text from clay under the table which tells me that Cora won't stop talking about "Joodan". I smile, which proves to be the wrong move.

"What are you giggling at?" Laura asks, giving me a look mixed with humor and disapproval.

"Nothing, just something from Lanie," I lie smoothly. "So, Jonah, you and Travis got to hang out today? That was probably much needed."

He barely looks up at me as he stuffs his mouth with a potato. "Mhm." I can see a different kind of look in his eyes. Why is he still this angry with Mom?

"Jonah," Mom says hesitantly. "I... I was relieved to know that you were doing okay. That you came home safe and sound."

I watch Jonah's jaw flex. He sets his fork down calmly, though his face tells me he's holding it all in. "Funny. Never bothered you t=before when you didn't know where or how I was."

I watch him carefully. Through clenched teeth, I quietly say to him, "Can we not do this now, Jonah?"

He jerks his eyes over to me suddenly and they are darker than I've seen them before. "Why did you bring her here?"

I can feel the hot tears pricking behind my eyes as he diverts his own away from mine. I hear Dad start to say something, but I beat him to it. "Because I thought maybe we were all past hating each other. After everything you've been through, doesn't it make you want to give your family a second chance?"

Jonah leans back in his seat and crosses his arms over his chest. "You don't know what you're talking about, Jordan."

I'm not sure how the angry got inside me so quickly, but it's infected my brain now. "I don't? I watched you almost die. I was so scared that I had just watched my brother..." Much to my chagrin, my voice cracks, and I have to take a breath.

"Well, I didn't die. I was one of the lucky ones, wasn't I?" He raises his voice slightly, but it falters as he continues. "I don't know why, but I was."

I'm suddenly well aware of the other people sitting around us and their solemn faces as they look between Jonah and me. Everyone is silent and the tension could be cut with a knife.

"Jonah..." Dad says, but I can tell even he doesn't know what to say. This conversation started out one way and ended in a completely different way.

"Don't, Dad," Jonah murmurs. "I don't want to hear it."

"We should talk about what happened," Dad tells him softly like he's not sure if he should even speak.

"Why? I just said don't. I do not want to talk about it. I have that freedom, right? I fought for that, didn't I?" Jonah spouts. "She has no right to be here, Dad." He looks pointedly at Mom now, his chest rising and falling.

Dad shakes his head now, growing frustrated. "I thought since Jordan was more comfortable now that maybe you would like to move forward, too, Jonah."

"Oh, so everyone knew she was coming except for me?" His eyes slide over to me and I've never felt more detached from myself. On one hand, I don't know why I ever tried to shove this on him. But on the other, I thought we could move on, too. I really did.

"What happened to you, Jonah?" When I speak, my voice breaks. And so does my heart as I watch my brother from across the table. He gives me a final look, one that bores into my eyes like he's trying to silently tell me something. Then, he gets up and walks out of the dining room, slamming the front door behind him as he leaves. Through the silence in the room, I can hear his car roar to life.

After a painful rest of our dinner, Mom pulls me aside as Laura and Dad begin to clean up the table and kitchen.

I had just gotten myself calmed down and now she wants to talk? I can feel my tears threatening to come back as I try to restrain them.

"I'm sorry, Mom," I say quietly. To my surprise, she wraps her arms around me.

"He deserves to be mad at me, honey. But you know what? I'm going to keep trying. I am not going to give up on you two." She steps back so she can cup my face. "I'm not doing that again."

As I feel myself starting to cry, I can only nod my head.

"I made decisions that have shattered more lives than one," Mom continues, her voice wavering slightly. "I just hope you both can give me a second chance." She steps back and grabs her bag that hadn't left where she dropped it in the first place. "I'm going to go home and come back when things cool down. I think there's more going on with Jonah than he can handle. I promise though, I will be back soon. I promise." She kisses my forehead, an unfamiliar feeling.

I turn and watch my mom walk out the door, unsure how I should feel. How am I supposed to trust that she'll come back? What if this is a repeat?

How could I let this happen?

________________________

The song is Better by Chris Renzema!

So, do you guys like the longer chapters or the shorter chapters? I normally just write until I feel like the chapter should end, but I try to at least get them to be around 2000 words or maybe a little less. Let me know what your thoughts are!

This may be the last chapter for a little bit. I want to write so badly, but college is keeping my attention front and center unfortunately. Promise to update soon <3 thanks for reading!!