Cold.

That's the only thing Rafe felt as he held his lover's hand as their plane made way to the main land. Nathan and Sam were able to get Tasha's bleeding under control, but she still hadn't regained consciousness and by how pale she was becoming they all knew she didn't have long.

Rafe couldn't think. He couldn't speak. All he could do was stare at the woman he loved. She tried to kill herself and he didn't even flinch, how... how could he do that? How could he just watch as she fell apart because of him? And now...

The others were speaking constantly trying to think of ways to save their loved one sooner but the reality was Tasha would die without medical help.

All because of him.

With his free hand, Rafe reached into his pocket and pulled out the two photographs and the chain with Tasha's engagement ring on it. Of course he kept it all — he had hoped if he got the treasure he would be able to present them to her when she would take him back — but now...

"I did this."

Everyone fell silent as they slowly looked over at Rafe who was staring at the photo of Tasha and himself — and fuck, seeing her look so happy and then looking to her nearly dead form made his heart break more than it already was.

"What?" Nate asked as he looked at Rafe warily.

"Everything... all of this? This is my doing..." He let go of Tasha's hand, the tears falling freely as he down stared at her. "I — Fuck— I killed her... I — I killed—"

"Rafe, you need to calm down." Sam was the first to move towards the man, slowly stepping in closer. "Tasha isn't dead, alright? And she isn't going to die either."

"How do you know that? Huh, Sam?! Look at her! I fucking shot her! I fucking killed her!"

"No, Rafe— you tried to kill me." Nathan interjected cautiously. "You wanted to kill me. You never would have —"

"You're her family!" Rafe replied shakily. "I should have— I shouldn't have — I should have listened to her!" Rafe was looking towards Nathan's pistol with a glint in his eye.

"Yeah, no shit!" Sam replied with narrowed eyes. "You've done some fucked up shit, Rafe, but you see that girl there?! She fucking loves you. She'd fucking die for you — and you think you get the easy way out? Nu-uh."

Rafe calmed slightly as he looked down at Tasha, who was still fast asleep... "Do you think she'll ever be able to forgive me?"

"I can't answer that for you." Sam sighed as he sat next to Rafe. "So you're just going to have to wait for her to tell you herself."

"You know, when she left I didn't even go after her. I let her go."

"Why?"

"Honestly? I... I thought I was doing what was best for her."

Sam shook his head, "Look, you need to focus on her now, okay? We have tons of time to discuss how badly you've fucked up, but for now we gotta stay positive for her, alright?"

Rafe nodded, sitting back down next to Tasha's still body. They were nearing the mainland but she wouldn't be out of the woods until the doctors saw her.

"You don't get to die on us now, princess." Sam sighed as he stared down at her unconscious form, trying not to cry because everyone else was already and he needed to be strong for them and for her. "You listen to me. We're your family. And yeah, life is pretty fucked up but you know what? We have each other. Out of every fucking one of us, you're the one least deserving of anything other than happiness — but you can't get your happy ending if you're dead, Tash."

Rafe was quiet as he observed Sam, noticing the way he looked at her and for the first time he didn't feel jealous... he just felt bad for him. Rafe knew he wasn't the only one who had to atone for his mistakes, and he was grateful that none of them were blaming him in that moment.

"Aaaaah!"

Everyone rushed to Tasha's side as she tried to sit up, pushing at Rafe's arms who was trying to keep her still. "Let go of me!"

"Tasha! You need to stay still—"

"It hurts!" She screamed out as she put her hand to her bloody wound, staring at the deep crimson that stuck to her hands. If her skin could pale further, it did, as she frantically tried to get away from them.

"Jesus, Tash— calm down!" Nathan yelled.

"We're trying to help you!" Sam groaned as he shoved her arms down against the seat. "Rafe, I need you to hold her still."

"What— What are you doing?" Rafe looked at the metal as Sam heated it with his lighter. "You — are you fucking crazy?! The shock will kill her!"

"We don't have time! If we don't do this now, she will die!" Sam's eyes pleaded with Rafe as he stepped towards Tasha. "I need you to hold her down and keep her still."

"M-me? I — I can't—"

"You fucking did this to her!" Elena yelled from behind Sam. "You say you love her and want to save her? This is how we do that!"

Rafe looked down at Tasha who continued to fade in and out of consciousness.

"Sully, how far out are we?" Nate asked.

"I'm going as fast as I can, kid. A few minutes max."

Rafe let out a shaky breath as he replaced Sam's hands, and in that moment Tasha stared up at him with wide eyes.

"Rafe — I'm scared."

Rafe tried to ignore Sam who was getting closer. "I — it's going to be alright, okay sweetheart? You're going — going to be fine. Just keep your eyes on me, okay?"

Tasha whimpered but nodded, trying to keep her eyes focussed on Rafe as Sam pressed the hot blade to her gunshot wound. She let out a shrill scream as the burning sensation flooded over her. In mere seconds it was over but her body shut down from the stress of it all, sending her into deep unconsciousness.

•••

Darkness surrounded Tasha entirely, and she felt as though she was being swallowed hole by the entirety of the ocean. Her chest felt heavy as she ran through the darkness, quiet voices becoming louder until they were screaming.

Rafe?

She opened a door, and once inside she knew where she was. The halls of Rafe's home were the same, except they were brighter than the last time she had saw them. In the main living room she found the walls had photos on them... photos of her and Rafe surrounding everything. Photos of Nathan, and Sam— Elena, Sully — everyone... together and happy.

Tasha let out a shaky breath as she noticed Rafe come into the room. She opened her mouth to speak but she realized that she wasn't really there... wherever there was.

"There you are!" Rafe smiled brightly at her, walking to her until he pulled her into his arms. "I was wondering where you ran off to."

"I—"

"Mommy!"

Tasha felt her heart ache as a young girl ran into the room and grabbed onto her leg, hugging it until Rafe picked her up and pulled her into the group hug.

What... what is this?

She couldn't tell if this was Hell and she was being mocked. This couldn't be real. It felt like she was a thousand miles away from Rafe even though she was standing there with him.

The three of them were laying on a bed, Tasha staring at the ceiling as the child slept between them.

Rafe gently reached his hand up, caressing her face but she couldn't even feel him. Not really.

"You need to wake up."

Tasha felt tears come to her eyes as she finally looked back at him. "I don't want to."

"I know." Rafe replied as he wiped away her tears. "But this isn't real. You have people who love you and are waiting for you."

Tasha let out a shaky breath as she sat up. She gave Rafe one final kiss before she stood up and once again was engulfed by darkness.

And for the first time, Tasha was truly alone.