So, what is a backstab, really? In my experience, it's a feeling that hurts more than a breakup (especially when your best/close friend is involved). It comes when we least expect it, doesn't it? It's funny how we aren't prepared at all, but the "stabber" is all decked up to reveal the harsh truth. It pains like a thousand needles, and prickles like a million porcupines. For some of us, it's easier to deal with the pain, but a lot of us get severely affected by these events, and sometimes it even influences our mental health. We start feeling anxiety, depression and even loneliness.

I've been stabbed in the back countless number of times, but I'm still not a pro at dealing with it and getting over it quickly, because it hurts. It hurts a lot. This is what happened to me a few months ago...

So I used to be head-over-heels for this guy at my school, and one of my really close friends was helping me in summoning up the courage and talking to him. But after a while, I started noticing tiny changes in her behaviour. For starters, she started to get far more enthusiastic about this whole situation than I was, and even insisted that SHE could talk to him for me. I didn't want to, but I started getting suspicious about her, and I was right.

One day during our Social Studies class, she whispered to me, "Sarah, I'm so sorry. I felt butterflies when he looked at me yesterday...I've been wanting to tell you, but I just didn't know how to." 

My stomach flipped over, and I silently cried. I cried out of agitation, stress and disappointment, and the thing is, I hate crying in public. And I absolutely despise people who make a scene, wanting to seek attention. So technically, I was being a hypocrite, but I couldn't help it. I was so angry, but I was dumb enough not to realise it. But it was unfair. Isn't it supposed to be an unsaid rule about staying away from your friend's crush, that he's out of limits? I have always been a strict believer in Girl Code, and she'd gone and broken it. Being an absolute idiot, I told her that I was fine -when I probably should've confronted her- and slowly, I convinced myself, too. And yeah, after a couple of months I did get over him, but it was forced. I knew I couldn't trust my "friend" anymore, and also regretted all the times where I'd told her my untold secrets. It hurt, but I healed. I knew that I never wanted to be as close with her as we were, and I've stuck to that. Because she was the one who'd stabbed me in the back.

Anyway, that's enough of me ranting, but thankyou for listening. What I really wanted to convey was that, we can't do much about people who don't care. People who don't have basic values and shame. The only thing we can do to protect ourselves, is standing up for ourselves and ignoring unnecessary comments. To all of those teens who have constantly done so much for their friends & forgiven endless number of times, start putting yourself first, because YOU deserve it!!

Now how I want to conclude this chapter, is by introducing you to a source that could potentially help you in the future. This may seem super cringe of me, but how many of you know Jazmine? Yes, she's an Indonesian influencer. Let me just tell you that she's big on feminism and independence. So if you're ever feeling down/low, I would really suggest you to check out her stuff. And yeah, I was one of the people who had a not-so-great first impression about her content being a bit over-the-top, but trust me, when I decided to give her a chance, I realised that what she says really does make sense. And who knows, maybe you might too? Then again, I'm not forcing anyone, just trying to give advice that could be taken in a positive way...

here's a clip that I would recommend:

https://youtu.be/x8bYgnuUQyw

Anway, that's it for this chapter, I hope you guys could relate!!