༻𖥸❁𖥸༺ 

While not every therian experiences the same difficulties as another, I personally found it quite difficult to blend in with both the furry community and individuals my own age. I didn't have a bad relationship with folks or anything. No, the main reason I was having trouble integrating into the furry community was because there were a lot of things about it that I didn't like or feel right about.

I was having trouble connecting with the community, and I was at a loss as to why. Since it was the closest thing I could find at the time to describe who I was or even what I was experiencing, I started to identify as a furry at the age of seventeen. But as I got to know the group better and better, I secretly started to see that I wasn't quite fitting in like I had thought.

I suffered through years of depression because I thought I had finally figured out who I was, but I wasn't happy about it. It started to get stressful for me, and since I was already a somewhat reserved child, I went to no one about any of this. I already had a difficult existence; being by myself and trying to figure out who I was only made it worse as I was forced to be independent by my parents. This resulted in me never finding help or guidance through what I was going through and experiencing.

I've never gotten along with my parents, so I couldn't tell them about what I was truly going through. I couldn't talk to other people I knew about it either in fear of being made fun of or them not talking to me anymore after what I told them I was going through and feeling.

I went through this for four extremely long, exhausting, frustrating, and miserable years without any support, guidance, or moments of hope—just darkness, loneliness, and a great deal of misery.

And for that reason, even though I was aware that I didn't belong, I was unable to identify with a different name at the time. I was just aware of furries; I was unaware of therian's or that aspect of the group as a whole. However, those who dress up in the furry community like to wear these ridiculously large, masot-like fursuits. Just in my perception, I didn't like these suits as I genuinely wish to LOOK like a wolf. In the furry subculture, however, there are essentially no restrictions on what can be worn as a fursuit. That's fine; I simply thought I should have looked more like a wolf rather than a cartoon figure preparing to support a football team.

Fursuits are far too enormous, mascot-like suits, that I feel would look ridiculous on me. While I do dislike them, I'm not trying to make fun of people who do identify with the community and like to wear these fursuits.

To me they didn't look very pleasurable for me to wear. The amount of fur on those creatures makes me wonder how a human could be inside one of these and not perish from a heatstroke as it has to be undoubtedly hot in those things.

I already know that furries don't behave like animals as most people get this wrong, some furries might make animal noises, but most of the time they actually don't act like animals. It's more so them just dressing up as some type of animal for fun. In other words it's just cosplay and that's it.

I tried really hard to not act like an animal and I didn't understand why I couldn't just blend into the group as a furry. But I was far from being a furry. I knew I was something else, but didn't know what. I started to believe that either what I was going through was unique to me or that very few individuals experienced what I was. It took me a long time to discover who I am and where I even belong because I didn't have much access to the internet.

I had a hard time blending in with the furry subculture for the next four years. In an attempt to find some closure with myself, I made a lot of effort to identify as a furry or simply to try and classify myself as something. It was better to have a label, then to not have one at all was my perspective.

However, the labeling remained inaccurate. I was still acting like an animal, I still felt like I had to be a wolf, I still disliked being human, and most of all, there was no common ground between the furry community and myself. I never changed. However, up until the age of twenty, I continued to refer to myself as a furry. It actually occurred at work that someone mentioned "Therian's."

Although I had heard of the term before, I had never given it any serious thought. My coworker said, "Oh, it's someone who believes they are an animal," when I questioned what the term meant. I was merely saying "Oh okay, never heard of it, but cool I guess" in my attempt to act as if I wasn't interested in this new discovery of this community.

After that, I started doing some research as soon as I got home from work because I never knew there was another community based around animals. I only thought the furry community was the only one. So I had to do some digging to find out more about this community and what it was about.

And that's when my Awakening began and discovered my actual calling in life. I could have cried with happiness. I discovered my identity and my true place in the world. I spent fifteen years trying to figure out why I was so different from everyone else and what I was going through.

Fifteen years of being a social outcast, and fifteen years of keeping my true identity hidden from everyone I knew; fifteen years of experiencing animalistic behavior and not knowing why; fifteen years of acting like a wolf and not knowing why I felt this way; and so much more.

My happiness increased as the darkness gave way to light. Even after I discovered who I was, some darkness remained, but somewhere else it lurked in the back of my mind, but that was for me to discover that another time. I was just so happy that some of the darkness turned into light and I felt mentally happy about finding out who I am as far as identifying with the therian community and not the furry community.

I fought really hard to hide who I was for many, many years. To the people I dated as well as my family I have kept this secret from them. I kept this secret when I was identifying as a furry and did the same thing when I started to identify with the therian community.

I did try to tell some people about me being a furry and then eventually a therian, but this ended up being a mistake. Back when I was a furry, a friend of mine, before he became my boyfriend, found out I was a furry. We then did start to date and I guess he couldn't take the fact his girlfriend was a furry.

