Chapter 32: Queen (Alexander's POV)

I had been lying still in bed for the past twenty minutes, pretending to be asleep while she tossed and turned like I had been the other night. 

"Alex?" she whispered. 

I didn't say anything and then heard her get out of bed, followed by the bathroom door closing. I sat up and then stood up, drinking from my water bottle and then putting it back on my nightstand. 

I really wanted to kiss her right before we got in her bed. And I shouldn't have told her that I wanted to do something unexpected. Because what if she was able to link it back to the conversation at the pool and realize what I meant? I should have just done it. But I chickened out. 

I walked over to the bathroom, ready to knock but my hand froze at the door when I heard her sniffle and then cry. 

She groaned loudly and then I heard what sounded like some of the bottles of lotion and whatnot on the counter fall off. "For fuck's sake," she huffed before probably picking them up and putting them back. 

I leaned against the wall, listening as she cried for a little longer. 

"Stop, stop, stop, Aria. Stop it," she told herself. 

I heard the faucet turn on and then minutes later, the lock clicked open. 

She stepped out, getting startled again. "Uh, I thought you were sleeping," she said. She even sounds like she had been crying and looks like it too. Her nose is red, her skin is glowy, the kind it gets after you've sobbed, and her lips were puffy and rosy as well as her eyes which looked a little bloodshot. "Did I wake you?" 

I shook my head, "No, you didn't wake me. I woke up to drink water," I lied. 

"Oh," she nodded, rubbing her hands on her thighs, over her sweats. "Do you need anything?" 

I should be asking her that. "No," I repeated. 

"Okay," she mumbled, still not moving. 

"Were you crying?" 

"Was I crying? When?" She really is good at pretending something didn't happen. 

"Right now." 

"No, why do you think I was crying?" she chuckled. 

"Because I've been standing here for the past fifteen minutes, listening." 

"If you knew then why did you ask?" 

"To see if you would tell me." 

"And why would I tell you? I hate crying in front of people and I hate when they know I've been crying." She made a move to walk to the bed and escape the conversation but I blocked her way and moved forward until she was standing in front of the wall and couldn't move since I was right in front of her. 

"Don't lie to me, Aria. I hate it." 

"Well, I'm the greatest liar you've met, aren't I? I rule it." 

"You can be the queen of lying, all you want-" 

"I am the queen of lying, thank you," she spat. 

"But you can't lie to me," I continued. "Not when you have tear stains on your cheek and shirt." 

She sighed, "What do you want?" 

"Why won't you talk to me? I'm trying to help you." 

"I don't want your help! And I don't want your pity!" 

"I don't pity you! I'm proud of you. I admire how strong you are. I don't pity you, Aria." 

She rolled her eyes, taking a step back and leaning against the wall. "You pity me. Your face says it all." 

"Then it should also say that I think you are incredibly stupid." 

She ignored me. 

"Listen to me. I know you were crying because of everything you found out tonight, but don't get angry at me because I'm worried and I care about you. I'm just trying to make sure you're okay." 

"Then maybe you should care a little less because frankly, it's none of your business." 

"It is completely my business. You're my wife." 

She groaned, "I'm your wife but I still have a personal life, don't I?" 

"Not when you're hiding and crying in the bathroom while I'm out here Aria!" 

"I'm tired, I want to sleep." She walked around me. 

"Get back here," I said through gritted teeth before grabbing her wrist and pulling her back, pinning her to the wall. 

"Why?" she asked. "What are you going to do? Try to comfort me again? Give me another speech? It can only help so much and I really appreciate it, but please just stop, Alex. I just need my time." 

"No." 

"What do you mean 'no' you can't just deny me of privacy." 

"Well I am, what are you going to do about it?" 

She pushed at my chest. "Why do you do this? Everything isn't a challenge. Don't ask me what I'm going to do about it when you know there's nothing I can do," she said, resisting the urge to scream at me. 

"If you know there's nothing you can do then why do you try? You should just listen to me, Aria!" 

She kept trying to push me off and I kept resisting. "Move! I will literally slap you right now." 

"Okay, do it," I nodded. 

"Alex!" she yelled.

"Shh! We're in a hotel, there are other rooms near us!" I hissed. 

"Then get off of me!" 

I sighed, taking a step back. But she tried walking away again so I grabbed her and pinned her to the wall again. 

She let out a sigh, her shoulders slumping. "What do you want?" She looked down at the floor. 

I stared at her for a minute, noticing the tear falling from her lashes to the floor. I took a step back and grabbed her shirt, pulling her forward and then into a hug. 

"Let go," she groaned, punching me but not too hard. 

"Shut up," I huffed, hugging her tighter until she gave in and put her arms around my neck. 

