I find Hux in his room, sitting on the bed with Phasma. They stop talking when I walk in through the open door and I can tell it's because they've been talking about me.

"Phasma I need to talk to Hux, alone," I say, not looking at her, but at Hux. His bright blue eyes flicker to mine, then away. Phasma gets up without a word and leaves.

I close the door after her, then lock it.

Hux stands up from the bed. Did Phasma tell him I just lost Rey?

"Tell me what you want," I say softly, my hand still on the door handle. My stomach clenches tight. The pain of losing Rey is still so raw that I can't take a full breath. Master Snoke seems to think Hux's attachment to me is a problem. If it's anything like how I feel about Rey, then he's not going to be happy about what I came here to tell him.

"What I want?" he asks, sitting back down. "With what?"

"With me." I walk over to the bed and sit beside him.

"Nothing." Hux shifts over slightly, putting some distance between us.

"Grand Master wants to erase your memory," I say.

"What? Why?"

"He wants to take away the memories that have made you attached to me."

Hux doesn't say anything, but he looks angry.

"He's going to erase all my memories of Rey, so I won't have to feel like this anymore." I swallow hard. I could never have properly loved Rey anyway. I can only hope that someone, someday will.

Hux's shoulders slump and he bows his head. I sigh. He needs to forget how he feels about me, if we're going to be leaders together in the First Order. Master Snoke is wise. I should have listened to him in the first place. He said no touching anyone, but I held Rey in my arms. He said no attachments, but I let Rey into my heart. The sound of her desperate cries in the cargo ship office come back to me again and I clench my fists. I have to make this pain go away. I have to stop thinking about it, but I can't. I want to feel something else, anything.

"I got to say goodbye to Rey," I say, turning to Hux. "I got to hug her and tell her I loved her." I hesitate for a second before continuing. "I know how you feel about me."

Hux gives me an angry glare. "I feel nothing but hate towards you."

I wipe at some wayward tears that escape, despite my efforts to stop them. "I hate Rey too, for making me love her this much."

Hux looks away. "Can you tell Snoke to have your memories erased too?"

"He is erasing my memories."

"No, I mean memories of me."

"Of you? Why?"

"Because... Just..." Hux lets out a slow breath. He tries again then stops, seeming unable to say what he wants to say.

"Can I read your thoughts?" I ask. "Would it help?"

"No."

We sit in silence for a moment and then he speaks again, "you asked me what I want."

I nod, bracing myself for his answer. It's his last night with me before his memory is erased. It only seems fair to give him a chance to say goodbye, in his own way.

"I want..."

I wait, my heart beginning to race.

"I'm really tired," he says, looking down at the ground. "I just want to lay down."

"Okay." I say, geting up from the bed so he can lay down.

Hux doesn't move from his spot for so long that so I sit back down. I think I know what he wants.

"I can stay here with you, tonight," I say. My muscles tense, ready for Hux's reaction, in case he hits me. But he only nods.

I look at the bed, it's barely be big enough for two people. I pull my feet up and lay down close to the wall, to give Hux room to lay down too. I still have my boots on and the bed is still made. I pull the pillow out from under the blankets and lay my head on it. I could fall asleep right now. I'm tired too, very tired.

After a moment Hux lays down onto his back beside me. I shift the pillow closer to him, so we can share it. He shifts closer too until our shoulders touch.

"Sometimes I don't understand you," I say, fighting against the tiredness that threatens to overtake me. I don't want to fall asleep yet. I want to give Hux the chance to say whatever he needs to say. My knees are bent, since the bed is too small for my height. Hux's knees are bent too and bump against mine.

"Do you promise you'll ask Snoke to make you forget?"

"Forget all my memories of you?"

"Since you did the mind reading thing in Master Snoke's study until now, including tonight." Hux rests his hand down at his side and it brushes against mind.

"Yes." I say. Hux takes my hand, grasping it tight in a nervous sort of way.

"I'm scared," he says. I interlace our fingers together, thinking it might relax him a bit, to have the contact. His hand is smaller than mine, his palm warm and clammy.

"Scared of what?" I turn my head to look at him and he quickly looks away. Am I embarrassing him? I look back at the ceiling.

"I'm scared of the games," he says, gripping my hand tighter. "I'm scared of Master Snoke. And of how I feel about you." He let's go of my hand. "Never mind."