Because of what I was calling myself, one of my relationships did in fact end because of it. It was because I was a furry, as that was what I was calling myself at the time. We seldom spoke about it, but we were going through a difficult moment anyway, and that truly was the last straw for me. He lied about being beneficial with who I was, and that's why I broke up with him. I never forced him into anything or put it in his face. He pretended not to care who I was identifying myself as, but the fact that his girlfriend was a furry clearly bothered him. He thought that I would strive to despise what I was going through, but little did he know that I already hated being a furry because it was the only thing that remotely resembled who I was at the time. He was just so damaging the more he talked and so he said he wanted to end things and I agreed.

Because of who I have become, I now worry that if I tell a guy who I am, he would say something nasty or damage me in some other way. The majority of people are unaware of what a therian even is, but if I were to describe one to someone, I'm sure someone would find it uncomfortable, even confusing as to why someone would think in that way. I don't want who or what I am to cause discomfort for anyone because it will hurt me. However, I am unable to alter who I truly am. I'm not changing who I am to please someone or so someone can be comfortable. I struggled far too long to find out who I actually am to change again and be unhappy with the results.

It now interferes with my capacity to even look for a mate (partner). Because I'm already so alone, it hurts me that most males don't like therians or furries. I'm so alone as it is. My only pets have all passed away, my family doesn't seem to care about me, I have no friends when I graduated, they all moved on to start their own lives, I was left behind, and I'm too broke to pursue any hobbies I'd really want to try out. You can only imagine my anguish, despair, and struggle to even meet people who are compatible with me being a Therian. They all like everything up until I mention I'm a Therian or back then a furry. That's where the cookie always crumbles at.

I understand that reading about this topic was quite painful and emotional for you, my readers, but I promise that not everyone's experience of learning they are a therian is unpleasant. That is incorrect if, after reading this, you believe that all therians must suffer in hell certain individuals actually experience quite enjoyable moments upon discovering who they really are. For myself, I can't say the same thing. For me, it hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows.

Nevertheless, the purpose of stating all of this is to help others comprehend the nature of the struggles one may encounter in search of pleasure in life. Sometimes the only way out of a storm and into the brightness is to walk through it.

As I already indicated in the previous chapter, there is more to this statement than just the fact that someone is a therian. Genuine therians have endured countless years of coping and battling with their experiences. In order to give people a sense of how long it really takes for someone to say, "Yes, I am a therian and have been; I just didn't understand it until now," I tried to keep my timeline of events as minimal as possible, but it showcased a very long period of events I had to go through to even find out who I was and where I belonged.

That is the nature of our "Awakening" time. That's when we come to terms with who we truly are and may set out on our quest to learn more about ourselves which is comparable to our Theriotype, Kintype, Aminalhearted, Otherhearted, and so forth. This is the moment for us to discover our true selves and our true place in the world. I've come to terms with who I am and where I fit in, yet I'm still quite alone. Though I am appreciative of what I have learned about myself and my identity, I am still by myself because the community of Therianthropy is still very new. I'm going to meet more individuals who despise me than who find me endearing. I will have a lot of difficulty even trying to find a mate who's going to accept me for who I truly am and is comfortable with it.

While I'm relieved that most of my tension and headache have subsided, new difficulties have surfaced. How am I going to get beyond them? It arrives in a timely manner, just like everything else. I won't be so lost and alone in this world when I find someone who loves me for who I am.

But I hope giving my insight and personal life can give someone closesure, that you're not alone. Even if you didn't have the same negative lonely experience I did, you're still not alone. Someone somewhere is out there feeling and dealing with the same emotions, pain, happiness, and joy you might be feeling.

I just hope that sharing a bit of my story into how a therian even finds out their a therian can help those realize their experiences and to share that they are not alone with whatever they are going through and are dealing with. It also pushes the insight of knowledge of how long it can take or how young Therianthropy can even start in someone before they grow up to even understand any of it. It also helps educate people into knowing that someone who suddenly comes out and states their a therian, might be lying about it and there's ways to tell if someone is lying.

We'll discuss that in more detail in the upcoming future chapters, but I just wanted to give a bit of knowledge out to people because there are people out there claiming to be a therian when they're not actually one. And I feel it's a good idea for someone who is an ACTUAL therian to stand up and just spill out what a therian can actually go through in finding out their true identity. Or at least give out an understanding what therian's need to do before they even start claiming they are a therian.

This isn't a community where you can research about and then call yourself a therian after a few hours of reading about it. That's not how that works. You can't read about Therianthropy and assume you're a therian based on what you think you feel upon reading about the community.

No amount of inaccurate Quotev quizzes about what your theriotype might be is going to 100% tell you you're a therian. To be a therian you have to have years of knowing you are different and have experiences, ongoing experiences, of feeling things you can't explain. I'll go into more details of how I felt while in my confusing stages of growing up just to help those understand about it more.

But please remember, not all therian's experience the same things or have the same feelings. So please do keep that in mind, but most people who tell about their experiences there is going to be a type of pattern or word usage being used to help you indicate someone isn't actually lying, but telling the truth about their therian journey and experience.

This was my experience, a bit of my struggle in finding or knowing where I belong or even should belong in the world.

It's not easy finding out who you are or your identity, but never give up in trying to grow as a person, always keep finding out more about yourself, you might be surprised what you like, what you might find out about yourself, and more.

I know I did, you can too.