Peter could barely bring himself to do anything these days. He hadn't gone out as Spiderman in almost a month. He had holed himself up in his apartment only leaving to go to work or buy groceries. The rest of the time he spent working on his AI that Ned had helped him to code. It was coming along really well. Two months ago it had been capable of no more than Siri. Now it was pretty much complete, but Peter couldn't help continuing to tweak it. He wanted his AI to have some personality. Kind of like MJ's. Sassy, sarcastic, but also caring and helpful.

His AI would be helpful when he went out as Spiderman. He just had to make a few more adjustments to his suit so he could add her in. She was also good company when he was lonely. If he managed to give her a better personality then she would be even better. He had named her RAAJA even though he wasn't sure why. The name had just popped into his head. It stood for Remarkablest AI And Jarvis's Archfoe. He knew remarkablest wasn't a word but it sounded cool so he decided to call it a real word. And it wasn't that he was against JARVIS he just thought it was funny especially when RAAJA was still just a ball of code only able to do the simplest of commands. Ned had found the name hilarious. And so it had stuck.

Right now Peter wasn't doing anything. He was just sitting on the couch staring at nothing his thoughts wondering. He knew he should stop. Go distract himself with something. He knew perfectly well where his wandering thoughts would lead him. To all his failures. His worthlessness. But he couldn't bring himself to stop. His mind was spiraling from one thought to another. Winding down lower and lower. Digging himself into a hole he wasn't sure he could pull himself out of.

"Peter! Peter!" Peter blinked. Who was that? He turned slowly seeing no one. "Peter!" He blinked again. It was RAAJA. He had forgotten about the cameras and the speakers he had installed yesterday. RAAJA had been complaining about not having 'eyes' so he had installed some cameras.

"What?" he said tiredly.

"I've been trying to get your attention for almost a minute." Peter couldn't help but smile at the attitude RAAJA was speaking with. She seemed almost like a real person now.

"What for?"

"You were thinking too much. And besides you still haven't updated my code like you promised you would." Peter stood up chuckling. He walked towards the computer to fulfill his AI's wishes. "You also should turn on the news." Peter shrugged and turned the T.V. on.

"...crime rates have been steadily rising this month leaving us all wondering what has happened to Spiderman. In continuing news at the bank robbery yesterday five people were killed and several more were injured...." Peter turned the T.V. off. He hadn't realized. He thought the city would be better off without him. Thought that if he wasn't there he couldn't hurt them, like he hurt everyone else he tried to protect. But now he realized it was just his own selfishness. Coming up with excuses to not go out, to stay inside. He was so stupid he couldn't see his own city suffering. He was just a worthless, selfish, mutant.

"Peter stop beating yourself up."

"But it's all my fault."

"That's stupid and I thought you were supposed to be smart. You are grieving but you can't blame yourself for things that go wrong."

"But if you have power like mine and bad things happen.."

"Stop right there! You tried and that's all you can do. You can't blame yourself."

"But I should have been able to save them! I'm Spiderman! They trusted me to save them!"

"And they also knew that you can't save everyone no matter how hard you try. You do your best and after that you can only hope."

"But..."

"The people you care about, that you say you failed, the ones who knew you were Spiderman, they knew what a great help Spiderman was to the city. And if they didn't in the beginning they came to see that. They saw the hope you inspired. You're supposed to be smart. So how is hurting yourself and putting away Spiderman supposed to honor their memory? When they died so that you could continue? This is the opposite of what they would want. Even Aunt May who didn't know you were Spiderman could see the good you were doing and the potential of what you could do with that amazing brain of yours. So stop doing this to yourself! They would want you to move on! Continue being Spiderman and helping people, inspiring hope into the citizens, encouraging them to help others as well. And use that brain of yours to do something incredible! And be happy. Make more friends, find a girlfriend, make a life for yourself."

Peter was crying and he couldn't seem to stop. He knew that she was right. That Gwen and Aunt May wouldn't want him to do this to himself. To give up Spiderman. He needed to keep going. Find a way to continue to have hope. For himself and for the city that needed him. Because maybe, maybe the city still needed him. Despite his failures and his flaws. He was needed and he had to strive to be the hero they needed. As Spiderman and as Peter Parker. But especially he had to realize that he couldn't do everything. He could only do his best, and as cheesy as that sounded it was also true. He also had to figure out what was wrong with AI. They weren't supposed to rant at you. But Peter was smiling and had no intent on changing RAAJA.

sorry if this wasn't very good.  I'm not very good with emotions so I'm not sure how well this turned out.  

Thanks for reading 

your votes and comments are appreciated

I won't be able to update next week because I'll be busy

sayonara spiderlings!