No Saint ~ Lauren Jenkins

Tasha immediately felt cold as her eyes opened, the light barely shining through the cracks in the tent. She felt her heart drop as she realized Rafe was gone. She reached to his side of the bed, noticing a small paper laid there with her name on it. She flipped it over, shaking her head as she read the note.

I'm doing this for us.

I do love you.

- Rafe

Her heart ached as she pulled her clothes on, feeling betrayed that he still chose the treasure over her, even if he didn't realize it himself.

You say I'm an angel, and angels don't get low
Baby, you broke my wings so long ago
I thought it'd make me stronger, I thought we'd make it through
Turns out it just hurts like hell loving you

It didn't take long for Tasha to run into Rafe's and Nadine's men again. This time, knowing she was their ally, they greeted her. Tasha ignored them, instead pushing through them all until she saw Nathan and Sam, who nearly shot Nadine. And of course, Rafe, holding his own gun as he punched Sam.

"Rafe!" She called his name, keeping her voice even as she stepped out into the opening, looking at Nathan with relived eyes.

"Tell them, Sam. Tell them the truth." Rafe stepped over to Tasha, standing next to her as she looked at Sam expectantly.

"What's he talking about, Sammy?"

Sam sighed. "Rafe got me out of Panama two years ago."

Tasha felt betrayal, but while her anger was focussed on Sam in that moment, it quickly went to Rafe as she realized he could've told her this sooner.

"No... I left my life for you!" Nate yelled at his brother, pushing Sam away when he tried to comfort him.

"Nate — if it's any consolation; he duped me too. He brought you— and that old man back into the mix. But you know — it's all behind us now."

Sam glared at Rafe. "You don't deserve it."

"And you do?" Rafe asked him. "Last time I checked, we're all thieves digging around where we shouldn't."

"Rafe, deal with them." Nadine said from behind him, annoyance laced in her voice.

"Well," Rafe pointed his gun at Sam. "You heard the lady."

"If you kill us you might as well kiss that treasure goodbye." Nate said.

"Nathan's right." Tasha spoke up as she stepped towards her friends. "We need them, alright? We can all look for this stupid treasure together."

Rafe ignored her, not even bothering to give Tasha a momentary glance. "You're right Nate...You're half right. I only need Sam."

"Rafe, don't—"

The gunshot rang out and Tasha felt her world fall apart as she watched Sam push Nate out of the way of the bullet, who then fall into the river below. She immediately ran to the ledge, ready to jump in after him but before she could Rafe grabbed her arm, aggressively pulling her from the ledge.

"You'll never stop, will you?!" She yelled at him, tugging her arm from his vice like hold.

"The treasure is here! We just—"

Tasha laughs. "We?" She looks at Rafe, heartbroken again. "I never wanted the treasure! I wanted you to love me. I wanted to be enough."

Turns out it just hurts like hell loving you

"Tasha—"

Tasha ignored Rafe, instead kneeling beside Sam. "You're lucky. Any more to the right and you'd be dead right now.

"Lucky?! Nathan—"

"You took the main blow of the bullet. Nate's tough... plus," Tasha leaned down to whisper quietly to him. "Word on the street is we have back up."

•••

Tasha was dead silent as she paced in Rafe's tent, his men having taken her there once she made sure Sam would be alright. 

So I opened up the Bible
Memorized the book of John
And you washed your hands in holy water
Swearing all your sins were gone
If there's a cure for being pure, again, I can't find it anywhere

Tasha stood at the table in the middle of the tent, holding an old page of paper in her hands loosely. She knew if she let herself feel too much in that moment, she would fall back into old habits.

"There you are!"

Tasha set the paper down, not turning to look at Rafe as he came up to her, his touch soft as his hands caressed her arms softly. "Are you alright?"

"You shot my best friend." Tasha replied emptily, looking over the map on the table.

"I'm sure Nate's fine —"

"Fine? You tried to kill him!" Tasha's voice was on the verge of breaking so she clenched her jaw.

"Why do you care so much about him anyways?" Rafe was frustrated now. "He's just a nuisance."

"You know, after I left I couldn't talk about you. The same way that Nate never spoke of Sam ever again, I never spoke of you, to anyone. You became a ghost that haunted me, every time my eyes closed I saw you and every moment I was awake I missed you." Tasha opened the journal on Rafe's desk, somewhat surprised to find an old photograph of the two of them. She chuckled sadly, running her fingers along the worn edges. "But you're... you only care about the treasure now. That's all you've ever truly cared about. You've made that abundantly clear."

Rafe's grip on her tightened with each word, as if it would make up for all the lies and pain he had caused. "I won't love a ghost for the rest of my life."

I know that you're sorry, I feel it in your touch
But that don't make me forget all the damage done

Rafe opened his mouth to speak, but Nadine called for him. "Look, we'll talk when I get back. Everything will be different once we have the treasure."

Once Rafe left the tent, Tasha allowed a shaky breath to leave her lips as a tear fell down her face. She reached into her pocket, pulling out a photo she always kept on her. It was nearly identical to the photo Rafe had, except it was far more worn and showed them closer.

Tasha could hear Rafe getting angry outside the tent, and his anger and no care attitude reminded her why she left in the first place. Rafe made open ended promises he could never keep.

He would never keep.

And I don't want to hate you
Heaven says I need to forgive you
But I ain't no saint

Her fingers grazed the old chain on her neck, her heart breaking as she tore it from her neck.

"I need to find Nate." Tasha mumbled to herself, leaving the photo on the desk and the chain with her engagement ring and cross above it before sneaking out of the tent, refusing to look back.

I can't look back.

And I don't want to hate you
Heaven says I need to forgive you
But I ain't no saint

•••

"Tasha." 

Rafe stepped into the tent, and to his dismay it was completely empty. He stepped over to his desk, eyes widening when he saw the folded photograph, and the chain with her engagement ring on it.

What have I done?

You only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go