I slip my hand back into his. "I understand," I say. "I'm scared too."

We rest in silence for a moment. I circle my thumb over the top of Hux's hand, to let him know I'm still awake, if he wants to talk.

"Snoke is the only one that didn't mind me being different," he says after a moment. "He said my struggles would help me become more powerful because, they made me angry and anger makes a person strong."

I wait a moment in case he wants to say more.

"He said something like that to me too," I say when Hux doesn't continue. "I was uncontrollable as a kid. I was different. And I had a lot of anger."

I'd hurt a lot of people because of my anger. It's why Mom sent me away. Yet I never hurt Hux, which seems odd now that I think about it. Was I just never angry enough at him? Or did I willingly let him use me as an outlet for his anger, and for affection too, in a round about way? If I was truly angry I could have hurt him badly, with the Force. But I never did.

I glance over at him now and see that he's smiling a little, a genuine smile that I've never seen on him before. It makes him look younger, like the way he did when he was twelve. I can see the freckles on his face this close up and his orange hair hangs into his eyes in a frustrating way, bothering me as though it was my own hair in my eyes.

"Remember the Death Star we learned about in class?" Hux says, looking at me. He runs his hands through his hair, moving it out of the way so I can see his light blue eyes. I nod. "If this is the Death Star..." he says, raising our clasped hands up towards the ceiling. He holds his other hand up too, to show the size of about a shoe length. "Then this, is how big my Death Star is going to be." He spreads his arms out wide, smacking me in the face with my own arm. He lowers our hands again. "How big our Death Star will be."

I smile and turn onto my side to face him. "Are you going to call it the Death Star Three?"

"No." Hux turns onto his side too, keeping hold of my hand. "I'm going to call it Starkiller Base, because it will be able to destroy entire planets, not just one, but five or six at one time." His eyes flash with excitement, sending a tiny thrill through my veins.

"So you're going to destroy these planets for fun?"

"Maybe," Hux smiles again and I suddenly wish he would smile like this all the time.

"You could just threaten to destroy them," I say. "If they don't give you what you want. Instead of destroying everything they have on their planet. You could ask for their resources-"

"Ask?"

"I mean take."

Hux's eyes study mine. "We make a good team," he whispers. He's silent for a moment, then his smile fades. "Will you go back to hating me, after your memory is erased?"

"Do you want me to?" I say.

"It would be easier for me I think."

"I probably will. You've been bullying me since I was ten. So it shouldn't be too hard to go back to hating you."

"I was toughening you up."

"That's what bullies always say."

Hux smiles again. "Because it's true."

"Why were you always so mean, as a kid?"

Hux shrugs. "I just want certain things. And I'm not in constant emotional torment like you are all the time. I'm just naturally evil."

"That's true," I say.

"I don't want my memories erased." Hux says suddenly. "I don't want to bully you anymore. I want to just focus on ruling the First Order together."

"Once we're out there, in battle and blowing stuff up and taking over the Galaxy, these feelings won't matter anymore." I look down at our hands clasped together and I think of Rey. A sudden wave of pain grips me, choking me. It was my fault she got sick and almost died and that she has to return to Jakku, to Oktar. It's my fault she'll be cleaning robot parts and he'll harass her and do who-knows-what to her. I squeeze Hux's hand tight. I don't want to forget her either, even if remembering kills me. I don't want to be separated from her. I let go of Hux's hand and cover my face with my arms, unable to hold back the tears anymore.

"I'm sorry you lost her," Hux says. I pull the blankets over my head to cover my face and Hux doesn't say anything else. The sound of the rain falling outside the window reminds me of the way I felt earlier in the chapel, like this pain will suffocate me. It eased for a moment while I was talking to Hux and holding his hand, but now it's back stronger than ever. If I don't have my memory erased this will tear me apart and lose the games for sure, and my life. I want to go find Master Snoke and have him do it now, but Hux's final request was to have me stay with him for the night. This isn't easy for him either.

I move the blankets off my head and get up. I need to go wash my face and stop crying. I climb out of the bed.

"I'll be right back," I tell Hux, my voice uneven from all the crying.

"Okay," he says. He sounds different and I glance over at him. He quickly covers his face with his arm and turns away, but not before I see how red his eyes are. I sigh. Now I understand why attachments are forbidden.