Chapter III

"It was a mistake," you said. But the cruel thing was, it felt like the mistake was mine, for trusting you." – David Levithan, The Lover's Dictionary.

The next day came too early and the memory of the night before was still heavy in my mind. It took me several loud sobs and shaky breaths before I managed to get myself back together. I had gotten my act together and managed to talk to Maya the night before and despite what I had thought about her reaction, she had been my rock in the last few hours. However, I could have done without the harsh remarks and the bitter complaints about Philip.

I couldn't stay in the flat even though it was in my name, it just reminded me too much of Philip. It had been said that my childhood life had fit into three boxes, but it was almost pathetic that my adult life fitted in less than ten. Had I really lost so much of myself in my relationship with Philip?

Forgetting the hurt like Maya had suggested was harder than I imagined but I finally managed to get out of bed long enough to locate a mirror and gazed down upon the crazed witch that starred back. I looked repulsive and I made me sad. I threw the mirror down and lay back in disgust. My red hair was usually kept in a bun or ponytail but now hung loose and was stuck up in odd places making it look like I'd taken a tumble in some hay. My green eyes that were usually full of joy now seemed haunted and red from all the tears I'd cried. The freckles that stretched across my nose were usually something I liked but now they danced unflattering as I scrunched up my nose.

Looking at myself in the mirror had bought back unsavory thoughts that I'd rather forget. Valera was an old name and with the oldness of my name I'd grown up hungry for all things historical. I'd never been popular at school or beyond. I had an 'old-time' soul, or that's what Maya said. I preferred books to a night out, an old house to a modern hotel and a National Trust garden instead of a day on the beach.

Maya had allowed me to move in with her for the time being and had left me to unpack after I assured her, I was fine for the third time. She didn't mean to be so claustrophobic, but Maya liked to know what was going on and liked to be in control. I didn't work like that.

I knew that Maya really wanted to grill me on what happened with Philip, not just the short picture I'd described to her but all the finer details as well. I wasn't going to indulge her because I knew she'd enjoy it too much and I wasn't ready to deal with the emotions I felt. I thought I could make unpacking my items a therapeutic experience, but it just reminded me of the years I'd lost and the heartbreak I felt.

While unpacking some books I was surprised when a piece of paper slipped out. When I read books, I always used bookmarks and I hadn't read 'Famous Historical Gardens from 1800-1850' in some time. It was crumbled in a way that made me think it had been hurriedly hidden. I don't know why that was my first thought, but suspicion quickly filled my mind. I assumed this crumpled piece of paper had been hidden by Philip. Ironically, I wasn't surprised by that notion as he had foiled several plans and goals I'd had through the years. Smoothing the paper out, it seemed to be a letter of some sort. Curious, I began to read:

Dear Miss Dore,

I have heard about your talent for all things historical for many years now and I find myself in need of your services. My current residence is Flyzroy Castle and I am in desperate need of someone to clean out my family's storage rooms. I wouldn't trust just anyone with this job, but you come highly recommended from residents at other prestigious houses. My family it seems were compulsive hoarders and I dear not throw anything away less it be important.

In exchange for your help, I offer you room and board at the Castle as well as a monthly salary. Please respond to me at your earliest convenience. I look forward to receiving your response.

Kind Regards,

Marquis Lloyd

It had been quite some time since I'd had a sit-in the job, before my time with Philip and I had come to love each place I had spent time in. I usually wasn't one for jumping in without much thought but if there was ever a time for that then perhaps it was now. I needed a break and god knows I needed to get out of here before I ended up killing Philip, so finding this opportunity seemed like fate. I had a week left at the museum and I would rather not stay at Maya's too long. I knew where Flyzroy Castle was because I had visited the gardens many times over the years. Without much thought of what could happen, I sent my response off in the post the next morning. 

"I can't believe you've done something so spontaneous. I mean I understand why you want to change your life so drastically but still, you, going off into the unknown, I'm impressed," said Maya.

Shaking my head at Maya's behaviour, I couldn't help but think I'd miss her extravagance while I was gone. She was a force to be reckoned with after all, but I was hoping this new opportunity would give me the chance to be my own force to be reckoned with.

