For what seems like the hundredth time, I toss myself onto my back and stare up at my ceiling the street lights are illuminating. My room is silent, leaving me with only my thoughts to keep me company.

I try to push away the events from earlier today. I can't keep my mind from wandering to the words I said to my mom and to the words Layla wouldn't say to me. It was all enough to keep me from dreaming, and then from sleeping at all.

Tired of tossing around in my bed, I get up and pull on a pair of sweatpants along with a sweatshirt. I grab my phone and drop it into my pocket before I head downstairs. The fridge has lots of food, but none of it catches my attention. I shut the door and look around, unsure of what to do.

My phone buzzes in my pocket and I pick it out to see a text from Layla.

From: Layla
1:15 AM
I know you're probably asleep right now... but I can't stop thinking about the way you left

To: Layla
1:16 AM
are you talking about the kiss or?

From: Layla
1:18 AM
Wow I'm so glad you're awake to tease me

To: Layla
1:18 AM
That was a great kiss, I wouldn't joke about that. In all seriousness... why wouldn't you tell me what's going on?

From: Layla
1:19 AM
....

To: Layla
1:21 AM
Please tell me? I care you about you Layla.

From: Layla
1:22 AM
I'd rather tell you in person

To: Layla
1:22 AM
Anywhere, anytime. Right now? I can't sleep anyway

From: Layla
1:23 AM
I'm actually in my grandfather's building right now if you want to come here

To: Layla
1:23 AM
I'll be there soon

I drop my phone into my pocket and grab a pair of shoes to slip on before I head outside and shut the door quietly behind me. I realized quickly when I moved here that this city doesn't shut down with the sun. There are still people roaming around and driving up and down the streets with someplace to go.

When I reach Layla's grandfather's building, I climb in through the back entrance and make my way up to her. I notice along the way that a few steps need fixing or else it'll make the trek to the top floor even harder than it already is.

Her stereo is playing softly when I reach the door. I see her sitting under the windowsill with her knees pulled up to her chest. She turns her head towards me and gives me a closed-mouth smile. I slowly walk towards her, a sudden rush of anxiousness hitting me.

"Hey." I sit down next to her on the floor and pull my own legs up to rest my arms on them.

"Hi. I feel bad that you came all the way over here this late at night. We have school tomorrow..." She trails off, but I'm already moving closer to her.

I shake my head. "Layla quit worrying yourself. I'd do anything for you."

I can feel my face growing hot after saying that and try to ignore it. The lighting in the small room is dim with only a set of Christmas lights lit up on the wall opposite the window. Layla lowers her head.

"I should have told you today – or, well, yesterday, I guess – about what's going on with me. I'm sorry for making you worry." Her voice doesn't waver, but I can tell that this isn't easy for her.

I reach for her hand and tangle our fingers together. "Whatever it is, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

She offers me a grateful smile but then pulls herself back to seriousness. "I... I have a heart condition."

I feel my heart beating against my chest. A heart condition? What could possibly be wrong with a heart as beautiful as hers? I shake my head slightly. "What do you mean?"

She takes a deep breath, her chest rising and falling with it. "I have Aortic Valve Stenosis. I've had it since I was little, but it didn't start to show signs until a few years ago. And now... I just recently found out that I have Endocarditis, which is like an infection inside my heart."

I want to say something once she finishes, but the words won't come out. How could this girl, as innocent and focused on God as she is, have this problem? I don't even know what this infection is yet I know it's not good. It can't be.

"Layla... I-"

"It's okay, Jonah. You don't have to say anything."

I reach forward and wrap my arms around her, pulling her close to me. She allows herself to be held for a little while.

"I'm so sorry."

"Don't be."

Once I let go of her, we stand up and walk over to a bean bag laying in the corner of the room. I sit down on it and scoot over so she can sit with me. For a moment she hesitates, unsure if she wants to lay with me or not.

I smile crookedly. "I promise I won't bite."

She grins, but it doesn't reach her eyes. She finally lowers herself down next to me and before we know it, we're tangled up with each other. Layla finds a blanket lying across one of her other mismatched chairs and lays it over us.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner," she whispers against my chest.

"I'm just glad you told me. It's just... It's a lot to take in. I don't know what any of that stuff is and I'm imagining the worst."

She shakes her head. "Don't. One day I'll explain it all to you. For now, can we just be here?"

My arms tighten around her. "Of course."

