"You learned to run from what you feel, and that's why you have nightmares. To deny is to invite madness. To accept is to control." – Megan Chance, The Spiritualist

I woke feeling like I'd been chasing the stars in my sleep and the smile I woke with just confirmed everything to be real. It had taken me a while to come down from the high of the night before and even now I felt like I was floating. There was thorn in my side though that I desperately wished I could bat away. Doubt and worry were transforming my smile into a frown and though I tried to stop thinking of all the uncertainties about what had happened, I couldn't.

Unfortunately, it seemed my brain hadn't got the message, for as fondly as I thought of Raff, I couldn't help but think that Raff saw me only as a replacement to Valarie. It was understandable really, Raff had mentioned before how he wanted one more moment with Valarie and there were obvious physical similarities between me and Valarie.

If anything, the kiss I'd shared with Raff had made things more complicated. I couldn't deny my feelings for Raff anymore, he made my heart sing, my palms sweat and my emotions giddy but if things decided to go sour, I wasn't sure if I'd get over it.

I couldn't help my insecurities, I'd never known where I stood. With Madden I'd gone with whatever he wanted. I hadn't realised how much I'd sacrificed with Madden till it was all over. What if Raff wanted to change me, to make me become the woman he once loved rather than the woman I was?

I'd only ever thought of myself as average and that had suited me just fine. I'd been interested in other things and beauty had never really mattered to me. Did Raff think I was beautiful? Did he see me as my own person? I really needed to talk to him about all of this but that would require conversation and I wasn't sure I was ready for any sort of confrontation. It had, after all, only been a kiss.

In true fashion, I sought to distract myself as I often did to avoid things. There was still that list of things I wanted to work on, so pushing the Raff problem aside, I went off in search of Cora. I wanted to find out about my family history somehow and Cora was my best bet.

Cora, I found, was more than happy to assist me in my quest to find out where I came from. I'd never had much of a need to find out where I came from before I arrived at the Castle, but now the desire and the passion burned from within and I knew I needed answers to move forward.

The process was slow, much slower than I expected and even the tea and biscuits couldn't calm my nerves. We worked on it from both ends, Cora worked on trying to find out what happened to Valarie's child as she was the one who knew most of the details, while I tracked back anyone with the surname Dore in the immediate area.

Information was, again, slow and I wasn't sure what I'd been expecting in terms of knowledge. Maybe I'd been kidding myself, I mean, a little bit of research wasn't going to unearth my entire family history in one sweep. I guessed in the grand scheme of things, it mattered not where I came from as it wouldn't change who I was. Perhaps I should leave it for a while as I was already getting annoyed and I'd rather not give into my anger and cause a scene. It seemed that Cora wanted to talk to me anyway and I welcomed the distraction from my own disappointed research.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I wanted to talk to you about your visions and give you a heads up. Maggie wanted to stage an intervention, but I thought a dinner would me more civilised. Even Maya is coming but if you could, please keep an open mind."

"Is that why you're pushing me out of the door?"

"Well, you should get ready for dinner."

"It's just dinner, what are you trying to do?"

"Don't you want to look good for Raff?"

I glared at her, "you know, don't you?"

Cora smirked at me and I felt I was being set up for something. I allowed Cora to lead me back across the grounds, through the Castle and up to my rooms. I sat patiently as Cora decided on what I should wear to dinner. I was still shocked that Cora seemed to know about the intimate moment between Raff and me. I had hoped to keep things quiet but realised that in a Castle full of gossips, that was an impossible task.

I had never seen the dining room done up for a formal occasion, but it looked beautiful. It was like stepping back in time, except that this time I wasn't seeing it as Valarie but as myself. Bright candles littered the table and the main chandelier had been dimmed right down. A fresh white tablecloth lay on the table where polished cutlery and fancy chinaware had been placed.

Raff, who had been sitting at the head of the table when I arrived, stood to greet me. He was dressed similarly to how he had been when we'd attended the ball. His body certainly struck a striking figure and quite embarrassingly, I found myself eyeing him up like a piece of meat. If his smirk was anything to go by, then I'd been caught in the act and I felt myself blush scarlet.

