"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams." – Dr. Seuss

I could only explain the last twenty-four hours as being as awkward as hell. After Maggie interrupted the almost kiss between myself and Raff, I hadn't known how to act. It was clear that Raff wanted to talk to me but now that the logical side of my brain was working, I'd begun to doubt everything.

I had thought I was being secretive in what I was feeling but really, I was wearing my heart on my sleeve and others were noticing. I'd been so lively when I had been recovering from my coma and now – in the space of twenty-four hours – I'd become withdrawn and droopy.

I seemed to be facing a lot of extremes recently, especially when it came to emotions. Sometimes I felt like a pendulum in a clock and wished I could just stop moving. Then at other times I felt like a flag caught in a dead wind, willing to move faster.

As always, I went back to my work as it was the first reason for me being in the Castle and it was the best thing to keep me busy and grounded. I was like a half-awake zombie but without the human eating. I needed someone to grab me by the shoulders, give me a shake and snap me out of the rut I was currently in. I sat, hidden by piles of books, in the library. Unintentionally I'd made a fort out of books and had hidden inside. I was trying to compartmentalise my brain, trying to sort through the mess of emotions that had clouded my mind. I'd even made a list of things I needed answers for. The list contained three items: my family tree, the Madden family and Valarie's family. If I was being honest, there was a forth number on that list entitled 'Raff?'. However, I wasn't ready to process that one yet.

"I think we need to stage an intervention. Maya says she'll get over what is troubling her in her own time but I'm not sure we can wait that long."

I stiffened as I heard Ben's voice echo around the library. I made a conscious effort not to breathe too loudly, completely forgetting that I could be seen from the massive book fort I'd built.

"I wish it didn't have to be this way. That girl has such a goodness in her. She doesn't deserve to be thrown into the mix of this curse," said Cora.

"I'm sorry. I want this curse broken as much as the next person, but I just don't trust her."

"Your bitterness Maggie will be your downfall. You say you cannot trust her, and you seem intent on hating her, but you were so kind to her in the beginning. What is your motive? Your acting cannot be that good?"

"Things can change. Didn't you ever think the curse could get broken without the two of them meeting? I've just been trying to prevent chaos from descending. Look what's happened since they met, the poor Marquis has had to suffer fear, pain and loss. None of this would have happened if she'd just kept her grubby little paws off him. Valarie was bad enough and this one's just as sneaky. What's to say she's not working against us?!"

I was angrier than hurt by Maggie's words. Knowing how strongly Maggie felt about me now, I wondered how I could have missed the lies shining through her kindness at the beginning.

"I don't know whether to hit you or lock you up," said Cora.

"You see things through a rare lens Maggie. I can't say I've seen the same as you. Raff has been so happy since Valera came into his life. Surely you can see the positive changes in him, you can't say that Valarie isn't good for him when they make each other into better versions of themselves."

I was warmed to the heart that I had support in both Cora and Ben and that they trusted me to break the curse for them.

"I don't like it."

I didn't need to see Maggie to know that she had her arms crossed and a frown upon her face. I just knew, she was that predictable.

"What were they doing in the garden?" asked Ben.

"They think they're so smart hiding in that secret garden, but I knew where they were. Whatever they were doing, I put a stop to it."

"If you insist on interfering Maggie, I'll put a stop to it. They deserve to be happy and they'll be the happiest together."

It got quite after that and I assumed the trio had moved on, but I remained motionless for several minutes after just to make sure. I wasn't sure if I felt better or worse for overhearing the conversation between the three. I felt certain that stabbing Maggie with a fork would do wonders for my happiness.

Still, I waited until I was certain they'd left the library till I thought to extract myself from my book fort. I made my way back to the storage room. I'd asked a couple of the village boys to remove the last of the overflowing boxes and was grateful that I'd now cleared the last of the stuff to be thrown out and could now concentrate on the treasures that were left.

I walked around the room with a clipboard that held sticky labels and a black marker pen. I proceeded to label each shelf according to what I'd later place there. It was relaxing to know the boring part was now over. Sorting through the treasures that history had forgotten was always my favourite part of the job. I never knew what I was going to find and always enjoyed the story that accompanied each piece of history that I uncovered.

Ben found me later that day, knee deep in history and dust particles, humming to myself as I finished the last of the labelling. Ben pulled me from the storage room, desperate to show me something. I followed him without complaint, stretching my arms above my head trying to rid myself of the aches and pains. Ben led me out of the house and all the way to the marble gazebo in the gardens. I glanced at him suspiciously and reminded myself that I could trust Ben.

"Why have you brought me here Ben?"

"Go inside and see."

"The door doesn't open Ben, it's just there for decoration."

"How do you know that Valera? Go on, try it, you won't be disappointed."

Feeling more suspicion cloud my judgement, I tried the door and to my surprise, it did open. I felt Ben push me further inside and panicked at the sound of the door shutting behind me.

I was confronted with the image of several burning candles that gave off a glow that illuminated the room. It was another hideaway of sorts, lavishly filled with chairs, pillows and blankets – all in pristine condition. Standing in the middle of it all was Raff. I turned away from him before I even realised, I'd done it. My emotions clouding my judgement and my heart racing a mile a minute.

"Why do you turn from me Valera? Are we not passed such behaviour now? Why have you been avoiding me? Are you not happy?"

"That's a lot of questions. I haven't been avoiding you, I've just been busy."

I couldn't meet his eye and I cursed myself for reacting this way.

"I have not seen you since our moment in the garden. My dear Valera, do not lie to me when I stand before you. Tell me, please, what have I done to upset you?"

I turned to face him, my hands were shaking with emotion, but I managed to look him in the eye as I spoke.

"Nothing, you've done nothing Raff."

"Then what are you afraid of?" he asked, taking my hands in his.

"Everything."

"Do you want to know a secret?"

I nodded, unable to tear my gaze away from his. I saw his face in intricate detail and felt myself falling further.

"So am I."

Our lips touched and I forgot all coherent thought. If anything, I pulled Raff closer to reach all of him. As he sought entrance, my mouth opened and together our tongues danced. I never thought a kiss could contain so much feeling, so much need or desperation. I didn't want it to end and as Raff began trailing kisses up and down my neck, I realised that right now, it didn't have too.