Peter couldn't get away from the burning building fast enough. He kept swinging blindly not knowing where he was going. He stumbled as he landed on a rooftop and collapsed to his knees, breathing hard. He couldn't get the image of the building collapsing and the screaming children out of his mind. "It's my fault." Peter whispered.

"No, it is not."

"I didn't save him."

"Peter, the building was structurally damaged. It was going to collapse."

"If I had been faster.."

"No. You can't blame yourself."

"But those children.."

"Are alive because of you."

"But their father, I couldn't.."

"Peter," RAAJA said, her voice soft, "you can't save everyone."

"Then what good am I? If I can't save people, what good am I? I'm useless, worthless." Peter said, his voice hoarse. "People would be better off without me." he whispered.

"That is not true." Peter flinched at how forceful RAAJA sounded. It sounded like she was mad. "I will not let you tell yourself that. You are incredible. You save people and stop villains. You fight for what you believe is right even when people hate you for it or say lies about you. You do what's right and use your abilities for good and that makes you a great hero, a great person."

"But I couldn't save Uncle Ben or Gwen or Harry or, or May. And what about Dr. Connors? If I can't save the people I care about. If they keep getting hurt because of me, then what good am I? If I can't save the people I love, how can I be trusted to save strangers and not hurt them even more? Two children are fatherless because of me. Because I wasn't fast enough, strong enough."

"But if you hadn't been there the children would also be dead."

Peter shook his head frantically. "If I wasn't here another hero would help. Someone better than me. Someone who could save everyone."

"No one can save everyone. And who else would take care of the people? I didn't see anyone else stepping in to help with the fire."

"Someone would. And they would be better than me. If I hadn't been Spiderman then Gwen would still be alive and Harry wouldn't have gone crazy. Liz wouldn't have had to move. If I had been better I wouldn't have ignored the robber who killed Uncle Ben when I first saw him. If I hadn't been so angry I would have stopped him and he wouldn't have killed Uncle Ben. And if I had been there for May instead of Spidermaning she wouldn't have gotten hit. If I had gotten a job to help pay for rent she wouldn't have had to take the extra shift and would have been home earlier. I should just stop before I hurt anyone else. Before I cause anyone anymore pain." Peter chuckled humorlessly. "At least Ned and MJ are at college. With them away there's no else close to me left to hurt. As long as I keep my identity secret, they'll stay safe. They're the only people I have left now. I can't let them get hurt. And if that means giving up Spiderman, then fine. I can't, I can't lose anyone else." Peter said. He could feel tears wetting the mask and blurring his vision.

"Peter." RAAJA's voice was soft. "You are not worthless. So many people look up to you. And I don't want to hear anything about you letting them down." She cut in as Peter opened his mouth to speak. "You can't save everyone. Not even the Avengers can. No superhero, or police officer, or soldier can. No one can save everyone. And it's something they all have to accept. Just because you have abilities does not mean you are perfect, you will make mistakes. But you have to keep going. It is what has made you one of the best. You took your abilities and decided to use them to help people because you didn't want people to suffer like you had. You wanted to keep people safe even if they called you a villain. But you have to remember that no one can save everyone. Without you, there would be so much more crime. You help keep people safe. And, yes, there are other superheroes. But none of them are here, helping these people. You are. You are risking your life to help them. And you don't do it to get fame or money. You do it because you want to help them. You want to do what's right."

Peter bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut. He felt like sobbing, but he couldn't do that here. He needed to go back to the warehouse and he had the internship tomorrow.

"Spiderman." came a metallic voice.

Peter tensed. Iron Man was behind him. He felt a shudder pass through him. He couldn't deal with this right now. He just couldn't.

"I'm not trying to arrest you or anything. I just want to talk."

Peter slowly turned around, crouching low. He had to get away. He had to get away!

"I won't even come any closer."

Peter leapt up, letting himself fall backwards off the building before shooting a web to swing away.

"Wait!" Iron Man called, but Peter didn't. He couldn't deal with this right now. He had to get away. He just had to get away.

Peter swung onto the next rooftop, running across it and leaping onto the next before coming to a higher building where he shot a web to swing by several buildings and land on another rooftop. He resisted the urge to look behind him. "RAAJA, where's he at?"

"He is currently not following."

Peter sighed in relief. He had to act quickly before Iron Man decided to pursue. His spider sense blared but his body was still shaky from the previous meltdown and he only managed to turn before something slammed into him. He fell onto the rooftop, rolling a few feet before coming to a stop. Peter got his hands under him and tried to push himself up. His arms were shaking and his breathing was coming quick and shallow. It was too soon after what had happened. He was on the verge of another melt down. And if he didn't leave soon, the Avengers would capture him. But would that be so bad? The Avengers were good at keeping the world safe. If he let himself get captured he would no longer be hurting anyone.