"I'm happy for you Valera, this sounds like a fantastic opportunity for you. Isn't Flyzroy Castle the one you used to go on and on about? Isn't this perfect? You'll be able to move on from Philip in a fancy Castle and maybe uncover a lost treasure."

"It does sound good, doesn't it?"

"I'm glad you went for it. I know you're stressed and with everything that's gone on, I'm not surprised. You need your space, you need time to heal and to trust again. What better way to do that than by doing a job you love? I will miss you though."

"I'll miss you too."

"I don't suppose you'll be able to text me up there, the reception is bad from what I remember. Maybe you could write to me instead, we could become old-fashioned pen pals."

"I'd like that, but you never know, they might have improved their signals since we last visited."

I was happy to have a friend like Maya who made me see the good in the world, even when I thought it was going down the plughole. I knew for sure that I would have handles my recent troubles much differently had I been alone through the ordeal. Maya was like a safety blanket, and stepping out on my own, I had to admit I was a little worried.

The return letter arrived almost a week after I'd sent off my response. I was relieved it had come for I was starting to worry that I'd missed out on the opportunity. My friend's – what little I had – had taken it upon themselves to take me out every night that week in the hopes that they could lift my spirits and take my mind off Philip. I appreciated the gesture but in truth, I didn't want to think about Philip for the pain was still too raw. I wanted very much to pretend that the life I'd had with Philip was burned from my memories, but life didn't work like that. The pain would linger with me until I was ready to move on from it.

To make matters worse, I'd even had a run in with Philip's Father who had pretended he didn't know of Philips betrayal or the end of our engagement. He'd wanted to know if I would still be attending their Sunday family dinner and was most put out by my venomous response.

In all truth, it was a wonderful reprieve when the letter arrived in the post. It was short than the one I'd received previously and left room for questions to fill my mind but there was a number on the bottom for me to call and arrange the next step. The letter said to ask for Mrs Tilder.

"Hello, anyone there? Oh, Mr Wasgu, the telephones on the blink again."

"Is that Mrs Tilder? It's Valera, I'm calling to confirm the job."

"Valera? Valera Dore? My goodness child, we thought our letter hadn't reached you. We had assumed you no longer wanted the job."

I cringed in embarrassment, remembering that my original reply had been sent months after I'd received their job offer letter.

"I apologise, it was not my intention to keep you waiting. There were...extenuating circumstances I had to deal with before I gave my final response."

"These factors are sorted now I suppose? I'd hate to be so cheerful if you were merely phoning to reject the offer."

"No, I'm not rejecting the offer, quite the opposite. I sent my response in the mail and was rewarded with this number to call. I would very much like to accept your job offer and wondered when you would like me to start."

"Oh good. Mr Wasgu, she accepted," the phone line became muffled as Mrs Tilder celebrated with whoever Mr Wasgu was. "Oh dear, I'm all aflutter. Now, when could you come? I suppose tomorrow would be too short notice, wouldn't it? Hmm, how about the end of the week, would Saturday be alright?"

Ordinarily, to pack up my life in a matter of days would send alarm bells ringing in my head but I had been waiting for the outcome of this job for the better part of a week and with nothing left to tie me down, waiting for Saturday felt like a long time.

"Saturday would be perfect. I'll aim to be with you by mid-morning, depending on traffic but can come later if you prefer."

"Oh, I am so pleased dear! It will be wonderful having you in the household for however long you stay. Mid-morning would be a lovely time to arrive, we'll see you then."

Suffering at the hands of Maya's giddiness for the remainder of the week was a small price to pay for the excitement I felt for the job ahead. To begin this new chapter in my life, I was feeling rather more confident than I thought I would.

It was bright and chilly when I woke on Saturday morning and by the time, I was driving in my car the sun was up in the sky, casting a warm glow on everything it touched. I was used to city life, from the crowded streets of the town to the standstill traffic in rush hour. The further from the city I traveled, the lighter I felt and the greener the scenery became. I breathed a sigh of relief as I drove. Now I was away from the city I could clearly picture the stream of pitying sympathizers knocking on my door with their fake apologies and their shoulders to cry on. I was not one to wallow in self-pity and preferred to get on with my life as best I could. Philip had hurt me deeply, but I was more than happy to work through that pain instead of wallowing in it.

