there are times when jungkook just wants to give up. he feels too tired, a certain level of fatigue that equates to insanity, that can be a wearing of the emotions, that can come together with a tired body, and become an ingrained part of a life that isn't lived, but survived, endured. he can feel a lot of heaviness in his lungs, like a burden that is demanding and grabbing his energy.

but he can't stop.

a scream in agony pierces through jungkook's eardrums, rousing him from the heavy fog of sleepiness embracing his mind. he instinctly jumps out of his warm bed, tangled legs make him scrambling towards taehyung's room where the loud crying can be hear clearer by each steps. he doesn't have time to glance over the clock, but he thinks it has to be 3am or something now, because it's still dark for the most part, dark blue seeping between curtains, and the moon is a little bit too bright.

by the time jungkook hurriedly opens the door, a tremor has overtaken taehyung as his grief pouring out in a flood of uncontrollable tears. his face is bloated, bottom lip quivering and shoulders dropping in pain. incoherent words fuse with short intakes of breath, turning into a chaos settling between his throat.

jungkook knows why he wants to give up, because he can't tolerate this amount of pain.

"hey taehyung, i'm here now, take a deep breath please."

and taehyung just hesitantly whimpers, there is a pair of eyes staring at jungkook like he is a stranger approaching him out of nowhere.

maybe in this moment, he really is.

"who are you ?"

jungkook's heart aches. even though he has hypnotized himself for many times to become acclimated, but pain overlaps pain, it still hurts too much.

"i'm jungkook, your friend." he tries to swallow back the obstruction in his throat, ignoring his feeling. his hands stay on taehyung's back, attempting to soothe him as the heart-broken sound of taehyung's cries acting like a background music.

"friend ?"

when jungkook slowly nods, taehyung seems to be more relieved, but still not enough for the tears to stop streaming down, to extinguish his panic attack completely.

"do you know seokjin ? is he my friend too ?"

the question itself prompts jungkook to stop.

"do i know seokjin ? why he keeps appearing in my dream ? why he keeps fading away ? why can't i remember him ?"

question following question, disturbing the initial tranquility, filling up the air with desperation and vagueness instead.

"i don't know why but somehow, whenever i have dream of him, i feel suffocated, and sad, and my heart," taehyung's voice is smaller and smaller, like he is tired too, like he wants to give up too, "my heart hurts, it hurts so damn much. who is seokjin, where is him ?"

jungkook knows why he can't give up, because it's not him, it's taehyung that has to suffer from the worst pain.

so he can only whisper; maybe it is better this way. a deceit, he knows, but the truth does nothing but devastates taehyung, so the more he lies, the more dreamless nights his friend could have.

"taehyung, i don't know seokjin, and you don't know him either."