It's been two weeks and Jessica still has not sleep in her room.

"Mom, you need to get some rest.  This couch is comfortable, but not to sleep on every night."

"James, I'm okay."

"You can't just keep avoiding that room."

"I know that."

*Sighs* "I'm worried about you, mom."

"Don't be."

"Well I am.  We all are! 

You haven't cooked in weeks, not that we're asking you to do anything, but it's just not like you.  You don't eat much at all, and you're too skinny... You're different. You don't even talk to us.. Dad wouldn't want this."

"Don't talk about your father."

"I'm sorry." He looks down.

Jessica doesn't say anything, she just keeps staring straight ahead with this blank face that the boys have come to hate.

James sighs and leaves her alone.

That night Jessica laid on the couch staring up at the ceiling.

"I miss you, Sam.

  It's weird to think that a month ago, life was normal for just one more day.  It'd give anything to go back.

If I would have know a year ago how my life would be today... I'd never let go.. I'd live life to the fullest and go on many more adventures with you.  I feel so lost, Sam.  How am I supposed to raise three boys without you? I keep saying that, I know.. But it's true. I don't know! Please help me, Sam. They're great kids, but I'm so worried about them.  Samuel seems like he's trying to hold it all in.. I'm worried one day he'll just explode.... James cries a lot with me and he's always trying to take care of me.. They all do, but James is my sweetheart.. He's always been a mama's boy

...and Michael.. Well he's younger, and he just wants to be happy.. He tries not to cry, but I try to tell him that it's okay to cry... That it's good to cry. I hope they continue to be the best boys they can be... I hope they make you proud, Sam.

Jessica sat there thinking and crying over Sam for a while, then she sighs at looks towards the stairs.

"I think it's time.."

Jessica grabbed her pillow and blanket, to go up to her room.

When she got up there, she couldn't get herself to lay on the bed.

"I can't lay there... That's where he took his last breath..."

Jessica grabbed a blanket and sat on the chair across the bed, and stared at the place she one shared with her loving husband.

She felt proud of herself, she at least made it into the room tonight. She just needed to take it step by step, and it wouldn't be so bad.

***

The next morning Jessica came down and James smiled and hugged her tight.

"You slept in your room, mom! Good job!"

"Thanks, baby.. But I couldn't get myself to lay in our bed."

"Where did you sleep?"

"On the chair, and my back is killing me!"

"Oh no."

"Yeah, but it's okay... Where are your brothers? You boys need to get going so you're not late for school."

"They left already, I just wanted to make sure you were okay, and that you ate something."

"Oh sweetie, you didn't need to do that." She smiles and cups his cheek.

"I wanted to. Are you gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, go to school!" Jessica points her finger at him.

"Heh!  Alright, I'll be back right after, to start on dinner."

"James..."

"What?"

"You don't need to make dinner."

"I wanna do it, mom."

Jessica looks down and pauses for a moment.

"I haven't been a good mom in the past few weeks."

"Don't say that! Yes you have!"

"I'm not there for you guys, the way you all are there for me. You just lost your father, you shouldn't have to take care of me like I'm your child."

"You're our mom.

You're hurting and we wanna take care of you.

... Besides.. It takes my mind off of things."

Jessica nods her head, then says, ".. Well thank you.. I really appreciate all that you boys have taken on."

"No problem." He smiles and rubs her shoulder.

"Okay, now I've really gotta go. I'll see you later." He kisses her cheek.

"Yeah, go. Have a good day, baby." Jessica gives him a hug, before he leaves.

She sat down at the empty kitchen table, and ate by herself.

*Sighs*

"Well, I guess I'm all alone again... But I do know that you're here with me, Sam....

This is the first time in a while that I've ever felt so lonely. I always thought I was, but.. Hm! I had no idea..."

***

One month later.

"Jessica, you don't look so good. Are you eating okay?"

"Yes."

"Jessie, tell me the truth! You have to eat! You have to stay healthy for those boys, they can't loose you too!"

"I am eating, mom!

Jesus Christ, it's not my fault that I throw up everything that goes into my stomach!"

"Are you making yourself throw up?"

"NO! I just can't help it! Every time I eat, I think of how he'll never eat with me again.. How he'll never have pancakes, or spaghetti, or hot dogs ever again! It's stupid, but I feel guilty for eating!"

"Honey, don't feel that way. Sam would not want you feeling like this!"

"I wish people would stop saying that. I know Sam wouldn't want me this way, but Sam's dead and I can't help but be this way!

I keep thinking that it's gonna get better, but it's not! Everyday it gets worse and worse!

I wish I could be normal again, for you, and for my kids, but I can't! I can't even sleep in my own bed! I have slept in a small chair for a Month!

Would Sam want that? No he wouldn't, but Sam left me and I didn't want that either!"

"He couldn't help that, Jessie."

Jessica looks down to the ground and Dorothy says, "Jess, why don't you stay here for a while? I'll take care of you and the boys."

"No. I'm staying in my house." Jessica grabs her purse and leaves her mom's house.

Dorothy sighs and grabs her head in her hands.

This passed month has been hard. Just when it seems like Jessica is doing better, she goes right back to like it just happened.

"Mom? Mom, are you okay?" Michael knocks on the door.

Jessica opens the bathroom door and says, "I'm fine."

"Are you sick?"

"It's just something I ate."

"Mom you throw up after every meal, you need help."

"Michael, I'm fine!"

"NO YOU'RE NOT!" He yells, making her jump.

"You're so skinny, mom! You don't look healthy..

Please! Please get some help.... We can't lose you too, mom." Michael breaks down in tears, and hugs her tight.

Jessica looks down and hugs him back as tears start to roll down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry."

"Just please go somewhere.. Talk to someone.... We need you." He looks up at her.

Jessica doesn't say a word, she just looks into his red swollen eyes, and thinks of how she is hurting her kids.

***

That night the boys walked into Jessica's room with pillows and blankets.

"What are you guys doing?"

"Having a sleepover."

"What?"

"You're sleeping in that bed tonight, and we're gonna sleep down here so you're not alone."

"Boys, you don't have to do that."

"We want to, mom." Samuel says.

"Yeah, besides, there's a marathon of  Friends tonight." Michael smiles.

"Heh!  I do love that show.."

Jessica looks at all of them with tears in her eyes, and in almost a whisper she says, ".. Thank you, boys."