"I lie to myself all the time. But I never believe me." - S.E. Hinton, The Outsiders

I woke with a start, my chest heaving and the sunlight glittering through the crack of the curtain. I sighed, wiping a hand down my sweaty face. I swallowed a couple of times, a reaction I couldn't stop. With steady hands, I opened my eyes, blinking in the harsh light. When I no longer felt dizzy, I picked up my journal and wrote all that I'd just seen. It seemed strange to me, to see such a young version of Valarie. I'd never entertained the possibility that Valarie's childhood would be anything less than perfect. What must it be like to have lived such a childhood? To not receive the nurturing and the love expected. I knew what it was like to be unloved, the system could be particularly frightful but I at least, had friends to guide me.

Arranged marriages were common practice in that time but it still seemed absurd to me. These arrangements when the children were young seemed ridiculous when I thought about things and how quickly emotions could change.

Like any other kid without a family, I had often dreamed of what my mother would be like. I couldn't help but feel that Valarie had drawn the short straw in terms of her parents. Her father, from what I'd seen, had been indifferent to her while her mother had cared little for her. I wondered how someone could hate their own flesh so. It was clear that the feelings Valarie had for her mother weren't good ones. I couldn't understand the reason behind Valarie's parents' actions or the fact that they could sell their daughter to the highest bidder and not blink and eye at it.

I wanted to know why Valarie had been shunned from the family. It had to have been something more than the fact that she'd been born. Maybe the parents had been told that she'd be deformed or perhaps the mother had suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder. Of course, in those days, they wouldn't have called it that and Valarie's mother may have been given something for her 'episodes.' Something that instead of helping her, made her worse.

Ultimately, I was both pleased and relieved. Though it wasn't particularly long or informative on the current situation, I had successfully managed to champion a vision without being asleep or having a blackout. I did find it slightly annoying that certain aspects that I saw had been slightly blurred out. For example, I knew the family who visited, and their son Jason were important, but I couldn't tell you what they looked like. Perhaps I just needed to have more concentration and determination to see everything that was presented to me.

It was becoming a persistent thought process for me, whereby, whenever I thought long and hard on everything before me, I would suddenly remember I had a job as a historian and felt incredibly guilty for neglecting it. I'd already tried, on three separate occasions, to get back on track with my job but had failed every time. I knew that solving this curse was more important, but I just couldn't let my work fall to the wayside, it just wasn't who I was.

Hiding away in the storage room, I resolved to cut myself off from the world for a while. Just until I'd made some headway here.

 "I haven't seen you in some time. I thought you might have dropped off the earth somewhere. Ben has been most concerned that you haven't been around."

It had been some time since I'd seen any of my friends. I'd been held up in the storage room sorting through long lost items, getting covered in cobwebs and sneezing through clouds of dust. I was now sitting opposite Raff, having dinner with him. I knew I had the tell tail sign of a blush upon my face, but I couldn't help myself, my embarrassment always seemed to flourish when I was around Raff. I hadn't seen him in a while, and they did say that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

"I'll have to apologise to Ben, I've been in the storage room. I only intended to do a little bit of work, but I ended up getting stuck into things. I apologise for neglecting my friends."

"We have all missed you. I have missed you. I greatly value your companionship," said Raff.

I blushed, feeling the tips of my ears heat up.

"You mean a great deal to me as well, Raff."

He frowned and I panicked, thinking I'd made a fool of myself. Did he not think of me like that? Was he just being polite? Did he think I meant more with my statement? My heart was beating wildly, and my hands shook gently under the table.

"Raff, I—"

"Valera—"

I blushed again.

"You go."

"No, please," said Raff.

I bowed my head in embarrassment that we had both tried to speak at the same time. I couldn't bring myself to look at Raff and try speaking again, lest it all go wrong.

"Valera," he pleaded, "don't hide from me please."

How could I ignore those words? That voice? I couldn't. I slowly raised my head so that my gaze became one with his. It really wasn't fair how attractive he was.

"You're beautiful, you know."

I blushed under his steady gaze. My heart fluttered. Did he mean it? Was he just being nice? Dare I hope that he liked me more than just a friend?

