Now It's My Turn
"The fear of loss is a path to the dark side."
-Yoda
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"What do you want Ren?" Hux says, not looking up from the starship layout he's marking lines on, while sitting on the floor. I close the door behind me, then lock it.
Hux stops what he's doing and looks up.
There's a moment of silence and I catch the look of confusion on Hux's face before I Force hold him into standing position and slam him into the wall. He flinches, the back of his head hitting the stone.
"Ren..." he struggles for air.
I loosen my grip and he breathes. For years he's been pinning me to the ground, attacking me by surprise, forcing himself on me. Now it's my turn.
I walk over to him, keeping him locked and unable to move.
"Don't," he hisses as I move in close.
"Don't what?" I ask. "Isn't this what you want?" I reach my hand up to his temple. "Let's find out."
Hux tries to turn his head away but I don't let him move. "Don't, Ren... stop it."
I ignore him and set my fingers to his forehead, then begin to read his mind. His surface emotions are conflicting. He's a mess of feelings that even I can't figure out. He tries to resist but I'm making him feel helpless. My breath against his neck makes him shudder, his thoughts betray him.
"I can see what you're thinking," I say softly. My hand trails down to his chest and he lets out a staggered breath.
"What are you doing?" he whispers.
I stop, clenching his shirt in my fist. These are his emotions seeping into me, not mine, but they're so intoxicating. I had no idea I had so much power over him.
"I can feel what you feel," I say close to his cheek. Hux's reaction is instant and the heat that rushes through him, rushes through me too.
"Get out of my mind," he says, the heat quickly turning to embarrassment. I step back, letting go of his thoughts.
"I don't feel the same way about you," I say to him. "I can't... it doesn't work for me."
Hux doesn't answer and I corner him again. "I'm your weakness, aren't I?" I lift my fingers to his chin and his breath catches. "This is the one thing you have no control over." I run my thumb over his bottom lip and he closes his eyes for a second, his expression pained. "I like seeing you like this," I continue. "At my mercy."
Hux turns his head away, his expression looking hurt for a second, then angry again, but he doesn't say anything.
I set my palm against his chest and feel his heart beat. I want to remind myself why I'm not going to torment him with his weakness, because his heart beats just like mine and we're the same. Except I'm stronger and I know that now.
Hux keeps his eyes on the opposite wall, his expression an equal amount of anger and hurt. He's trapped too, just like I am, by emotions which he has no outlet for.
"Just because I feel this way about you," Hux says, breathing deeply, "doesn't mean I don't hate you." His bright blue eyes flicker to mine, then away again. "Because I do."
I smile a little, my palm warming against his chest. "And just because I don't have strong feelings for you," I say in return, "doesn't mean I don't..." I pause for a moment to think. "Doesn't mean that we can't lead the First Order and rule the Galaxy, together." Hux's shoulders relax slightly.
I step back. "I never had a brother," I say.
"And you never will." Hux pushes me and I stumble back.
"Do you always have to act angry and tough?" I yell. My hand feels cold now, losing that connection with him.
"Get out of my room," Hux yells back.
I hesitate for a second then walk to the door and open it.
"Ren?"
"What?" I stop in the doorway. Hux doesn't answer right away and I wait.
"I hope Rita makes it through," he finally says.
"Me too." I leave and close the door behind me.
* * *
There is nowhere left to go, no one left to go to. I lower my face to the floor of the chapel, setting my palms onto the cool stone. "Everything is falling apart," I whisper, struggling for my breaths. "Rita might die. I don't know what to do. She can't die. She just can't."
A breeze blows through the archway windows and a memory comes back to me. Wind blowing on a sunny day back home. Mom and Dad having a picnic with me when I was little, in the days when dad was still around. I see Mom smiling at a joke Dad makes. They talk and Mom becomes sad again. 'Dr. Haymen was able to remove all the parasites but it was too late,' she says. Then suddenly the vision is gone.
I jump up from my knees. Dr. Haymen! The microbiologist who once worked for the Alliance. I have to contact my mom. We have to find Dr. Haymen.
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