I smoothed down the front of my dress as Raff pulled my chair out for me. The outfit Cora had forced me into was a combination of the past and present and was cream in colour. I wondered where it had come from for, I knew it wasn't my own.

Soon we were all seated, with Maya arriving last. The serving began soon after and I found it hard not to feel guilty at the others rushing around to serve as we ate. It helped pull my focus, that Raff kept sending me reassured glances and soon I'd relaxed to those serving us. There was something dark in Raff's eyes that burnt hot and made me feel so safe in his presence.

"We've been doing a little research into your visions," said Ben.

I stopped eating and took a sip of water, ready for whatever was going to be said.

"We thought it prudent to gain as much insight as we could about visions in general," said Cora.

"Life is not normal here and for whatever reason, you have been roped into things. I know you struggled before, never quite fitting in, however hard you tried. I've seen you here Valera, you glow. You fit here and I want to help you in any way that I can."

"Thanks Maya."

"It was actually Maya who helped us see sense. Perhaps we have been stuck here for so long that we have lost sight of the bigger picture," said Ben.

I turned from Ben to Maya. I was overcome with happiness that my friend was fitting in so well at the Castle. I didn't know how long Maya would be staying in the Castle for, but I valued her friendship for so many reasons and now, for her willingness to help in all this drama.

"I just think your visions are building a bigger picture. Everyone I've talked to has a different opinion of Valarie, she was an enigma," Maya paused, and I watched as those around the table nodded. "Valera's visions are all jumbled up, they make no sense to any of us, but you see I have a theory. Valarie needs to be understood, her story needs to be told for everyone to understand what happened to her. I believe we must band together in this, that it will be our combined help that will bring around the end of the curse. Everyone has a strength that we can put to work."

I looked at Maya in wonder, surprised by her theory and shocked that I hadn't thought of it first. It was like I suddenly saw the lightbulb above my head. It was an odd thing, living here but at the base of it all, I thought the films had got it right. The heroine was never left alone for that long without the help of others and perhaps things really could be that simple here. It was humorous to think of and funny that I could still find humour when so much of my life had been changed by life in the Castle.

My brain, I thought, needed to calm down. My thoughts were once again getting out of hand. I knew that if someone were to see inside my mind, that I'd be in trouble. I needed to get a better grasp on reality if I wanted to continue thriving.

It was nice to be on the same page as everyone else. Nice to have the warm feeling that with everyone together, we might have a chance. I was thinking that there was something more ghoulie to the knock I'd received to the back of my head but if we were dealing with ghosts, how would we fight them?

"How was life for you growing up Valera?"

My spoon clattered to my bowl, desert forgotten as I looked up at Raff with a spooked expression. How could I avoid a question asked by Raff? I never talked of my past because it was best forgotten.

"Valera doesn't like talking of her past," said Maya.

I waved her off, she was right, I didn't like talking about it but perhaps it was time for a change. My gaze never wavered from Raff's as I began talking and it felt as if everything else faded away.

"My past was cold and empty. There were always a dozen or so children at the home and I watched as each one of them got adopted or fostered while I was left, unwanted. There was just something that repelled others. I know now that it was because I was sponsored by an unknown donor. Imagine, something as simple as that was all that was preventing me from being adopted. But I was oh so alone, I liked my books and I was shy. I learnt at a very young age to not make any friends as they all leave in the end. I used to dream that someone would come and save me, it didn't have to be my birth parents...I just wanted someone to be my family."

"You're a very strong woman," said Cora.

I blinked, trying to wash away the emotions I felt.

"Yes, well, mine is just one of a thousand stories. People always have things better or worse. A story is just a story, a memory is just a memory and I moved on."

My tone had been abrupt and enough to silence those around me. I gasped for air like I'd been deprived of oxygen. This was why I hated talking about my past, it always resulted in a panic attack which wasn't good for me. A warm hand covered mine and I looked up at Raff. He smiled down at me.

I wasn't alone anymore, and I needed to remember that.