I can feel my eyes growing heavy but unlike a while ago, I don't want to go to sleep now. My mind is still not at ease thinking about what Layla has told me. I don't know much about heart conditions, but I know they aren't good. And by the way she's acting, it doesn't ease my mind.

In the silence of the room, I hear a quiet sniffle and can feel Layla's chest rise and fall irregularly against my side. I raise my hand and rest it against her hair.

"Layla? Are you okay?" I ask quietly, tilting my head so I can see her face.

She nods her head without lifting up, probably not wanting me to see her face. "I'm scared, Jonah."

I twist the ends of her hair between my fingers. "Why?" I can't have any clue what's she going through, but if she could tell me, I could at least help her through it.

"Of the future. I'm scared of what God has planned for me. And... I don't know what to do."

I can feel her beginning to cry harder, but I'm afraid to move. I'm afraid to open my mouth and say the wrong thing.

After a moment, I finally speak. "I don't think that's what you're supposed to do... I mean, be afraid. Right? Jesus is supposed to take that fear away, isn't He?"

She reaches up to rub her eyes before she sits up and faces away from me.

"He does. But right now... I can't see it."

I sit up and put my hand against her back gently. "You're seeing through fear... I don't know Jesus as well as you do, but I have a feeling that He's not gonna be leaving you anytime soon."

Layla tilts her head back towards me and then turns completely to press her lips lightly against mine. I kiss her back without hesitation.

She leans back and rests her forehead against mine. "I don't deserve you, but I think He sent you to me. And I don't think I could feel more grateful than I do."

I kiss her once more. "He led me right to you. You're right, though. You don't deserve me because you deserve way more."

She shakes her head furiously. "One day you'll realize how much potential you have, and then you'll see why you mean so much to me, and to God."

I kiss her forehead and pull her down so we're laying on the beanbag, wrapped around each other. I still can't help but feel a pressure on my chest, like there is still more to worry about.

"Today my mom came home. I said some pretty mean things to her and then she left." I'm not sure why I'm saying this, but something tells me I should.

Layla reaches across my chest and grabs my hand. "Sometimes we say things without thinking. I have no doubt that she'll forgive if she loves you, and I have no doubt that you can forgive her, too. It takes time, patience, and prayer."

I smile at that. "How do you always know what to say?"

She chuckles quietly. "I guess I'm just that good."

"There really is something wrong with you, isn't there?"

Layla giggles and we soon fall into silence as we hold one another. It doesn't take long for me to close my eyes, my heart feeling slightly fuller and slightly emptier at the same time.

*

A car horn jolts my eyes open. I blink them several times in an attempt to see what's in front of my face, but it takes them a few seconds to clear up. I turn my stiff neck around to see that I'm still in Layla's hideout with her curled up next to me on the bean bag.

Her knees are pulled up to her chest and her arms are tucked between them, her head resting on a lump of the bean bag. I try to sit up carefully, so I don't wake her up. Grabbing my phone, I see that it's almost six in the morning.

Layla moves slightly and I try to get up so she can have the whole bean bag, but her head turns and her eyes open slowly. She looks more exhausted than I've ever seen her before. Yet, she still gives me a sleepy smile as she stretches her arms above her head.

"Did we fall asleep?" She asks, her voice full of grogginess.

I can't help but watch her every move. "Yeah. It's almost six."

Her eyes widen slightly. "In the morning? Oh gosh... our parents are going to wonder where we are and why we aren't getting ready for school..."

I plop down beside her and she almost falls off the bean bag before I wrap my arms around her and hold her against me. "I don't regret a thing."

She smiles and rests her head against my shoulder. "Me either. But I still don't want to miss school. We should go."

As we stand up and get ready to leave, I can't help but wonder how bad it was for her to stay here. Doesn't it matter what air you're breathing and how much sleep you're getting when your heart is... broken, in a way?

Before we leave, she pauses for a moment. Her face looks pained and I grab her arm.

"Are you okay?"

She looks up at me the pained look is wiped away immediately. "Yeah. I just don't want to leave."

Relief washes over me. I lean in and kiss her softly on the lips. "We can come right back here after school if you want. I would stay a million nights with you on that bean bag."

She giggles and rolls her eyes, grabbing my hand and pulling me out the door.

I watch her descend the creaky and sketchy steps the whole time, trying to pretend I don't see her chest rising and falling with more and more effort and that she's perfectly fine.

But that's what imaginations are for, and those only bring false hope. 

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The song is Faith by Jordan Feliz! I don't think I've used this song yet, but either way give it a listen! Such a great message!

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!