Joe was desperately trying to process his last conversation with Shannon. The Shannon he knew loved kids, he couldn't imagine her aborting her baby. But she had, and he was incredulous. He reminded himself that maybe he didn't know her quite as well as he thought he did. Obviously, she'd changed over the past five years or so, but still, he couldn't imagine her doing that. This should be a wake-up call, he should walk away while he still could and get on with his wedding plans, and yet here he was waiting for her.

'Hi Joey,' she said tapping him on the shoulder and looking up at him through long eyelashes. Seeing her face so open, he felt a rush of shame, he had no clue what she'd been through.

'Hey, I was beginning to think you'd stood me up,' he said smiling. Inwardly he cringed, he'd made it sound like a date.

'I'm not late,' she protested. 'I'm right on time.'

He took her arm, leading her to a table. 'No it's me, I'm being dumb,' he said at a loss as to what to say. 'So how's your mom?'

A shadow crossed Shannon's face. 'She's fine, back to normal all things considered.' She glanced down briefly. 'It'll always be there though, in the background, the worry that the cancer could return.'

He placed his hand over hers. 'You have to try not to think like that,' he said and she nodded but gently pulled her hand away. Joe sat back wracking his brain for a safe topic of conversation. There were a million things he wanted to ask Shannon but all of his questions were far too intrusive. 'Shannon?'

Her eyes met his. 'I guess you've been wondering how I could murder my baby,' she said shocking him.

'Of course not! I know you wouldn't do that.'

She held his gaze. 'But I did, I ended the pregnancy,' she said her voice trembling.

He shifted uncomfortably. 'I'm sure you didn't do it lightly.'

She looked away from him biting her lip. 'Don't think I don't regret it because I do. I want to have a baby, I wanted my baby...'

'Shannon,' Joe said grabbing her hand again. He didn't know what to say because instinctively he didn't approve of abortion, and yet he knew she must have had a damned good reason to do it. He felt like such a hypocrite.

Shannon took a couple of deep breaths regaining her composure. 'Logically I think it was the right thing to do or the sensible thing but I can't help wishing it could have turned out differently.'

'I know that feeling,' he said watching her twist a strand of hair around her finger. 'You aren't the only one with regrets.'

Her finger froze mid-air. 'What do you mean?'

'You and me, I wish it had turned out differently. What we had was like nothing else,' he admitted.

'But you're happy now?' she asked avoiding his gaze.

'I guess I am.' But he wondered who he was trying to convince. 'It's not like what we were though.'

Shannon smiled softly. 'We were young, if we'd stayed together things would have changed anyway.'

'Yeah maybe.' However, there was something from his early relationship with Shannon that was missing from his relationship with Kat.

Shannon let out a weary sigh. 'Of course, things would have changed, we'd have got old and boring.'

'It might have got better,' Joe suggested, and Shannon inhaled sharply.

'Joey can you please stop talking like this,' she said her voice rising. 'You're happy, you're getting married. I'm single and pretty down on myself right now, I don't need to hear it.'

'Shan I'm sorry.' He realised he was being utterly insensitive. 'I wasn't trying to make you feel bad. The opposite if anything, cos what we had was great. I'll never regret it, it was probably the best time of my life. The happiest.'

She closed her eyes. 'Joey this is making me feel worse.'

'But why?' he asked almost holding his breath.

'Cos maybe it was the best time of my life as well. And I've got to go and watch you get married, and know I might never find anything that's even half as good again,' she said her voice catching.

'Say I wasn't getting married,' Joe said grabbing hold of both her hands. Her words gave him hope but hope for what?

She looked down at his hands holding hers. 'You are getting married, and I'm not going to get into hypotheticals.'

'I don't think it's what I want Shan,' he said earnestly. 'Seriously, even if you hadn't come back into my life, I don't think it's what I want.'

~~~~

Katherine was on the phone with her mom discussing her wedding plans again. At least her mom was happy to listen, and only made the minimum of suggestions.

'It's going great now,' she said happily. 'I've eased up and let Joe's mom take over some stuff and to be fair that's worked. She's leaving me alone to get on with my end of things now she has her own tasks.' She chuckled to herself. She was quite proud of how she'd handled Joe's mom, resisting the temptation to clash with her.

'That's great darling but don't let her ride roughshod over you, it's your day,' her mom cautioned.

'It's fine, I've got her sorting the practical boring stuff that I'm not interested in any way,' Katherine said but she heard her mom sigh.

'So long as you're sure you're not making a compromise too far?'

Katherine rolled her eyes. 'I'm not, don't worry. Oh, you'll never guess what happened the other day?' She paused for dramatic effect. 'It only turns out the girl who's doing my hair and makeup is Joe's ex's best friend!'

'I'm not following Kat.'

'Joe's ex-girlfriend is best friends with my hairdresser! I mean how awkward is that, I was there the other day and his ex walks in. She even said hello to me like it was no big deal.'

'Well I guess it isn't really,' her mom said lightly.

'Yeah that's what I've been telling myself cos she's not Joe's type at all,' she said with more ease than she felt. 'She dyes her hair, has facials, and Joe's not into girls like that. I guess she's changed a lot since they dated.' She'd looked again at some of his old pictures and Shannon looked like a different person.

'Well I hope he's not into other girls period,' her mom said with a laugh.

'No I've nothing to worry about on that score,' Katherine said. Joe's mom might be a pain but she'd instilled some pretty good values into him.

~~~~

Shannon let Joe into her apartment knowing it was a bad idea. She'd suggested he come back for a stronger drink when they both knew they could have gone onto a bar in town.

'This is a nice place you've got,' Joe said.

'My dad helped me out quite a bit,' Shannon admitted. When her father had heard she was considering moving back home he had done whatever he could to make the choice more appealing to her.

'You always were spoilt,' Joe said teasing her.

'I was not,' she protested but she knew she'd been over-indulged.

Joe's face broke into a smile. 'Right, remember when we got caught skipping school, I was grounded for a whole month and you...'

'I had to do dishes for a week,' she said laughing.

'Exactly,' he retorted. She opened the fridge getting out a bottle of white wine, grateful she wasn't at work the following day.

'It's all I've got,' she said thinking Joe would probably prefer beer or spirits, she always thought of white wine as a girls' drink.

'No it's fine,' he said taking the glass and contemplating her. 'You know, what we were talking about earlier, I'd never judge you, Shan. I have my beliefs but I'm not that dogmatic.'

She paused, breathing through a brief flash of pain. 'I guess I judge me,' she said looking past him. 'Cos I want a family, one day at any rate, and I would have had the baby if I could have.' She gulped down her wine welcoming the numbing effect.

'I can't believe your ex wouldn't support you,' Joe said frowning.

She sighed. 'He'd always made it clear he didn't want kids. I guess I could have had the baby and forced him to financially support it but that's not the life I wanted. I wanted my child to grow up knowing both its parents.'

'Shannon I understand,' Joe said slipping his arm around her waist. 'And one day you'll have a family of your own.' She looked at him feeling wistful.

'Yeah maybe,' she said turning to top her glass up.

'You will,' he said pulling her closer again. He leaned down his mouth inches from hers, and she smiled reaching a hand towards his head, her fingers tangling in his hair. His lips met hers and she opened her mouth allowing him to deepen the kiss, telling herself that she wasn't the one who was in a relationship

Joe pulled back slightly, his eyes intense. 'Shannon I really don't think I'm going to be getting married.'

She looked up at him, trying not to get her hopes up. 'Well, you'd better make your mind up and fast. Before it's too late.'

~~~~

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