"Your smile lights up the room and your eyes sparkle with the joy you see all around you. I know I have no control in this, but I wish you could stay here forever."

"Do you really mean that? To stay here with you forever?"

"Of course. We're friends are we not? You have changed my life so completely. I can no longer imagine my life without you in it, however selfish that must seem."

Friends I thought bitterly. The word seemed to haunt me like an old enemy. Of course, Raff didn't like me romantically. I'd been unlucky in love my whole life and this was no exception. I plastered a smile upon my face to mask my crushing disappointment.

"Of course, we're friends, the best of friends. Raff, you've changed my life as well."

It was my imagination of course, but I thought I saw something flicker behind Raff's smile. Disappointment perhaps? Embarrassment? Uncomfortableness? No, I was imagining things.

We talked together for quite some time, past the point of social convention and continued chatting till the candles had all but burnt out. Some of the things Raff said had me blushing like a school girl and likewise, some of the things I said had Raff stuttering like a fool. I knew what is was now...just simple awkward tension. Nothing romantic about it at all.

Ever the gentleman, Raff walked me back to my rooms, making small talk as we went. I was accustomed to our, after dinner walk to my rooms. I was comfortable with it now and could walk the whole way without blushing. I knew now that nothing romantic would ever happen between Raff and I and despite the way my heart beat when I saw him, I was resigned to agree with the fact. We would be friends only.

"I enjoyed spending time with you Valera. Goodnight, I hope you sleep well."

I would have responded in kind, but the way Raff was moving towards me had me frozen in place. Ever so gently, Raff kissed my cheek before moving away.

"G-goodnight Raff..." I managed to stutter before I quickly retreated to my room, my heart thumping to the tune of love.

Safe in my room, I leaned against the door and groaned. I'd just begun to start the process of thinking of Raff in a platonic way only and then he goes and does that? I was back to square one all over again. 

When I woke the next morning, I could still feel the lingering warmth on my cheek from Raff's kiss. I groaned in annoyance because this would only end in disaster. He was a Marquis for goodness sake, and I was simply there to solve a curse and perform a historic clean of his storage room. Any number of things could happen to me as I try to solve this curse. My friends could disappear or die, or simply cease to exist and I might die.

I was being morbid, and it was too early for that kind of talk. I knew what I needed and so, after breakfast, I set off in the direction of the village. I sought out the woman I wanted, barged into her house and all but demanded a cup of tea from her. For the most part, Cora was very accommodating. I suspected that Cora knew I was coming. She was the type of person who made you believe in psychics. Cora always had a twinkle in her eye that unnerved me, like she knew the answer to everything.

"Tell me what you can about Valarie, about her past. You knew her, didn't you? Where did she come from? What was her childhood like?"

Cora starred, unblinking and I found myself feeling both hot and cold at the look. She stared in silence for so long that I began to regret barging in and asking.

"You're fishing in a pool that is larger than any other. You may find many answers but not all of them matter. I suspect you already know the answer to the questions you ask but you see the truth from someone who knows, yes?"

"Are you going to answer truthfully or continue to speak in riddles that make no sense?"

"I did know Valarie before she arrived at the Castle. I'd known her for quite a long time but still knew nothing about her. I helped her once. It was the only time I've seen her with her guard down. That girl was too good at keeping secrets and she used them all to her advantage. Had I know, then what I suspect now, perhaps I would not have offered her sanctuary."

"Can you not tell me what you suspect?"

"I would if the words were not glued to my mouth. I will say this though, you are related to Valarie. By father, mother, aunt or grandparent, the blood that ran through Valarie's veins now runs through yours."

I was, for once, completely speechless.

"Reckon that's an answer you've been after for quite some time now."

I nodded, the determination to have questions answered, drained from my body. I shouldn't have been so surprised, I knew Valarie was an ancestor of mine. It was what made the reincarnation believable, but no one had actively voiced what I had always thought. It was like a slap in the face, the realisation that Valarie and I shared the same blood and the same family. I felt an overwhelming sense of pity for Valarie and everything that had happened to her. For the first time, I wasn't sure if I wanted to know what had happened to her. Funny thing is...I'm not sure if I made it back to the Castle or not. Everything faded to black.