~Joke Names~

°2022°

"Are you sure this is a good idea, Maya?" Peter asked. "You could blow this whole thing and any hope of revolution is lost."

"My sister has been in prison for four months, Peter. I don't know how much longer she can last. She's tough, but grown men have weeped at the feet of Their Majesties." Maya replied, pulling the fabric over her face. She was dressed in all black as though she were a sort of ninja.

"If you're sure, but don't do anything stupid, okay?"

"Can't promise that, but I'll try."

Maya slipped out of Peter's window and into the dark streets below. She carefully coordinated her movements so as to not draw attention to herself to roaming alien guards. There was a sort of unofficial curfew that was in place starting at about 9 PM. Why would anyone want to be outside past that time anyways? Well, Maya of course, sneaking out at the extremely dangerous time of 11 PM.

Lucky for Maya, she found a window on the side of the Palace that was unlocked so she could slip inside. The room she found herself in was small and dimly lit. Probably some low level employee's office. Maya left the room and found herself in a hallway with pillars and plants along the walls. And guards... lots of guards, alien and human alike. She used these plants and pillars as hiding places as she moved down the halls.

She knew where the dungeons were, seeing as her father had an extensive knowledge of the different areas of the Palace. There was an entrance in the Throne Room that Maya dare not go near, but there was also another nearby the kitchens of all places. Maya need only follow her nose. It always smelled strongly of cinnamon, her father had said.

The spice hit her nose after a few flights of stairs. Maya eventually found the two double doors with roses carved into them where the kitchens themselves were. Then 3 doors to the right would be the dungeons. It was conspicuously disguised as another random door, but Maya gently pushed it open and was met with grey stones that smelled like mildew. She started down the winding staircase, careful not to slip on the wet stones.

Eventually, she made it to the bottom and was met with a few rows of cells. Some of them were occupied, some weren't. Maya looked inside each one for signs of Arianna.

Nothing... a random guy... is that Prince Phillip or a corpse? I'm not sure which one I would prefer... nothing... Ari!

She found her sister in the sixth cell on the left, curled on a metal slab asleep with her back facing Maya.

"Ari... psst, Ari!" Maya hissed. She tapped on the bars until her sister stirred. Poor Arianna was in bad shape. Knotty hair, covered in dirt, and one of her arms looked like it had been broken and healed wrong.

"Who are you?" Ari asked, nervous.

"It's Maya. I'm breaking you out."

"Maya? Are you serious?"

"Yes, now hold on while I pick the lock."

"Maya, you shouldn't have come. If they find you, they'll lock you up, too. I'm only in here for another two months, just let me get out legally."

"Not on your life, we need to get you cleaned up and to a doctor. That arm looks pretty bad."

"But--"

Maya pulled a bobby pin out of her hair and stuck it into the lock, trying to wiggle it around. A greenish glow came from it, burning Maya's hand on contact. She hissed in pain as an alarm started to blare.

"Shit, oh god." Maya said, scrambling to find a hiding spot. There wasn't any in the vicinity, unfortunately, and five alien guards poured in from either side of the hallway. They screeched at her, grabbing her forcefully and dragging her up the stairs. She wrestled against the aliens, but they held her firmly.

Maya was dragged into what she assumed was the Throne Room and was held in place. In front of her, Olivia looked down at her with a harsh glare, dressed in a dressing gown over a night dress. She had clearly been asleep a bit ago.

"Throw her to the floor." She ordered. The aliens harshly threw Maya down, Maya grunting at the pain. Olivia's glare turned into an amused smirk. "I guess no one told you that only a cell's key can open the door. Anyone tries to pick the lock, it will tell us immediately."

Don't do anything stupid. Peter had said. Maya mentally kicked herself for not thinking about possible magic safeguards. A human guard came in through a side door and walked up to Olivia.

"Milady, the dungeons have been sweeped. The perpetrator was alone. Your husband will be waiting for you with the full report in your quarters."

"Thank you." Olivia said, waving the guard away. She turned back to Maya. "So, thought that you could try to break a prisoner out, eh? You do realize this is a serious offense, correct?"

Maya chose to stay quiet, averting her gaze.

"I must say, however, that I'm impressed you even made it that far. May I know the identity of such a crafty mortal?" Olivia asked. Maya finally looked up and chose to be petty.

"Biggus Dickus." She said, the face covering distorting her voice so Olivia wouldn't recognize it easily. Beside her, one of the human guards snorted. Olivia directed her gaze to the guard in question.

"Is something funny?" She asked. The guard remained stoic. "Is there something funny about the name 'Biggus Dickus?'"

Another human guard snorted. Olivia then moved over to that one, a glare on her face.

"Is there something you want to say?" She asked.

"No, milady." The guard said. Olivia pursed her lips and moved in closer to the guard.

"Are you sure? No comment on this girl's name?"

"No, milady."

"You don't find it funny? Biggus Dickus?"

The guard tried so hard to keep from laughing, pursing his lips so hard to not burst out. He was saved by two more human guards snorting. Olivia turned to face them with a ticked expression. She walked over to the male guard and got in his face.

"And you, Soldier? Do you get a rise when I say the name... Biggus Dickus?"

The guard aggressively shook his head, the female guard to his left snorting again. Olivia went over to her, staring right in her eyes.

"What about you? Do you find the name amusing? Biggus Dickus?"

The female bit her lip so hard, it drew blood.

"All of you, please... enlighten me on why her name is so humorous. This girl with the name Biggus Dickus."

Finally, all four guards cracked, bursting out laughing. Maya took this as an opportunity to crawl away. She slipped behind one of the thrones and out a window into the streets below. She bolted back to Peter's, her heart rate refusing to slow down.

Unfortunately, Olivia took notice of her sudden disappearance. Her expression changed from a condescending smirk to one of pure rage.

"You fools! She escaped! What kind of guards even are you??" She roared. Still, they kept laughing, further pissing the Queen off. "Useless, all of you! I'll see to it you all will be executed in the morning."

She stalked off as the Chitauri guards came back in to take the human ones away. The situation suddenly hit all of them, their protesting screams echoing as Olivia stormed back upstairs. She took a few calming breaths before smirking to herself.

She knew, of course, what Biggus Dickus meant. And she knew mortals found rude humor particularly funny. Getting the guards to crack had been her fun, all for an excuse to execute them. No one was safe, not even guards.

Besides, what's four more dead mortals?

***

Arianna was released into her parents' custody two months later, the October air even chillier after months in a humid dungeon. The whole family was there, ready to embrace her closely. They took her home, cleaned her up, the took her to a mid-rate doctor to see if they could fix her arm. With their limited resources, the doctors could only put it on a splint for a while and hope any infections she would have gotten wouldn't have made it worse

Obviously she received little care in prison.

The doctor did give Ari credit for her makeshift bra sling, which did help the healing process a little bit. But for a few months, a splint would have to do.

Maya's break out attempt remained a secret between the two sisters, for certain their parents would have gone ballistic if they knew.