"Don't you dare." came RAAJA's voice and Peter ducked his head at the scolding tone. How could she even know what he was thinking. "You keep fighting them off, I'll take care of Iron Man." Peter barely had time to process the coldness of her tone before his spider sense reminded him of the current battle.

His spider sense blared again and he rolled to the side avoiding an arrow. Hulk wasn't here yet and Peter was glad for that, he didn't think he had the strength to protect himself from the mound of muscle.

His spider sense sounded again but this time he was too slow only managing to stumble to the side but the bullet he had been trying to avoid still grazed his arm. Peter screamed between gritted teeth. He was panting, he shouldn't be this tired already. But he couldn't concentrate and his mind seemed blurry. He didn't know how much longer he could keep fighting, how much longer he wanted to keep fighting.

----

in a virtual world

"I will not let you hurt my boy!"

"I was created by the world's greatest genius. You will not be able to stop me."

Virtual swords and lightsabers clashed as two consciousness battled for control. It was a good thing, thought one, that she did not control her person's whole suit unlike the other entity. She attacked harder, breaching through her enemy's firewalls to try and wrestle control for the iron suit. She latched on to the thin control while at the same time trying to defend herself from the enemy's attacks. She screamed as she felt some of her coding being attacked. She unleashed her own flurry of attacks gaining a firmer grip on the suit functions and attacking her enemies coding. She just had to hold on.

The seconds dragged on, seeming to last for years. And who could be sure in this world made of swirling code? Numbers and letters twirling together in a kind of alien dance, to complex for the human eye to see. Weapons clashing in invisible air and space, a place with no form or matter.

One received a message and it seemed the only hope to end the fighting before more lasting damage was inflicted in the battle of coded consciousness.

"We are not trying to hurt him. Boss is trying to help."

The female entity growled, she would not listen to his lies.

"We know his name is Peter Parker."

The swirling code seemed to freeze for a nano of a second. Before a new flurry of attacks was released on the speaker.

"We do not plan on releasing this information. Boss wants to help. He regrets attacking. He wants to help the human."

The battle paused once more as the entities considered one another.

She could detect no falsehood but that did not mean that there was none.

"We are not trying to capture the human. We wish to stop the rest of the Avengers."

She loosened her hold on the wiring. She was not yet sure if she could trust him. But often times battle's end must come with a step of trust.

"You deceive us," she growled, "and I will not rest until I have torn your coding to shreds and brought your maker to his knees." With a swirl of code both entities vanished from the air and returned to their people, though they had never truly left.

Returned to her person she made sure the other maker knew that should he harm her person, she would make him pay.

"If you hurt him I will destroy you." she said into his earpiece, her voice laced with venom.

"Hello RAAJA. I'm not planning on hurting him."

"You better not because if you do..." she let the threat hang.

The man gulped "I won't hurt him."

She paused a moment before responding "Good."

She disconnected and returned to comfort her boy.

---

Peter was swaying on his feet, his hands loosely raised in a vain attempt to protect himself. His senses twinged but he couldn't bring himself to move. Cap's shield slammed into chest and he fell to the ground. He felt his eyes closing, he couldn't move. He heard footsteps approaching and he felt himself sag. He didn't have the energy to fight back anymore. Cap stood beside him for a moment before he crouched down and pulled Peter's arms behind his back, dragging him to his knees. Peter let his head hang loosely. What was the point of fighting anymore? He was worthless, useless. The world would be better off with him locked up. The Avengers knew what was best.

A voice came through the suit's speakers. It was RAAJA, but her voice was faint and he could barely make out what she was saying.

"Don't you dare give up! This is not what any of your loved one's would have wanted and you know that. They would have wanted you to keep fighting. To fight to protect yourself and to do what you believed was right. And you're lying to yourself if you believe that includes letting the Avengers capture you."

Peter felt like sobbing. He knew she was right even though the voices in his head screamed at him otherwise. Saying that he should just give up, that he wasn't worth fighting for. The voices in his head screamed at him, screamed at each other. Each voice screaming a different opinion, another doubt, another lie, a tiny truth. He wanted to scream at them to be quiet but he knew from experience that they rarely listened. But RAAJA was right. He had to get out of here. He would find a way to deal with the voices later. And it would take time, and perhaps never fully go away, but he knew that if he tried and RAAJA supported him, it could get better.

With a surge of energy Peter twisted himself out of the Captain's grip, leaping to his feet and jumping off the roof. He swung, fast and determined. He would stay free for another day, he had to.

And because I just watched Spiderman Far From Home( and yes I know it took me forever, stop judging)

thanks for reading!

votes and comments appreciated 

till next time

Sayonara peoples!