This job would be far better than the sorrowful solitude others thought I should be in. I wondered what was in store for me at Flyzroy Castle. Of course, I'd already imagined everything that could happen, from what I'd find to what myths I'd uncover.

As I drove up the visitor's drive, I supposed I had probably taken the wrong turn. I was currently following my sat-nav directions which were leading me the generic way as opposed to the private way I thought I should take. My first sight of the Castle came as I rounded a bend of tall statuesque trees. The sun that had been following my journey shone across the Castle's front side, casting a glittering glow over the building.

Sandy brownstone made up the building that was highlighted by tall white windows with gilded gold edges. A line of decorative white stone ran across the middle of the Castle and around the roof, a small fence of the same sandy stone has been placed. I could see three turrets, complete with their own intricate designs and a set of small gargoyles. A set of wide steps lay before the front door to the left and right side of the balcony that lay between. The driveway was made up of those small almost grain like stones that crunched quietly under the wheels of my car.

To the left, I could see a small visitor's car park, ready for the two days of the week that the gardens were open to the public. To the right of the Castle was a small gap that read 'no visitor access' and beyond I could see a private parking area. Throwing caution to the wind, I took the right that would take me to the private parking area. Technically I was a visitor, but I was also a guest of the Castle.

By the time I'd parked the car and got out, a middle-aged lady in a maid's outfit had appeared.

"Excuse me Miss but this area is restricted. You'll need to drive out to the visitor's car park."

"Sorry but I believe you're expecting me; my name is Valera Dore."

The woman blinked several times while doing an impression of a startled cat.

"Oh, of course, you are, I'm sorry. I knew you were coming but was unaware of what you looked like. I'm afraid your rooms aren't ready yet...if you would like me to take your bags you could take a stroll around the gardens."

"That would be nice."

"Someone will come find you when your rooms are ready," said the maid. "Oh, and welcome to Flyzroy Castle Miss."

I smiled in thanks and taking just my handbag and camera, walked in the direction of the gardens. It was fortuitous that I had met the maid for she had phoned ahead allowing me free access to the gardens. Though I had grown both in years and height since my last visit to these gardens, they still seemed as beautiful and mythical as they were when I was young. There was so much to see and do, from the herb garden to the tropical greenhouse and the structured box seedlings and flower displays. I'd heard once that there was a secret garden and many more hidden gardens across the acres of land that the Castle was nestled in, but it was just the east side of the Castle's gardens that were open to the public. Still, there were plenty of outhouses, fountains and buildings to explore in the side of the garden I had permission to view.

Thinking of how much lay beyond the public's eye, reminded me of the rumours that circulated about the Castle's owner. The Marquis was a rather reclusive man but didn't need to open his gardens to the public. He was financially secure, but I reckoned he probably had his own reasons for allowing the public into his garden.

Shaking my thoughts away, I didn't want to think about gossip and rumours when there was beauty around for me to capture on film. I spent much of my time walking around and capturing the plant life and surrounding scenery. Sighing in contentment as I gazed across the vast landscape with awe, I headed towards a marble gazebo that stood out among the wild grass that surrounded it. The gazebo had always fascinated me as a child, it was a beautiful creation with soft marble pillars and a carved ceiling of cherubs and fruit. It was beautiful yet unnecessary and yet I couldn't imagine this space without it.

As I walked, the chatter around me rose in volume, the noise irritating my ears. The gardens weren't specifically busy yet the noise around me grew to an uncomfortable level. As I neared the gazebo, I felt a little dizzy but placing my hand against one of the pillars for balance and breathing deeply through my nose and mouth did little to comfort me. The present around me blurred as the noise took flight, my world became fuzzy and blurred and I couldn't make sense of the changes. I took a deep breath through my mouth and the dizziness retreated slightly. I stood up slowly, feeling the sun on my back and the nausea retreat and then...