After a good ten minutes, she mumbled, "I'm fine, let go now, please." I pulled back, looking at her. She wiped her cheeks and took in a deep breath. "I'm fine. It's out of my system for the time being," she said, rubbing her eyes. "Thank you. You really didn't have to do that though." 

I stared at her. "You have an eyelash on your..." I said softly, reaching up and brushing it off. 

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry." 

"Don't apologize," I said sternly. 

She quieted down and looked at me expectantly. "I don't know about the queen of lying, but I'm definitely the queen of panicking and crying in the middle of the goddamn night," she huffed, rolling her eyes.

"It's okay." I gave her a small shrug. 

"It's not okay. It's not normal, I'm completely fine during the day, I don't know what happens at night." 

"Everybody has their days and moments." 

"It's rare if a night doesn't go like this for me, Alexander," she said. 

"Well, they won't anymore," I nodded. 

She let out a chuckle, "You can't confirm that." 

"Yes, I can." I stepped a little closer. "I hate seeing you like that, I'm going to try to make sure it happens as rarely as possible." 

She shook her head slowly. "You being nice just ruins everything." She let out a breath, her shoulders deflating with it. 

"Just tell me now, do I need to give another speech?" I leaned in. 

She turned her head the other way, smiling. "No," she chuckled. "You don't." She looked at me, both of us suddenly realizing the proximity. 

My eyes drifted down to her lips and the urge to kiss her hit me for the billionth time tonight. I had it all throughout dinner and earlier as well. In the elevator, while we were walking, when we got to the room. 

"What?" she whispered. 

"Nothing." I pulled back, hating myself for not being able to just do it. But I have to hold off, she isn't ready. Clearly. 

She stood there for a minute, eyeing me. "Okay," she mumbled, heading for the bed. 

"I'm really sorry, I can't do it anymore," I sighed in defeat, grabbing her arm and pulling her back. 

"Do what?" she frowned in confusion. 

I stepped closer and she stepped back, hitting the wall once more. "I'm really trying," I groaned. 

"To do what?" she repeated. 

"To do what? Alex?" She raised her brows at her, her eyes filled with curiosity. And even a little bit of worry if I read that right. 

"I'm sorry," I shrugged and she continued to look at me in confusion. I did it quick enough that she didn't get time to process. I grabbed her waist in one hand, held one side of her face in the other, and I crashed my lips against hers. 

She didn't respond at first, she was still in shock and processing, I guess. But then she did kiss me back. Her hands grabbed fistfuls of my shirt, bunching it up and tugging at it. I took the hint and stepped closer, my body pressing against hers. Her lips moved rhythmically with mine. 

It wasn't fast or rushed or hard. It was slow and a lot more gentle than I ever remember being with her. 

She pushed me back minutes later and stared at the ground in shock before looking up at me, her finger tracing her lips. "Wh... why did you just kiss me?" 

"I don't know," I lied. "But you kissed me back." 

"But you... I... We don't..." She huffed, staring at the floor, utterly confused, still tracing her lip. 

I grabbed her wrist, pulling her hand down, stepping closer. "We do," I nodded. 

We do like each other. We just can't admit it. We're both too cowardly. And she has other reasons too. 

"But-" 

"We do, so just be quiet." I leaned down, capturing her lips in another kiss. 

She pushed me off. "Wait, we do?" 

"Aria." I let out a low groan, staring at her, being as patient as I could. 

"We do? Really?" 

"Would you like me to give it to you in writing?" 

"Why do you always give such sarcastic, snarky remarks?" she frowned. 

"Because I do," I shrugged, stepping even closer to her, our bodies touching. 

"Since when? I don't believe you," she scoffed. "I think you just wanted a kiss." 

"I think I want another one," I smirked, putting my hands on the wall, trapping her in. I leaned down, my face and lips in level with hers. "Can I take it?" I asked. 

Her eyes met mine and then drifted down to my lips. I can practically see her replaying the kiss in her head, trying to decide if it's worth the risk. If liking me is worth the risk. 

"Can I?" I leaned in, my lips brushing against hers. "Or maybe I don't-" I started pulling away but she grabbed my shirt. 

"Don't play with my heart, Alexander. Do you or not?" she asked. 

"But I do want to play with your heart," I sighed. She watched me as I contemplated saying it or not. "Or maybe I just want your heart. That's all." 

"Why?" She lifted a brow sharply. 

"Because I like you," I admitted. "I like you a lot more than I intended to. So now tell me," I cleared my throat, leaning back in. "Can I-" 

She pushed herself off the wall, her lips colliding with mine. 

I smiled against her lips, my hands going to her waist while I took a step back, steadying myself and her. 

As it turns out, I can.

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Chapter 32

he can

always, he can

next chapter: bury